CHOOSING YOUR REFLECTION
TITLE: Just a Girl in a Wedding Dress 
DURATION: 23:18

Getting married is an event that holds a different meaning for everyone. For some, itÕs based on religious traditions, and for others itÕs a validation of an earlier choice they made to live with that special someone they love.Ê

Hi, IÕm Lauren, and welcome to Choosing Your Reflection, a series of discussions that reflect upon the reasons we have for choosing our wedding day outfits.Ê Our guests are diverse, but they all share a common journey.Ê

As they share their stories, theyÕll help us unravel the mystique that exists around choosing that special outfit, and what they learned about themselves along the way.

LAUREN: We're so happy to have Kristen here with us today. Kristen is a bridal consultant at Castle Couture, a bridal salon in Manalapan, New Jersey that prides themselves on helping people find their own version of the perfect wedding day outfit. Her relationship with Castle Couture began when she was a bride-to-be herself. She has spent the last four years sharing her expertise to help other brides choose their dream wedding day reflection. 

So thank you so much for joining us. And I'd love to start by asking you if you would just share a little bit about your own journey finding your wedding dress.

KRISTEN: Yeah, of course. So when I got engaged I looked on Pinterest, Instagram, all the hotspots. And a couple of my family members and cousins and friends kept raving about Castle Couture. They have the most beautiful dresses. It's right in the neighborhood. I don't have to travel far. And so I figured why wouldn't I find my dress here? I didn't even think about going to other stores. I knew I was gonna go to Castle Couture, show the consultant kind of what I liked. She would look at me and know what was best for my body and pick my dress for me. So I tried on five dresses. The second one was the dress and maybe within an hour I was done.

LAUREN: Wow, that's very quick! 

KRISTEN: Yeah. 

LAUREN: I feel like that's like fantastic, but also sort of scary. Did you feel like that was a scary decision to make so quickly? Or was it easy? 

KRISTEN: It was so easy.

LAUREN: Yeah?

KRISTEN: It was everything that I wanted and more. And I just couldn't wait to get in my size and it to be my wedding day.

LAUREN: Could you tell me just a little bit about what you were looking for in a dress?

KRISTEN: Yeah. My wedding was in July so I didn't want anything that was too heavy or too hot. And my husband isn't the tallest so I didn't want anything too big that we would look like two little heads in the photos. So I definitely wanted something a little bit more fitted with a low back, that was a must. And a pretty train, lace with a little sparkle, not too much. So I didn't obsess crazy amounts over looking online because I know on the models they look so different than how they look on me. Everything's Photoshopped. It had spaghetti strap beading all up top, the most beautiful train, it was so pretty.

So I got married at a beautiful ballroom in New Jersey, Addison Park. So when you first walk in there's a double staircase that's so beautiful, a checkered floor with tile, big chandeliers, lots and lots of windows. And what I loved the most was outside they had a little garden. And under the garden, there was like all beautiful pink flowers that came down. And my favorite flower was peonies. So it was just so pretty. Everything just reminded me of like, my vision of what I had in my head. And same thing with the venue. I looked at two places, that was the second place. I loved it, we were done.

LAUREN: You sound like someone who really knows what they want and you just went for it, which is so crucial in making decisions, because it can feel really overwhelming. So reflecting back, could you tell me a little bit about what you felt when you tried your dress on for the first time?

KRISTEN: I was so excited, and I just knew right away that was going to be my wedding dress. So before I came out of the fitting room, I turned to the consultant and was like ÒI love this!Ó And when I walked outside I had five people with me, which is a lot. And I looked at my mom and we have such a good connection and she just loved it and smiled and was like ÒThat's it!Ó

LAUREN: A lot of the times wedding dresses are something that sort of signal how you as a person want to reflect out to the world and what you want other people to view about you. In a way it's sort of like wearing your heart on your sleeve almost. And I'm wondering if you felt like your dress sort of told a story about your personality and what that story is.

KRISTEN: My dress had an element of fun to it with the low back, a little bit of beading, and it had flat sequins throughout so it shimmered and it sparkled the entire time. So even though I can be a little bit more reserved IÕm definitely fun. Also in terms of the shape and the style, I was young when I got married so I didn't want to look super, super young. I still wanted to look womanly and a little bit more mature. So I think the mermaid shape with a contour to its body was a little bit more mature. So I definitely wanted to show that too, without being too sexy.

LAUREN: So in that vein, would you mind telling me a little bit about your husband? How you met? Maybe about your engagement?

KRISTEN: I met my husband Justin when we were in high school together. And we dated through college, after college. So then a few years after college on Christmas Eve, he proposed on an ornament that said ÒKristen, will you marry me?Ó And now I have it forever.

LAUREN: ThatÕs adorable!

KRISTEN: Yeah, it was cute!

LAUREN: Did you have him in mind when you were looking for a dress? Did he have any sort of influence on your decisions? Or was it completely you?

KRISTEN: Honestly, I would ask him ÒWhat do you see me wearing?Ó And he would just say ÒA wedding dress.Ó So he had no idea about dresses or anything. I tried to show him pictures. Like I said I didn't go too obsessive with the Pinterest or the Instagram. 

So I would show him. ÒWhat do you think? Yeah, I like it. Yeah, it's great.Ó But that's everything with them. ÒI like it. It's great.Ó So when he saw me on the first look after I was like ÒDo you love it?Ó And he was like ÒOf course, it's not what I was expecting you in.Ó So I asked him ÒWhat were you expecting me to wear?Ó He said ÓA big dress that was shinyÓ which I think he means satin because in his head, that's what a bridal dress looks like. So he had no expectation.

So as far as the wedding planning, he was very easygoing. I pretty much did everything. So I knew I wanted him in like black tuxedo with a bow tie, very James Bond. I didn't want to look too over the top or too trendy next to someone who's so classic.

LAUREN: As I mentioned in the beginning you're also a consultant, which you didn't start out as one. You started out as the bride. So could you tell me a little bit about that sort of transition from being a bride who found her dress to consulting?

KRISTEN: Sure. So I worked in sales and I worked in a really male dominated industry. There were maybe 100 people that worked in my office and 15 were women. In the company itself it was all men. My clients, men. Rarely did I deal with women. So of course, when you're wedding planning you're just laser focused, obsessed with your wedding. Then, you know, you go back to work after you get married. And I realized I really don't like this job. I'm miserable. I hate it. And I knew I wanted to be in sales but I knew I wanted to work with women. 

So I figured, let me just try it. Let me see. I just sent my resume out. I heard back and I wound up loving it. I love it so much. You get to work with women. Yes, it's sales but I don't feel like I'm coming to work to do a sales job. I feel like I'm coming to work to make girls feel beautiful and special and dress them for their most important day.

LAUREN: Is there any particular bride or groom that stands out, like a moment or an experience that you've seen someone light up? 

KRISTEN: I love all my brides but my most special bride that I got to dress was my sister-in-law, my husband's little sister. And just seeing how happy she was in her dress that she's gonna marry the love of her life in just made me so happy to be able to be such a special part of her experience.

LAUREN: And I'm wondering, what is the toughest part about being a consultant? 

KRISTEN: So, for example, that situation I was so nervous. I don't know why. I see so many brides in the month, but for some reason I was so nervous to dress her. Like then I started thinking what if I don't find her dress? She's four foot nine and maybe 80 pounds. She's tiny. So these dresses are swimming on her so IÕm like ÒOh my gosh, are they gonna fit her? Is she gonna like it?Ó So that was really nerve racking to me and definitely one of my hardest struggles that I had to deal with.

Other than that, when there are a lot of opinions and big groups with 10 guests, it's just more challenging just to get everyone included and make everyone feel on the same page so that it's not like ÒAunt Donna doesn't like it, the sister doesn't like it, but everyone else does.Ó We need to get everyone on board. And I think part of that is just hearing everyone's opinions too and making everyone else feel just as special for being there as the bride is.

LAUREN: As someone who went dress shopping myself and having gone through the up and down of that experience, I did not find my dress on the second try. It's also a tough thing because a lot of brides feel like they're on display when they're trying on theses dresses. It's a vulnerable experience and you are sort of there to help them feel comfortable and guide them. And I wonder if you could talk a little bit about the difficulty that can sometimes come up.

KRISTEN: I'm sure you've seen our store online, we have 15 rooms. So on the weekend you are on display when you're the bride. So if there's a bride that's a little bit more timid and shy, a little bit more reserved, doesn't really love the attention, typically that bride isnÕt bringing 10 guests with her -- she's bringing one or two.  And you just have to be very soft spoken and just guide her and be positive, make her feel comfortable so she could trust you so that she starts to open up more. And I think that will really help so that she does feel comfortable and then she could see herself in a different light. So I think that starts to help.

LAUREN: Absolutely. And I've found that when I've had a good consultant it's something that made me feel more comfortable and more open to seeing what I was wearing. 

KRISTEN: Yeah. Well, it's not a typical scenario that you're standing on a platform in different dresses having everyone criticize. Do they like it? Did I not like it? You donÕt bring all these people shopping for a pair of jeans.

LAUREN: I would be very uncomfortable if I brought people shopping for my jeans. As a consultant who's been working with Castle Couture for so long, do you have any advice for a newly engaged bride who's looking for a dress? Who's like beginning her journey to find that? 

KRISTEN: So first I would say more than anything do your homework. Have some sort of vision. It doesn't have to be the exact dress, but if you know if you want something a little bit more fitted or I know I want a train. Or even dislikes. Sometimes dislikes are better than likes. I don't want to high neck, I don't want a long sleeve. I don't want a cap sleeve. I don't want an open back. Sometimes that helps. Just have your vision of your wedding for sure, just so that we have some direction, and that helps your consultant feed off of your energy. Like you're saying, If someone's a little bit more shy and reserved, we're not going to bring them something head to toe in crystals with feathers, thatÕs not going to be her personality. 

And then also too, once you're ready to shop bring all the people with you that you need in order to say yes, because as you're trying on you don't know when it's going to happen that you're going to find that dress that makes you feel so beautiful and you want to say yes to. But your sister's not here or your best friendÕs not here. That's the worst. We don't want to see that we want to see her moment and we want to see her light up with all her people. 

In addition, don't think that after three dresses you have to keep going. If you find your dress, stop. Stop and that's it. Same thing with stores. If you go to your first store and you love the dress, why keep shopping? For what? Be done. Be done, you love it, you're going to confuse yourself more. It's a decision you make with your heart, not your head. Don't be a logical thinking I have to sleep on it. You don't. You love it. So be done.

LAUREN: I think you hit a really key point where it's an emotional decision. I want to know since you've worked with so many brides what's the most amount of dresses you've had someone try on and what's the least amount of dresses you've had someone try on?

KRISTEN: The most amount of dresses, maybe 10. The least amount of dresses, one.

LAUREN: So someone just put it on and went ÒThis is it!Ó and they didn't try anything else?

KRISTEN: Yeah. Um hmm.

LAUREN: Wow! Could you tell us about the person who tried on 10? Was there a reason that they needed to try on so many?

KRISTEN: I think more for validation, just to make sure that they saw everything in the store. Like we were saying we have something for everyone. So if you know she's traditional, she just wants long sleeve, satin, good fabric, buttons, and we put her in something with feathers, weÕll put her in something really modern just so she can see different styles to make sure that's what she really wants.

LAUREN: As someone who went to probably 15 stores and tried on probably over 100 or so dresses like a crazy person because I'm this kind of person who needs validation like you just said. I need to try on literally everything and eliminate all the options. 

KRISTEN: The hard part is finding your fiancŽ. Everything else for the wedding should be so easy, especially your dress. Unless you keep going and you don't see something you love, then obviously keep trying. But if you love it, just be done. 

LAUREN: How often do you think people find that dress? Not just because they love it and they try it on, and they had no idea of what they were looking for but maybe those people who come in and are like ÒI want this, this and this. And, you know, tulle, lace and beads. And that's what I want.Ó How often do you think people keep that vision and move forward with it? And how many people 180¡ and go a completely different direction?

KRISTEN: That's a good question. I would say 50/50. Like 50% are brides that were like me. They know what they want, they come in, it can be the first door and they're very decisive. They're done. Or it's the total opposite that they put it on -- hate it. Everything they told me they didn't want they wind up loving. So 50/50, I would say.

LAUREN: I guess that sort of proves that you É you need to go and try these on.

KRISTEN: For sure. Especially too because we might see something, like we might see a girl's body and think ÒOh, no, no, no, that's not right for her. We need to put you in a totally different shape. You need a different neckline from what you're thinking.Ó But we always start with what they want. So if it's something that we necessarily feel like ÒEhh, we could do betterÓ we still put them in what they want first. If they're not feeling as beautiful as they should be, then we say Ó Just humor me, let me put you in something a little different. Totally not what you asked for but tell me how you feel.Ó

LAUREN: We like to ask our interviewees ÒDid you find your dress or did your dress find you?Ó There's like this sort of chicken or the egg question. And I want to know how often as a consultant you feel like the dress finds the bride versus the bride finds the dress.

KRISTEN: Oh, yeah. The dress finds the bride 100% because I feel like if the bride was looking for that specific dress, she would track it down and go to that store. Working one on one with the consultant, then we can really help guide her and the dress just comes to her then. So I would say most of the time, the dress finds the bride.

LAUREN: On a more personal note for you, do you think you found your dress or do you think the dress found you? 

KRISTEN: I think the dress found me.

LAUREN: Okay. I would think so but É

KRISTEN: Yeah, you never know.

LAUREN: Could you tell me who your favorite designer is and why that might be or a favorite sort of trend maybe?

KRISTEN: So my favorite designer is Pronovias because that's who I wore so I have to be a little biased. Trends that I love É I'm more of a traditional girl. So IÕm more classic, covered buttons, very timeless looking. Not to say I canÕt appreciate the glitter of Hayley Paige, just not my personal style.

LAUREN: Trends were different when you were picking out your dress than they are now. Have you seen what impact that has on your customers and with your brides that you see?

KRISTEN: For sure, like I would say from 2017 even like middle of last year, the rustic Hayley Paige colorful bride over and over again. ÒI want to be a Hayley Paige bride. I want to be Hayley Paige bride. I want glitter and I want sequins and ornate patterns. Color.Ó They weren't afraid of anything. So definitely that trend we saw. 

Now I would say a trend that I'm seeing a lot is more modern. Like sleek, even classic. Beautiful A-lines, off the shoulder, boat neck for sure are more of what we're seeing. And then maybe like when I started in 2016, at our store a lot of beading. A lot of silver beading for our Jersey and New York brides love the silver beading. Fully beaded. But now our Jersey and New York brides want beading but softer. 

LAUREN: When people bring, you know, their entourage, how often do you see a groom with the bride? And do you feel like that's a good idea to have him there? Or the person who's not necessarily looking for their dress, but they're the partner? Do you feel like that's a positive impact or a negative impact? And do you ever see what the groom is going to wear? Does the bride ever bring that sort of concept in with her when she's thinking about her dresses?

KRISTEN: For sure. So I've definitely seen the grooms come with the brides or the other fiancŽs the other brides would be coming with the bride picking out her dress. Most of the time, when I see that more culturally that tends to be the bride and groom picks the dress together and it's not a surprise. The groom will purchase the dress for the bride. And typically, it's a little bit more religious a little bit more culturally so I find that the groom is there to guide the bride to tell her what's acceptable, what's unacceptable to wear. As far as like design and print, I think that they just are there to support the bride on what she wants. Do I think it's a good idea? Of course, if that's what's going to help them feel comfortable in choosing their dress. 

And then as far as the day to day bride, I don't really see her bring her groom or bride-to-be. We've had two brides getting married here that we've put on opposite sides, but they didn't want to see each other's gowns, which I love because they still want to keep it a surprise. 

But I always ask what is your groom wearing or what is your fiancŽ wearing just to see. Because if she's saying he's wearing a white suit, well, we don't want to put her in an ivory or off-white dress where it's not gonna match properly. So we try to always incorporate that see what will look good, what won't look good.

LAUREN: Being a bride yourself when you went through the experience of you know your second dress you tried on that was it, there are these sort of telltale signs that TV or media will portray as normal emotions in the sense of you're crying or your family's crying or your mom is crying or someone has an emotional reaction. And crying is not always it but that's seemingly the one that happens. Where any of those emotional triggers happening for you when you found your dress? 

And then the further question is, as a consultant now can you sort of pinpoint before the bride even says anything that you're like, ÒThat's the one. She's found it. She hasn't even said it yet. I know. I know she's found it.Ó 

KRISTEN: For sure. So me personally, I'm such a crier. I cry over every little thing. So it was really surprising that I did not cry over my dress. I was more like emotionally overwhelmed with happiness. I couldn't stop smiling and saying ÒI love it, I love it, I love it!Ó 

As a consultant when a bride puts on the dress before she comes out of the fitting room and she starts crying, or same thing she's overjoyed with excitement as I am, then you know. It's her dress. Her body language is everything.

LAUREN: How often do you think you see that? 

KRISTEN: Oh, all the time. All the time. And honestly, most brides if they're not crying someone in their party is crying for sure.

LAUREN: As sort of like a silly question, who's usually the person who cries the most? Is it usually the mom? Is it usually the bride? Is there a common person that's always crying?

KRISTEN: So I would say the mom is usually the crier. If not when she sees her in the dress, itÕs when we put the veil on her. Once we put the veil on her, and the bride loves it and the mom even liked it a little bit, that's it. She's done, starts crying and we put tissues next to her. She can't believe it. Her daughter is getting married.

LAUREN: There seems to be a sort of magic around throwing the veil on to the dress. It elevates the experience. Do you think there's a reason or like a sort of magic behind that? And do you think there's sort of an explanation for that?

KRISTEN: Definitely. I mean, I always say it to all my brides even if they don't want a veil, I say ÒYou're just a girl in a bridal gown. YouÕre a bride when you're wearing the veil.Ó So then they feel like a bride and even if they're telling me I don't want to veil I say ÒClose your eyesÓ and I flip out the train. I put the veil on them and then tell them open their eyes when they're all set up. And then they need a veil because they're a bride then. Otherwise you're just a girl in a wedding dress.