CHOOSING YOUR REFLECTION
TITLE: Confidence
DURATION: 21:45

Getting married is an event that holds a different meaning for everyone. For some, itÕs based on religious traditions, and for others itÕs a validation of an earlier choice they made to live with that special someone they love.Ê

Hi, IÕm Lauren, and welcome to Choosing Your Reflection; a series of discussions that reflect upon the reasons we have for choosing our wedding day outfits.Ê Our guests are diverse, but they all share a common journey.Ê

As they share their stories, theyÕll help us unravel the mystique that exists around choosing that special outfit, and what they learned about themselves along the way.

According the the Holmes and Rahe stress test, marriage falls at #7 on the list of life-changing stressful events. Buying a wedding outfit is a part of that process. Listen in as we talk with Nina, who ultimately found confidence in her quest for the perfect wedding dress despite the difficulties that cropped up along the way.

Nina:  Hi, my name is Nina. I grew up in North Jersey. My husband is from Philadelphia. So we're Philly couple. And my husband and I got engaged in New York, which was my first love of a city. But now here we are in Philly, and that's where we had our ceremony and our reception. My husband is a chef and I am a PR professional. So I'm happy to share our story with you.

Lauren: Where would you like to start? 

Nina: I think for me, I'm a planner. So when I got engaged, the first thing we thought of was where are we going to get married? And then honestly, the second thing was, what am I going to wear? So that's just kind of how I think. I always pictured myself in a church with a white dress and my dad walking me down the aisle. 

We got married in a very traditional old Catholic Church in Philadelphia, St. Paul's. And the reception was at the Arts Ballroom, which is Avenue of the Arts in Philadelphia. And it's an old speakeasy from the 20s. 

And that's why we chose it actually. I was always infatuated with the 1920s. And my husband's a history buff, I love the arts, so it kind of was a perfect match. So we kind of started there and I wanted a dress that fit that location. 

So I had pictured myself in the traditional ballgown A-line dress, but I'm a curvier woman. So when I was trying on those dresses, they weren't very forgiving. So I definitely ended up picking out a silhouette that was a little bit different.

I remember the first time I went shopping actually was with my sister. And she said, ÒWell tell me what you're looking for. I'll help you look.Ó And I remember I said three things. I said ÒI want tulle, lace, and beads.Ó She's like, ÒThat's crazy. You're not gonna find all those things in one dress.Ó And I did É I did find those three things in that dress.  And I loved it. It was definitely my personality. I think it had a mix of fun and elegance. But it had a touch of that 1920s-esque style. 

The top of the dress had scalloped lace and there are beads throughout the top. Rather than an A-line where it drops at the waist it actually went much lower and it was kind of like a modified mermaid. But it ended up showing my curves a little bit more than I had wanted to at first. I thought if I cover it up it'll look more fitting, but it turned out to be more flattering to have something fitted on the top. And then it was tulle on the bottom É like a true ballerina dress. 

Lauren: Sounds gorgeous. 

Nina: Yeah, it was. But the journey getting there was É was not quite as perfect. 

The first dress shop we went to is a very small boutique shop in North Jersey. So they didn't have as large of a selection. But I'll never forget É they wouldn't let you take pictures. And I É I was really put off by that because anytime the attendant left I said to my sister Michele, ÒHey, can you take a picture? I need to see what I look like.Ó 

 I was very self conscious about what it looked like on me even though they were telling me I looked gorgeous. I was like, ÒNo, I need to see itÓ because there was like one little mirror and she kept sneaking photos. IÕm like ÒThis just doesn't feel right.Ó Like we're sneaking around with this bridal shop attendant. So I didn't end up saying Yes to the Dress there. Although they did have some pretty dresses. It just É it was a really strange experience. 

Then I went to another shop with my parents. My sister lives in Boston so she unfortunately couldn't be at every shopping experience with us. But my parents took me to a couple other shops in New Jersey. And that was a nightmare. They had really small sample sizes. And they were trying to like basically staple them to my bra in a way with these little clips and it was really uncomfortable. As soon as I walked out of the dressing room, my dad saw me and heÕs like, ÒDoes that hurt you? Like what's going on there?Ó It was like visibly painful. So that was just not good at all. 

But then my sister found something online when she was coming to visit New Jersey for Easter and she said, ÒOh, I found this place called The Curvy Bride. They specialize in dresses that are for a size 12 and above. I think you should check it out because the sample sizes will actually fit you. And it sounds like a nicer store.Ó And she was right. It was a really nice shop. That's where I ended up getting the dress. 

And it was a nice experience. They allowed us to take pictures. It wasn't as intimidating, I guess. It was more welcoming. And that experience was definitely a lot better. So I think it has a lot to do with the experience of, you know, I don't want to make a rash decision of something that I know I'm going to see photos of forever. So I wanted to really make sure I made the right decision.

Lauren: Absolutely. How many did it take until you found your dress? And then when you did finally find how did you know? How did you feel?

Nina:  I went to about four different stores in total and I think the number of dresses was at least a dozen, maybe 20. Probably more like 20 dresses that I tried on. I just knew when I tried it on that it felt comfortable to me. It felt like my personality. 

In fact, this was the only dress that I pulled off the rack because the attendants are the ones that keep telling you ÒOh, you need to try this. You should really try this.Ó And I was just getting a little antsy. And I said, ÒCan I just walk around a little bit.Ó And I did and I pulled the one off. And the one thing I did notice though, there was no straps. I really didn't want a strapless dress. And this one that I pulled off the rack was strapless. And I said ÒDoes this come with straps? Or is there an option?Ó And they said ÓOh, you can always alter it.Ó I said ÒWell, let me try it. Let me just give it a shot.Ó It was in our budget. 

So I tried it on and as soon as I put it on I was just smiling. I think that's what my parents had even said, they're like, ÒOh, wow, is that the one?Ó And my dad could just tell. Like he's not really into fashion, but he could just tell that I looked comfortable, and I was happy with it. So that's how I knew.

Lauren: Sounds like your dad is super important in your life.

Yes! So my parents have always been very close to me. My dad's always been there for all of our milestones. I brought my dad because he said, ÒOh, well, I was there when your sister found her wedding dress. Maybe I'll be good luck for you too.Ó And I said, ÒOh, well that's actually great because Michele can't make it. So if you can join mom and I, I think that'd be great.Ó 

So he did. He came with us. And it was just the two of them there, not my sister. And he was able to send photos to her while I was trying things on and make it feel like she was a part of it. And he's always been really supportive. I mean, even to this day, you know, he's always looking back kind of laughing at the whole experience that we went through.

But my dad, he's definitely honest and he did tell me when something just didn't look right. But he knows me really well. And I think that's why it was important. He was able to say, ÒYou know, I can picture you being happy walking down the aisle in this.Ó

Lauren: Sounds like you have a really fantastic support group.

Nina: And I have really great friends too. I have a lot of great girlfriends. I guess you could say I'm a little superstitious. I didn't invite any of the bridesmaids to view the dress. I wanted it to be a surprise for them on the wedding day so one of them saw it at all.

Lauren:  That sounds super unique. Is that something that you've heard of before? 

Nina: I guess it is kind of unique. I always have been a little superstitious when it comes to that. I don't believe my sister shared her dress with anyone either. Yeah, I just really thought it would be kind of an element of surprise, I guess.

Lauren: I think that's a fantastic idea. I almost wish I didn't invite anyone to see my wedding dress. So, I'm curious now that we've talked about your process of who you brought and how you found it, could you just describe the dress a little bit for me? 

Nina: Yeah, absolutely. So the designers name is Essence of Australia. The top was lace and it was a sweetheart neckline. And there were a lot of little beads intertwined in the lace on the top. And then right underneath the chest there was a beaded belt that was all connected. And then as you go further down, it kind of scalloped a little bit right below the hips. And then it bursted out into just a poof of tulle. And there was a long train. 

On the back of the dress there was actually little tiny buttons, but the modern twist was that there was a zipper underneath those little tiny buttons. So it just needed to be zipped up and no one would really know if I hadn't told you. And it was strapless originally but I had the seamstress order extra lace and make two straps on it. So they were like a little cap sleeve -- just enough to cover my shoulder so I felt more comfortable. So yeah, I think my favorite part about it was the bottom, how it just kind of proofed out and when I danced it twirled around a lot.

It made me feel like a bride, as cliche as that sounds. It's not every day you wear a big poofy white dress, so it just made me feel really special. 

Lauren:  Could we learn about the issues with the alterations? 

Nina:  Absolutely. So the issues with the alterations were the only thing in actually the whole wedding planning process that gave me anxiety overall because it's something that was a little bit out of my control. I thought it was going to be pretty simple just adding the straps to it. 

So the dress fit perfectly. And when I went to a tailor that the dress store had recommended, they fitted me for the straps and it sounded like it was going to be real simple. I go in for the second fitting after they added them and it was all crooked. The back of the dress did not look like it should and it was a nightmare! I was in tears actually in the dressing room. IÕm like ÒIs this real life? What did they do?Ó It looks like they butchered the dress. 

The woman was real nice but she made some excuse of ÒOh, your shoulders are lopsided.Ó I'm like ÒThat much?Ó like ÒThere's no way theyÕre that lopsided.Ó Like ÒThis is crazy!Ó So it was just really, really stressful. 

Now the dress shop was almost two hours away from where I live. An hour from where my parents live. So there was also not that much time to get to the dress shop again for alterations before the wedding. So they assured me É ÒIt's going to be great the second time around. If you can't pick it up, then we'll have somebody pick it up. WeÕll even bring it to the hotel for you.Ó I was thinking, ÒAre you kidding? This is like the week of the wedding.Ó 

So my parents were able to pick up the dress, and they looked atit. It looked fine, but again, I wasn't there to try it on. So the night before the wedding. I tried it on but I think we all held our breath in the in the hotel suite, my parents and I were like, ÒOkay, let's try it.Ó And the back looked beautiful and it was perfect. It was like a miracle. I'm like, ÒHow did they do this?Ó And the woman even said, she's like, ÒOh, this seamstress, she works magic.Ó And I'm like, ÒI don't even know how we got to this because it looked great before I gave it to you.Ó 

So that was really stressful I must say. But I am glad I went with adding the straps. I think it changed a little bit as well. So if you know somebody else who had this dress, it doesn't look exactly the same.

Lauren:  It's almost like you got your own reveal for your dress!

Nina: I did! I did get my own reveal for the dress hours before the rehearsal dinner! That's great. Yeah, the night before! Yeah, that was really nerve wracking actually!

Lauren: Who was the first person to see it and what were their reactions? 

Nina: My bridesmaids and a handful of my really close friends. I had five bridesmaids and there were five other friends that I invited for mimosa toasts before the ceremony. So that moment was kind of the big reveal. And I remember one friend from high school almost started crying when she saw me. It was actually really, really special.

It wasn't a surprise to my dad, although we did take some funny pictures because my photographer didn't know that. He thought it was a reveal to my dad. So he's like, ÒOh, am I supposed to pretend that I have never seen this before?Ó I'm like, ÒSure!Ó So that was actually kind of funny. 

My husband did not see the dress until I walked down the aisle. And he said he had a feeling É he's like, ÒI had a feeling it's gonna be this big dress like you had. ÓHe knew that it fit my personality.

Lauren: And what did you feel finally walking down the aisle? 

Nina: Well it's funny that you say finally down the aisle. So I had a two o'clock ceremony at St. Paul's church. I didn't walk down the aisle till about 2:45 because there was a transportation problem. 

Lauren: Oh no!

Nina: And even leading up to that I made sure that my guests who were in the hotel lobby did not see my dress because I was so adamant about keeping it a surprise. So I was late to my own wedding. So honestly by the time I got to the front of the aisle, my thoughts about the dress were not really there. I just knew that this was meant to be. 

At that point I think I might have been thinking more about my veil. I did have the traditional blusher over my face. And I borrowed my sister's blusher and veil from her wedding. It was the only thing I borrowed. And my dad had to pull it over and I realized ÒOoh É we never rehearsed this. Does he know what to do?Ó like from 10 years ago. And he did. It was fine. And I could tell my husband was really pleased with the with the outcome of course he thought I was beautiful, which made me feel even more beautiful.

Lauren: Were there any other special accessories or traditional pieces that were a part of your entire outfit?

Nina: Yes. My shoes were a big part of my outfit. I'm a foot shorter than my husband. I'm 5Õ 4Ó he's 6Õ 4Ó so I knew that I wanted to have some height on me. So I wore wedges that were really elegant. So those shoes were important to me because I wanted to have that height so when I kissed him for the first time as his bride I didn't have to get up on my tippy toes. So that was important. But I really wanted to dance, so right before the reception I switched out of those wedges and put sparkly Keds on. That way I could dance the night away!

Lauren: At the end of the night did you feel like you just wanted to get out of your dress? Or did you like want to stay in it? 

Nina:  I was really comfortable in it. It was actually so comfortable I didn't take it off until the very end of the night. I didn't really have any problems. And that's É I think because I was so at ease finally going through this little bit of a nightmare of an alteration situation, so I was just relieved that I was able to fit comfortably in the dress. 

And it was comfortable to dance in. I did have to watch the bottom of it, because it's so long. Once I took those wedges off then I had this very long gown. I think I tripped one of my friends on the dance floor! But he's okay, so, um É so I felt really good in the dress. I guess I did have the feeling of ÒWow, I can't believe I have to take this off eventually.Ó

Lauren:  Since you got married in a church, you had a traditional feel to your wedding, especially for the ceremony. Did that have any bearing on your dress choice? And did that change your vision of what your dress would have been if you hadn't gotten married in a church?

Nina: So the church I got married in didn't have any restrictions of what you had to wear. It was more of a comfort level for me. The reason I choose white, it just reminded me of all the pictures I've always seen of my mom, my grandparents and my sister. It just kind of connected me a little bit to that. Both my grandparents passed away so maybe it was kind of a nod to them in a way. 

And my engagement ring used to be my great grandmother's. So this is also a ring from 1925 and it was passed on in my family, and I had always wanted it. So I think that whole 1920s elegance kind of had a thread throughout the whole wedding. So I feel like a ring is part of the outfit. It's the first thing that you put on technically as a bride to be. So I think that maybe even subconsciously kind of helped us make the decisions that we did. 

My husband's not as traditional as me, especially as far as, you know, the religious side. He was brought up Catholic, but it was my choice. I said ÒI really think we should get married in the Catholic churchÓ because that's just how I always pictured myself getting married. And he, of course, was on board. 

And so, yeah, I think the whole point is also, I mean, for me, it was a big party. The wedding was a big party, but it was getting married. It was the start of a marriage. So I wanted it to be something special that was timeless that when I look back at the photos in 10 years and 20 years, I don't regret ÒOh, that dress was you know, hideous. What was I thinking?Ó So I definitely don't regret the dress or the choices that I that I selected. I'm actually looking around I see another picture of myself. We have pictures all over our living room from our wedding day.

Lauren: Speaking of looking back if you could go back and give yourself a pointer, what would you say about dress, about the wedding itself, anything at all the whole time.

Nina: I think I would go back and tell myself not to stress over the small things. It's funny, I didn't spend as much time picking out or stressing over my own dress than I think I did the bridesmaids dresses. And I feel really bad for my girls for that because they're all very different and ultimately they ended up being in the same dress. And that maybe I would go back and change and say you could all wear whatever you feel comfortable in because I know I felt really comfortable in the dress that I picked out. So I think that's one thing I'd probably go back and help them out a little bit more.

I don't regret the choice I made for the dress at all. I love looking back. And I think I think it looks beautiful. I may even like it even more now than before, because it just kind of reminds me of a special time that we had.

I think É I keep saying the word special, but it's really confidence. I think I became more confident in my curves. When I was trying on the dresses at first, they were really big and poofy. And not until I was told that I looked beautiful in some of the silhouettes that fit my body then É then I was more confident. So I think that's something I learned in the process. Because you can't change your body silhouette, you can change the dressÕ silhouette. So I think that's something I learned throughout the process too.

Lauren:  It's something I think we've seen across the board is that confidence is not only something that people want to feel, but almost is required to get through such a stressful process of being a bride or being a groom or just being someone who needs to go through the wedding planning process. 

Nina: You know, at one point I remember when I was almost in tears in the dressing room when it didn't fit well, I remember thinking, ÒDoes it even really matter?Ó Like, ÒI'm gonna, they're gonna fix it right? They're not going to let me walk down with a lopsided dress.Ó So I started thinking, ÒOh, I could just put something over this or, you know, does it really matter that much?Ó I mean, the answer was, yes, it did matter to me. But at the end of the day, I was still getting married, whether I had a crooked strap on the back or not. 

And in a way, I think it made me appreciate the simple things because it is a wedding. I mean, this isn't a fashion show. I'm not a model. I think that's something that I needed to get through my head too. The vision of myself maybe isn't exactly what I see in the mirror. So being able to be confident I think at the end of the day, I was happy and confident in the dress.