CHOOSING YOUR REFLECTION TITLE: A Tea Length Dress DURATION: 24:21 Getting married is an event that holds a different meaning for everyone. For some, itÕs based on religious traditions, and for others itÕs a validation of an earlier choice they made to live with that special someone they love.Ê Hi, IÕm Lauren, and welcome to Choosing Your Reflection; a series of discussions that reflect upon the reasons we have for choosing our wedding day outfits.Ê Our guests are diverse, but they all share a common journey.Ê As they share their stories, theyÕll help us unravel the mystique that exists around choosing that special outfit, and what they learned about themselves along the way. Lauren: Today we have Virginia from Pennsylvania and I'm so happy to have her. Virginia could you just introduce yourself? Virginia: Sure, absolutely Lauren. Thank you so much for having me. My name is Virginia Bruner Evanyke and I am a lifelong resident of Bucks County, Pennsylvania. I am married to my husband Nick. We've been married for twenty É eight years! I never thought I'd be the type of person who wouldn't be able to give you that exact number. And guess what? I am now that person! So we've been married for 28 years, coming up on 29 and we have a 27-year-old son, his name is Nicholas. I work in an elementary school and I love my job. And I'm very happy to share how I chose my dress and everything with you today. Lauren: So, the question that I typically like to start with is, when you think of everything about your wedding what's the first thing that comes to your mind? Virginia: Well, the fact probably that we went from being engaged Fourth of July weekend anticipating waiting about a year to get married, and we just accelerated it and got married in January instead. So that was only what, like six months afterwards? And people said, ÒOh, you can't do that. You could never do that. You have to have at least a year!Ó Well, guess what? It was totally feasible and we did it. Now granted, it was 1993 but we put it together and it was great! Lauren: ThatÕs impressive! And I think a lot of people are faced with that issue, especially unfortunately now with COVID. And I would love to know the reason behind accelerating it. Virginia: Part of it was because I was in college at the time and it was in between semesters, so that worked very well. And I think too because of our age, we were both going to be 29 years old. So I thought, well why are we waiting a whole year? We were having a small wedding É it just didn't make sense to wait a whole year. So we just É we just did that. Now, it was interesting because that particular day in January was FREEZING COLD! Like an Alberta Clipper actually came down from Canada. It was so cold! So that's very memorable! Lauren: So beyond the first thing, which is how quickly you sort of shifted gears, what was the first element of the wedding that you started planning? Virginia: I remember that we wanted to have the reception at the Middletown Country Club in Langhorne. And I did want to get married in a church but we couldn't agree on the Methodist Church versus a Russian Orthodox Church. And I didn't want to get married in a Russian Orthodox church because I had been to a ceremony. And they're beautiful ceremonies, but they're extremely long! And I just didn't want to do that and Nick didn't want to get married in the Methodist Church so we settled on the Morrisville Presbyterian Church. So you know, and just keeping it simple. We really wanted to keep it simple. It was small, we only had about sixty people. But that was very nice, actually. Lauren: I would love to know how you got engaged. How did that happen? Virginia: We were living together. Nick had moved into my apartment and we knew after about the first six months of being together that we felt that this was it, we were meant for each other. And I kind of knew. I sensed that he was going to pop the question, but I didn't know when. And he did get down on his knee in our apartment the eve of the Fourth of July. I remember, so July 3rd. And you know, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. And the next day we went to a pool party at one of his friend's house in Newtown and the ring was too big! And I had it on and I almost lost it in the pool! And oh gosh, I had to have the ring sized! But yeah, I just remember that. But it was just very sweet and simple. Lauren: What was the process of you finding a dress or an outfit that you were going to wear for your wedding? When did that process begin for you? Virginia: I was working in Lawrenceville, New Jersey at the time and this one woman that I worked with, who was probably around my mother's age at the time, she was telling me about this bridal shop. And she highly recommended it. And I believe also at the time the bridal shop here in Yardley on Afton Avenue was still open. And I had my sister-in-law come with me. And we looked and I didn't really see anything that I liked. I knew what I had in mind; I did not want a gown. And she was trying to talk me into a gown if I remember correctly. And I was like ÒI don't want a gown!Ó I wanted a tea length dress. And so I went to the place in Yardville, and I took my mother with me and I found the dress. And once I found it, that was it. And it was what I wanted. And it was beautiful! And I went back I guess the second time with you know, for a fitting or whatever. And NickÕs sister -- her name is Lynn -- came with me. And I remember saying to the saleswoman, I said ÒPlease convince my sister-in-law that this is the dress for me because she's insisting that I should have a gown and I don't want a gown!Ó You know, like this is my wedding! And I loved that É I still love that dress to this day. It was very 1992! It was the big poofy sleeves which were totally in style, but then the arms were all tapered, which was beautiful! It was a É I think a v-neck and it just had all this beautiful pearl design and a cinched waist. It actually scalloped up so that my ankles and shoes were totally seen, which I loved! And then it just scalloped in the back, but it didn't touch the floor at all. I actually did want to go with like, maybe like a light pink or something like that. I really wanted to do some other kind of color, but this was white. And I still have the headpiece. It was very, just like literally a real pretty band that went across and then just the poofy stuff in the back. To me it was simple but elegant. But it cracks me up because when I look at the pic É like I love the wedding gowns today. I love how they're just simple. So Carol É not Caroline Kennedy, whoever married John Jr., I canÕt think of her name right now. Lauren: Carolyn Bessette? Virginia: Yes, I saw a special on how she chose her dress. And whatever designer It was É she might have even been working with him at the time, and she just wanted that É she wanted that simple, simple dress. And again, because that's what she wanted. And nobody was doing that I don't think at the time. She was making her point, her independence. And I feel that I was the same way with the tea length dress. That was my É I É It's not that I was trying to make a point to other people, or my guests, or my parents or anything like that, itÕs just that that's what I wanted. And that's what she wanted. And so I guess her and I have that in common. Lauren: You needed to do it for you. Virginia: Right. Lauren: Absolutely. I think that's, that's perfect! Virginia: But in 1992 that just wasn't, you know, the style. Lauren: Clearly you knew that you wanted tea length. Did you do any sort of preparation before you went to the store that was recommended to you? AKA like looking at magazines? Or did you just, you knew in your head I want tea length? Virginia: Actually, my mother wore a tea length dress when she got married back in 1959 at the very, very, very tender age of 18. Not even a year out of high school. And I always thought that that was neat. And I always wanted the same thing. Lauren: You said once you got there you found the one, and you put it on, and you said you just knew. How did you know? Virginia: I just you know, felt that I was able to check off all the boxes. And it was just so pretty, and it fit me and it was very reasonable! I still remember it was only about $350. So that was a big selling point. That helped a lot! Lauren: You said you could see your ankles and your shoes. That means that the shoes are going to be an important element for your outfit. Could you tell me a little bit about your shoes? Virginia: You know, I'm trying to remember if I bought the shoes from the same shop or not. I think I did. I kept them for a long time. But I did get rid of them, I believe. Yeah. Now that I just moved and have gone through all my shoes, I definitely don't have the shoes anymore. But they were beautiful. So they were also white and they had some kind of a design on them. I'm sure if I could find my pictures, which I think are still up at the townhouse. You know, some kind of a pearly design that matched the appliques in the dress. But they were really pretty shoes! Lauren: And were they heels or were they É Virginia: Yes. They were heels. Oh yeah! I had to wear heels! Nick is six foot tall and I was under five four so I definitely wanted some heels! Lauren: I would love to know a little bit more about what your opinion is on why society and why, you know, women typically, but also men and everyone, have such a fascination with what they wear on their wedding day, and why it's so important. Virginia: That's very interesting because when I think about the symbolism of it all, and you know, where did that all start? Was it you know, 500 years ago? Was it 1,000 years ago where people got so you know, gussied up, so to speak on their wedding day? I'm glad that that tradition is still there. I think that it's obviously a very, very significant day in two people's lives. And I understand that some people just want to maybe wear plain clothes. But if I were to be remarried today, I would still want to wear some kind of a beautiful dress, no matter what. And have my hair done and, and my makeup done, and I'm glad that that still occurs. Lauren: There's something significant about not only taking the time to look and feel good on that day, but also how you dress and what you wear for that day, it changes the way that you feel. So I would love to know when you put your tea length dress on for your wedding day, did you feel different? Virginia: I do remember that I actually felt like I looked beautiful because I was always very critical of myself and my appearance. When I was a teenager I had a really bad few years with acne and everything and went through the whole dermatologist and taking, you know, antibiotics for that for years. And I just never felt like I was one of the prettier girls from Morrisville or anything like that. So like I said, I was 29 by the time I got married, and I took care of myself. I was thin, and I did have my hair and makeup done professionally. And the woman came to my house and she was wonderful. So I do remember feeling ÒI actually think that I look beautiful today.Ó So that É that was very important to me. Lauren: As it absolutely should be! And sort of veering into that day, so you've now gotten ready, you put your dress on and you felt beautiful. Do you think that it enhanced also just I mean, obviously, you've got to go down the aisle and display yourself in front of, you know, X amount of people and including your husband to be at the end of the aisle. What was going through your mind walking down the aisle? And what was your opinion by the end of it? Virginia: Well, I do distinctly remember, because I had my makeup done professionally I did not want to cry that day. I was determined I was not going to cry! But you know what? Tears never even entered my mind. I was so happy that day. I smiled all day! I was just so happy and in hindsight, thinking ÒWow, I made it through without crying!Ó And I've been a guest at weddings after that where I'm at the church and I'm crying because this couple got married. IÕm like ÒWhy am I crying? That's so silly! On my own wedding day, I didn't cry at all!Ó because I was so overjoyed. Lauren: ThatÕs so lovely! And I É I want to, I want to know, a lot of people É you know, the trends change. And, you know, every decade is different. And this decade a lot of people are doing things like a reveal, where you see your spouse before the walk down the aisle. Was your walk down the aisle his first view of you? Virginia: Yes, it was. Even though we were living together we chose to follow that tradition and he went back to his parents house that night and stayed overnight. And then when we were both at the church the next day É the Presbyterian Church, they had this beautiful room for the bride and her you know, her family and the bridal party and everything. And they literally put Nick and Clay, his best man, as he put it like in a broom closet! And it was freezing! Remember I told you it was freezing? Well, it was freezing in the broom closet apparently. So he didn't have it very nice! So he did just see me for the very first time when I walked down the aisle with my parents. Lauren: Do you remember his reaction or what he said to you? Virginia: Well, Nick was shaking so bad! We haven't talked about this in a long time. It's a very funny story now, but he was shaking so bad I thought he was going to collapse! And I just kept like holding his hand and finally I turned to him right in front of the minister and I said ÒAre you all right?Ó I don't know what came over him but he É literally you could almost, I'm sure you could have seen his legs shaking inside of his tuxedo pants! it was hysterical! It wasn't funny then but it's funny now! So he didn't say anything because he was shaking so bad! I think he was just É he was just very nervous, and believe me the thought entered my mind like, ÒIs he regretting this now that we're standing up here?Ó But he wasn't regretting it. He used to be very, very introverted and over the years, I brought out the best in him! So he was just very, very nervous! And then during the vows where they said, you know, in sickness and in health, we were both very sick right before our wedding. We almost thought we were going to have to postpone our wedding. We were both sick; we had this stomach bug and everything! And we were able to kind of laugh as we exchanged those two vowels, about in sickness and in health. And that finally calmed him down and he stopped shaking. Lauren: I would love to know, since you did this tradition of walking down the aisle and having him see you for the first time that way, why that tradition is important to you. Virginia: I think it is a nice tradition. I think that element of surprise seeing their future spouse for the first time. I just think it's, it's just a nice surprise to see that person dressed up like that. Lauren: And speaking of the other side of that tradition, had you seen what Nick would be wearing? And could you tell us a little bit about what he was wearing that day? Virginia: I don't think I went with him at all when he went to get the tuxedo. I think it was just him and his best man Clay, because his father owned a tuxedo so he just wore that. And my father was so funny. It's like, ÒAre you going to make me wear one of those monkey suits?Ó And I said, ÒYes please Dad, I want you to wear a monkey suit!Ó So my dad maybe went with Nick to I don't remember. Yeah, I definitely didn't go with them. So I don't think I know exactly what it looked like. And he looked very handsome! Lauren: Lots of people get married. They have these formal events where they're getting all gussied up and ready to go. Do you think people can find something that is sort of like this dream outfit or this thing that's going to make them feel like the next level up of themselves? Why do you think that's so important to people and do you think that it's common that people actually succeed in doing that? Virginia: I understand why it's important. It was important to me. I think that people can achieve that, but I am of the very strong opinion, and this is just my opinion, that you do not need to be spending five, six, seven thousand, $10,000 on a dress. I just can't see spending that kind of money. And I get it. If you see something that's in your mind É I lucked out! I had that in my mind and I found it. I was also on a very tight budget. So É and what did I do? I work from one day and here it is 29 years later and still hanging in my closet. Lauren: What if you hadn't found that dress? Do you think your wedding day would have been different? Do you think you would have had É would have felt as confident? Or would have felt as beautiful for that day? Or do you think you would have found something that was Ògood enough?Ó Virginia: I think I would have found something that was good enough. I'm sure I would have. I was É I was very, very frugal at that time in my life. So I, I would have made it work financially, meaning I would have found something within reason that was still pretty. But that one, just to me, that was just, like the icing on the cake. It was beautiful, and so reasonably priced all at the same time. So it was a win-win. Lauren: What was the vibe for your reception? Virginia: Perhaps because of the fact that was just you know, 1992 and I think traditions were still being followed more closely then, everyone dressed up. And we had a morning wedding too so that was very impressive. We got married at 10:30 in the morning, yeah, and had the reception right after at noon. So the reception was from noon until four or five. Being married and Morrisville having the reception in Langhorne. So it was just you know, back to back, very quick. So for people to have come at 10:30 in the morning on a freezing cold January day all dressed up, everybody was gussied up, that was very kind of all of them. But everybody had a great time that day. It was very relaxing. If, I have to be honest, back then if somebody had come in with a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt on, I would not have been happy. I wouldn't have. So I'm glad nobody did! Lauren: So you clearly observed the walking down the aisle and seeing Nick for the first time in your outfit tradition. Were there any other traditions that you observed? Virginia: One thing that my father requested was that even though I was, like I said 29 years old, and Nick and I were already living together, he wanted to dance with me to the song Daddy's Little Girl. I'm so glad that I did that because for him, that was a tradition that he wanted. He felt very strongly about that, he wanted to follow that. And I'm so glad that I participated in that. That's a very precious, precious memory. Lauren: We focus on the psychology and sociology of weddings, and specifically dresses. And our outfits sort of, we like to say speak a language of their own on the day. And I would like to know what aspects of your dress specifically reflected you, Virginia, as a person. And if your dress could talk to you, I know, that's kind of weird, but if your dress could talk to you, what do you think it would say to you É today? Virginia: Um, well, I was a very independent person. Not that I'm not independent today, I'm still independent. But I was very independent in my 20s and I think that that was why it was so important to me to have that tea length dress, because that's what I wanted. That's where I wanted to break tradition. I didn't want the gown. And not that É gowns arenÕt lovely, don't get me wrong. I just didn't want one. So I think that said a lot about me because that's what I wanted. It was different and, you know, I just, I made a point of making that happen. I think that my dress would say to me that I chose very well. Lauren: You wanted to be an independent thinker, an independent person. That showed that on your day in that tea length dress. You did that. You didn't buy it for anyone else, you bought it for yourself. Virginia: Right. Lauren: Is that the message you wanted to send to everyone as well? Maybe not consciously, but maybe subconsciously? Virginia: Oh, IÕm sure! Yes. Lauren: And do you think you did? Do you think it was successful? Virginia: Yes É I do.