CHOOSING YOUR REFLECTION TITLE: Rebel Bride DURATION: 18:24 Getting married is an event that holds a different meaning for everyone. For some, itÕs based on religious traditions, and for others itÕs a validation of an earlier choice they made to live with that special someone they love.Ê Hi, IÕm Lauren, and welcome to Choosing Your Reflection; a series of discussions that reflect upon the reasons we have for choosing our wedding day outfits.Ê Our guests are diverse, but they all share a common journey.Ê As they share their stories, theyÕll help us unravel the mystique that exists around choosing that special outfit, and what they learned about themselves along the way. Today we have a beautiful and rebellious bride. She's going to introduce herself, so without further ado, here she is! Lindsey: My name is Lindsey, I am 33 years old. I'm from New Jersey. I am a mom to two boys Ð theyÕre ages seven and ten. I have been married for nine years. I met my husband when he was working at the Wawa that was down the street from my house. He was a cashier there. And at the time I was working as a bridal attendant at a catering hall. So, one night after working I stopped there and I had the full-on tux uniform that I had to wear, and he was there and we met. And from there, we started dating and had our, you know, our time together. And he actually wound up joining the service about two years after we met. He was stationed in Alaska, so it made our relationship a little bit different. We had to start the serious part of our relationship through the phone and when he was in his basic training we wrote a lot of letters. Once we were back together in New Jersey I found out I was pregnant. And from there, we got engaged and I actually went to visit him in Alaska. We got engaged in a horse and carriage in the middle of February in Alaska. It was beautiful. It was very cold, but it was beautiful. And we just kind of made our plan as to what we were going to do next. I was non-traditional and I thought it would be better to just go to the courthouse and just, you know, do our thing and be ourselves. And that was our plan until my father found out. My father was not happy about that. He actually came to Alaska and É sat Rich (which was my husband) down and said ÒShe's my only daughter I have to walk down the aisle, and I would love it if you guys did not get married in a courthouse and you let me marry off my daughter the way I envisioned in my head and give her that special day and have everybody be a part of it.Ó And of course, my husband said ÒAbsolutely.Ó So there we began a wedding process that wound up in the end being, you know, the best day of our life É besides our children being born. We wanted to honor my father's wishes and he wanted the walk down the aisle with everything involved and being that I had worked at a banquet hall at the time I knew all the ins and outs. Lauren: Can you tell me a little bit about your dress? Lindsey: You know, growing up I was always inspired by the Guns Ôn Roses November Rain wedding dress, which was very eccentric and short and É I was obsessed with that dress. Lauren: For anyone who doesnÕt know what the November Rain dress looks like, could you just describe it for us? Short in the front, long, you know, with a big train and very, like, rock and roll. Kind of just very non-traditional. Kind of, you know, I mean, it was more of like a É an eighties dress. But that was just the only picture of a wedding dress that I ever had in my head. I just always wanted to wear that dress. Maybe it was just the video too, in the way she wore that dress. She just seemed so, like on top of the world in that dress. Lauren: Confident. Lindsey: Yes, confident. I love that. Though, it would not really match up with the time frame that I got married. In my head it was my ideal dress. I just loved that dress. Which was completely different from what I wound up wearing. It was off-white. It was an A-line. It had a sweetheart neckline and it also had a flowered strap that made it into like a one shoulder dress. I always thought I would be able to kind of just do something non-traditional, in a way, I kind of did a flip flop and wound up having a very traditional wedding and the whole process was very traditional as well. Lauren: That sort of parallels the process of your dress from childhood when you wanted that classic rock and roll dress from November Rain and then you ended up with flowers on your shoulders. Lindsey: I didn't really have any other expectations for what I was going to wear when I went into that process of trying on the dresses and, I kind of just went into it with like a ÒI'm open to whatever. I'll try on any style dress.Ó So I think it made it a little easier to kind of have a blank slate. But I was adamant about the fact I did not want to wear a dress that I was not going to be comfortable in. It was all about my comfort. That was the one thing that was specific to me that I had the right to do that. Like, okay, well itÕs my dress. If I want to wear it, based upon my comfort and how it makes me feel, I don't have to worry about anybody else's opinion. I didn't have to consult with Rich. This was the one thing in the wedding day that I felt like I owned it. When I put that dress on I felt like it made me feel comfortable and it made me feel a little bit more of who I was because it was a little bit different. It had the one shoulder strap, which kind of concealed a little bit of my insecurities and I definitely felt beautiful in it. It made me feel like something special. And I felt comfortable and I never expected to see myself in a dress like that so, when I look back at the pictures now, the dress was very, very special. The process of picking the dress was so me -- and I had total control over it. And I loved that part of it. I loved that dress. I still love that dress. Lauren: So, in the process of finding this amazing dress, who did you bring, how many shops did you go to É tell me a little bit more about that process. Lindsey: I brought my mother and my soon-to-be mother in law. I brought two of my bridesmaids. And actually, my father went too. He wanted to make it, again, a very special day. And he got us a limo. We went to New York and we went to one special shop that my mom had always said that she wanted to take us to and it was a big deal for her. And I tried on about seven or eight dresses. I felt like I was easy to handle with the dress trying on process because if I didn't like the dress, I was not going to sugarcoat it. I was like, ÒNo, I'm not trying that on and I'm not walking out there and with the dress on.Ó I still remember walking out there and making eye contact with my dad and I gave him an eye and he just started laughing. I was like, this isn't for me. I was just, I was very É not grumpy, but I was just like, ÒNo, this isn't me, I donÕt like it. I don't even feel comfortable standing here showing my closest people right now. Like I'd like to go back in the dressing room.Ó ÒWell, you need to try on different things.Ó And I was like, ÒNo, I don't need to try on different things. I know what I like. And I know what I'm going to feel comfortable in.Ó I was very self-conscious about my shoulders. I kind of wanted to disguise that and I wanted the dress to be flattering in a way that wasn't obvious, but still made me feel comfortable. And that dress had this beautiful flower strap that came up and, I just remember putting that dress on and I felt like a princess. I really did. I was like, ÒWow, this is a great feeling.Ó I remember walking out and everybody's face just kind of matched how I felt. It was a moment. Just to feel like, ÒWow, this is it. I don't need to try anything else on. I don't want to. I don't want to venture out any further.Ó This is the dress and É I always say, I was like, I felt like that dress was made for me. Lauren: Sounds like everyone was always supportive of what you wanted and that everyone was happy with your choice. Lindsey: Yeah, definitely. And it's funny because I remember at one point, getting very frustrated with the options that I was trying on. And I remember going out and at one point went out in one dress -- kind of like ÒI could see myself wearing this.Ó But it wasn't, I wasn't sure. But everybody's reaction made it like it was this beautiful thing. And I guess the look on my face kind of made it different. And I felt like I was trying to make everybody else happy in that moment. And I remember my future mother in law said ÒThis is about you. Don't look at anybody else's faces. This is about you. Who cares what anybody else thinks.Ó And I remember it kind of snapped me into it É and I was like, ÒSheÕs right.Ó I'm not doing that. I'm glad you guys all like this dress but I donÕt like it. And that was it. And it gave me a little bit more confidence that I needed to walk back into that room and tell the person that was helping me ÒNo, I'm not trying anymore dresses like that. I'm sorry. I'm glad they all liked it, but that's not the dress for me.Ó And IÕm glad I did. Because if I would have, kind of went by everybody else's reactions, I would have been in a totally different dress. But it was different because when I came out in that dress I felt like everybody just had an emotional moment. Not because of the dress, but because of how I carried myself in the dress. It gave me confidence. I wanted to show everybody ÒLook at me in this dress! I look like I could be a bride!Ó It was definitely a moment. Special moment. Lauren: You know, you start to be vulnerable in a place with strangers and in front of people that youÕre almost expected to perform for. And then you got to snap back to that confidence that you had when you walked into the, into the shop with. And that's such an amazing story to hear. Such an inspiring story to hear. And as youÕve said, the dress was that one thing that you truly believed was yours throughout the entire wedding process. And I think thatÕs so true and hits home for so many people. But thereÕs another side to the wedding dress, which is sort of the secret behind it for your husband, or I guess your future husband at the time, and that sort of ÒrevealÓ of the secret. The reveal of the dress. So when you finally got to that reveal moment, what was his reaction and what were your thoughts about his reaction? Lindsey: I remember for half a second. I was standing there and I was thinking ÒWhat if I'm too done up? What if his reaction is like, ÒWhoa, take it down a notch -- you've got so much going on.Ó But it was the complete opposite. The look on his face was like, ÒWow, I never thought I would see you wearing something like that.Ó He loved it. When we got back to the hotel afterwards and we were laying on the bed and I said ÒI need you need to undo this dress.Ó And he said, ÒNo, you're going to keep this dress on.Ó I was like, ÒWell, might as well because I can't get it off anyway without your help.Ó So, I mean, he loved, loved that dress and he É I think he loved it even more because he knew that it was, again, the one thing that I was a little bit nervous about it first and I, in the end, I wound up owning it. IÕm pretty sure he was left along the lines of, I don't know which direction she's going to go with this dress, you know, because I was just very, I'm not going to wear É I can't wear a dress. How am I going to pull that off and walk around and wear high heels in a dress in front of all these people. Like É what a terrifying moment. And I was so nervous about it and he was very reassuring the whole time. I donÕt care what you're going to wear. YouÕre going to look great. You're gonna look perfect. Don't be nervous about that. I'll be right there. If you fall, I'll catch you. It's okay. I'll fall with you. Like he was very just super supportive. And then he saw the dress, and he's like, ÒWhat were you worried about?Ó Every part of that day was so special. His reaction just gave me that little confidence boost that I needed. Like, I'm going to rock the dress all day. And apparently I'm going to wear until tomorrow too, and, you know he's not letting me out of this dress. That's all right. I don't know how to get out of it without his help anyway, itÕs all bustled up in the back and stuff. I think we both had a very good moment together. We first saw each other like his reaction was, like, what were you worried about? You looked perfect! So yeah, it was definitely special that part. Lauren: You mentioned that you were afraid of wearing high heels and shoes are a part of the whole ensemble of your wedding outfit. So how did that turn out? Did you end up wearing heels? Lindsey: I bought a pair of heels. I'm pretty sure I got them from PayLess. They were about $13 and they had a little flower and they were as bridal as I was going to get. And I was completely happy with them because I felt like I was not going to fall. The heel was maybe a quarter inch. It was tiny. It was a very, very tiny heel. It was odd to look at and you're like ÒThose are your wedding shoes?Ó But I was very sure that I would not make it through the day, wearing a normal heel because I can't make it through the day, wearing a normal heel as it is, let alone on that day with that heavy dress. You know, it was ruffly, and it was filled at the bottom. I just didn't want to have to worry about that. So I actually wore the quarter inch heel for the reveal. And then the second we got in that limo -- those heels were done. Then I wore flip flops for the rest of the day. And it kind of worked because when I did have the heels on I was slightly taller than he was. Not that that made him feel insecure, but men have their own insecurities and he's entitled to his own feelings and I did not want to be taller than him, so it actually worked out pretty well. I didn't have to worry about tripping and falling and I was more comfortable. I was able to dance and move around and for me, I was like, ÒWhy do I need to wear heels anyway? This dress is covering my feet and it's gorgeous enough, no one's looking at my toes.Ó I had gorgeous flip flops that matched my dress. They were bridal-looking. And the heels, kind of, I think I left them in a limo. Actually, I don't even know what happened to those shoes. But walking down the aisle I wore flip flops on my wedding day. Lauren: That's your November Rain moment. Lindsey: Exactly. Lauren: You still can be a rebel, even if you don't look like one the outside. Lindsey: It was there. It was all there. Still felt like me the entire time. Lauren: So you got to be a little bit of a rebel with your flip flops. Did you feel like a rebel on the inside on that day? Lindsey: I definitely did. At one point before we left the house when I had the dress on and those little tiny heeled shoes and my hair and my makeup, were done I said to my bridesmaid, who did my hair my makeup, I said ÒI don't like it.Ó She was like, ÒWhat don't you like?Ó And I was like ÒI don't feel like me.Ó And I remember she was like, ÒAll right. Let's sit I sit back down. And let's do something different.Ó And she wound up changing my hair and she changed my lipstick and she said, ÒThis is your day, let's keep going until you feel right.Ó Nothing was anyone elseÕs choice. It was all me -- the dress, the hair, the makeup, the shoes -- everything. It was definitely É I guess, yeah, my own November Rain in its in its own way. And I realized after that day that I can wear something that doesn't exactly match what I think that I am because it's not really one thing. I don't need to wear something that I feel ÒOkay, well it covers up this and it makes me feel this here.Ó No,. It didn't matter once the day actually came. You get that one thing for yourself, which is honestly, which is the dress. And I'll never forget the way that I felt that day about myself. At the end of the day, you kind of look for those moments in your life where you feel so special and you feel like this was an empowering moment, you know, walking out there in a dress that I never ever thought I would be able to wear. Lauren: That's all, any of us want on any given day, let alone, our wedding day is to feel confident in ourselves and not feel bogged down by everything else going on, especially when there's so much stress around the occasion of joining yourself with another person. Lauren: Do you still have your dress? Lindsey: Unfortunately, I do not. Hurricane Sandy flooded out the basement, that the dress was being stored in and it destroyed my dress. So unfortunately do not have the dress, but I actually still have the flower strap, which, to me, was very special because that was the one part of the dress that was like, Oh, I loved it. So, you know, though I don't have that actual dress. I still have something to remember it by. I will cherish that little flower strap the rest of my life. And the pictures that show the dress because I'll never forget the dress. You still remember the way it smells and I never thought I would have an emotional attachment to something that was worn but that dress was very, very special. So it's, I mean there's just, I don't really need it to be there to remember that feeling that I got when I wore it. Lauren: Yeah, and there must be a happiness that you have those photos, not only of the dress but of just that time where you didn't even expect to have that wedding and you didn't expect to have that dress. Is that something that you look back and you're sort of grateful for that option that you were given by your dad? Lindsey: Very grateful, our wedding day was. It was very, very special. It was perfect. Even just looking through the pictures. It just reminds me of every single moment of that day was just so happy and had the wedding day not happened to we would have went to the courthouse. It would have been just as special, but there was so much more emotion involved in it. And I don't think I ever realized how much it actually meant to him until I think that moment. You know, he wasn't an emotional guy. So for him to actually sit Rich down and say, you know, I respect what you guys want to do, but this is not how I pictured my daughter getting married. And I want to walk my only daughter down the aisle and it's very important to me. And it really put a different aspect on it. We were like, fine. Absolutely. Let's do it.