CHOOSING YOUR REFLECTION TITLE: The Maestro in White DURATION: 32:00 Getting married is an event that holds a different meaning for everyone. For some, itÕs based on religious traditions, and for others itÕs a validation of an earlier choice they made to live with that special someone they love.Ê Hi, IÕm Lauren, and welcome to Choosing Your Reflection; a series of discussions that reflect upon the reasons we have for choosing our wedding day outfits.Ê Our guests are diverse, but they all share a common journey.Ê As they share their stories, theyÕll help us unravel the mystique that exists around choosing that special outfit, and what they learned about themselves along the way. Lauren: This week, we are thrilled to welcome Lincoln Noel, also known as The Maestro. Lincoln has decades of experience as a performer and always delivers a royal experience for brides and grooms worldwide. Lincoln, can you tell us a little bit more about yourself and your wedding story? Lincoln: Yes, my name is Lincoln Noel. IÕm 54 years old. By definition of occupation I am a jobbing pianist. I have been a professional pianist for 33 years. You can tell by my voice I'm British. I was born in Northampton and I live in Northampton now. To get a sense of where I am for the listeners, my home and where I'm sitting is five minutes away from the resting place and the ancestral home of Princess Diana, the Princess of Wales, who I was fortunate enough to know before she became world famous and married the Prince of Wales, who of course is the heir to the throne. She was our president at the Royal Academy of Music where I studied, where I majored in piano and violin. Lauren: Your background in music is so extensive. Could you tell me a little bit about your personal growth through music and where you started and where you are now? Lincoln: Yes, absolutely. I started playing the piano when I was three years old with my father. He acquired a piano to teach himself. I looked over his shoulder and decided I wanted a piece of the action. A year later he decided I was embarrassing him by leaving him behind. Here in England we start at the age of four at school. So when I had my first day at school, it was my first day of piano lessons. So I literally went to the primary school across the road in St. James to my piano teacher. I started piano with her at four, I stayed with her till I was 16. I got a scholarship to study for two years in London. And then I entered the Royal Academy of Music where I was a student. I had an opportunity to play in West End of London. The listeners may not know but I'm Afro-Caribbean ethnicity, although British born and bred, as they say over here. My parents are from the West Indies and met literally in the street where I had my first piano lesson. But I lived in London for six years before studying at the Academy. So my professional debut was in 1987 on a show about an American, Paul Robeson. And I was portraying his pianist, Lawrence Brown so that was my entry in. IÕm also a piano tutor. And I have performed and taught side by side for the last É weÕre in year thirty-three. So IÕve performed in the West End, IÕve accompanied opera singers and ballet companies, and all the way through that journey I have played weddings, which became more and more of a thing. From the age of 25 I decided to base myself back in Northampton. I felt that there was as much work to be done in middle England, as we call it in the provinces, as there is in the capital, lots of musicians down there. And I knew very quickly that I didn't want to just play the same music every night in a West End show, much as I enjoyed it. I have played on the concert platform many times. IÕve performed for the Queen at the Royal Albert Hall. Performed for Diana at the DukeÕs Hall, and have performed for the Duke and the Duchess of Gloucester at the Draper tour which is in the City of London, and met Princess Anne in my role as a national as a music therapist in the National Autistic Society. I perform also for an organization called Music and Hospitals who take the concert experience all over England, Scotland, and Wales to people who cannot get to the concert hall. Lauren: Such an impressive background and continued work! Our listeners can't see what you're wearing but you look fantastic! You look so sharp! You have a very wonderful sense of style. So I would love to know wedding journey but also the journey that you had picking out what you were going to wear for your wedding. Lincoln: Wow. Yeah. I did my first wedding when I was 13 years old. And I played for the first time in public when I was 6 years old. I have always worn shirt and tie, bow tie, and tuxedo. I made the tuxedo a rule in 1998. I always present myself as if I'm going to give the best performance possible. So I made reference to the fact that I've played for the Queen. And people always say ÒWell if the Queen was here, I would wear my best dress or my best suit.Ó So IÕve decided that everybody I play to is royal. So with reference to the brides and grooms, I always tell my brides that they are going to be my princess for that day and I will bring my top drawer wardrobe to the situation. I always feel I should wear cufflinks, double cuff shirts. It's not an American thing but here in Britain we like to wear our double cuff shirts and wear cufflinks. And it feels complete. And I want people when they when they see me play, to feel that every performance for them matters to me. So my clothes are saying ÒThis situation matters to me, and I'm dressed appropriately.Ó I'm not gonna wear a T shirt and jeans that look as if I was watching The Simpsons on TV. And someone said, ÒHey, Lincoln, can you play the piano.Ó And I said, ÒOkay!Ó And then I look as if I just happen to be eating a pizza, and swigin a bottle of Budweiser, and I just happen to hit a piano. And I think sometimes a lot of musicians, especially when they're playing in certain environments, itÕs nothing to do with the music or integrity. It was all about the image. And I think that clothes present an image. People listen with their eyes. I've just been playing on tape, and my piano is open so you can see the hammers. It's a visual experience. So I'm playing away and you can see the piano working and people are taken in with that. Whenever I'm playing in a tuxedo I wear a black and white tie, which has got white piano keys on. People love little quirks like that, you know? I probably have been wearing a bow tie for the last 10 years. Now in reference to my own wedding, we decided that we were going to have a black tie ceremony. We got married in 2005. My wife's mother is a seamstress so she had in her head what sort of dress she wanted. She wanted to dress a little bit like Princess Diana's dress, very puffy and huge and a long train that goes through several time zones. And I wanted to wear a tuxedo, so I had a white tuxedo made. So it didn't look as if I was going to work. Because it looked as if ÒOkay, Lincoln just happens to be getting married today and he looks like he's going to play the piano anyway!Ó So one I wore a white tuxedo and I a wore a bow tie. And when I sit to play the piano, I wear a piano tie and I wear a black tuxedo. And IÕve always made a very clear distinction. I will never wear a white tuxedo on the concert stage. So if I'm going to perform on the concert stage, IÕll wear tails or wear a tuxedo, or IÕll wear a lounge suit, but I'll never wear a white tuxedo because that's what I got married in. And we wanted to present a very smart wedding. Now, experience had taught me that not everybody can come to your wedding in a tuxedo. There are some people for whom just getting there will be enough. There are some people who have never seen a shirt and tie. So if they wear a shirt and tie that is a championship achievement. And if they managed to get to the high shop to get the tuxedo with the stud shirt, and the wing collar and the bow tie, then great. When I was at the Royal Academy of Music in London, when you play events you're playing for the hoi polloi. The upper classes, the middle classes, those sort of people are so used to drinking champagne and talking about nonsense for 20 minutes with a glass of wine in their hand. There's a certain set of society who can do all of that. They're taught that at their schools. They're taught how to wear a tuxedo. The officers in the army are taught how to wear a lounge suit. It's part of being a gentleman. And I learned from playing weddings from day one, my very first wedding. As a 13-year-old boy I expected a princess to come floating past me as I played Here Comes The Bride. And what I got was a girl who was as wide as she was tall, didn't look particularly beautiful. And her father who gave her away, he looked like he was watching an episode of The Simpsons, because he had a cardigan on. And it was as though somebody said, ÒYou've got to give your daughter away!Ó And he said, ÒAll right, I'm coming now.Ó And he put a jacket on over his cardigan, and the jacket didn't match the trousers, that didn't match the cardigan, that didn't match the shirt, which didn't match the tie. But I was kind of surprised that this chap came in to give his daughter away on her big day, and probably his big day, and he chose to wear that. And I am fascinated that there are people who will turn up who can barely manage to do a shirt and tie and a jacket. So with that experience in my mind, I said to my wife ÒA black tie wedding is a great idea but don't expect everybody to manage the dress code.Ó So if they've put a brush through their hair and they turn up on your big wedding day, they think you know, that's their best. And I prepared my wife for this and said, ÒAs we are standing there looking at 300 people, there's going to be more wildlife looking back at us than you can find in the Amazon jungle. So just accept that. But everybody's smiling and everybody's happy for us. So just remember the narrative is that there are lots of people who we invited who couldn't be bothered to be there. And there are some people who have gone absolutely overboard! Here in England, we've got Marks & Spencers and Selfridges and the House of Fraser. You get the invitation, you know what itÕs like girls É ÒWhat are we gonna wear? What are we gonna wear!Ó And you've got 700 outfits you could wear but you've got to get another one for this one! Because youÕll look at one another and go ÒYou know what? If we turn up in this one, they've seen this one before!Ó Now, one of my roles in most of the weddings I do is I act as a Master of Ceremonies. So before the Deputy Superintendent Registrar and the Registrar addresses people to start, I'm the person who will stand up and say ÒHello, good afternoon and welcome to this wedding, which will be taking place at Billy Smith's chapel on the hill in the village of Billytonia. My name is Lincoln Noel, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.Ó And I will always speak well and look smart because as I look out, most of those ladies have probably spent three hours in front of the mirror worrying about which hair is at ten to two, and which hair is at five to one. So when I come looking splendid they will look at their bedazzled, battered husbands and say ÒDo you know what darling? It was worth it!Ó ItÕs about the value because for some of those people this might be the only time they get to smash the budget in three years to get a nice frock. So this is a moment of escapism. It's a huge adventure! You know, the first wedding I did I was watching the football, you say the soccer. The vicar picked me up, took me to the church, and they went for a glass of cold beer at the adventure club, and they were probably home by six. You know you guys, you've got the pre-show, and you got the ceremony, which is the show, then you've got the drinks. And then you guys have got something you call cocktail hour. And that's not even the dinner. Everybody looks sophisticated as if they do this every single day. But everybody without exception, and I'll include the Queen of England in that, sits at home picking rubbish from between their toenails, watching soaps of the day, or the football, or the baseball, or whatever it is, or their videos or their films. And they are wearing scruffy gear, no makeup and they don't want to answer the door, just in case anybody sees that they haven't brushed their hair, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah? So when I got married, I knew that I knew that I was going to give everybody an opportunity to wear their best clothes. I wanted everybody to wear their best clothes, look their best, and celebrate looking their best because everybody has their own narrative. And then they'll come and enjoy my do, eat my food, and dance so much that they limp home, etc. etc. You know, it's all about the experience in the moment. I call weddings the 24-hour Olympics because there's all this planning that goes before. You know, and I haven't even spoken about the music! The girls will turn me inside out. I've got this album by Michael Jackson. I've got this one by Lionel Richie. I've got this one by Fred Smith. And I've got this one by Bruce Springsteen. And my mum wants something from the Wizard of Oz. And my dad wants something from Hamilton. My cousin wants something from The Lion King, and my third bridesmaid and my fourth usher want something from Aladdin. And I'm scribbling away like an idiot to get it all in! My expertise is that I can drop stuff in the day so that everybody feels happy and everybody feels involved because it's important for everybody. Because at the end of the day, the bride isn't sitting there with a clipboard ticking off the tunes IÕm playing. She's too busy enjoying herself hopefully, and living the wedding. Lauren: I love everything that you've said. I think it's absolutely on the nose and in the best way possible pointing out the reality that your best and my best might not be everyone else's best. But setting that example is so important because it sets the stage. It sets a precedent. And not only that, it just makes you feel better. You know that you dressed your best and you know that everyone else here has, even if it's not your best they've dressed their best, because if you see that guy with a cardigan now with a shirt a you know a jacket over his cardigan and he didn't really try very hard, that is his best I guess. You know and that's okay! You started talking about the music choices and I would I feel like choosing your music In addition, like choosing your outfit we like to say is choosing your reflection. But I feel like a lot of choosing your reflection also comes through the music. You talked a little bit about brides throwing all these different songs at you and all these different people throwing different ideas. I wonder how that sort of sets the tone, like an outfit sets the tone for a person. How do you think that complements the tone for the actual wedding? Lincoln: It's interesting, there's the reality and then there's what's in somebody's head. I believe that when you're walking down the aisle that you should have something processional. My first question to a girl is ÒAre you wearing a bridal gown?Ó Now, some girls will want to tell me what they're wearing. And I want to get giddy and excited. I become the big brother to all my girls, or the honorary big sister or the honorary best friend. Because I'm a guy so she's not in competition with me. And I'm neutral. She can see that IÕm married, IÕve got kids, and I've been round the track. So you know, she can tell me anything. I'm not gonna misread the narrative. If a girl shows me her dress, and it's, you know, we've all seen Say Yes to the Dress. That is a program that we love to watch. I mean, my wife loves dresses, obviously, because of her mum as a seamstress. She's been a bridesmaid six times before she got married. My girls love dressing up. And we love the psychology of how you know, the average scenario is you've got your bride, she comes with her mum. She's got a chief bridesmaid. And one of them has got a very, very big opinion of themselves. But I'm interested in how the bride perceives herself. And that's why Say Yes to the Dress is interesting. But she's got an image in their head. More often than not, that image is wrong. But there's nothing wrong with having the image in their head. So the girls that I play for, you know, they've done all of that with the dressmakers. That's fine. And they say, ÒThis is what I'm going to wear.Ó They usually show me a photograph of themselves wearing it. I had one girl who just got out of her dress right there and put it on right there. Now that's trust for you! You've got to gauge how they perceive themselves. Some girls are worried about whether they're going to be enough. And the thing that I have to point out to them is you are enough. Now how do you perceive yourself? What I actually want generally for every bride I play is grand and royal because we all like etiquette. And people don't listen that closely, really, to music. ItÕs one thing that I've put in my book. And I think that in this situation what most people never get is grand. So I tell girls that they are the most expensive girl in my life in that moment. And I want expensive. That's my other word for grand. Because if I say grand I frighten them. So I just say expensive. All girls want to be expensive. The idea of taking your man shopping and taking every penny out of his wallet just for you, you know, expensive. You want to be expensive. So I tell girls ÒYou're going to be expensive.Ó Whether you have Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or you have Somewhere Over the Rainbow, whatever I'm going to do, it's going to be expensive. I'm going to play chords that are rich. The tune is going to sing. ItÕs going to be emotional, it's going to be powerful. So I try to sell to them that they are they are enough. Some girls want to be noticed, and they've been excited about this ever since they were two. Many girls make a point of telling me that they didn't do this. And I always say to them, ÒIt's okay. It's okay if you don't feel girly and pathetic and dizzy, it's fine, okay? But you're still going to walk in on the arm of your father or your mother or another person that's significant to you in that moment. So whether you want to live the dream, or you don't want to live the dream, I'm telling you, I'm bringing my A game to the table. Get used to it, okay?Ó If you want to sneak through and be nondescript, then I've got 632 other guys who are looking for work who want to earn my money that will play for you. And I'll stay at home and watch the soccer on the TV, because I don't like giving my soccer up! So what I'm trying to do is tell them that they are worth something because I'm there. This is your day. And I want you to grasp it, because you don't know it now but in five years time, you're going to be pushing your trolley round a supermarket, shouting at the children, arguing with your husband, about whether you can have a bottle of Prosecco while he wants six bottles of Budweiser, and the money won't stretch that far. And then youÕll remember that you were arguing about whether you were going to have two pigs, or three pigs, or whether you were going to spit roast chicken, or you were going to grill the chicken. And then you'll say ÒActually, I wish we could go back to those days when we could afford to have three pigs.Ó So what I'm saying to them is that this is a moment in time. This is a moment in time. You've earned the right to walk down the aisle and have the same quality of wedding as Harry and Meghan had, and Diana and Charles, and all those other people that we've seen in the magazine. And we get all dewey-eyed and an emotional. This is your Hollywood moment. I'm bringing everything Hollywood to the table, right? Not too much, not too little, but it's gonna feel expensive. Obviously, I never have a 10-minute conversation with my girls. TheyÕre never going to say, ÒCan I have Yesterday by The Beatles. And can I have Suddenly from Katy Perry in the signing of the register? And why not something from Green Day when we go out. And I just say ÒThat's great. Number one, number two, number three. Have a look at box number seven, and have a look at box number five, because that is not what IÕm there for. There might as well just have a tape. What I want them to do is to experience! It's the experience of the music. Now, it's important to say I don't frighten the hell out of these girls or overpower them. But weÕre also saying, ÒThe doors to your dream are not locked.Ó Because they're really thinking. ÒI saw Meghan on the TV, I wondered if I could have that?Ó Yes, you can. There are no barriers. That's why I do this job. I always say to people, right, ÒYou're the Queen. And as far as I'm concerned, you're having all of that!Ó And I'm turning up and you're gonna feel special. And you're gonna walk with a spring in your step because you're worth it. Lauren: I love all of that. ItÕs so lovely that you set a precedent not only in your style, but also for making sure that everyone, specifically the bride, but everyone feels like this is an important day. You talk about making brides you know, feel like they're a princess. They're the most important thing for the day. And I have a É an interesting question for you on that note, which is for your own wedding how did you do that for your wife? Lincoln: I married her! We discussed everything. She was very clear in her head about many, many things. When your mother has been fitting up brides, she's the lady in the village who everybody went to, you know, she, she loved it. She was good at it. So she saw lots and lots of girls standing in their bra and knickers in the back room having the tape go around. So she knew in her head about what she wanted. Obviously, I knew how the machinery worked so very few people were able to sway us from a particular route. You know, because at that point, I had been playing for weddings for over 25 years. So I've got 26 years experience. Tell me what you know and I'll tell you what I know. ItÕs like, you know, youÕve got two gunslingers at noon. You know, youÕve got two water pistols and IÕve got 16 air rifles. Which one do you think is going to blow up the army? But let me hear how your guns work. Right. Okay. Now do you want to hear my guns or should we just call it quits? But yeah, my wife was very, very clear about what she wanted. And her big thing was that she wanted to have a carousel, which we rode on, and I wanted the band that I had for my graduation at the Royal Academy of Music. We had a couple of trumpeters to play her into the church. I wanted it to feel like a royal wedding. So when we were ready to go, you could hear the trumpeters going É I said ÒBoys just go on for ages. Yeah, I don't care what you play, just go on for ages!Ó Because everybody will go, ÒOh my God!Ó Cause I remember when Princess Diana came for the very first time to London, that was my experience of seeing somebody famous. We had Michael Jackson at Madame Tussauds and then a few weeks later Princess Diana. I just remember these trumpets playing! So when it's really important there's trumpets playing the fanfare. So I wanted my wife to have this huge fanfare playing before she had Here Comes the Bride. And even my best man, he looked at me and went, ÒOh, my God! What was that?Ó I said, ÒIt's the fanfare.Ó He wasn't expecting all of that, you know. So everybody stiffened up?!You know we wanted that feeling. So she got everything that she wanted. And we, you know, we learned, we learned that you can have two or three things in a wedding. And yeah, you canÕt have everything. Stick out for the two or three things. So we stuck out for the sort of three things. But yeah, my wife was very, very happy. Lauren: I'm not shocked by the answer! It sounds exactly like, after hearing everything else for the other brides, that sounds exactly like what your wife would have! ItÕs definitely a day for fanfare so itÕs extremely appropriate! Lincoln: You've got your new vice president who is a symbol of power for women everywhere. I put a post on my Facebook page and I said to my girls, Lucy and Alice who are 14 and 11, that this is a great moment of symbolism. Alice was born the day that Barack Obama was declared the President of the United States in January 2009. It's a very powerful day. I mean, as a man of color yes, of course I'm going to say that. But I've always looked at the collective, I'm here for everybody. I know that, you know, there's the narrative of Black Lives Matter. For me every life matters. People talk about racism and everybody has challenges in life and there are some very horrendous experiences for people of certain ethnicities. You know I've played all over England, you've got some, you know, you've got some, some trailer parks, the people who live in that kind of accommodation, who feel as if they've been É theyÕre made to feel that they're below. If a person approaches me, I don't know where they live. I don't know who they are. But I take time to find out who they are. And I still say to them, ÒYou've asked me to play for you so it is my privilege to play for you. You've allowed me to become a part of your family.Ó That is a massive privilege. You know, everybody at every single level is worth something. And what playing weddings has taught me if you're looking at a crowd of people, there are always people on the fringes. ThereÕs always one guest that's trying to sneak away from that big photo. ÒThey won't miss me.Ó These people are practiced at staying on the fringes. They don't think that they're entitled. Imposter syndrome is that the phrase that I've heard used. A lady came up to me when I was playing the piano and I said, ÒWhat would you like me to play?Ó She said ÒOh you don't want to play anything for me. IÕm not important.Ó ÒYou are important. You smell lovely. You look lovely. Now what would you like me to play?Ò She said, ÒNo, no, no!Ó I said, ÒYes, yes, yes.Ó I said, ÒI'm not going anywhere until you say!Ó And her husband said ÒShe loves the Beatles.Ó And I played Hey Jude and I think I played about four tunes and Let It Be. As soon as I play Let It Be the tears were rolling down her cheeks. And I said, ÒWhat was that? She said ÒIt was my father's favorite.Ò She said ÒThank you for doing that.Ó And I gave her a hug. And she said ÒThat has really made my day.Ó Now if I hadn't have insisted she would never have got to share that memory with me. We unlocked that memory, which actually meant something, but she didn't think was worth bringing into the open. I know people are very, very private and I respect that. But maybe she was sent in that moment for that experience. So it's fascinating for me to see the peripheral people. Everybody gathered is worth something because they have been invited. EverybodyÕs exactly the same. TheyÕre exactly the same. They're all watching the Kardashians. The Simpsons. They all think Donald Trump is you know, six sandwiches short of a full picnic. Arrogant. Everybody thinks Joe Biden's a nice guy. We're all sitting in the living room, pretending that we know everything about world politics. We all are experts in our living rooms and lounges. Our sitting rooms, they're all the same. WeÕre just people. And Diana's brother who lives here, he was with me in the shop. And he's just a man buying his newspaper and his cakes. The man in the shops got his cakes there for him. They go ÒThank you very much.Ó And he's just a man. And I said to the man next to me, ÒYou know, that's Princess Diana's brother.Ó And he went ÒWhat him?Ó and I said ÒYeah him!Ó And he doesnÕt need to say, ÒI'm Princess Diana's brother.Ó I'm just buying my cakes man. I've just seen those chocolate ones with the cherries on top. That's all he's thinking about. And that's all I think about where the wife goes, she doesn't know that I pop into the shop for the chocolate cake with the cherry on top. yYu know, weÕre all exactly the same. Lauren: I think that sentiment alone that you know, we're just people we're just human beings buying cake and, and living our lives, enhances what you've said, which is, we should be grand on the day that we are not at the supermarket arguing and buying cake. We should take that one day that we actually get to be the Queen, be the Princess, be the Prince, be the King. And every person at that wedding, whether they're getting married or not, if they're there, that weddingÕs for them. And it's important that everyone rises to that occasion. And I think that's so, so indicative of what you've been saying. So I absolutely love that comparison. And I absolutely appreciate everything that you've said. So thank you so much for talking with us today. I just I enjoyed every moment of it really, truly! Lincoln: I've had lots and lots of interviews, but never on the subject of how people feel. And it's a real big passion of mine. So, so actually being able to express that has been absorbing and very therapeutic as well. I'm writing a book called The Making of The Wedding's Maestro and exploring the journey. And I mean, there's so much to say and maybe we'll talk another day about who we are and how we are and the value of what we are in relation to these episodes that remain the same. Two people get married through the eyes of a child and through the eyes of a mature adult, you know. People just see a person doing their best. They don't see a man of color, they do not see a man, they see a person. A human being, hopefully with a good soul, and integrity. That's what my father said to me before he died, you know, ÒBe the best person you can.Ó And, and that's all you can do be the best you can. Your best is good enough. And that's what I'll continue to say to my girls.