CHOOSING YOUR REFLECTION
TITLE: With Love from Mayberry!
DURATION: 32:09

Getting married is an event that holds a different meaning for everyone. For some, itÕs based on religious traditions, and for others itÕs a validation of an earlier choice they made to live with that special someone they love.Ê

Hi, IÕm Lauren, and welcome to Choosing Your Reflection; a series of discussions that reflect upon the reasons we have for choosing our wedding day outfits.Ê Our guests are diverse, but they all share a common journey.Ê

As they share their stories, theyÕll help us unravel the mystique that exists around choosing that special outfit, and what they learned about themselves along the way.

Lauren: Today we are so happy to have Joe and Amy Zalescik with us! Joe and Amy were married in December, and then they relocated from New Jersey to Mount Airy, North Carolina where they both run Station 1978 Firehouse Peanuts. Joe is a retired fire commissioner and spent 37 years as a health care media specialist, and Amy is a sales coordinator for Waste Management. 

Thank you both so much for joining us today and congratulations on your recent nuptials. And to start off, could you tell us how the two of you met?

Amy: So we met at the Bucks County Single Volunteer group. I had been a member for about three years. I was just looking just to volunteer, get out meet new friends. And at the time I was working full time. I had a part time job on Saturdays and I was doing online classes at night for my associates degree. 

And so it was a Tuesday night; I had a meeting. And when I got home, I was just not in the mood to do my schoolwork. So I changed my clothes, went to a meeting, and when I walked in Joe was sitting in my seat. It didn't go over too well with me because that was my seat! 

I walked up to him and I said, ÒExcuse me sir, you're in my seatÓ and he just kind of looked at me. He goes, ÒWell, you're gonna have to sit somewhere else.Ó  And at that point, I'm like, you know who is this guy? Of course I'm upset, and I sit in my seat.

So the members of my group were older. They were widows and widowers. And so I'm like, ÒWho's this guy? What's he doing here?Ó And so then, you know, I started to come to more meetings and he was there. Any time I'd sign up to volunteer he would just show up, you know? So I'm like, ÒAlright, so now this stalker guy has joined my group and sits in my seat every night!Ó 

So just from there we became friends. One of the teachers was legally blind so they did a fundraiser, and so we both volunteered for that. And Joe had walked up to me and said, ÒYou know, here's a vest that you might needÓ so that the runners and the people that were assisting the runners, you know, they could see us. And, you know, it's funny, because after we moved in together I'm like, ÒWell, here's your vest back.Ó I was like, ÒDid you plan this all along?Ó 

And we had our first date two months later, and we realized that we knew the same people, we kind of had the same upbringing. We were both into dirt track racing. And from there, we just hit it off. So that's É that's our story!

Lauren: So you took her seat? That was your É your move?

Joe: Well, yeah! I had joined the group, Bucks County Single Volunteers. I was sort of forcing myself to go out into the community after my first wife died. We were married 32 years. I was also her caregiver. And I had a few friends of mine tell me ÒYouÕve got to get out and do stuff early. Don't sit home.Ó 

So I started just signing up for different widows and widowers groups. And I heard of the Single Volunteers in Mercer County when I was involved with the Jaycees and with the environmental commission; we had recruited people to do you know, community cleanups. So I went and figured, well, let me see if the single volunteers are still around in Mercer County, and they were not. 

And then I found Bucks County. Well, I'd say ÒIt's just across the river. I'll go over there.Ó And my first meeting Amy was not there. I didn't É I didn't meet her yet. And it was more of a widows and widowers group. And they, you know, invited me into their group. And I started going to meetings and signing up for projects, probably three or four weeks before I met Amy. So I was sitting in that seat a few weeks before she walked in! 

And what's funny is I was reluctant to even talk to her or ask her for a date. But I wrote her name in my calendar book on February 13th. That's the day we met. And I found out later, she did the same thing. She wrote my name in her book. So on February 13th we will celebrate our third anniversary here in É actually in Winston-Salem, we'll be going out to dinner. 

So again, I wasn't looking for, you know, hookups and all that with these groups. I was mainly looking to go out and meet people. And, you know, I was bowling at the widows and widowers group in Cherry Hill, I had gone to an anti-Valentine's Day event in Edison with widows and widowers. And I think there were probably fifty women there and five men. And most of the men were, you know, very much older than me. I mean, in their seventies. And then, you know, they see a 57-year-old guy walk in, and this is not for me! 

So, I've always been involved with volunteer service, as a fireman, as a Jaycee, you know, various groups. So, I felt really comfortable with the single volunteers group, and I basically dropped everything else. So I just concentrated on, you know, working with them. And, you know, Amy and me just got along great. A few people had said that somebody sent Amy to me. And I think that someone is in heaven now. So you never know.

Lauren: I think that's absolutely beautiful and inspiring as a story of how you guys met. So thank you for sharing that. How did you guys make the next jump into deciding to get married? Clearly we're in a very precarious time of health so how did all of those things come together for you, since you guys did both get married during the pandemic?

Joe: Everything went south when COVID hit. I was planning to retire from the hospital at 59 and a half, like around the first week of May of 2020. And at the same time I was planning the retirement we had already bought a house here in Mount Airy. So we were going back and forth since August of 2019. I was also trying to get the business started on paper so that when I completely retired, I could start doing events in the spring of 2020. 

But nothing was going to stop us from getting married on December 12th, whether it was COVID, whether it was a governor's order to, you know, eliminate any gatherings, because that date was very special to me personally. That was the date that my father was born and he would have turned 100 years old on December 12th, 2020. I also had gotten a flag from the local Congresswoman here in Mount Airy that was flown at the Capitol. 

And I build a flagpole and a little monument in front of my house, a fire monument. And we raised that flag the morning of our wedding. So whether it was going to snow, whether it was going to rain, whether we were going to get married in the front yard of our house because of the restrictions in restaurants, we were going to go through with our wedding. 

Lauren: So how did you guys begin your planning process? Obviously, since you were going to have it on December 12th, 2020 regardless, what kind of planning did you guys start for the wedding? And how did that sort of translate into the limitations of the pandemic? How did that translate to what you could plan? And how did it come about? 

And more specifically, what I'm very interested in is how did you plan for your outfits that day, because I am acutely aware that you guys did stream your wedding. So clearly, even if no one was there, people were there in spirit and watching so I'm curious of how that all unfurled.

Amy: Oh, well, I think it started É we went to É we'd gone to the winery for dinner. And, you know, we had been kind of talking about where we should go and what É you know, what we should do. And, you know, as COVID got a little worse, it was kind of like we were looking for, you know, small, intimate. We knew not a lot of the family was going to be there. 

And I think for me, it became for both of us. So while we were at the winery, you know, I said ÒMaybe, you know, this is something É a place where we could get married.Ó And so they took us downstairs into the barrel room. And you know, it was like, ÒWell this is nice!Ó

So I built it around the winery É the theme of the winery. Being an older bride, I didn't really need É I didn't see it necessary to wear a white dress. For me, I'm very practical. If I put out the money for a white dress, I'm never gonna wear it again. So I went searching for, you know, burgundy, merlot, something age appropriate for me yet I could also maybe wear it at Christmas time or somewhere else. 

So for me, once we picked the winery, everything fell into place around that theme. I went to David's Bridal, went in and I think it was about the third dress I tried on. And I said ÒThis is the one!Ó And so we ordered it and that was it! 

Lauren: Was it a positive experience picking it out? I mean, clearly, it's an important gown for you and are you happy with ÉmI mean, it's É I wanted a red dress, I also didn't get it! But I got a different color. But I think that's an amazing dress color. 

And I was like how did you feel in it when you put it on? I mean, sometimes when you wear a dress, and it's such an important time in your life, whether it's late in life, or early in life, in the middle, it's an important marking of an occasion. 

Amy: For me, it was É you know, it came down to this was our wedding. So we were making the decisions. I didn't care what anybody said, I was wearing the color! I was just focused on, you know, this was our day, and we're gonna do we want. 

And so, you know, it was easy for me. I knew going into it what I wanted, and I had no outside influences. And I just went in and I said, ÒI'm looking for this color, I'm looking for this style.Ó And, you know, so the girl she went, she brought stuff back. And as soon as she was walking towards me, I'm like, ÒNope, that's not gonna work. That's not even what I'm looking for.Ó And then I went, and I helped her look for it. 

I'm buying this dress, so I'm gonna buy the dress that I want. And, you know, once I got past the point of, you know, this isn't É I don't care what you know, Joe's family thinks, you know, this is about us. As long as we stayed focused on that, everything just fell right into place. You know, so if you want to wear red, you wear red. You know, it's your wedding! 

Lauren: Absolutely! I couldn't agree more. I mean, it's supposed to be about you as a couple reflecting back to the world what you want to reflect not what other people want to see in you. 

Joe, did you pick an outfit or a suit to go with Amy's red dress? Or did you pick outside of that? And add an additional question beyond is did you see Amy in her dress beforehand? Did you guys get ready together? Or did you observe a tradition around not seeing her? 

Amy: I don't think we had any traditions we followed!

Joe: I had a É I had a tuxedo in stock so I was lucky. And it fit. I think I had two! Two tuxedos. So I ordered a bow tie and a square from Australia. They custom made the bow tie based on the color of her dress. And yeah, as far as tradition, you know, we live together, we do everything together. So it was easy for me! I think I had to buy shoes. That was about it. I had everything else!

My concern was the people being able to show up, because the governor had just put some restrictions on North Carolina for gatherings. So, you know, the maximum was ten people in the room. That included everybody, the waitstaff, the guests. 

And my nervousness was pretty evident because the officiant was late in getting there. She told us, she was going to be there at least an hour ahead of time. So we were we were in the venue an hour and a half ahead of time. And I was a wedding photographer. I started shooting weddings when I was 17 years old in the old film style 120 box camera. I mean, we're talking like, antiques! 

So I had, you know, been involved with many weddings in the past and that was my biggest concern, is making sure people were able to get there. And, you know, getting ready. And, and everything. You know, it was it was pretty easy for us. We didn't forget anything. 

We were doing the live streaming. And not only were we doing live streaming, but I had a backup video. So I had a second camera going in case it failed. And again, the photographer that we hired, she had to come alone. 

So it was it was basically down to eight people in the room. It got pulled off on time. Normally, weddings don't start at three o'clock on time. We were concerned about our audience as well on Facebook because of their time and their commitment to watching the wedding live. 

And it went off great! I mean, we were very happy and you know, no crazy things went on. 

Amy: We had no family drama!

Joe: I told the story about the vest, and there was a surprise at the end with a banner that I had made. And that sat on our front lawn for two weeks.

Amy: Two weeks too long!

Joe: So I had a fake resolution from our mayor. And if you're familiar with The Andy Griffith Show, Mount Airy is the hometown of Andy Griffith. So we have a tourist town. And every year we have an event called Mayberry Days where character actors come in and play all the characters of The Andy Griffith Show. And one of the mayor's name is Mayor Pike from the show. 

So I had a resolution drawn up by Mayor Pike creating Amy and Joe Day on December 12th  in Mayberry, and allowing us to put a banner on the front lawn of our house for two weeks. But of course, it was a fake resolution. 

And just on a side note, we moved to Mount Airy not knowing about the Mayberry connection. We learned of that later. And some people É actually one of the characters of The Andy Griffith Show still lives here. Her name is Betty Lynn. She's 94 years old, and she played Thelma Lou on The Andy Griffith Show. So we have a museum in town where when COVID lifts and if she's able, she comes to the museum every month to sign autographs for people. 

So we haven't met her yet; we did send her a birthday card the last two years. But that's kind of the Mayberry connection. ItÕs actually helped our business because we rely a lot on tourism here. And I do a farmers market every Friday at the post office in downtown Mount Airy. So it's good to have the tourists come through and they get the tours and all that. But we're within the city limits of Mount Airy. So it's a fun town!

Lauren: It sounds very fun. It sounds like a great backdrop for your wedding. And in addition to the winery, but just the concept of being É that being your home and É

Joe: The winery is haunted. So we É I haven't taken a real close look at our pictures yet but there have been stories where ghosts appear in wedding photos if you're married at the winery! So we'll have to see if that's true or not!

Lauren: So you may have exceeded the ten person head count with the ghosts! Speaking of head count, do you know how many people since you were live streaming, and you had all that backup scenario, do you know how many people watched it live outside of the obvious people who were physically there?

Joe: When I first connected, I saw a number of 152 connections. 

Lauren: Wow! 

Joe: And I know that I had people from England, from California, Florida, family from all over. And the last I looked, there were probably 700 views of our wedding, which is fantastic! You know, through Facebook, and you know, people sharing it. And it was not a long wedding. It was pretty much, I guess about 30 minutes. But a lot of positive comments about it, because most people had never seen a live streamed wedding. And we started a new trend maybe.

Lauren: It's, it's definitely a É definitely a COVID era concept. And I wonder how easy or difficult it is to do that and, like emotionally how was that for you? Both of you, to know that even though people weren't there, they were clearly watching and then clearly supporting you.

Amy: I think for me, you know, I was just nervous about the whole thing. So I think I cried through the you know, everybody's like, ÒOh, she's crying again, it's making me cry!Ó We didn't have the family drama. You know, we didn't have to worry about my family traveling from Florida, his family traveling from New Jersey, a friend from Pennsylvania, and ÒOh, we forgot this personÓ or, you know, ÒThis person's not speaking to this oneÓ you know? So we had none of that. 

I had read a couple of weeks prior to our wedding, people were getting married, they'd go stand out in the middle of a field, and all their friends and family would drive past them in a car. And so everyone was in their car, and they still got married in this field, and you still had everybody there, but no one was near each other. 

So it was great to kind of É anybody that wanted to watch it, got to watch it. Whether you were invited to the wedding or not, you were still a part of it. It took a lot of pressure off of a lot of, you know, things that were going on. it was like our entire audience, whenever you want to watch our wedding, you're more than welcome to. So that was very easy!

Joe: One of our friends from Arizona, noticed that we were putting the rings on the wrong hands. And she wrote a comment, ÒYou're putting the rings on your right hand!Ó Well, because it was Facebook Live, it's reversed. And when we rolled out the banner, the letters are reversed. But that was kind of É I didn't realize that until I looked at the video, because people were live chatting on Facebook as we were getting married. So we were able to look at that, you know, I guess later that night to see the playback and the comments that were on there, which was É everybody was crying!

Lauren: We already live in a technological age, but I don't think anyone was ever sitting around thinking before the pandemic ÒWell, let's get married and only live stream it!Ó I mean, the smallest you ever get is an elopement. But this is that beautiful in between where you get to have everyone there, but you don't have to have everyone there.

Amy: And you don't have to feed them all!

Lauren: I think it's an amazing idea and I É beautifully executed, it seems to me. And I wonder technologically speaking, how difficult is it to do something like a live stream of that? Was it something that was hard? Or is it something you think that anyone could do?

Joe: We had gone to the winery, I don't know a few weeks earlier to test it and to make sure that their internet was okay in the basement. And it was, so I didn't have to use a laptop. I basically used my cell phone. 

And I brought lighting in. I brought LED lights in. I brought you know television lights. Because it was in the basement and there was É you know, it's nice romantic lighting, but for a live stream for a video you got to you got to overwrite it anyway. So, you know, that was easy to do for me. 

So yeah, testing it and retesting it to make sure that it worked was critical. And again, I had a backup camera that if it did fail, I could always download it later, post it, and then share it with everybody. But it didn't fail. So you know, like a good boy scout, you always have a plan B. And it was it was great! 

I mean, our officiant had never done a live stream. She was a little nervous but it all worked out great. She did show up and I got her to the podium right at three o'clock and that said ÒWeÕre live! LetÕs go!Ó 

You know I think one of the things that we kind of missed out on what would have been music. We had some music, you know, piped in from the winery, but not like, you know, no dancing or DJ or anything like that because it was such a small group. 

I did have four family members come in from New Jersey; they quarantined. My sister, who is a nurse, a school nurse, you know, she took every precaution under the sun. We booked a local hotel. And my sister brought, they brought their own linens, they brought their own silverware. I mean, she wasn't gonna take any chances! 

But you know, with COVID, you know, nobody got sick. Everything went well. And I've donated blood a couple times down here and been tested for COVID. Everything is clear. 

And I'm looking forward to getting my vaccine, soon I'm hoping. If I was back in New Jersey, I would have gotten it by now. But it's just that in the south, there's a little bit of a difference. With the people not wearing masks, even though there's a mandate a lot of our neighbors will not wear a mask. And you know, that's concerning. 

But everybody's safe. Everything is great. We've been married over a month now and Amy didn't run away!

Amy: I'm not É I donÕt have anywhere to go! I work remotely from home so I'm staying here!

Lauren: Is there anything beyond the music and maybe a little bit of dancing that if you could go back and do anything differently É a.k.a. takeaway COVID É you know, anything under the sun, do you think there's anything you would change about the day? Or do you think it was exactly the way it was supposed to be?

Joe: The only thing I would have changed is I would have gotten the engagement ring first before we got our wedding bands. I kind of messed that up!

Amy: No, it's because when you announce someone as my fiancŽe the first thing they do is they look at my hand. And you know, so that wasn't an important thing for us. You know, we went we picked out our wedding rings but when you started introducing me as the fiancŽe
that's what they look at. And I didn't have a ring, because it was in the safe waiting for me to get married! 

And so, I kept asking if I could just wear my wedding ring? And he said no. So you know, but so I did get a small ring, which is fine. You know, but it's you know, that's the way society is you say fiancŽe, and those eyes go right towards the hand. And I'm like, ÒI don't have a ring!Ó It's okay, if we do this again, I still don't need the engagement ring!

Joe: WeÕre not doing it again. No take two!

Amy: I think everything went perfect. You know, we, we just let everything fall into place. We used every one local that we could, you know, so it was a very close knit, you know, we knew where we were going, we knew what we needed to do. And there's nothing I would change!

And you know, but you know, it was just a very calming, relaxing day. And it was just all about Joe and I. So you know, we could have done it in the backyard if we needed to. We just needed two witnesses and an officiant. We just wanted to get married. And you know, we didn't care how we were going to do it, but we were going to do it!

Joe: You know, the community here in Mount Airy has been very welcoming for the two Northerners that moved down here. Our community is great. I've been appointed to the planning board. Amy is on a citizens committee. With the town. We're involved with the Chamber of Commerce. And it's É it's been fantastic. I have no complaints whatsoever about taking that leap and buying a home down here last summer. And we just É we enjoy it and we're looking forward to a long life together.

We have good karma. It always has been. We met just about three years ago, and I would never have thought in 36 months that I would be married again, have fallen in love again. First of all, that was the biggest thing. And to be living in North Carolina, and be retired. I'm great! I love it!

Amy: YouÕre healthy, youÕre young enough and we've still got our good karma going!

Joe: ThatÕs right!

Lauren: Just going into the next chapter of life! My last very simple question is if people want to know where Station 1978 Firehouse Peanuts will be next, how do we find you guys?

Joe: The easiest way is Facebook. Just type in Station 1978 Firehouse Peanuts. There'll be a schedule posted. So far I we've scheduled 61 events for 2021. All of them outside. And even when it rains we'd actually do pretty well. And People love Amy's peanut butter. And people enjoy my peanuts. One of the things that is pretty popular in the south is boiled peanuts. But I have not done that yet. I'll leave it to the locals to do the boiled peanuts, where you eat the whole peanut, the shell and all. Yeah, it's interesting delicacy. And I, I've tried them, but I don't think I'll be making them!