CHOOSING YOUR REFLECTION
TITLE: Make it Your Day
DURATION: 38:59

Getting married is an event that holds a different meaning for everyone. For some, itÕs based on religious traditions, and for others itÕs a validation of an earlier choice they made to live with that special someone they love.Ê

Hi, IÕm Lauren, and welcome to Choosing Your Reflection; a series of discussions that reflect upon the reasons we have for choosing our wedding day outfits.Ê Our guests are diverse, but they all share a common journey.Ê

As they share their stories, theyÕll help us unravel the mystique that exists around choosing that special outfit, and what they learned about themselves along the way.

Lauren: Today we have David Luzader with us. I have been listening to his podcast Hit Me One More Time, specifically the Aliens episode and I've been really enjoying it. He is a podcaster. Hit Me One More Time is just one of the podcasts that he hosts and I'm so excited to talk to him today about his wedding experience, both past and possibly future. So welcome, David.

David: Thank you for having me. I am excited to be here. As you mentioned, I host Hit Me One More Time, which is still new, I think, but finding its grounding, finding its legs, and starting to run. It's a nostalgia reflection podcast where we look at the things that we loved when we were younger and try to see how do they hold up now to us as adults. It's been a really fun exploration. 

I'm also on the podcast Movie Go Round. That one IÕm more just along for the ride where we have rotating themes to pick our movies. And sometimes it'll be stuff from around the world. ItÕll be stuff that our audience picks each week, itÕs kind of a fun new surprise. And it's really great to be here.

Lauren: We're excited to talk to you today. When you think about your past wedding, where does that journey began for you?

David:  Oh, boy, that is a complicated question. 

Lauren: It can be anywhere. 

David: Man, okay, okay, that's É wow, I did not expect for some reason to get thrown off! I guess for me, when I think about my past wedding, it's kind of hard not to view it a little bit through the lens of, you know, I am now divorced and that does tend to kind of put a different filter on memory. 

I guess a lot of my memories of it are still the dancing that happened. And there's a picture that I love from that day of my niece just cutting the rug and she's, gosh, I donÕt know, like eight years old. And there's just this great picture of her having the time of her life. And apparently she would talk about it for years after that, just how much fun she had.

There's also a little bit now just kind of my feelings on weddings in general have changed. So kind of when I think about that, I think a little bit about É not in like a negative way. I don't want to say like I'm now coming here like ÒI'm anti-wedding.Ó It's just I think some of the practices around weddings, I have much different feelings on now. And when I reflect on my own time É sounds like I was in prison É when I reflect on when I was in that situation myself, it really kind of like paints now how I view the whole wedding industry as well.

Lauren: To be fair, a wedding and a marriage can be jail if you're with the wrong person. So that's totally understandable. Or if weddings aren't your thing. Not everyone needs to get married.

David: Right. Oh yeah, same. But no, it's still, you know, people shouldn't have to go through a wedding if it's not what fits them in their lifestyle. And I think the viewpoint a lot of the time for men especially is like, ÒOh, men don't care. They're just going along with it. They're just doing what they're supposed to do.Ó Because, you know, I don't know, there's just this weird perspective on men and weddings. And I guess for some people it's true, they just don't care. But it's always kind of struck me as odd. ItÕs like, why wouldn't I have an opinion about this day?

Lauren: I'm sort of curious to explore that for you during the process. Did you feel like you were sort of sidelined?

David:  A little bit because it was a very traditional wedding. And I don't have anything against traditional weddings. I just É think they're fine. They're not necessarily for me. You know, I love going to my friend's weddings and celebrating with them. Absolutely. But there's just something about the whole country club feel to it that I donÕt know É it feels weirdly distant. And I didn't love that aspect. You know, a lot of the times, depending on the size of the wedding, it isn't always necessarily for the couple. It's for the family. And I really felt that in what I went through.

Lauren: ItÕs a tricky balance that a lot of people that I do know who are married have come across. So it's not uncommon to hear that. Clearly you've said that there are certain elements of the process and the planning that you sort of have a differing opinion on. Are there specific points of that, that you would want to talk about?

David: Oh, sure. So this is just kind of general to everyone out there. The wedding industrial complex, as I like to call it, is kind of a scam. And I'm not saying that weddings and marriage is a scam. I'm saying, you go and hire a DJ for a party, the DJ will be like, ÒAlright, that's going to be you know, 200 bucks for the night.Ó You hire a DJ for a wedding ÒOh, that's going to be 200 bucks an hour, minimum three hours.Ó  When it's suddenly for a wedding, times that by five, at the very least.

Lauren: Being in the process of planning myself right now, half the time when I inquire about any numbers or prices for things I typically go ÒIt's for a family event.Ó I almost never say it's for a wedding because I'm curious to see if I'm going to get a different price. Unless, you know, eventually they're going to ask me what it's for. But I agree. How do you think what you wear for that day ties into that whole sort of complex that you're talking about?

David: I think to relate what I wore to all that, because I wore like a charcoal gray suit that was also worn by the other five guys in my wedding party. And, you know, I couldn't tell you like the brand of it. I know I went to a little store in Phoenix where I lived at the time and rented from there and had all my groomsmen rent. But again, there's that kind of like weird distance. It wasn't a suit that I owned or I went and bought, part of that being at the time because of my financial situation. 

Where now you know, I'm in a relationship and looking towards marriage again, with my wonderful, beautiful girlfriend. And knowing, you know, kind of what I want different now it's like, well, okay, now at this point I have a suit that I really like and I would like to be married in that suit.

Lauren:  Did you pick out your charcoal gray suit the first time around? Or did someone pick it out for you?

David:  I can't remember. I know everything kind of went through the approval process, right? Because, again, this was a wedding that I didn't really feel like was for me. It was being paid for by my ex's family, and they kind of got final say on everything. So I don't, I don't know if it got granular or they checked off on my suit, but I know like it kind of had to be approved, at least through my fiancŽ at the time, that like, ÒAlright, that's good.Ó

Lauren:  So did you have any emotions around that outfit or around that day in particular? Because what you put on sort of changes how you feel. If you wear sweat pants you're gonna take a nap. If you're gonna wear a suit it changes how you mentally are processing. So do you think wearing that suit really changed how you thought that day? 

David: Yeah, I think it was just É it was part of the process of the day. And one thing looking back on it is that the suit was fine. You know, I would I wouldn't mind owning a charcoal gray suit now. But I was heavier then, kind of like the heaviest I've been in a long time. And so when I do see photos of myself then that's kind of where my attention goes. ItÕs that I just wasn't overall pleased with my physical appearance. And you know, the suit probably was fine. But again also like my suit matching everyone else in the wedding party, it just never felt like it really stood out. 

The one kind of thing that I did to make it a little bit personal, and this is a really cheesy thing now done in ten million weddings, you can see it on Pinterest everywhere, is we did the whole superhero shirts under the suit thing. I think that was like a little bit of the like, my little bit of my personalization in the day was getting that.

Lauren:  It's interesting because there are so many trends now. Like how can we make this suit special? Or how can we make this experience different? And how do we be unique? You know? And they are fun. They're really É obviously they're fun. You clearly remember it, hopefully in a fond way. But there's with the internet, like everyone goes, ÒOh, well, that's a great idea. I'm gonna do that too.!Ó And then it doesn't feel as unique. 

David: Exactly.

Because that's technically how the wedding industry became so cookie cutter in the first place, because everyone was like, ÒWell, we're just gonna follow everyone else's lead.Ó And then that turns into tradition. So it's sort of interesting how, like trends now sort of mimic this traditional sense also.

David: Yeah. And kind of going with that, you know, I don't have any problem with wearing a suit, obviously, for the wedding. I'm not somebody where it's like, ÒWell, needs to be my outfit! So I'm gonna show up there in a top hat and a waist coat and then bright colored parachute pants!Ó That's not how I'm viewing, you know, when my girlfriend and I eventually get hitched.

I just want it to be more personal, where it's like, I have this suit that I already own, or if it's not this suit it's É I want it to be a suit that I do go pick out and purchase for myself, and, you know, get fitted to me to have this suit, kind of like going forward. And I know, for wedding dresses, especially I mean, I don't have to go through the process of having to get a dress that you wear for one day and spend thousands of dollars on and I can, oh boy! ThatÕs a lot!

But I just really É having gone through the process that I have and now looking forward to, I don't wanna say going through the process again, because I don't want to make it seem like in my own life, ÒOh, I'm just repeating what I've already done.Ó But getting married again, and I've been more vocal and my girlfriend and I talked about it, of just let's do what we want to do. And if that's something that some other people have done, that's fine. If it's something that's totally unique, that's fine. It doesn't matter, just as long as it's what WE want to do. 

This is a slight off tangent, but it's kind of a parallel to it. We play the video game Animal Crossing. And in that game, you have an island and you can decorate the island and build all this stuff. And I remember at one point we were talking about, like, ÒOh, we could put this on the island.Ó And I just had this reaction of like, ÒEveryone does that, you know, everyone builds this crazy multi layered waterfall area because you can and it's cool.Ó But there's part of me thats like, ÒAre we just going to do that because that's what everyone else does?Ó Like, let's make it what we want it to be. 

And I can apply that same principle to the wedding where it's like, if you know we want to have I can't even like É you know, something simple, like we were going to have a dance floor and we're going to play all the cheesy dances that everybody loves because that's like a fun time and you know, I secretly love the cheesy dances. But let's do that because we want to do it not because that's what's expected of us.

Lauren: I can totally agree with you there. I also play Animal Crossing with my fiancŽ and we are both also on the same Island. And it's true. There's this, this sort of like need to be different but also desire to conform, which sort of is at conflict at all times. And itÕs totally is relatable in all aspects of life but especially on this like big day that supposedly one of the most important days of your life or is supposed to represent that for at least your family and at minimum, if not for you as well.

Other than picking out a suit that you really love, is there anything else that you would like make unique if you were getting married tomorrow or you know whatever, next week? Would there be anything specific that you would add or change or would it just be something like comfortable and É

David:  Yeah, suit top, sweat pants bottom, thatÕs the way I want to live that life!

Lauren: ZOOM wedding!

David: Yeah exactly. You know men don't have sometimes as many fun options when it comes to clothes, which is really sad. But I think that a tie, and not necessarily like something super wild or super crazy, but a just a tie that I really love and it's something that's more than just like a solid color. Maybe like some kind of cool pattern or something. I think that's maybe where I would focus my ÒindividualityÓ or individuality impulses of, you know, I'm not going to wear anything crazy, I'll wear this suit because, you know, look good in a suit, and it's appropriate for the day. But where I can add that flair where I can, you know, I'll probably get some fun cufflinks of some kind and some sort of tie that I feel reflects me.

Lauren:  Would you pick some special shoes? Because I know sometimes with men there's like, you wear sneakers or you like, it's always like shoes seem to be a big trend with men. Shoes and ties and undershirts.

David: Yeah. IÕd probably use it as an excuse to get a nice new pair of boots but I don't think that there's anything in my mind that's like, ÒOh yeah, I'm gonna wear this specific kind of boot and really like dazzle!Ó It's just like, ÒWell, you know, I'm getting married. So I'm gonna buy this new pair of Chuckas and we'll be good!Ó

Lauren: I know that you like comics, and you have an interest in that world but I wonder if you've ever seen any parallels or can think of any parallels between weddings and their existence in comics? Because I know they're sort of disparate, but at the same time, I know that they've existed and I'm curious if you have any feelings or thoughts on that.

David: Wow. Okay, boy buckle in! We're talking about weddings and comics. You want to talk about a sham. So typically, I mean, it's like, it's like a TV show, right? It's like you have two characters get married to kind of boost the numbers. You want to É you want to boost the ratings. Whatever your thoughts on Friends are post Monica and Chandler getting married, that was obviously, that whole season was around those two getting married and, and all that. You know, it's a big event. 

In comics, weddings pretty much typically always end the same way, which is either divorce or death because the status quo can't be changed for too long. So the very short answer is, whenever I see a wedding in comics I just kind of shrug my shoulders. It's like, ÒYeah, okay. That's not gonna last.Ó Or like, ÒThere's gonna be some big twist on the day, you know?Ó 

Like, there's É okay, so now I'm going off on it. Like there was a big X Men wedding of a few years ago, and I can't remember who was originally supposed to get hitched. But remember, everybody's talking about like, ÒWell, it's probably just gonna, you know, these two people are getting married. It's not gonna work out and Rogue and Gambit will get married.Ó And lo and behold, that's exactly what happened. So it's like there's no drama even around that. 

Lauren:  I feel like that's so true. This is the most realistic you're going to get in weddings, like as a parallel to real life in comparison to you know, your blockbuster movies or your Shakespeare where your comedies end in marriage. Whereas I feel like comics do the opposite. When you're getting married. It's like ÒUh oh. This, this is real. Like something's wrong.Ó

David: Yeah, yeah, no, I think that's É not necessarily that something's wrong but it's also like, something bad is gonna happen. Or it's it's never gonna, like fully work out. You know, there's a really bad Spiderman storyline where he was married for a while and then they decided ÒWe don't like that. So we're gonna go back to him just dating Mary Jane.Ó 

And so there's this really convoluted deal with the devil storyline. It's awful. But all it does is basically, it made her decide like, ÒOh, I don't want to get married, but we're still kind of together.Ó It's like so what's the É what's the point? What are we doing here? 

Lauren: Yup! 

David: It's, it's weird because that kind of sets these weird expectations. To kind of pull it back to reality that they're supposed to be drama around weddings, right? And if a wedding is going right, if everything's going well and your, your life's going right, the biggest drama you have is, ÒOh, well, this person can't make it.Ó  That is hopefully the biggest drama you're going to have. Not ÒIt's the wedding day and the groom's not here!Ó Like, if that's happening, you should really reevaluate everything.

Lauren: There's always people who are going like, ÒWell, is this going to work out?Ó Like prepping É you know, there's almost like this conversation between guests or between people who are close to the bride and groom, or the groom and the groom, or the bride and the bride and they're not always very nice. It's almost perpetuating this drama. It's like a dark side of weddings. Like how do we make this as complicated as possible when it's really not supposed to be this complicated.

David: Yeah. There's this song by Ben Folds I really like. It's called You to Thank and I've heard him talk about it a few times. ItÕs about a wedding, itÕs about this couple that gets married. And then as time goes on, they really begin to kind of resent each other. But the underlying current of it is that he's from the south. And in the south, there's all this pressure to get married because people want to have a party. And whether or not you know, you really love the other person is kind of irrelevant, because it's really all about everybody wants an excuse to get together and drink and dance and have a good time.

Which is, which is great. Which really good weddings should be that, should be a party. But it should not be like ÒWe want you to get married so we can have a party,Ó it's like, ÒHey, we're going to have a party, because you are getting married.Ó

I've really like turned around on the idea that É I think that the ceremony should be small. The ceremony should be the couple and the immediate family and whatever immediate friends they want to have. And then later, possibly at a later date, have the reception. Have the big party and just go wild. Have a great time. 

Because, you know, having gone through a wedding, and then the reception immediately followed, I remember walking around. Because you do that whole thing, we have to go around and talk to everybody at every table. And there are people who were invited because the respective parents of my ex and I were like ÒThis person needs to get invited. They have never met you or, you know, your significant other, but they need to be at your wedding because I said so.Ó

I'd much rather have it be ÒLet's have a small little ceremony with just like a few people and then go buck wild! Let's invite everybody we've ever even run into on the street to the big party later.Ó

Lauren:  It's the best of both worlds that way. You get the safety, it really is a safety to have just the people that you really want there. And then to be able to be like, ÒOkay, I can satisfy everyone else who's asking things of me in this big party, but I also get what I need and what my partner and I need togetherÓ which is the safety. 

Because it's also really like a performance to walk down the aisle and be in front of a bunch of people, maybe half of them you don't know. And you're in like an outfit that everyone's staring at you and they're like, ÒWell, she looks ugly, and he ÉÓ you know like  Éand they're probably not thinking any of those things but you É maybe youÕre thinking those things. It's nerve racking it's É

David: Well, yeah. And I and I went to a wedding last year and I lived in Virginia for seven years and this was a wedding in Virginia in the summer, so humid as all get out. And I remember the you know I got there and I got a seat. And it wasn't in the shade, it was in pretty direct sun. And the wedding was late. 

So sitting there in a suit in the summer, all this humidity, direct sunlight. And even when like it's all happening, the one thing that, that my girlfriend I talked about cuz she was in the wedding when we talk about that day was really just like kind of how hot it was to have to sit there. A lovely couple, you know, they looked great, great wedding, all that. But what I think back to at that time is just ÒOh boy that was unbearably hot.Ó

Lauren: Yeah and, and that's É I feel like so common from the attendeesÕ perspective. The guest perspective is ÒI'm just here, and I'm trying to, like, be here and be present.Ó And from the couple's standpoint, it's like ÒEveryone's staring at me, it's all about me, and no one is going to talk about anything but me the whole day.Ó But in reality, that's not what's happening. But, you know, you sort of build this up in your head, because society has told us to think of weddings that way and the media has told us to think of weddings that way.

David:  My first thoughts when I roll up to a wedding are, ÒIs this going to be an open bar?Ó followed by ÒWho do I know that's going to be here?Ó And then typically, sometime around cocktail hour, maybe around the time dinner is being served I'm like, ÒHow long do I have to stay?Ó Not always. That sounds very petty. But you know, depending on how far I had to drive to, to get there, that really can be a factor.

Lauren:  Absolutely. I mean, and that's real. That's, that's what everyone thinks. I've been to my fair share of weddings that I really enjoyed and also really didn't enjoy. And but you go and you're like, ÒOkay, did I do my due diligence of being here?Ó And, and sometimes you're like, I never want to leave. So it really depends. 

David:  No, it absolutely, it absolutely does. Someone very close to meÕs wedding, I don't think that they're going to listen to this but still I'm not going to name names just for my own security. They didn't have any dancing at their wedding. And actually, I've been to a couple weddings that didn't have any dancing. 

And let me tell you, the energy of that night falls off real quick. Because, you know, you eat dinner, and then you sit around and you talk for a little bit and you're having, you know, having an after dinner drink. And then it's like, ÒOkay, what do I É what do I do now? If there's, if there's no dancing it's like, ÒAlright, that was a nice little visit, I'm just going to go ahead and head off home.Ó 

And it's always great when you can go to a wedding and the energy is there and the excitement is there, and the fun is there, and you can just, you know, dance your heart out, not feel hopefully weird about it. Hopefully there's other people who have your same level of dance skill, or alcohol is involved and you're just cutting the rug. 

Lauren: To sort of like tie that into what you wear, do you feel like what people are in change that energy? And a further question is, there's, you know, this big expectation for the bride or one of, you know, if it's two brides, dress, this dress is so important. It's so important. The reveal all of these different elements behind this like one fabric that's on this person. Which can be really empowering or really, you know, alarming depending on who you are. 

And do you think it's too much hype in our culture for a dress to be so important? And do you É and I've asked you like four questions in one É but beyond that, do you think it's inappropriate to do that to women and not allow men to also have that?

David:  Oh, I think strive for equality and all things you know? If a woman really is into the dress, and there are some that that is a big deal for them. they want to look a certain way. They want to wear a certain dress, a certain style of dress. And you know, more power to you, if that is you. I

f that is also not you, we need to normalize that. Because I think, and I understand that I am a man expressing these opinions, but I do a pop culture podcast essentially. And so, you know, have kind of made a É made a whole life out of analyzing trends and tropes and stuff like that. 

And I think Say Yes to the Dress has created this expectation around the wedding dress exponential beyond what was already there. Because how many times now do you see people going to the little bridal shop, and they post pictures of themselves with a sign that's like ÒI said yes to the dress!Ó And it's turned from this thing of like, ÒI want to find the dress that speaks to me todayÓ to like, ÒI need to find the dress, the right dress, the one dress.Ó 

And itÕs like ÒNo, there's probably dozens of dresses that you would look great in.Ó There's probably like a ton of them a ton of styles that are gonna are really going to suit your body. Find the one that when you put it on, you say like ÒI can, I can have fun in this dress. I can dance, I can walk down the aisle. I'm excited to see myself in, you know, in pictures with this dress.Ó

And I know like some people, again, the tradition of it is very important. Like a friend of mine recently got engaged. And he and I were talking about it, because he's like, ÒI really want to do it at this one place, but I may not get the chance.Ó And the one thing I always kind of asked him is like, you know, ÒIs your entire happiness, is your whole relationship dependent on where you ask her to marry you?Ó You know, if you don't do it in the right spot is that going to put a black cloud over the relationship forever?ÓIf so, that's not a very healthy relationship. 

I think that if your whole day, your enjoyment of a day is dependent entirely around a dress, and you know, also for men who might obsess in the same way over suits, if your entire happiness is dependent on this one thing, I think youÕve really got to step back and look at the relationship, the wedding, and ask ÒWhy am I not just happy going to the courthouse with this person tomorrow and signing a paper?Ó You know, could I, could I have as much joy spend my life with someone going to the courthouse signing a paper being married as having the party? 

Not to say one is better than the other -- dependent entirely on the couple. But if push comes to shove, is being married and being together more important to you than everything else? And if a piece of clothing is more important than that, than the joy you will find in that, I think there's a real problem there. So there's my very long winded answer to your question.

Lauren: I appreciate it because it's É that is so real and it re-grounds I think the wedding process because weddings don't feel grounded most of the time. They're this extremely, most likely expensive ordeal and to ground it in ÒYou know what? If we did this tomorrow with nothing, would it still be worth it? Would I still sign on the dotted line?Ó That's a really good gauge of like, is this the right person that you're doing this with.

David: Yeah. And there's something beautiful about you know, I want to have my grandparents there seeing me walk down the aisle. There's something so beautiful and great about that. And I definitely don't want to make it seem I'm like ÒAll right everybody, backyard weddings for all!Ó But like just, just yeah, it is É what is your purpose behind wanting to do the big wedding. If you're doing it just because you feel like you should to me that that doesn't feel genuine. But I know also for so many people, again, the wedding industrial complex is strong, where it's like it's not a wedding unless we check these boxes.

Lauren:  I feel also that COVID, this whole experience of being on lockdown, of being socially distanced, has re-grounded the process of getting married as well because so many people have been forced to not have these giant events. And if anything, it's come back to like the roots of what you know marriage means to those two people. You don't have the option to have a million people. So are you still going to get married? It forces that perspective almost right now.

David:  Yeah, definitely. To kind of relate where I'm at with that, all that, you know, my girlfriend and I are living together in Colorado. And in Colorado, they actually do have common law marriage. And when we were joking about it one time I looked up the qualifiers for what would count for her and I to be married. And it's really not a lot. So sometimes, you know, I'll joke about that with her like, ÒWe're common law marriedÓ with this implicit understanding of ÒWe will have an actual wedding someday!Ó

I am just happy with where we're at. I would go to the courthouse tomorrow with her. But I know, I know she wants to have a wedding. And because I love her and I want to have that experience with her I'm like, ÒYeah, let's do that.Ó Here's my opinions, here's my thoughts. Here's kind of how I view the day and want it to be special to us, but also at the same time I want to honor her feelings and thoughts and desires.

Lauren: There's a balance, as we were talking about earlier. You don't want to just put on a show but you also don't want to lose the magic of being able to show everyone that you care. Like you want to shout it from the rooftops, but you're not trying to be obnoxious at the same time. 

David:  Yeah. 

Lauren: I think that really speaks to finding that balance within a couple. And that's going to be different from couple to couple to couple, what that really truly is. 

David: Some couples don't have the luxury of getting to make the day that they wanted to. You know, family dynamics are complicated and I'm not here to say like, ÒTell your family, it's my way or the highway!Ó And I understand it's complicated. I'm sitting here like ÒMake it your own day!Ó Not everyone gets that opportunity. And that É that kind of sucks. 

Lauren:  A lot of people are getting married with very few people, if any, with them right now. Do you think with a smaller group or even with no one there with you that putting on an outfit or putting on something special that day is important?

David: I think that it is because it marks it in a way. I think of one of the few wedding episodes of TV, to kind of bring it back to everything, is the 30 Rock episode in the last season when Liz Lemon is getting married to her boyfriend Chris. And they go to the courthouse and he's wearing the sweatshirt that he was wearing the day that they met. And it's a sweatshirt. He's wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. You know it's, it's not dressed up fancy, but it's marking the occasion. 

And it É you know, we we remember outfits at certain times. She eventually wants to go É she's like, well, it's my wedding day, I want to feel like a princess, she puts on a Princess Leia outfit. It's a great joke but it also has like the sweetness to it, where to her that's what being a princess is. 

So even if it is like, ÒI'm going to wear a pair of jeans and a nice button down shirtÓ you know, pick the ones that make you feel good, that you feel that you look good in. It doesn't have to be a crazy outfit. But it could be a crazy outfit if that's what É if that's what you're into steampunk up your wedding all you want. I think there is something about marking the day though, and it puts you in a certain mindset. 

Lauren: Not only marking the day that you're doing something important, like getting married, but you're also marking the whole relationship, not just that one day because one day does not make a marriage. It's a whole process. It's a whole journey. 

David: Yeah, it really should be wear the outfit that you want to wear when all attention is on you in a way that does not disrupt or anger your partner. Important notes.

Lauren:  Slightly important to not upset your partner!

David: Just a little bit.

Lauren: And now that we've sort of talked about this, do you think you're going to contemplate more about what you're going to wear for your future wedding? 

David: I hadn't thought too much about the shoes before but now you got me thinking about that. It really would be a nice chance to get a nice new pair of boots. Yeah, I hadn't thought much before this conversation about specific outfits, but I do know that when the day comes and her and I are putting the day together that I will be crafting a look, however to phrase that, that is always going to be special to that day and special to us as a couple.

It's really interesting that the traditional kind of idea is the woman's going to wear a dress that no one sees until the day of and the man's outfit will be picked up by committee. Where I feel you know for some people there is that really special thing of not revealing the look until the day of the wedding. And if that's for you, that's for you. But I think the more collaborative you can be, I think the more special the day is for the couple.

Lauren: And I totally agree that collaboration is such a key thing for that day and such a key thing for your marriage, so why not start it now?

David: Yeah. The reveal is sweet, and the reveal is cute but I think there's also so much other stuff just about like makeup and accessories and it's kind of fun to like not see each other all day and then see each other for the first time and be like, ÒOh my God, we're gonna get married!Ó Like that's like the excitement should be about that I think more than maybe the look.

I love the idea of the reveal at the same time. Like if you're not going to know what one of you is wearing than the other than you shouldnÕt know the other person's wearing either. And that should be just a whole big surprise. I think go big or go home.

Lauren:  Absolutely. And that ties back into itÕs collaboration. If you both want to be like surprised and both be surprised. Why are we putting undue pressures like priority on one entity when it's about two?

David: Exactly, yeah. And that goes back to a lot of what I was saying before where the man is expected just kind of be there and show up. And some men do want to do that, you know? For people who are very happy with the traditional sort of wedding feel of letting the groom just kind of show up and get married then alright, you know, more power to you. 

But I think that I know and I know it's always been tradition of there's way more put in like on the woman's appearance than the man's. I think that there are some shows that are kind of helping to push, you know that the man should also be focusing on his appearance and having a unique appearance for himself and one that expresses himself. 

There's a show, I think it's called Say I Do on Netflix, that is a really beautiful show about surprise weddings and the look that that they kind of like craft for themselves is often really, really great. What little I've seen. My girlfriend cries to it every time I walk by. 

Lauren:  I know, we've sort of hopped around, is there any, like last advice or last comments, you would have to share?

David: Um, boy, IÕve said, IÕve said a whole lot. Probably my last bit of advice, and this is to the fellows out there, get your haircut a week to two weeks beforehand, because that'll give it time to grow in a little bit and you'll know by then how you like to wear it and style it. Don't try to get a haircut day of or day before. That's, you know, you're never going to feel quite like yourself as when you've had a little bit of time to let it grow. It was passed down to me way back in the day. So now I pass it on to others.

And find ways that you can to make it your own. Do something for yourself. Whether it's something, a small little party with just some of your friends, whether you know after you leave the big wedding reception go eat McDonald's in your wedding clothes and, and just kind of reminisce and have fun. Like find a way to make it your day. Any way that you can.