CHOOSING YOUR REFLECTION
TITLE: Only in Australia
DURATION: 24:05

Getting married is an event that holds a different meaning for everyone. For some, itÕs based on religious traditions, and for others itÕs a validation of an earlier choice they made to live with that special someone they love.Ê

Hi, IÕm Lauren, and welcome to Choosing Your Reflection, a series of discussions that reflect upon the reasons we have for choosing our wedding day outfits.Ê Our guests are diverse, but they all share a common journey.Ê

As they share their stories, theyÕll help us unravel the mystique that exists around choosing that special outfit, and what they learned about themselves along the way.

Channing: My name is Channing Fitzgerald and I'm 31. And like most people in the U.S. right now I got furloughed because of COVID. But I work for a company that provides motivational speaking and character education for kindergarten through fifth graders. 

Lauren: That's awesome!

Channing: So that's what I do!

Lauren: Sounds so fun!

Channing: It's very fun. I was a performer for a long time. It's a very physical job, because you're a solo performer. The cool thing is you travel a lot. So it's in the US and Canada, and Australia, New Zealand, and UK. And we go into elementary schools and talk about setting goals in school and outside of school, and treating people with respect and kindness, and doing your best and like growth mindset, all that kind of stuff. So I did that for six years.

I actually tore my rotator cuff two years ago so I couldn't do that job anymore because I couldn't handle lifting the equipment because it was extremely heavy. So now I'm actually on their sales side while I'm getting my master's in nonprofit management. But they're starting a nonprofit division at the company so I'm hoping to go from performer to sales to doing something in the nonprofit area.

Lauren:  That sounds like a fantastic job. Super fulfilling and humbling and all of that. I would love to know, when you think about your wedding, what is the first thing that sort of comes to mind that tells you that's the beginning. That's the beginning of my wedding story. 

Channing: My husband and I dated for four years before we got engaged. But the first date with my husband was eight hours long. I lived in New York City, he lived in New Jersey. He came and picked me up. We met online like a million other people. We met on match.com. So hey, match, thanks for that! And we went on a date and he took me to dinner and then we went to É so I'm like a huge craft beer person. He took me to some craft breweries. We went to Hoboken, which I lived in the city so I'd never been to. 

And I called my mom the next day and I was like ÒI know this is gonna sound crazy but like, I think I just met the person I'm gonna marry.Ó And she was like, ÒThere's no way you know that! YouÕve been on one date. Like, there's no way that you could possibly know that.Ó And I was like, ÒNo, I think that's like, my, that's gonna be my human.Ó And she was like É

I was one of those people that like I met my husband and I was like, ÒThat's my person.Ó I had been in a couple of other serious relationships but when I met him, I was like, ÒYou're the person IÕm meant to spend my life with.Ó It was pretty instantaneous, which is crazy.

Lauren:  Could you tell me about the engagement? How that went down?

Channing: So the job I had worked for is called The Ned Show. I was auditioning for that. And so we had met and then like two weeks later they were like ÒWe want to hire you.Ó And I was like ÒCool!Ó And originally I was auditioning for what they called upstate New York, which really was only like an hour outside of the city. So I was going to have to move like an hour outside of the city north or Philadelphia. Like those were the two areas. 

And they were like, ÒWe don't have those positions available anymore but Miami's open. Do you want it?Ó And I was like, ÒOkay, I've worked my butt off to get this job. I'm not gonna say no to this job. But I've also met this person that I really like, and he lives up here.Ó And he was like ÒNo, no, no, you need to take that, you worked hard for it. We'll make it work. I'll fly. It's not that far. It's like a two hour flight, whatever, we'll make it work.Ó And I was like, ÒOkay.Ó 

So I took the job in Florida. And he was like ÒI went to school for history. And I think I want to go back and I want to go get a degree in science.Ó I was like ÒOkay.Ó And so he got into a school in Florida. So he moved to Florida a year later. So we spent the first year apart. And for three years, we lived in Florida. 

They were closing the Florida market for my job, it was just going to become strictly a tour state. And they were like ÒBut you can take the New York City performer position if you want it.Ó And I was like ÒOkay.Ó And all of his family lives up here and everything. I had talked to him. He was finishing school. I was like, ÒDo you want to move back up north?Ó And both of us were like ÒYeah.Ó Florida is hard unless you work in hospitality or something. It's such a tourist environment, it's really hard to find work in other things that are as profitable as up here. So I agreed to take it. 

We came up here, we had looked at apartments, because we didn't live together at the time. And I was like ÒWe're gonna live together.Ó I'm traditional in that sense. ÒLike if we're going to live together I want to at least be engaged.Ó We've been together for a long time. I don't want to move up there and sign a lease and not have some sort of commitment. And he was like, ÒNo, no, okay. Okay.Ò

So our house was all packed, and he was like ÒLet's go see a baseball gameÓ because all of the major teams do their summer training in Florida. So there's a ton of stadiums there. And we had gone and seen a bunch of spring training. And he was like ÒThere's gonna be like fireworks and like, all this stuff, let's go.Ó And I was like ÒOkay, whatever.Ó I'm not thinking anything. I'm just like, ÒSure! It's fourth of July weekend, we're gonna go!Ó

And we get there and he's like being super weird. And it's July in Florida. So it's also really hot. And he's very much like a northern person. He hated Florida summer. And I was like, ÒThis man wants to go sit outside in July. Okay, whateverÓ and he's like, being really weird. And I was like, ÒWhat is like É why are you being so É like youÕre being weird.Ó  And I was like, ÒWe can go in this entrance right here. This entrance is fine.Ó He was like, ÒNo, I want to go in this entrance.Ó And I was like, ÒOkay.Ó 

So I'm following him. And then the game starts and the national anthem plays, so we just have to stop, so we stop. He's like sweating, like profusely sweating. And I was like, ÒIt's hot, but it's not that hot.Ó And he's nervous and like, not making eye contact with me. And I was like, ÒAre you É are you okay?Ó And he was like, ÒYes! I just ÉÓ And I, and I, and then it dawned on me, I was like, ÒI know what you're doing.Ó And he goes, ÒI need you to not say anything. I just need to get it out!Ó I was like ÒOkay.Ó 

And so the national anthem stopped, game started. A ball came over the stadium. And he was like, ÒI think that's a sign of good luck.Ó And he was like, ÒI had a whole thing. But like, I love you. And I just want to know, like, if you want to marry me.Ó Like, straight to the point, didn't get on one knee, was so nervous, did not get on one knee. And then he opens the ring box and it was upside down. And he was like ÒI practiced this!Ó I was like, ÒIt's fine. This is all great! I wouldn't want it any other way!Ó I can't believe you didn't go on one knee, but like whatever!

And so we were engaged! And like we went in and we told every vendor that we went to like for beers and hotdogs, like all that stuff, and we're like, ÒWe're engaged! We're engaged!Ó We called his parents and his sister and then we called my parents and yeah, so it was great. I told him constantly I don't want like some big É you see like these like big proposals. And I was like, ÒI don't want that. I want something that is going to be memorable but like that is going to be you and me. I don't want huge display in front of a lot of people.Ó

So it was great. I can tell you right now, I never ever in my life thought I would get engaged at a sporting event. Like that never occurred to me. But it was great. It was memorable. It was funny, made me laugh, we're good.

Lauren: That sounds so sweet and personal É a very intimate moment for you guys.

Channing: ÔCause everybody had gone inside! So it's just like, it was literally just us. Yeah! 

Lauren:  So once all of that lovely experience had passed, and you started finally planning, or thinking about planning at least, what were the first things that you started planning? And when did you actually start looking for what you'd be wearing for the day?

Channing: Okay, so I'm not one of those girls. I mean, like, I kind of had an idea in my head of like, what, what I wanted for my wedding. But I'm not one of those girls that like had a Pinterest or anything. But I did find the dress I wanted by happenstance like years prior. I had been looking É I'd been looking on Pinterest for something else. And like it came up. And I was like, ÒOh, this is like really beautiful.Ó 

I think I had actually not seen the dress first. I'd seen like, the like floral arrangement and something else. And then I had been scrolling through the article and the dress was there. And I was like, ÒThat is beautiful and like everything I would want in a wedding dress.Ó But it was an article and so I had to like find the original article and like stalk and like find the dress because the dress had just been featured. It wasn't like it was like an advertisement. It was just É it was featured in an article so I had to like really stalk to find it. 

Um, and I did. And I was like, ÒOkay, I found the designer.Ó She was in Australia. And I was like, ÒOkay.Ó So found it, saved it, pinned it. I was like, ÒThis is what I eventually want to wear.Ó So I had found that actually like years prior, I was like, ÒThat's the dress I want, I know thatÕs the dress I want.Ó

We had obviously like talked about being married. And up north was just not an option, mainly for like expense. But also, both of us wanted, this didn't happen, both of us wanted a wedding of like 100 people, we were like, that's the most we want. That did not happen. His family's huge. My dad's side is huge. So IÕm from Virginia. And I was like ÓWe would be better off to get married in the south, it's just going to be cheaper.Ó Both of us wanted it in like a cooler time of year, I was like, I really would like to have it in the fall. I was like, ÒIt'll be nice. Like, it'll be cool. If we get married in Virginia in the fall, it's not going to be cold. Like, it'll still be probably during the day like 60. Like, it'll still be really nice.Ó

And we had known we wanted it to be like a formal wedding and that we wanted É weÕre traditional. So like, we got married in a church with our pastor. Actually, our pastor from Florida we flew up to Virginia to marry us. So like we got engaged and the church family we had down there threw a goodbye ceremony for us. And so we asked our pastor then. We were like, ÒWe want you to be the person to marry us. Will you do that? Ò And he was like, ÒOf course.Ó 

Pastor was first É I guess, wedding dress was technically first because I had found it. And then pastor was second. And then the other stuff just kind of ended up being what it was because we started going, ÒOkay, we're not going to have a wedding of 100 people. And where can we fit 275 people? And like, what do we want it to look like?Ó 

We got married at a university. We ended up using the chapel at the university because we had so many people coming from out of town. I would say like 70% of our guests were coming from out of town. And I was like, ÒWe have all these people coming.Ó If we can get it to be like the least amount of transportation as possible it's what makes it better for your guests and more enjoyable for them. 

Because like, your wedding is about you. But you have to consider the people that are coming and what the experience is going to be like for them. Because you want people to come and have fun. They're traveling there to see you and you care about these people. You don't want them to get there and be like, ÒThis is a pain in the ass!Ó You don't want them to feel like that. So it didn't end up like what I had envisioned. I got most of it, just not in the way that I thought I was going to get it, I guess is the best way to put it.

Lauren:  Since you've mentioned that you had this idea of your dress before you even got engaged and that you don't always get what you envision, can you tell me if you did actually get the dress?

Channing: Oh girl I got that dress! Out of all of the things in my wedding this was very much like, ÒAh-hah!Ó  So I found the dress like years ago. I found the designer. She was based out of Brisbane, Australia. 

When I was a performer we were international in the summers because schools are closed in the States. So we go to the UK in June and then we go to Australia in August. Australia is massive. I'm sure you know. The year I got engaged I just happened to be in Brisbane, which is where her shop was, which is the only shop she has in the world. She doesn't ship dresses anywhere. Like she has her shop and that's it. Happened to be there. Got an appointment with her. 

That was a struggle, but I got it. Because it's winter there. So like it's their off season. So I told her I was like ÒThis is the dress I want.Ó And she custom does everything so she was like ÒYeah, of course. If we have it on the rack you can at least try it on.Ó And she was sick but like her assistant came and opened the shop for me. 

I was terrified that she wasn't gonna have it anymore, or that, like it didn't exist. I was so thrilled when she got back to me and said that she had it. I also had been trying to reach her before I got to Australia and she wasn't answering me. Because like I said it was off season. And I was like ÒI'm gonna come all the way to Australia. You've got to be kidding me. Like I'm gonna come all the way to Australia where she has her only shop and I just, I happen to be here for work. And like that was just like the stars aligned, and I happen to be there. I'm going to come all the way here, and I'm not going to get to see this dress or try this dress on, you've got to be kidding me!Ó 

And my sister in law, who actually worked for Tiffany at the time, emailed her. Wrote this really nice email and was like, ÒThis is my sister-in-law. And she found this dress like two years ago, and like, this is what she does. And she does all of this stuff.Ó It was so nice. I'm not tooting my own horn, I'm just telling you what she wrote. she was like, ÒShe does all of this stuff for like kids and other people. And she volunteers and like, she does all these things. And like, all she wants is this dress. If she can get an appointment with you at all, like, please reach out to me, I have contact with her. She's emailed you.Ó 

And she got back to me like a day later and was like, ÒI'm sorry I havenÕt answered you, I've been really ill. I can't come in, but the girl can come inÓ what like I can come in, she gave me like a day. And so I drove 45 minutes away from where I'm staying and waited for an hour outside because it wasn't open yet. So like the stars aligned for it. But the lead up to it wasn't exactly making me feel too great. 

One of the girls that I worked with was in my wedding. And she and I traveled together every summer. She met me there. I had a very like quote unquote, non-traditional dress experience because my mom wasn't there, which I hated. But like one of the one of my best friends and one of the people that was in É was going to be my wedding was there. 

It's very funny. I knew I wanted that dress. And my best friend who was my maid of honor had come to New York in July for like her birthday. And she was like ÒYou have to try and more than one dress.Ó Like ÒYou can't just try on one dress. Like what if you get there and you hate it?Ó And I was like ÒOkay, but I'm not going to, so whatever.Ó And she was like, ÒOkay.Ó but she like made me make appointments in New York. And I went and tried stuff on and I was like ÒThese are beautiful. This is not what I want.Ó And she was like ÒOkay, I just want to make sure you had like tried other stuff on.Ó

So then I got there in Australia and I knew that was the dress I wanted and I picked it off the rack. The girl was like, ÒWhich one is it?Ó And I was like, ÒWell, it's this one.Ó She's like, ÒWell, can you find it?Ó And I literally went down the rack. And I was like, ÒIt's this dress.Ó And she was like ÒMost people can't do that!Ó And I was like, ÒI'm telling you this is the dress I want.Ó

So I went and I tried it on. And once again, my best friend was like, ÒYeah, it's great. Is that the one I was like?Ó I was like ÒYeah.Ó She's like, ÒYou should try on other ones.Ó I was like, ÒFine.Ó So like I knew that was the dress and I was like, ÒThis is the dress I want.Ó And then I went and tried on like three other ones. And she was like, ÒI like that one.Ó And I was like, ÒGreat, but I want that one.Ó And she was like, ÒOkay, so that's the one, like that's when you're getting.Ó I was like, ÒYeah!Ó So I basically tried on five wedding dresses, and I had to try them on because other people made me not because I actually wanted to. 

And I got very lucky. That designer said, ÒI'll custom make you one. But if that one is close enough to fitting you, I will give you that dress off the rack with extra materialÓ because there was like, there's a lot of like lace. It was lace arms, and there was beading. And she's like, ÒI'll give you extra lace so that you can find a seamstress in the States. And she can remake the arms for you and do whatever other alterations you would need.Ó So I got the exact dress that I wanted for a lot less money.

So I got it and she was great. I gave her the deposit on the dress when I was there. And she shipped it to me to the states with a ton of extra material and beading. And I actually ended up using some of the extra rhinestoned beading and made and had the seamstress make like a hair like clip for my wedding day out of it. Yeah, it was great. It was awesome. 

Lauren: I want to know like a little bit more about why you knew that dress was for you. 

Channing: I knew I'd wanted to get married in the fall for a long time. So I was like whatever dress I have, I want it to have sleeves. I also have always had this opinion of like, it's your wedding day and you need to pick something that is like very much you but also in 30 years you're going to look at and be like, ÒI don't look ridiculous.Ó 

My mom made her own wedding dress. My parents didn't have a lot of money when they got married. So my mom's wedding dress, you look at it today and if you were to just literally update the coloring in the photo, you wouldn't be able to tell that my parents got married in 1979. The dress doesn't look dated. So that was important to me.

And I wanted to look like a bride but I also wanted to be like a little bit more conservative. You have your whole life to be other things.  I want it to be É I want to look like a bride but I also want it to look like classic and elegant, and I'm gonna still be happy with it years from now. And so I was comfortable in it, that was a huge deal for me too. 

I didn't want to be uncomfortable on my wedding day. All of these women like, are like, ÒI'm gonna lose like 25 poundsÓ and ÒI'm gonna wear these shoesÓ and ÒI'm gonna wear this girdle.Ó And I'm like, ÒWhy?Ó You're getting married. This is supposed to be like, fun and happy. Be comfortable! Why do you not want to be comfortable? I don't understand why on your wedding day you just want to be miserable.

So I was comfortable in it. It accomplished all the stuff I wanted. It had sleeves, it had a sweetheart neckline that was super flattering. I wanted it to be like a ballgown style but not be rigid or super fluffy. I wanted it to kind of like flow. And it did that. 

It had a lot of elements that if I say to you, ÒIt had lace, and it had beading, and it had this and it was a ballgownÓ you would be like, ÒThis is super extravagant.Ó And it was, but it was still more muted and like understated and like flowed well. It accomplished everything I wanted it to accomplish, which is when I put it on, I was like ÒThis is the one.Ó even though at the time, like I knew like the arms were too tight, I knew I was going to have stuff done to it that was going to make it like custom fit me. 

And because it's a ballgown I had to have those É not like hoop skirts, but you know, I'm talking about like underneath it to make it go out. But I was comfortable on my wedding day.  I could move in it, I could dance in it. It wasn't super heavy. 

It was what I wanted it to be. And I was insistent. I told my mom, I was like, ÒI'm gonna wear heels during the ceremony and like for a greeting line. But like I'm changing into flatsÓ because I wanted to be able to dance and walk around and say hi to people and not just have my feet kill me. You're on your feet for a long time. And like I didn't want to be miserable. So I put the dress on. And I was like, ÒIt accomplishes all of what I want. And it's what I was looking for, for in like a lot of other ways.Ó 

And I felt good in it. Like that was a huge part of it. I was like ÒI could gain 30 poundsÓ which I wasn't gonna do. But I was like ÒI could.Ó I could literally gain 30 pounds and this dress would still be flattering. 

Lauren: So, if on your wedding day you had not been in that dress, if you had to wear something else, do you think it would have changed the day for you?

Channing: Well yeah. That dress just enhanced the way I feel about myself. It was an outward expression of who I am as a person, but it just É if I had been in something that wasn't that, or if I had chosen a dress that wasn't that, or hadn't gotten to get that dress, I probably would have found a seamstress and said, ÒI want this. Get me as close to this as possible.Ó 

So I think É instead of making it like a negative thing, where it's like, ÒIf you hadn't been in that dress, like how would you felt?Ó I would have felt really sad I think. I'd be like, ÒThis isn't what I wanted.Ó Like, that's just what would have been in my head. ÒI got close, but like, this isn't the dress I wanted. I wanted that other dress.Ó 

I think what that dress did for me is it just reinforced that feeling. I felt confident and beautiful and elegant and like all the things you're supposed to feel in a dress. And I just É if I was in something else, I'm not saying I wouldn't still be confident or still be myself, I would still be myself. I would just have been constantly thinking like that day like, ÒThis isn't the dress that I wanted to É this isn't how I wanted to feel or how I wanted to look.Ó And I will tell you like, yeah, I got my husband. I also went through like a lot of crap before I got my husband. 

So there's some stuff that I didn't get that I wanted, but the pastor and the dress are the two things that I was not willing to compromise on. I was like, ÒI'm gonna get this.Ó And if it's ridiculously expensive I will figure out a way to do like a payment plan with her and sheÕd let me buy it off the rack. Because I think if I had heard the number that of the of the dress, like the price the dress was going to be to have it custom made for me, I think I would have cried because I would've been like, ÒThis is ridiculously expensive for something that you're going to wear one day.Ó So that dress is one of the few things in the beginning of wedding planning that I got exactly what I wanted. 

I think people get in trouble with their wedding because people get really selfish. They're like, ÒIt's my day. It's my this, itÕs my that.Ó When you're saying like in pursuit of happiness, your happiness involves a lot more than just yourself. So the dress, absolutely, I was not willing to compromise. But other things when you start hearing things from like, what's important to like, your mom and dad that you do or have, or what's important to your spouse, or what's important to like your in-laws, you want to incorporate those things because you love and care about those people. And the dayÕs for them too, it's not just for you. Because you can get really lost in like stuff that doesn't actually matter. And so it is, it's very much a balance of going after stuff that you want but also honoring your dreams, and then like also being respectful of the people that matter in your life and what this day means to them too. 

Your happiness is a lot more than just getting what you want all the time. Your happiness is doing things on that day that are important to you but also have meaning and value behind them.