138_Libby Bunten === Monica: Welcome to The Revelation Project podcast. I'm Monica Rogers, and this podcast is intended to disrupt the chance of unworthiness and to guide women, to remember and reveal the truth of who we are. We say that life is a revelation project and what gets revealed gets healed. Hello everyone. And welcome to another episode of The Revelation Project Podcast. Today you're in for a treat because I have brought back one of my sisters, friends, colleagues, and now. We're partnering in a very special venture together, starting this October. I wanna welcome Libby Bunten. And before I do, I wanna give you a little background on who she is, what she stands for and what she means to. So Libby Bunten is an embodiment coach and a social marketing professional whose passion is to strengthen the lives of women in her local community. And beyond raised in a quintessential main coastal town, Libby always did whatever it took to make a living and get the job done before a career in social marketing, she did everything from manual labor to freelance writing a brief stint in a toxic patriarchal corporate work environment, propelled Libby to pursue an MS in clinical psychology, which ultimately led to her work in feminist leadership development with like-minded independent and irreverent. That's me. She recently founded and launched her newest group coaching program, self approval school, where women come together in sisterhood in new ways to remember who they really are break the bullshit rules and learn to give themselves the stamp of approval. Yes. When she isn't cheering women on, you can find her traveling with her bagel, slinging, hunk, Paul singing karaoke, or in deep surrender to the abyss. That is the journey of healing and, oh my goodness. Welcome Libby. I love you so much. Libby: I love you too. And it's so funny to listen to you reading about me because , we're always just in this project. So anything concrete or even remotely linear seems so funny to me, Monica: It's, it's hysterical, right? Because we're always like in the layers in that abyss you speak of and kind of swimming around in it. And some days we're like, come on in the, we, you know, the water's great. And other days we're like not so much, right. yeah. It's just all of it. Like, and that's what I wanted to say to my listeners is that, you know, Libby, I think what I love about you the most is that there's this immediacy that you create for people, for others that is so safe and so loving. And I. I never take that for granted with you, because from the minute I met you, I just get this message that I'm allowed to be all of it. You know, like I'm allowed to be all of me, I'm allowed to be the shiniest Monica that I can be. And then you've also seen me swamp in the depths of, you know, my deepest cynicism and resignation and ugliness, and just given me full permission to be all of it and celebrated me in all of it. And, you know, that has just meant the world to me. And it's, I would love to say that it's not a rare thing, but it it's still is. It's getting, you know, it's getting a lot better. I think with the work that we've been doing, like we've been recognizing what it is that we love so much about creating this kind of space for women. So it is getting better, but I still wanna just acknowledge you in that rareness that you bring to every encounter. It's just so beautiful. Thank you. Libby: Thank you so much. I'm just over here closing my eyes. marinating in that and receiving it and it's so mutual Monica. I, I knew the moment I laid eyes on you. The same as you know, from, we we'll keep this story secret for now, but basically the first question you ever asked me when we met how easily it was to tell how easy it was to tell the truth to you. Thank you. Yeah, you make it so easy to be that way. Be myself and be that way with people in the world. Monica: Yay. Yay. And now we're gonna launch something new into the world, our collaboration. And so we'll talk about that today for sure, but I won't be too clandestine about it. We're calling our program Unbecoming and it's the perfect, it's the perfect name for us. It's the perfect program Libby and I have done a tremendous amount of work together over the years, beginning with rockstar camp. It was a leadership camp for women. We did a mastery course in that. And then after that, we went on to do writing groups together and some other powerful work together. And it just felt like the time, you know, and I loved, I loved announcing it and seeing the response by so many women is that validation of, wow, this is gonna be some chemistry. And I know that to be true. Libby: Yes. I love that. And I have to just say how much I love the name because of how much it means. And especially the take on it, of. Unbecoming, you know, the it's unbecoming to not be a good girl. Mm-hmm I'm like, yes. yes, yes, yes. So, you know, let's break that rule. Monica: Let's break it. Let's shatter it, you know, let's just completely break it apart. So I loved this quote, Libby and I wanted to read it because I think it so spoke to me about unbecoming and I wish it was a quote by a woman, but it's a futurist. Um, mm-hmm and his name. I, I believe it was a guy, his name is Alvin TOFL and he said the illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write. But those who cannot learn unlearn and relearn. Oh Libby: Yes, I have chills. I'm so glad you waited to read that to me. And didn't tell me in advance. It is exactly everything that we're up to. And I think. The contraction that the world is in right now is exactly what he's saying in that quote. You know what I mean? This, yeah. The contraction of the literacy of the healing and the literacy of the unbecoming and the unlearning and the deconditioning. Monica: That's right. It's like, we've been with people who kind of are the messenger for what it looks like to never get curious, to never do anything different to keep the status quo in place. In fact, I had a great reminder of it this morning when I was in the chiropractic office, it was a gentleman who came in and he was just so. Habitual in like even his, you could tell he wasn't even connected to the things that he was saying. It was just the things to say he had become robotic in his being. And I think that there's this way that we wear the masks for so long that we don't even know who we are underneath them. And Libby and I pulled today from the wild, unknown Tarrot deck. And of course we pulled the seed, which was the perfect card because, and one of the things that Libby and I always celebrate is this playful. Very kind of sprite, energy that like where we connect the most, like Libby, like you could, if you could see our smiles right now, they're like, you know, like hundred watt like I like I'm practically like busting my lips smiling because there's this way, like, it's just like a second I'm with her. I'm back in my most mischievous magical child self. Yes. And that's what she meant. You know, like I asked her a question and that Glint came up in her eye and she like, just shot me the answer and. At the time we were the end of a day of rockstar camp and we were sitting together like ordering dinner. And I just was like, so Libby, you know, and I said something and then she said, and we'll tell you guys later, we'll, we'll tell you later. Libby: Yeah. We'll tell you later, we won't leave you hanging. Monica: Yeah, we won't leave you hanging. But it was just, it was so refreshing cuz it was so naughty and it was so good. And I was just like, oh my God, you're my bestie. I love you. I don't know who you are yet, but that's all I need to know. So back to the seed. Yeah. Libby, what does that mean to you? Like what does the seed represent to you? Libby: Well, I'm just, I can't help, but think of it in the context that we've been having around the child and the inner child, and this is not a new concept. Right. And inner child work is I believe really changing in my psychology experience, the inner child work. It was almost like putting that child to bed. Permanently, like there was some sort of essence of the child, like healing the child, and then moving on, I guess, is what I'm getting at and what you and I have been in conversation about. And I've been in conversation and healing work with clients of mine who done programs and one-on-one stuff about thinking that's who we used to be. And it's actually who we are. And this idea that it's not about healing the child and moving on, it's actually about the child is the seed. It, the child is the Oracle, the child is the mirror and always has the answer. And that. Fucking terrifying to us in some ways. right. I mean, I don't know how you feel about it. Monica: I'd love to know. Well, first of all, every hair on my body, you know, I don't have a lot of hair, but I'll tell you when it stands up, it's like really uncomfortable. You know, it really makes itself known. Yes. I mean, okay. So yes, the child holds the answers. Well, here's what I wanna say too, is it's not about doing the inner child work and moving on, just as you said, it's like, and putting the child to bed and answering the child's inner Christ. The child is the eternal child, the child that is always alive in us. And when you say it always has the answers. What I make up about that is that it's the child that remembers us and activates the Sage, the inner Sage within us and the inner Sage is the integration of those masculine, feminine energies. I wanna say that the Sage. Is also the one that's always been guiding us, but there's the, a way that we cannot hear the fullness of what the Sage is wanting to tell us. It's like, when I think about the Sophia century is known as the century of wisdom and there's kind of this knowledge or this understanding, or this myth that the wisdom is something that just arrives, right? Like a plunk it's just suddenly like we're in wisdom, but we're continually alchemizing and processing and coming to wisdom. And it comes from inside of us. Libby: Yes. Monica: From this really integrated place that has not forgotten the magical child. and it's wisdom is actually born or Sophia is actually born through that triad that masculine, feminine Libby: mm-hmm Monica: and inner child. And. We were talking about this earlier, but as someone who grew up with the Catholic kind of creation story, father God, and then you have the father, the son, and the holy spirit. And it took us, you know, took my whole lifetime to even think that the holy spirit might be the feminine Libby: Or have any part in the feminine whatsoever. Monica: And then the sun. Is the child. It doesn't need to be a son. Like it doesn't mean it's a, a male child. It's a child, it's the inner child, which is why you see, you know, I think this Trinity symbolized everywhere, but, you know, we make it mean all these really disempowering things. And especially when it comes to how we control and dominate women, we're entranced to believe again, whether you've been brought up in a religion or not that, you know, somehow we're inferior and that's just everybody's journey is this journey is remembering the feminine and the inner child, and then integrating with the masculine and getting the masculine imbalance. That is everybody's frigging journey. Okay. it's everybody's journey. No one is excluded from the journey. Libby: No one, you can't out achieve your shit. As I like to say, and I love where you're going with this too, because it, what it circles around is this idea that we get inculturated into that. all of this is accessed externally. Mm-hmm, all the wisdom. The pleasure, the knowing the arriving I'm using air quotes is all activated externally of us. And it's actually the opposite, but that is a huge trick of the trance of unworthiness as you call it. So I just love this because I, in a lot of the work I do, I talk about the pleasure activation. Think about pleasure in. Sense of the word we are. So conditioned specifically as women, that it's only accessed outside of us, which creates this idea that we're always trying to get it. And when only when we can go in that we can actually actually access that. And same with the wisdom that you're speaking of, I think. Monica: Right. And I wanna demystify pleasure mm-hmm and I wanna interchange it with the word play. Yes, because they're so. The other side of the coin play and pleasure belong together. And so it's like we do so much of our work with women in this realm of pleasure research because so many women have forgotten or dismembered or disassociated because the body, we always talk about this, that the body, it was too painful. The, the body had become an emotionally uninhabitable place because that's what the world projects upon women, this acute discomfort at the time where we're supposed to be actually having a Rite of passage, which is when we in, in indigenous cultures where we would've been celebrated and honored, as we crossed that bridge from the eternal or magical child into the Maiden. Libby: mm-hmm Monica: And for boys, it was the magical child and into the young man, and in this culture, we don't go through that Rite of passage. Our Rite of passage is kind of like a journey into hell because it's where we disassociate. So instead of having our mothers and our grandmothers leading us over that bridge, we are now being, there's nobody over there, first of all. And if they are they're all in the trance, they're all in the trance, they're all in the same boat, you know, and that boat is sinking and we're invited to come on over and it's like, oh my gosh. You know, like, and on the way we are assaulted, accosted told that. Cycles are a curse that our, you know, our bodies are dirty, that we should be ashamed of ourselves, that not to touch ourselves, that we're dur, you know, like I could go on and on, right. Like I just keep going dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty. Libby: So dirty. Yeah. Your dirty pillows are showing my mom used to say that as a joke from the movie, uh, Carrie or whatever. And it's like, yes, we used to laugh about it. Cuz she was, she was actually really great about. That's about our bodies. She had plenty of other troubles, but yes, I, I get what you're saying and what I hear in that is disembodied. Like we're taken out of it. Monica: Right. And you and I that's where that's another place that you and I really bonded was Libby. And I started using this term called hashtag blackout brilliance. where, when we would talk, if we were, or Libby also calls it turned on terror, mm-hmm, where you're skying. It's it's happening right now. It's scared and excited. Right? We're both in it right now. So we're both gonna have to go back and listen to this because the truth is, even though you've done this work, it gets easier to stay in your body, but there are times, and I'm kind of kidding, cuz I am, I can fully feel that I'm here actually today. Libby: Mm-hmm Monica: Yes, but the first time Libby and I did this, I was still very new to podcasting and I was still very. Fractured in my, I just hadn't settled into like receiving this was actually something that was good. You know, it was all good. Like even if I mess up, it's good. I was still doing a lot of perfectionist stuff. So. Anyway, the point is that we started noticing. And because I think Libby, your background is similar in some ways, but also you have that clinical background, we just kind of started labeling it and naming it for what it was, which was this disassociation. And so blackout brilliance became kind of a playful way to talk about how we can evacuate our body and still mm-hmm, say things and do things that are powerful and intelligent. I know, but there's this way that we notice that a part of ourselves had to leave because we were terror. Like we were in terror. Yes. Or we were scared. And that happens. Actually, I wanna point out that happens to a lot of women in the bedroom that happens to a lot of women several times a day. You just don't notice it until you notice it. Libby: Mm-hmm Monica: Or you're like, where did I just go? Like, actually I never noticed it until somebody witnessed it in me and then, and said to me, where did you just go? And I was like, where did I go? And I would realize that I was there, but I hadn't heard what they said mm-hmm right. So these are all symptoms of it. Libby: Mm-hmm , I've had that experience too. I had it in an intimate interaction with a woman. The first time I had an intimate, you know, sexual interaction with a woman in that way. And she like snapped her fingers and like waved her hand in front of my face. Like I had gone, you would think I had gone like catatonic or something the way she was she's like, where did you go? It's so fascinating. That think about how much we I'm just thinking about all the women that I've talked to at this point it's thousands. And that you've talked to and think about what we've accomplished. As we're calling it dip half there. Bodied. Yes. Yeah. And how we just go into this state of knowing what to do, even when we are taken out of our bodies, Monica: Right. We go on autopilot. Libby: Right. So think about what's possible and you, and I see this with ourselves and other women in this work what's possible when we can stay. Yes. When we're not so terrified of sitting in the body's response to whatever is going on around us or inside of us. Monica: Right. And I wanna also name that these are all symptoms of the trance as well. Yes. And so what we're up to in our collaboration coming this October is we've basically, alchemized our. our teachings into a program that we're calling unbecoming, and it's all about disrupting the trance and the journey is a six month journey to remembering. And so the beauty of what we're going to be teaching is the tools, teachings, and practices of feminine wholeness of staying, of being in our wholeness. And then, and we're gonna be doing that in the most profoundly fun. Yeah. I brag ways Libby: Inappropriate at times, I'm sure Monica: In know like just, well, let's put it this way. Powerful teachings with a whole lot of levity and laughter and play and that it will be all of the things, you know, that are powerful potent and also. Part of the medicine of doing this work is the laughter is the humor is learning how to unload from these massive burdens that are not even ours and deconstruct some of this internalized patriarchy, because the trans is actually created by first of all, dis embodying, we go up into our heads where we think all of the answers are, but it's our body that holds the wisdom. It's our body. That actually is the GPS. And it's by reacquainting ourselves and reorienting ourselves to our bodies that we're actually going to start accessing the wisdom that we have because she or they, or he doesn't have our answers. We have our own answers and they come from within. And so, you know, a lot of people even make the mistake of thinking that coaching is, I'm gonna tell you what to do to achieve the goals you wanna achieve. No, I am not gonna do that. what I am gonna do is I am going to hold space for the questions. To show up so that you can contemplate those answers, your answers, not the answer, your answer, your truth to those questions and find out if that goal is even. What you really wanna be doing, or if that's what you thought you should be doing. Yes. So everything kind of shifts when we start going through the unbecoming and well, the reason we call it, the unbecoming is because we also are such big fans of the mess. Hmm. And it's the mess is where the emotions start coming up. Because when we, whenever we come back to the body, what we come back to are all of the places that we've been taught to flee from mm-hmm , which have to do with our emotions. And they have to do with our intuition and guess what all of those things are connected. And so when we have access to our emotions, we then have access to our intuition. And when we have access to our intuition, we have access to our higher self. And when we have access to our higher self, we have access to our inner child. And when we have access to our inner child, we have access to play and our imagination. And this is the key. Okay, this is the key to the unbecoming. If you UN become to the point that you can reclaim your imagination and your sense of play, you can then create a new life. You can create a new reality, but when you're in the trance, you're in the trance by design mm you're. In the trance by a culture that wants you to stay in the trance. Because when you stay in the trance, you cannot create anything new and it keeps the status quo. And when you keep the status quo, it means you're gonna continue to be the worker be that does what she's told. That continues to be pretty pleasing and polite, and isn't in touch with her own power. And when she's not in touch with her own power, she can't do anything to change anything. And all she needs to do is transform her life. And then the world will transform. Libby: Yes. And even further in the pretty pleasing and polite is we shoot for that. And we're constantly critiquing how we're never, that it's this constant ever, ever elusive moving target of conflicting expectations that we have learned to berate ourselves around while chasing it at the same time. And I'm gonna out myself right now here that I have just for the first time watched the movie, the matrix literally like last week and while there's, you know, lots of things about the matrix that are very masculine and, you know, whatever. I just need to pull this in right now because my husband's been trying to get me to watch it forever. And I'm like, no, it's just weird to me anyway. But this idea of needing someone who has moved the veil aside to like, you're talking about this, these like initiations and things like that, someone who has. Moved to the veil who then says, okay, here's a choice. What, what we're saying right now, Monica is, we're saying there's a blue pill and there's a red, a red pill. Monica: Exactly. Libby: And once you take the pill that opens your mind and, and body takes you out of the murky water yes. And moves you back into your body, into, into your possibility and your creation and your magic and your child there, you can't there's no, as you say, you can't unring the bell, right. And you choose, we're saying we're inviting you to choose, and we will be always ever inviting you to choose. As you were just speaking about the, what coaching is, the patriarchy will tell us coaching is. I'm going to tell you what to do, because your wisdom is accessed externally. And that is a muscle that we have that we're used to. That's a pain that we're used to managing and when it's the other way around. Okay. So we're in one type of fire in that way, but we we're saying, oh, we're gonna, we're going to walk with you alongside you into your fire. Monica: Mm-hmm Libby: so that you can forge yourself back to who you actually already are. Monica: Mm-hmm yeah. We're just gonna help you remove the layers of not you to get to you. Libby: Exactly, exactly. Monica: And, oh my gosh. There's so much here. I just get so darn excited. We can think that we need this guru or that guru and this teacher and that teacher, and we do until we don't. Right. Okay. And when we can find somebody that actually is going to just hold the space and hold the mirror and ask the powerful questions and model her own story, without it needing to be your story. Mm-hmm and her own wisdom, without it needing to be your wisdom, because what culminates through doing this work is your own wisdom. And when you have that own wi your own wisdom, you now become a teacher. Libby: Mm-hmm Monica: You become some who is now an Empress or an elder. Yes, she has now a very potent and useful by using her own medicine by sharing her own medicine and her own story. This, her story now becomes part of the medicine of her story. Okay. And what we wanna create are more women who are in touch with her story. Mm-hmm yeah. Cause my story is not your story. Right. But it's, it, it is our story. And then it's by picking up the pen and re-authoring that story after you've UN become enough. Libby: Yes. Monica: To actually start to weave a new tale, but first we wanna unveil the tale you've been telling and the tale you've been told. Libby: Yes. Yes. It's like a, it's like playing on repeat it's on loop in the background. Like the man, you know, we're coming full circle back to the man who was in the chiropractic office. Monica: It's like, and the matrix. Libby: Yes. And the matrix. And one thing that was kind of just coming through to me, as you were describing, all of that is why it's so important that. I can speak for myself. And I dare say, I might be able to speak for you about this, but doing it in a group, people are always like, why do you run groups? You know, why not? Why not do one on one? I do a little one on one it's because of part of the trance is that we cannot do it together. Monica: Mm-hmm Libby: part of the disembody is that together as women is too scary is setting yourself up, you know, fill in the blank, whatever the story is for you and the power of each woman. I had this like vision of each woman lighting the next woman's candle. You can't measure it. You cannot measure it. I, the greatest healing I have ever been part of in both giving receiving and all of the magic has always been in a group of women as terrifying as that was for me at first. I mean, I, I would love to hear about. What that means for you too? I'm sure everybody would love to hear. Monica: Yeah, no, I'm happy to share it. My God. I was terrified. Mm-hmm and I, I wanna, before I tell you that turned on terror, terrified story. I wanna say that I wanna name that sisterhood wound mm-hmm you know, because one of the things that we're gonna be teaching is we're gonna be recontextualizing how women can be together. Libby: Mm-hmm Monica: There's ways we've been conditioned to behave around each other that are very tricky and very habitual. And we don't even see that we've been conditioned to be this way together until it stops until we recontextualize it. And we don't, we literally don't even acknowledge it in the space. So what I love about when we do hold groups with women is that the second you see a woman kind of going into that shadow way that we've been taught to be together. It's almost like you see this invisible. Holding start to happen with the other women who are noticing it, but we all do it. So we all need to be held in it. And it's like doubling down on the new construct or the new context. Yes. Because what we don't do is allow that kind of energy to start permeating and undermining and eroding the integrity of what we've created, that new integrity that's in the space. Libby: Mm-hmm Monica: And that's the reason we also do it over six months is develop the muscle so that it's so strong that you never do it again. Or if you do, you lapse and you recover and you kind of, it's kind of like being an AA, but in a, in a totally different way, it's like you fall off the wagon and you're like, oh, I just gossiped or, oh, I just, you know, did that thing where I competed for a moment, but it's like, you're so much more able to call yourself out on it. Libby: Mm-hmm Monica: And also just kind of get back to it. Libby: And you have places to go when you know, it's happening spaces with other women. You're one of the people for me, and Megan, Jo's one of the people for me. I know when I need we another lie that we're told that we then start to just tell ourselves is that the healing happens in isolation or that we should be able to do it on our own. And I know we're already kind of speaking to this, but, and it is that again is by design, like systems of oppression are by design and the slippery slope. I think for me, that happens is that I will start to think. I, I feel it when I'm edging onto the isolated mm-hmm, sort of thinking around my healing and. Shame starts to trickle in and I will put myself in one of those spaces. Again, that's actually part of why I run groups too, is because I have to walk that talk. Yes. In order to responsibly and ethically teach this work. Monica: Right. It's like a muscle that gets atrophied if you don't keep working it out. And when you think about it right at age 51, it's been up until I started doing this work. That was just everything I knew. And so now for whatever it is, and I wanna say even the sisterhood part of it, it was like, it was still, even though I started with, I would say like, you know, 13 years ago with the Revelation Project, there still wasn't it wasn't really, until I did some of the real sisterhood work. Mm. Where I started to recognize that while yes, I was in integrity in certain realms of leadership. When it came to women, there were still these kind of mischievous ways that I would kind of like. just undermine a relationship. And now it's just, like you said, it's like, I can go out and spot it in a, in a minute and decide, you know, how to engage. And it doesn't mean that I can't hang out with those people anymore. What it means is usually my energy is so different. It actually either changes the context of how that group hangs out together. Yes or my energy becomes literally it's like a wa that water seeks its own level. My energy literally just naturally becomes non-compatible with that group anymore. Libby: Mm-hmm Monica: and that can be sometimes a sad moment, but it can also be a celebratory moment because you realize like, I'm just like, I, as much as I might miss those individuals and, and love them, we're not kind of. Resonating on the same level anymore. Libby: Mm-hmm Monica: and I love taking people with me, but there are some people like the guy in the chiropractic office that they're not going, they're just not going. You know, they've had their whole life to like, do something different and they're not gonna do it. So I wanna go back to what you had invited, which was to share what was it like for me to be involved in a group of women? Well, so first of all, I think my first experience of it on a larger, larger scale was doing, going to mama Gina. And actually it made me feel sick. It made me feel really like confused. It made me feel incredibly like my nervous system was like really wonky and I knew that something really, really important was happening. Yes. And then I also really recognize that big, massive groups are not for me. Like I just. I think my whole life I've been told that I was an extrovert and I'm, I'm not finding human design and realizing that I was both mm-hmm and that literally my design is half hermit and half socializer it's like, whoa, like what a revelation? Right? Like I was like, oh my, my God, like ]this, it all gets to belong again. Right. And, but big, big places like that with a lot of people and especially a lot of women that was like a lot. And so coming into a smaller group with, with women think like it was one of the most. extraordinary experiences. And I had been doing it in these small group settings for the revelation project when it came for time for a woman to do a workshop and we would do a meditation and there were usually four of us and hold space for a small group. But of course I was leading that. So it was different, right? This was, I was a participant. I was with other women and somebody else was holding this space. And what kept showing up was her story was my story. Mm-hmm . And it was like, I was able to see aspects and parts of myself, mirrored in all of these other women. And yet, so we shared kind of this same over story, but yet we all had these unique, brilliant, magical aspects to our own identities and personalities and life stories. And whenever I saw her just being. Authentic and sharing from her heart. I was like, I could see myself in her and it became, and it made space and grace for me to share more deeply and parts of what we learn in those spaces is that no shame need be there. And then it's like, when a woman shares her grittiest, darkest ugliest parts, and everybody is yay, you know? Yes. And celebrating it and well bragged. And it's such a beautiful, it's like, oh my gosh, like they don't think I'm terrible. They don't hate me. They don't think I'm disgusting. We get to just finally receive mm-hmm we get to receive, we get to receive from everyone and we get to receive from ourselves for the first time. And there's so many. Moments for me. And that's also why it never gets old to run groups with women is because there's, it never gets old. You're always gonna get a woman, all of them who come with these stories and these experiences and these insights and these revelations that grow all of us. Libby: Yes. I love all of that. So much Monica, and you know, it's almost some of the most. Profound moments that I have shared in those spaces. And most of that time has been with you. I brag. Thank you very much. Wow. Brag to the great goddess in the sky is the, the most profound is when the trance does slip back into the space mm-hmm and what happens when we, when we're able to dance and be with that, and still you so beautifully described this whole idea of when we're seeing that happen or whatever is in the space, how it is simultaneously. Our compassion for them is simultaneously being, we are giving that to ourselves. You know what I mean? Like the beauty that we see in the wreckage yes. Of someone else. Yes. Helps our nervous system. Like. Just it's so soothing. Monica: It's so soothing. Libby: It's like, it's like a womb Monica: Yeah. Right. It's like a womb. And that's where something new gets created is in that sharing and in that witnessing, like that becomes a very fertile place for that seed to germinate Libby: The staying. Yes. The staying in the non-judgment too. It's like, we're going to name what we see for ourselves or someone else we've agreed, you know, had the, have that contract together there in a way that is, we're simply noticing. And here's the conversation that we've decided to have. And here's the conversation that we've been programmed to have. Mm-hmm and now we're going. We're gonna walk into that. we're gonna walk right into, right. Monica: Like walking into a wall because, because you can, you can see that's. The other thing that becomes very, very evident is where the trance shows up. Libby: Mm-hmm Monica: And so you can be in a group and you can easily just be like, yeah, I get it. She's in the trance right now. Mm-hmm , you know, and, and that's where the group helps her. Remember mm-hmm that she is not the trance. She is not the person she's been programmed to be. Now there are aspects of her, there are aspects of her that she gets to keep. Right. But there are other aspects of her that are actually the voices or the heads of patriarchy that are telling her, you know, and have told her, her whole life that she's too much or too fat or too this or too that, and then there's all these ways that it shows up. And so what we're gonna be, the work that we're gonna be doing is revealing. We're gonna be doing and being, and experiencing and bathing in revelation. Gonna be just trying on new ways of being that are so much more aligned with the truth of who we are. And we've got the most brilliant ways to help you reveal it. And you don't have to be afraid. You know, even though Libby and I are sharing that we've been terrified to do this work. It has also been the most gratifying nourishing. Yes. Beautiful. It it's like the best way I have ever found to love myself is. And also I wanna say, you know, you can be as terrified as you want, but. The minute you get into the group, you're gonna feel so at home because it's just who we are. Yes. Is I brag. We create that safe, loving environment for all of you to be there. And I mean, all of you, even the parts that you don't even acknowledge that you've kicked out of the garden yet. Libby: Hmm. Especially, especially those parts. Those are my favorite parts is the parts that we think that we've made wrong because someone else made them wrong long enough that we started to believe that they were wrong. Yeah. And the most powerful magic and transformation and El me, whatever you wanna call it is in getting closer to those part. The. That I've seen a lot. One of the threads is a lot of times people we are taught and women will repeat, this is myself included in my journey. Like, I just wanna like get away from that. Like I just, you know, I just wanna heal it and move on or whatever, and to get through, we have to actually get closer. Monica: mm-hmm Libby: We, we think we're supposed to get further away. And even the physical proximity of women who are willing to have this unraveling together is where all of that gets to be. Yeah. Monica: Libby, do you have an example? It just, it just occurred to me like to ask this, like, do you have a recent example of an aspect or a part of you that you didn't, that you hadn't remembered yet, that kind of showed up and you were. Oh my gosh. Or that maybe it, it just still wasn't quite integrated yet. Like, what's your most recent experience of that? Libby: Oh Lord. There's probably too many to see. Monica: Yeah. And this is what I also love about you is it's just right. It's just constant. It's just always yes. And it's like, and it's, it's like it's there and it's sharing it and you know, and just having spring, what we call spring cleans about it. Right. Libby: Mm-hmm mm-hmm yes. Monica: I had one recently. I think I shared it with you. And it was a podcast had been aired. That was, it had, uh, almost like, um, well, let's put it this way. It wasn't perfect. like something had happened in the recording of the intro and it was all staticy and I. I like lost my mind. It was like, I, I got so triggered and I like heard it. And my poor husband, right? Like Austin, who's just always just in service, you know, to the podcast and his production. And he just as always doing such a great job. And I just, it was like, it triggered this inner child. Perfect. Like the wounded, inner child that was, was so afraid of judgment and so filled with, like, it wasn't even me, the voice inside of me that started to berate me was like, you should know better by now. And that same voice was berating Austin Libby: Mm-hmm Monica: It was like, it was so upsetting because I could see it, but I couldn't stop it. Mm-hmm it was like, I knew that something was triggered because even when you're doing the healing work and you've come a long way, you still are gonna come. It talk about bumping into the wall. Right? There was the trance. Again, there was a part of the trance that I had not yet fully dissolved and allowed myself to stay in that messy, gritty place where I needed to come face to face with the voice. That was that inner part of me that I had internalized that actually wasn't me. Yes, yes. And it was like, oh boy. Cause it, it almost. I mean, in many cases, right? Like our parts make our wounded parts make so much mischief in our relationships. Libby: Mm-hmm Monica: And our wounded parts get their wounded parts going. Yes. And that's sometimes what happens with Austin and I is that. And, and so part of the work too is just understanding and starting to have language for when we are in a rupture Libby: mm-hmm Yes. Yes. I love, I remember that happening. I remember you and I talking about that and it's so the, I used to say this when I was a therapist, I was like the good news and the bad news is that the work is never done. yeah. So it's good news because we can just like relax into the journey Monica: mm-hmm Libby: And it's bad news because you know, the work's never done. And I say that with a lot of humor and I do wanna share an example of. A recent situation where I really slipped into the belief that I have to, that I have to give myself away. Mm. That I have to, literally, when I say give myself away, I mean, it's almost like I'm a, like a commodity mm-hmm and overgiving codependent terrified child of an alcoholic who was parentified at a very young age and just it's. It was real. What's really interesting. Looking back on it is my body kept telling me, okay, I'm an embodiment coach. I'm just gonna remind the audience here. Just reminding you that I'm calling myself out. My body was telling me something and I was having, I hadn't had anxiety attacks for a very long time. I mean, it had been maybe once in a great while, but essentially it had been years and I was just. I could not see myself. I could not see with my dysmorphic mind that I was abandoning myself. Monica: So I wanna say dysmorphic is also that yes. Trans prism. It's like, so there was an element of the, Libby: You see ourselves as like this mutant sort of Monica: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, go ahead. Cuz I, I just thought that was really powerful. Yeah. Yeah. Libby: And so I just, this idea of that at all cost, I must give myself away. Mm-hmm because the worst thing that could ever happen is that this person would leave me. Yeah. Any person. Okay. And I think one thing I wanna point out about this when we slip into this or when we're living in the trance, it is. It's a trap. It's a trap for us. And it's a trap for the person, because then they're set up when we're putting the responsibility of our beingness in the hands of someone else in that way, when we're in the trance, we're blaming them. Mm-hmm ouch. I'm saying it , you know, we're creating a scenario where they're going to be blamed or held responsible for our self neglect. Right? So anyway, my body was telling me all that time and it took three very powerful women who are committed to not the trans conversation you included. And two others to say, Um, I'm seeing something here. Monica: Mm-hmm Libby: tell me what's going on. mm-hmm like, what's really going on here. and it actually took, I mean, it was, I was very triggered. So anyway, I do, that's my, one of my most recent, and that was so necessary. Monica mm-hmm yeah, it was the most necessary revelation. Unburden. Yes. Unburdening. Yeah. Of a job. I did not have to have anymore. Monica: That's right. And those are those situations too, where it's like we, we up level. And then we, we have this whole new challenge slash opportunity. Libby: Mm-hmm , Monica: You know, where we're growing in our leadership and we're doing new things. Our water, you know, is seeking new levels with others and where we then have an experience where we get to yet up level. Again, we have a new baseline, we have a new baseline, but what I love about what you're pointing to as well is that there's a built in support system. When you've done this work of people who can witness you and be with you when you lapse. When you forget, when you are in, are back in the trance, people who can spot it, cuz they got it right. Yes. And they know what it looks like. Libby: They lovingly keep you on the hook. Yes. They won't let you off the hook with the, in the most loving and true way. Monica: And there's nothing like being loved by a woman in that way. Cuz it's so non-judgmental nothing and it's so loving and it's so nourishing and it's, there's no conditions to it. It's like you can continue to suffer or you can try this on and see if maybe it's a better fit uh, you choose ultimately, but I love you and I'll be over here. So it's just so good. It's all so good. I love this so much. And I'm so, you know, I feel like I wanted to come to this conversation and really bring a whole lot of value to this conversation because not only is it just a conversation that I've wanted to build on and I'm doing a lot of that in the book that I'm writing and of course you're writing as well in the realm of. Unbecoming and the quote that I read earlier, this is very much, I think collectively we're having this up-leveling opportunity as a whole community. We are literally in this massive. Energetic shift. And there's a tremendous amount of chaos with that, but it's the chaos that actually creates the fertile place for new things to happen. It's literally like the shake up where you have a multitude of choices available to you, and any choice that you make, as long as you don't make, the same choice is going to take you somewhere. That's what chaos is all about. It's an, it's an invitation for a new creation. And so I wanna just conclude our conversation by just inviting, you know, just inviting our listeners. Like if you heard a possibility for yourself, cuz like you Libby and I are. We could do like the marketing gimmick thing all day long, but it just, it doesn't turn either of us on, you know, it's not, we're not hard selves we're here. I think I don't wanna speak for you Libby, but like I'm coming to this. It it'll be the first time I have held a group in a couple of years. It's just, the timing is perfect. And I'm so inspired. Like, I feel like the last couple years, what I've been doing is. processing and integrating all of this wisdom and I'm just ready to share it. And it feels so aligned right now. And that is just totally an invitation. If you hear something and, and your body is telling you go this way, then we wanna talk to you. And it's, it is by application. And when we say application, we just wanna make sure, you know, we do a call with each and every woman who wants to be part of it, just to make sure that we are a good fit, because if we're not a good fit for where you're at, we're not interested in selling you, quote unquote, right? This isn't about that. This is about inviting you into this unbecoming process, which is a beautiful, beautiful gift. Libby: Mm-hmm Monica: That you would give yourself. And so, I don't know if you wanna add to that Libby, but we, we would be honored if you hear something in this for yourself and want to reach out, we'll give you the link. Um, and you can do that. I Libby: love all of that. It's so perfect. And I just imagine this, like this, we're standing here with our arms open, like ready to hug each woman who comes in as she knows, and just the invitation to stay with whatever your body's telling you. Like our minds are trained to talk us out of what our bodies know and your body knows that's that's what I love about doing this type of work is whoever it's right for their body is going to tell them no matter what their mind says, their body is going to say yes, something there there's something. and this is just making me laugh. But when you just, when you were just talking about this, I was thinking about when I was a therapist for adolescents who were on probation and when they were on probation and they were forced to come to counseling. And I was just thinking about how funny it is to think about people being forced into a healing space. You know, like again, you know, I'm not gonna get into the whole criminal justice system forced, Monica: But right. Forced into a healing. It Libby: Just actually, yes, it li it's so traumatic. And I just, I don't know. It, I was, that was just what flashed into my mind as you were describing, that was these teens and they actually, I, I do have to brag. They, they would come in and I'd be like, you know, I see you and I know you don't wanna be here and let's figure out how you don't have to be. And they'd be like, oh my God. Yes. Monica: Oh my God. I love that. Hey, you know what? Just flashed into my mind. Libby: Please tell me Monica: We didn't tell them what we said. We were gonna tell them the question. When I sat down next to you that day. Libby: Oh my God, the question. Oh, this is getting really spicy. Monica: Do we wanna say it on air or, or Libby: I'm fine with saying it on air. I mean, everything's out there. Monica: Okay. Well, I could, you know, I could, that could be a teaser, like, you know, do the course, just kidding. Could be a, just kidding. Stay tuned, stay tuned more to be revelaled right? Uh, yeah. Yeah. So. I'm not gonna tell it. You tell it. Libby: Okay. Okay. Well, brace, yourself. um, so Monica: It's like, here's the thing there's too much. Now go, go. Libby: So Monica and I are like full immersion, like in this healing zone, we're we've done rockstar camp, like leading up to the actual stage moment that we have. We've been two months I coming undone in the best way, in the most necessary way. And so we are having this retreat where women from all over the world have flown into Portland, Maine too. And Monica: I've never met her in person. We've just been on these. That's never together. It's so we hadn't really had a personal conversation. Yeah. Libby: So we've been in this retreat all day and the leader. Our beloved, me and Megan Jo Wilson takes us out to dinner, and this is the first time. So we're all like, you know, in the zone, , we're in the zone of healing. Monica sits down to me and her cocktail gets next to me and her cocktail gets delivered. She picks it up and she looks at me and she goes, so do you ever find that Portland gets really small? And I said, when you fuck everybody, it does it's and that's gonna make it in the episode, but I'm telling it anyways. Monica: So the best thing ever, I literally spit my drink. I literally spit my drink. That was like, all it took. It's all it took. And I was just like, you are the best. Bless my husband's heart. He's I know, I know, but he he's already heard the story, you know, But here's the, the thing too, you know, like, unless, unless you. Didn't, you know, , unless you didn't have, you know, a sexual exploration in your life, you know, it's just like, that's what small towns feel like, you know, it's like, oh God, let me not see him in the grocery store. Like, I'm just gonna go the other way. Like, pretend that never happens. Libby: Why do you look familiar? Monica: So it was just the best and I will never, I mean, you were memorable anyway, but that just, it was endearing because it was so the last thing I expected you to say, so Libby, is there any question or any, anything that I didn't ask that you wish I had? Oh my gosh. Libby: I don't, I don't think so. I mean, I just love having conversations with you because we always go into the vortex. We always, you know, it's, it's just easy. It's like. A dance that I didn't know. I knew until I, until I did it. Mm-hmm no, I think Monica: I'm complete for now. Yeah. And one last question, which is, what does revelation mean to you? Libby: What does revelation mean? To me? Revelation means to me, the willingness to be fully expressed, the willingness to let it all hang out and, um, love myself through that. Monica: I love that. Thank you li thank you as always for just your brilliance, your willingness, your laughter. I love the vortex. I love being with you in the vortex, and I know that what we're creating is gonna be magical and impactful. And I can't wait for October and for our listeners, yes, more will be revealed and you can actually check out and get on the waiting list for more information, by going to signup. Jointherevelation.com/unbecoming. That's signup. Jointherevelation.com/unbecoming . And again, the course will be six months. It we're gonna kick off. Um, mid-October and. It Libby and I leading it and it's for 20 women. So what we're saying is it's time to re-inhabit yourself and reclaim your mind, body and spirit through the process of revelation. So I can't wait to be able to reveal more and we'll be sending more details via email. So be sure to. Get on that specific mailing list. And that, that way I'll know that you're interested and we can take it from there. So Libby, thank you again. And for our listeners, I'll be putting our past episodes in the show notes and until next time more to be revealed, we hope you enjoyed this episode. For more information, please visit us@jointherevelation.com and be sure to download our free gift, subscribe to our mailing list or leave us a review on iTunes. We thank you for your generous listening and as always more to be revealed.