Today’s episode of Teach Kids is about helping children whose parents are going through divorce or separation. It’s common knowledge that half of marriages end in divorce and of course this doesn’t account for all the children who live with parents who never marry but experience a breakup. Divorce and separation can cause damaging effects on the lives of children. What emotions do these kids experience, and how can we help them? 

Divorce can mean loss of a stable home life. It’s an emotionally draining time for parents, so they don’t have the emotional strength to give their children the love and care they need. This alone has a huge effect on the child. Normally after a divorce the budget tightens because of major legal costs and income reduction in a single parent home. Sometimes moving to a new school or neighborhood is involved. All these things can be quite traumatic for a child. Even if children are reassured that it wasn’t their fault, hearing arguments over themselves leaves them wondering. It’s important that parents do their best to ensure that their child feels loved and valued. Not every child who lives through a divorce has to be scarred. Involving trusted mentors and friends in the process can help your child feel secure. If abuse was happening prior to the divorce, the child can actually feel more secure after the divorce, but the abuse itself was another trauma.

Kids who have experienced divorce or separation can face a wide variety of emotions. Anxiety can paralyze as they wonder: “Who will take care of me? Will I have to move? Will my parents stop loving me?” Many children lose all sense of security after a parent leaves. Fear can begin to take over. Other emotions such as anger, resentment and depression can take hold of kids. Children may battle severe depression after going through a divorce. 

There are many things we can do to help a child who is going through a divorce or separation. Here are four things that may aid you as you seek to engage these children.

First, listen to the child. If you hear of a child in your class who has experienced divorce or separation, try to find time to listen to him. Ask him questions and allow him to talk. Be sure to ask questions he can answer. What happened? What are you feeling on the inside? What can I do to help? As he talks, listen for the emotions he may be experiencing.

Second, give focused attention. Always talk to the child on their level. Look her in the eyes so she can see your concern for her. Getting on eye level makes her feel like you truly care. Because parents can be so distracted and overwhelmed by the conflict during this time, the child quite possibly really needs some focused attention by a caring adult. 

Third, tell the child it is not their fault. Children are quick to blame themselves and need to be reminded that this is not their fault. Be careful to not put down their parents or give them false hope that everything will be better soon. Although the child may hope that his parents would reunite, often this is not the case. Having a caring adult show the child value can help him with the self-blame struggle.

Fourth, help the child talk to God. Help her know that God loves and cares about her. She can talk to Him about her feelings anytime. Give her some scriptures like “I will never leave you or forsake you…” Heb. 13:5. Pray with her and help her to pray herself, expressing her feelings. Assure her that she can tell God everything she feels and God loves to listen even if they aren’t good feelings. Explain how no human can be a perfect parent, but God is a perfect father.


Those four tips for helping a child whose parents have separated are, listen to him, give extra focused attention, tell him it’s not his fault, and help him talk to God. May God bless you as you, Teach Kids.