CHOOSING YOUR REFLECTION
TITLE: Royal Blue Celebration
DURATION: 21:47

Getting married is an event that holds a different meaning for everyone. For some, itÕs based on religious traditions, and for others itÕs a validation of an earlier choice they made to live with that special someone they love.Ê

Hi, IÕm Lauren, and welcome to Choosing Your Reflection; a series of discussions that reflect upon the reasons we have for choosing our wedding day outfits.Ê Our guests are diverse, but they all share a common journey.Ê

As they share their stories, theyÕll help us unravel the mystique that exists around choosing that special outfit, and what they learned about themselves along the way.


Lauren: Today we have Cooper with us. HeÕs going to share his wedding outfit story, a little bit about how a bus ride ended in something not so stellar, and how in the end music and love bring us all together.

Cooper: My name is Cooper. I've been married for a little over seven months. And IÕm an operations specialist for a custom apparel printing company É anything from like t-shirts to keychains and currently in this moment, we're also doing custom masks and hand sanitizers. 

I met my husband on the first day of the Gay MenÕs Chorus. And, as my husband tells it, as soon as I walked in, he said he knew that I was you know, the one. Like he wanted to ask me out. 

New members join each season and they throw like a new member social to kind of give everybody a rundown on what's gonna happen in rehearsal and pair you up with a buddy and that kind of thing. So after the new member orientation we all went out and got drinks. And he and I ended up sitting next to each other and kinda talking. 

Then when rehearsal came around, everybody went out for drinks again afterwards. And he was so sneaky. He ended up getting my number because I was talking to him about my obsession with Pentatonix. And he said that he didn't know this particular song that I was talking about, and asked me to send it to him. So I just texted it to him right then. Turns out, he did know it. So my relationship is built on a lie, but I think it's so cute.

We've been together basically since we met. We dated for about two months before we officially, you know, became a couple. 

I asked him to be my boyfriend. It was in November and he had gotten really sick. So I came over. I brought him some Gatorade and some chicken noodle soup. And I went into the kitchen and I made it. And then I put on a sticky note. I said, like, ÒWill you be my boyfriend?Ó and then a checkbox of YES or NO. And I gave that to him. 

So then, fast forward to the engagement. He always talks about how we're at our best when it's just a random Tuesday É we're at home by ourself. You know itÕs É we're not just a great couple when it's on an amazing occasion. We're also special together when it's just in the mundane. And so, he knew he wanted to propose on a regular Tuesday night. And it just so happened that we were getting like the one snowstorm that we were going to get of the year. And so we had planned to work from home on Wednesday and Thursday. 

And so he calls me É I'm already home at this point. And he's like, I will get you whatever you want for dinner. And not knowing what was going on, I was like, ÒWell, you know what, I really want the salad from the salad place in DC. And it was a super delicious salad. So I was like, I was craving and I was like, ÒThat's exactly what I want.Ó He's like, ÒNo, no, no! I'm saying like, whatever you want.Ó I was like ÒYeah, I want that salad.Ó

So he picks it up. When he gets home. I'm already in my like, comfy, not going out clothes.
And so he's like, ÒWell, gotta go change.Ó So he goes and puts on his evening clothes. 

And he comes out of the bedroom and I thought he was sick. Turns out he was just really nervous. He gets down on one knee. And he had his friend who, who he works with, who does beautiful calligraphy and she also makes amazing cakes. Like this girl is just so disgustingly talented. It's so not fair. But she hand-calligraphied the proposal. And at the bottom, it had two checkboxes, YES or NO.

And included all of the lyrics, because like, we're both really big into musicals. I went to school for theater. He is an even bigger theater nerd than I am. So we have all these shows that we love and all these lines from shows. It was just really, really cute.

Lauren: From the mirroring of your ask to be a boyfriend and then his ask to be your husband, where did you go from there? 

Cooper: Well, so this is something he's a little bit salty about! I immediately texted all of my best friends and was like ÒI just got engaged, will you be in my party?Ó  He wanted to move at like a much slower pace.  So I was just like moving very, very fast. But we got really, really great advice from someone which was, ÒDon't even think about planning the wedding.Ó Like don't even open a spreadsheet or do anything for a month. Just be engaged. Enjoy being engaged. And that was such phenomenal advice.

WhatÕs crazy about the stress that goes along with it is it's not É it doesn't hit you all at once like a bag of bricks. It's just all of a sudden six months into it you're like freaking out and it's just, you know, stress by a thousand cuts. Which was so crazy because the day after the wedding I was like, ÒWow, I didn't realize how much stress that was.Ó So, yeah, it was really, really great advice to kind of just like sit in the engagement and enjoy it for a little bit.

Lauren: That's advice that I think a lot of people need to hear. Before getting engaged did you have an image of what you have as a wedding in the sense of like theme or style or anything like that and including what you would be wearing or what anyone else would be wearing?

Cooper: You'll find with some gay men, myself included, that the whole concept of getting married was foreign. With only having marriage equality come through in 2015, it was one of those things É I just never pictured myself having a wedding. So with that I didn't have a vision of what my wedding would be. 

Funny enough though, the only thing that I knew that I wanted in the wedding, I mean besides you know my groomspeople and to get married and actually say I do, was that I wanted to wear a blue suit. I've always wanted a É like a royal blue suit. But that's not really a suit that you can wear on the daily. So I was like, that's the occasion. I mean, that's definitely you know what I want to do. Because we both knew that it wasn't going to be like a formal tux wedding.I had that image in mind but that was the only thing I had in mind.

Lauren: Was there a reason for the royal blue? Is blue your favorite color? Or is it just that it's not something you typically wear?

Cooper: ThatÕs part of it. Yeah. Because it does seem like a É a more special suit. ItÕs not an obvious wedding choice. It's not like something that you would wear to the office. I saw it I think first in an episode of Ugly Betty. And I realized É I was like, that is just É it looks so good on him. And I kind of wanted feel the same way.  

And not to like boast, but one of the features that I do kind of like about myself are my eyes. I feel like wearing certain colors can make them pop and that color blue is one of them. So I kind of wanted that as well.

Lauren: When you were planning this image for your outfit were you also planning it sort of in tandem with him? Or were you guys sort of like separate on what you wanted for outfits and that was sort of it? 

Cooper: Since he was the one that had such like a straightforward vision of what he wanted in terms of the wedding, he very kindly gave into like the idea of me wearing that suit. So he ended up choosing his suit based off of the color that I chose. And then we found ties that were perfectly matching. So it ended up being exactly what we wanted. But we didn't go into it with an idea on that.

Lauren: I know that you said that you never had a vision because of, you know, the lack of legal ability for years to get married. I'm curious if once that ability was enacted did you start thinking, ÒOh, I could think about this further.Ó It's a weird question, I know.

Cooper: Yeah, um, no, it's a really good question. And it's something I hadn't really thought about. My aunt put it really well when she met Greg. She was like, ÒHe seems like an old friend É like you've been together for a long time.Ó So by the time that marriage equality came about, it almost kind of felt like we were already married just because it clicked that well.

And it seemed like once marriage equality happened, I was like, okay, we're going to get I mean, we're just going to get married one day. It kind of felt like we already were married in my mind. So I didn't start thinking about having this big grand wedding.

Lauren: I would love to hear about what your experience was finding this suit. 

Cooper:  We got married in October. So July of that year, was when we started looking at the colors and the suits that we wanted. I knew I didn't want like an off the rack suit. I didn't want something that wasn't going to look great. And unfortunately a lot of times mens suits that aren't like tailored and made for them just really don't look great.

We had gone to Indochino before for a shoot for Greg, for when he was in a wedding with one of his best friends and he had a great experience. So we went back to the store that he had originally purchased it and seemingly had a great experience. We found the fabric that we were wanting, and he found the fabric that he wanted. Everyone in there was great that day. 

So we put in the orders and I knew like I wanted like a three piece suit. And when it came the jacket fit perfectly. The vest was terrible. It not only was like way too large but it like, it set too low and the buttons were too low so you couldnÕt even tell that there was a vest on when you put the jacket on. And then the pants were way off. 

And it's not to be unexpected. They tell you like ÒIf it doesn't fit perfectly bring it in -- we'll have our tailors adjust it.Ó So we went in and the É the guy was like, so ÒWe're gonna have to remake the vest. So we'll just completely redo the vest, the pants weÕll fix.Ó So we do that. 

And by the time that we finally got everything back, like it was October. So it took way too much time to get this through. When the new vest came it still wasn't right but there just wasn't time to fix it. So É ended up saying, ÒOh, well, we'll go with it.Ó

And then, the final kicker É we did our wedding photos before the ceremony. And we had all these different locations planned so we rented a bus. And we had just finished the last place. We were enroute to the venue and I go to like lean forward to tell the bus driver where to go and the pants ripped right in the crotch. And it wasn't just like a É a little rip, like it was É the fabric actually like exploded. So very luckily, it wasn't in a place that was like, directly noticeable. 

So, we went upstairs to the venue. My sister-in-law knows how to sew so we found a sewing kit. I like I had to go into the bathroom, take my pants off. She, you know, stitched them up -- did like a quick little thing. And then I got married.

But by the end of the night between the dancing and whatnot, the hole was just like, massive. But nobody knew. Or at least nobody said anything. None of the pictures show it. And at the end of the day when I think about the wedding I don't think about all of the hassle that we had going into it. The fact that my vest didn't fit or that there was a hole in my pants. What I remember was the feeling from the entire moment that everything got started.

It's really weird thinking about how fast it all went by. I still remember each individual moment. But it was just a blur. Like before I knew it, it was over. So it ended up being great. And all of these things that I thought I was so upset about in the end didn't really matter. What mattered was, you know, I was there with people I love celebrating this person that love.

Lauren:  If you can go through an entire day dealing with all of those issues and still have an amazing wedding, that speaks volumes to who you are and who your partner is and who your family is because it doesn't really matter. I mean, that is the reality. I find that just absolutely inspiring personally, because if I had a giant rip down my pants, I don't think I could focus on anything.

Cooper: And one of the funny things is, I mean, my sister-in-law is great. She is just the kindest human. She was going around trying to find the sewing kit. And so she finally found it. And she didn't know that Greg knew about the situation. So he was like, ÒWhat are you doing?Ó She's like ÒOh, you know, just going to sew on a button.Ó 

Lauren:  I think about all of the things that can go wrong in weddings and that's probably one of the hardest ones to deal with. You know, if the flowers don't show up, okay, you don't end up with flowers but when you are presenting yourself to your family and your partner it's so much harder. Do you still have the ripped pants?

Cooper: I do.

Lauren:  Yeah?

Cooper: The customer service, while they were nice, it was just so many hoops to jump through that, I was like, honestly I just I want to be done with it at this point. Like having to have the vest fixed and all that stuff É like, it was just a mess. 

Lauren:  Do you think that kind of issue pops up for men in looking for specifically a suit for a wedding or for any event? Do you feel like that's something that's common?

Cooper: Being a bigger guy, I would say it's probably not. Like I would say, you know, if you're a normal size, then I feel like they're probably great at making suits for the average body. 

Lauren: The average person actually is larger in the United States. 

Cooper: Yes. 

Lauren: So unfortunately, it's tailored to people who are not average, which is unfortunate. That frustrates me and frustrates a lot of people that I love. I mean, we have interviewed quite a few women who are larger and they had the same issues. We're slowly making strides, but É not there yet. 

Cooper: Having a suit customized for me being a bigger person is important. In the end it was what I wanted. And I felt great the day of. Now obviously, once the pants ripped, that was not a great feeling.  And I, you know, it was a little bit nerve wracking at moments. Especially because in the venue where we were, we had to walk down steps. Everyone was below us. And so everybody's looking up and I'm like ÒOh dear God!Ó

But when I ended up actually putting the suit on and going throughout the day, I actually ended up just feeling great. So going through all the hoops that we had to jump through, I would say was worth it in the end. I did feel great and I feel like it does show in the pictures. I feel like you know, the photos look good. 

And I don't think anybody mentioned the blue of my eyes that day. But that wasn't the goal. When I take it out now I look at the pants and I think about how frustrated I was that, you know that happened. But all in all, you know, I'm still very happy with how everything turned out.

Lauren:  If you could go back and give yourself advice, looking into, you know, going to that particular store and buying something, would you go to a different store? Would you give yourself a different set of advice, or would you just do it all over again ripped and all?

Cooper: Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of options for men for getting custom suits like that are in a reasonable budget.  I wanted to stay under $1,000 and usually a custom suit can run $2,000, $3,000 É So, you know, wanting to say in a certain budget the options are kind of limited yeah.

Lauren: I think people tend to forget how expensive suits are. I think a lot of people I know forget that and then you realize, ÒOh, they're just as expensive as any other thing that you're going to buy for your wedding or for any occasion.Ó I'm looking with my fiancŽ and he wants to wear a suit and they're ridiculously expensive and I think people really put men's clothing on the backburner so often.

Cooper: Yeah.

Lauren: I'm curious about your husband's reaction when he saw you in the suit before the kerfuffle with the splitting. What did he think of you? 

Cooper: So our photographer was fantastic. And he pushed us to do a first look. We hadn't really thought about it as something that we wanted to do. And he was like, we don't have to, but it's something that when I work with couples, it's something that they really appreciate. And so we ended up doing a first look and he was absolutely great about it. Did it in a way that it was like truly a first look. Like we didn't see each other until the moment that we turned around. 

And what's funny is -- Greg is a crier. I mean, like, commercials will make him weep sometimes. And he didn't cry when he saw me. And I thought he was, but he was just beaming. Like his face you kind of lit up and it was a very special moment.

Lauren: I've heard of people who do them.

Cooper: Yeah, it was just wonderful. Like, when I turned around and I saw how polished he looked and you know, it's just very special. ItÕs a wonderful moment between the two of you. So I felt like, very emotional. I'm not a crier, so I didn't cry. But, you know, I É I definitely was beaming for sure.

Lauren: How did you feel? 

Cooper: Being a bigger person, we often tend to use clothes to hide and cover. It is a barometer of our confidence. And so the way that the suit made me feel was very confident. And I felt like I could take that first step into marriage very comfortably, you know, like, knowing that I was gonna look good in front of everybody that was there. 

My story is kind of about not going against the flow of things. At the end of the day, you're getting married and that's the point, not what you're in. Because I went through like a number of hoops, including one kicker at the last minute getting my outfit, and it was still magical. The process of getting it was awful. But the day of it didn't really matter. We still had a blast.