142_Sarah_Grandinetti === Monica: Hello everyone. And welcome back to our summer series where we are re-airing some of our most provocative interesting touching and transformative episodes from the last two seasons. This particular summer has been such a blessing for me. Austin and I both decided to ask our listeners for their top picks. We also went back and looked at the statistics and the analytics for all of the episodes, literally from episode one and just looked at which ones were. Had the most comments, which ones listeners said, you know, made the biggest impression on them. And so those are the episodes that we are re-airing throughout this season. So while sometimes it's hard for me to go back and listen to myself in some of the earlier episodes, you know, because I've matured so much over time. Just kidding it's also just been amazing to kind of go back and listen and see the progress, you know, like to actually celebrate how much more comfortable I am podcasting than I had been when I started. Because as many of you know, I have always had a visibility issue. Like I'm kind of like Cindy Brady when I , if you ever watched the Brady bunch growing up, which totally, you know, gives my age away, which is totally fine. I brag that I'm gonna be 52 years old and. I loved the Brady bunch, but I was definitely like Cindy Brady, whenever, you know, it came time to go on air. And I saw the red light. Like I remember the game show episode where she knew all the answers, but as soon as the, you know, it was like air time, you're on air. She couldn't talk. And that's like me when I'm in front of people though so podcasting was my way of becoming visible without freezing. And thank God for Austin. because he makes me sound so much more intelligent than some days I feel. And some days. I have a lot of ums and ahs and he takes them out and smooths out my rough edges sometimes. And just, I don't know, over time it's worked. It's made me believe more in myself and it's made me show up more fully and it's made me. I don't know, you know, your feedback has also just made such a huge difference. It's like I've learned how to receive at a much deeper level and I continue to blossom and grow with each new season. So this summer for me was about taking time. And I really wanna invite all of us to consider what I have had the privilege to learn over the last two summers, which is that if we don't truly take. More time for ourselves. We can't expect to tap into our true creativity and our true vitality and serve the world in the way that we're meant to. I wanna call bullshit on. This hustle culture. I think it is destroying our health. I think it's destroying our sense of peace. I think it's creating, you know, this busy, busy way of living in the world that has nothing to do with our being and it creates a ton of imbalance and it erodes and depletes us over time, especially women. And so if you're a mom, if you're an entrepreneur, I don't care if you're a lawyer or a judge or a teacher like taking time for you. And I mean, for you. Like going somewhere. If you need to surrounding yourself with nature, beauty, the garden, creativity, art things, you wanna do things you've wanted to learn. Uh, things you've wanted to invest in for yourself. Like take some time and do it. You know, there's a statistic. I don't know it, but there is a statistic, um, that a lot of people who have sick days and vacation time, don't actually take it because they feel that it's more trouble than it's worth. Almost like it destru disrupts their rhythm. And I think that's because a. Vacation is never gonna be enough time. It literally takes me about two weeks to just start settling my nervous system before I actually begin to feel into what. Other possibilities there are. And so this summer, because I wasn't recording all week long and I'm instead re-aring episodes, not only am I bringing you maybe episodes that you haven't heard before, or you can re-listen to them. Through a new lens. And by hearing them a second time, what also has happened is that I've noticed how far I've come. You know, in my own, skill set podcasting and in my own writing, because I've actually taken the time to do it in my own deep presence because I've taken time each day to really settle into my body, to really feel into what it is I want to do and have let kind of the revelation project lead me in a whole new way this summer towards the things that felt nourishing. And nutritive and regenerative. So I can't recommend doing this enough. And if you wanna bring more of these tools in your life, cuz I'm sure if you're somebody who even works two or three jobs, you might be like, oh hell no, I can't do that Monica. Right? Like I get it. I do. But if you're a determined woman and if you're listening to this podcast, I know that you are. And I know that you're an awakening woman. and men, right. I don't wanna exclude at all, but I do know that my primary audience is women. I wanna invite you to consider listening cuz this new season we're actually gonna be diving more deeply into some miniseries, which will, do a little bit of a deeper dive on podcast episodes that help entrepreneurial women. And you don't have to be an entrepreneur to benefit from these episodes, but that will actually help you create more space in your calendar. Learn how to create more boundaries, learn how to bring more feminine flow into your business. Learn how to tap more deeply into your intuition to lead you. Look at how to price yourself, look at how to value yourself. So I'm so excited to bring these new episodes. In addition to all of the thought leaders and light makers and healers and revolutionaries and revolutionaries that we've been bringing you for the last two years. So it's taking the, this time that's really given me. So much more access and to my vision for where I wanna take this podcast and how I wanna be in relationship and continue to be in relationship with all of you. So, before I introduce our next guest, I just want to really thank you. Just thank you from the bottom of my heart, I'm getting emotional for continuing to believe in me, support me. Listen your feedback, your testimonials, this private notes that you've sent me. I cannot tell you how much those messages have just touched my heart. I I appreciate you so, so much. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I, I receive all of your praise and your love and your excitement. And I. I wanna give it back to you and I hope you can receive my gratitude and my thanks for your generous, generous listening, cuz I know what kind of time it takes to listen to some of these episodes. It's it can be a commitment. And that's why I know that, you know, that's why I know who you are because if you're on the other end of this and you're listening, you're someone who values connection. And you're someone who values, you know, learning and, you know, you want to grow. And so I honor you. I thank you. And I just am so grateful. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. So I love this next episode as I wipe my tears. I'm about to tell you about how I always cry when I listen to this episode, because it is so beautiful and that's fitting because this particular episode is all about beauty and what, who gets to define it. And why do we leave it to others to define what it means? Right. beauty to me is revelation. It's an opening. It's a moment it's like, it's a connection in the moment that gives us immediate access to the essence of someone or something. Right. And. Not something that can be quantified or qualified or measured or standardized, and like so many things in this culture, we have taken something like beauty. Oh God and commodified it and made it and we've weaponized it against women. And it's just, we gotta call bullshit on this. Okay. It's this is some bullshit right here. So we've got to really R. Start to claim our own definition of beauty, redefine what it means to us and start living in the questions. And this is what I love about Sarah Grandinetti and her brother, Dane here, and their organization access consciousness. I tend to interview a lot of folks from access consciousness on my podcast. because I love how they be. I love how they show up in the world. I love the conversations that they create because. You can't have conversations with these people that don't light you up. It's just like part of their, part of the DNA of their culture is to live in a space of possibility and what is possible. When we start to ask ourselves powerful questions. So Sarah Grandinetti is a wife, a mother of four, an international educator, and a guide to greater consciousness. Her classes explore topics such as parenting relationships, money, and more. She left the Los Angeles celebrity scene. She had her own salon there for 15 years and started dedicating herself to changing the conversation about beauty. Because of what she learned as a stylist. So she's got some incredible stories to share with you in this episode. And she's also deeply inspired by her brother and his book, which is called Being You Changing the World. And that's Dr. Dane here who I've also had the privilege of interviewing Sarah has also invited all of our listeners to actually join a summit that she's doing online, it's a parenting summit. So if you're a listener and you're also a parent, feel free to join. If you go to her website and you use the code at checkout revelation, the first 20 to register will be granted access to this amazing series for free. And that is a $50 value. But you'll be introduced to some amazing guests and they'll be having conversations like the five elements of intimacy in parenting and those being honor trust, vulnerability, acknowledgement, and gratitude. You'll also be having a conversation about your kids and their actual natural connection to ghosts. Believe it or not like when they're in their early, early years and they have kind of like imaginary friends and conversations, there's actually a lot to that. And you can learn about that in this series. And they also have somebody who is going to be the topic, which I love is I must be the worst parent ever. And it's all about not judging yourself as a parent. So there's actually like seven days. So multiple topics that you can choose from. So I really wanna encourage you to go to www.sarahgrandinetti.com/ and then you're actually going to on her website, look for the parenting, I think it's called, let me just look here. Possibilities in Parenting and you'll be able to see it right on her website. And when you go to the checkout, you're just going to use CODE revelation. So that's revelation in the coupon area, and you're gonna apply that code and the first 20 people to sign up will get in get in for free. Monica: I almost forgot to mention, um, I want to invite you to perk up and listen, we'll be telling you more in the mid episode, about. My special program that I'm going to be. Co-leading this October with my amazing colleague Libby Bunten, we are actually going to be offering a six month journey into what we're calling unbecoming, which is all about the deconstruction process. And really all about unraveling the social conditioning of patriarchal hustle culture so that we can start to access the truth of who we are. Start to learn how to embody the tools of feminine leadership and how to make true change happen at incremental levels. And also at You know, some of these macro levels in our lives, and in our workplaces and in our businesses. So I can't wait to tell you more. All you need to do now is get on the wait list. And of course, listen, mid episode. We'll be able to tell you more in the meantime, if you're somebody who is short on time and wants to just go right to the link, you're just going. Do that by going to sign up dot join the revelation.com/unbecoming. So, okay. This next part, as we get into the actual episode is my introduction to Sarah grand Netti. And here we go. So without further ado, I'm going to now introduce you to the beautiful, amazing, wonderful, and inspiring. Sarah Grandinetti. === Monica: Welcome to the Revelation Project Podcast. I'm Monica Rogers, and this podcast is intended to disrupt the trance of unworthiness and to guide women, to remember and reveal the truth of who we are. We say that life is a Revelation Project, and what gets revealed gets healed. Hello everyone. And welcome to another episode. The Revelation Project Podcast today, I'm with Sarah Grandinetti and Sarah's starting a movement that invites women to be who they are. She's more than just a pretty face. She's a wife, mother of four, an international educator, and a guide to greater consciousness. Her classes explore such topics as parenting relationships money and more .Having recently left the Los Angeles celebrity salon, she owned for 15 years. She has now dedicated herself to changing the conversation about. Amen inspired by the book Being You Changing the World, authored by her brother, Dr. Dain Heer, Sarah has created being you beauty, a class experience, offering tools, insights, and conscious conversations, designed to dismantle the overbearing beauty standards and reveal what is actually possible when you include. You and your body in what you perceive as beauty Being You. Beauty is a worldwide movement having just completed a seven day social media challenge with thousands of participants being you. Beauty asks the compelling question. What have you defined as beauty that limits you from receiving. Your own beauty beyond the trendy ad campaigns used to sell quick fixes. Sarah knows there's nothing to fix. She is on a mission to inspire us all, to acknowledge the beauty we truly be. And the gift that unique brand of beauty is to the world. Welcome Sarah. Sarah: Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. So excited to have this conversation with you. Monica: Me too. I love. Okay. So I want to just first say that the thing that stands out the most to me is this claiming beauty claiming it because so many of us are taught that there's some kind of a beauty standard. And I used to do a photography workshop with women. And so many women would see the images and say, why do you only photograph beautiful women? And I would say, because that's all there is your next. Sarah: I love that. Yes. I've actually had an example or an experience just like that in a class, you mentioned my brother, Dr. Dain Heer, and someone said, Hey, you only break to him in a class. You only bring beautiful women up on stage. And I was like, well, yeah, that's Monica: all there is. Sarah: Funny that you just said that. Cause that was one of them. defining moments to know that I saw something different that I, you know, we all think that we look at the same things in the same way, but we're also different. And that was, um, a highlighted moment in my life when I did not understand that point of view at all. And I needed Dain to break it down for me to get me to understand the judgment that that person was giving him, because it didn't make any sense. That that was something wrong. Say Monica: More about that, Sarah. Yeah. Say more about that. Like the judgment piece, the judge. Sarah: Well, the judgment piece was that Dain had actually invited people in a class and an access consciousness class to share with them. There are judgments of him because he was showing us what it was like to receive judgment and not have to push it out, keep it out and how you could just receive it and let it flow through you. And so a person went to the mic and said, well, my judgment of you is you only bring beautiful women onstage. And I ran to the mic right after that and said, Dain, can you help me? Because I don't understand how that's a judgment. It seems like a truth to me. By is that a judgment? And he had to walk me through it like a kindergartner to explain to me where this person was coming from and creating that judgment. It was so much about how this woman had never been chosen to go on stage. And because she had decided, yeah, she w or defined herself as not beautiful. She kept herself separate from all of the women who she decided were beautiful that were being chosen. So beauty was separate from her, so she would never be. Monica: So fascinating. And over here I was projecting that it was a man that said Sarah: that, oh yeah. Monica: So there's another one, right? Like it's, it's like, it's, there's so much projection judgment and it is it's coming from ourselves often. We're projecting what we ourselves are longing for. And so there's that claiming piece that it's like dare to claim that you. are beautiful dare to claim that you can have that. And it's just a wonderful kind of like head switch, you know, like there's this way that we just continually kind of tell ourselves a disempowering story. Sarah: Exactly. And our beauty, our beauty Monica is an untapped resource. So basically like you either dig in and get the gold out and claim that as yours, or it goes untapped, but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. And so if we're willing, one of the things I always say is, um, are you willing to corner the market on your brand and beauty because you're, you are your own unique brand. You any other realm? If something was a one of a kind we would sell it. If it was the one who kind of gemstone, if it was a, one of a kind car coming off of the line, we would be like, so excited to have the one of a kind, as soon as it comes to us in our beauty and our body and our being, we're like, no, we must be like everybody else to be valuable. It's wild. But how do we change? Monica: I was reading a quote on your website that said, why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out? And that's that piece? It's like, we, we do ourselves such a disservice when we don't celebrate our uniqueness. And there's, I know that visibility that way to just. Be who we are with full permission is such a difficult journey for, I will say most women. And I, I wondered if you could kind of just start by, and then of course, I want to go back into your background and talk about your, you know, celebrity world and leaving. But I want it to start really. Like, why do you think that is? Why is it so hard for women to give themselves permission, to be visible in their unique beauty? Sarah: What I think there are so many wise, but I really love that you were you introed with the fact that I also do parenting classes because. I truly believe that a lot of our points of view and a lot of how we have to show up in the world, we are mimicking from what we were taught was right and wrong, good and bad from our parents and our parents. Not that our parents were wrong, they were taught that this is how you show caring is that you protect and you. Tell your child when to turn it down. And when it's okay to turn it up and how to tiptoe through the world without making very many waves. And we, as women learn what we get to be in the world from everywhere, media, TV, you know, all sorts of things and what, where our beauty is received or where it's not. And so I get that. What happens is we start to take all these labels of what is good about us and what we decided is bad about us, slap them on ourselves. And we get out in the world. This is who I am, but it's not. It's when you start to undefine pull those labels off, see what's underneath that shows you the radiance of your true being and how do we do that? So within access consciousness, we talk about really going into being in the question. Everything that you've defined about you, whether it's your beauty and your body, whether it's your being, whether it's what you would call your personality is to go, how is that actually true for me? Is this actually who I am? Or am I, am I being something that I was shown to be by my mother or a school teacher or, you know, a relative or a lover or whatever. Okay, cool. If I didn't have to be that anymore, what could I be? And being in constant question is how we actually start to undefine ourselves. Monica: Well, and, you know, I love that the UN the unbecoming, the, all of it, right. Like I do, I always say, you know, like the first half of my life was, was about fitting in and now I'm just like, ah, I can breathe again. Right? Like it's just, this unbecoming process is so amazing. And it's like, as the layers come off, I'm discovering so much beauty in myself. My unique way of navigating the world, my unique way of seeing the world. And it's so interesting because I think another thing that we're taught as women is that our beauty is limited to a certain timeframe in our life. And I have never felt more beautiful in my fifties because I'm filled with beauty. There's just, there's such a huge conversation here that I think is so limited by kind of these social standards of beauty, which I will also. Assert that those standards are set out. They're impossible standards set out by patriarchal culture, that it kind of celebrates this maidenhood where women are kind of essentially suspended in this young immature uninitiated way of being, which to me is again, it's that tiny. Aspect of who we are along the journey, and it's one small place. And it's such a limited understanding of what beauty is. So. I want to now just get really curious to go back to your love of questions. I want to, I am also a big lover of questions and curiosity, and I want to know what was, how did all of this occur for you? Because obviously you were working with celebrities, you had your own salon, you had your own business and there was something more. Sarah: Yeah, well, taking me back to the salon is really cool because once I started to really dig in with the access consciousness tools and starting to live as the question, I started to become way more aware of the world around me as you do. And so as. Would work with a client, a client would sit down and instead of celebrating her beauty, she was constantly asking me, um, and this is multiple clients. I need, you know, this haircut to hide my chin, or I need this haircut because I have a big forehead or can you color my hair? Beautiful. So I'll feel beautiful. And it was always this external ask of me rather than celebrating what was beautiful about her. So what I started to do in my salon, um, Actually take all consultations in front of the chair instead of standing behind the chair where you're looking through the gaze of the women's or men's, uh, judge. Into the mirror. I started to come around and see the difference of looking her in the eye and celebrating something that I saw about her that she wasn't willing to see. And it changed the whole culture of the salon and the w the Yelp reviews and the feedback that we were getting was like, what is so different about this place? And it was really because we were no longer being the one that creates the beauty instead of the one that celebrates the beauty. That's already. And so this whole movement started to happen. I started to use the access consciousness tools in my business asking questions that opened up possibilities rather than going into the limited point of view of what was wrong and what we have to fix. And when I saw that taking place, I was like, okay, what else can I be here? And I started to go into facilitating being new classes from there being you changing the world book that you mentioned by my brother, Dr. Dain Heer. And I was like, okay, well, And then now I've created a being you beauty class that really does look for what we can be or what we already be, actually that has never been uncovered and unveiled to us. Monica: Yeah. What we are ready B and, and learning to celebrate. It's a practice celebrating is such a practice because it's so not what we've been taught to do. I love, love, love what you just said. That shift between creating the beauty. To celebrating the beauty and just by changing your vantage point, it shifted everything. And instead of standing behind looking in the mirror, getting in front and looking at her and pointing out and celebrating. What you saw? It's like, wow, what a, what a shift? What a revolution Sarah: You would be surprised about how many women don't even know the colors that are in their eyes. We're not taught to look and admire are not taught to, to see ourselves. It's like always a reflection of judgement. And so when you can be in front of a woman or a man, but in stand there with no judgment and perceive the beauty of them, it actually radiates louder because you're there acknowledging it with no walls and barriers. And I've invited women to say, Hey, what if, what if we added these color highlights? Because it'll bring the specs out in your eyes and women will be like, I have. But yeah. And I'll have them come to the mirror and get closer and look, and there'll be, you know, some women have been brought to tears because they've never actually looked at their own eyes. That's the wild thing that's out there. Monica: That's just beautiful. And to go back to this workshop, the mirror can be really tricky. And we used to request that women not look in the mirror. She was with us for the entire duration of the workshop, because there's a way that we discovered that a mirror has her basically disassociate. And so the project, you know, in the beginning was really about reinhabiting ourselves and giving ourselves full permission to. Truly see ourselves as we are and to celebrate every aspect warts and all. Absolutely. And to just really be in that place of self approval constantly. Because when women stand in that place of self approval and she's unapologetic for who she is, it's different than not apologizing for behaving badly. It's more about giving ourselves permission to be fully self-expressed in who we are. And just celebrating that and you know, it just changes your whole body posture. I mean, I think about how that, just, just even that the way that we often apologize for ourselves, just in how we walk in, how we dress in how we take up space in the world. It's like, no, not that to have a woman show up and just take up space. That's beautiful. Sarah: Agree a hundred percent. I love that you brought up how we walk and how we stand and how we be the space of our being, because it's so easy to take a back seat as a. It's so easy, but not just like, I know we talk about it, like in like the corporate ladder climb, the corporate ladder and all of the things that women have had to deal with over the years. I'm more talking about the space of being just to how we are. So in trained to give ourselves up, whether it's to the kids, whether it's to the husband, whether it's to beauty standards, whatever that is to just go, you know what? I'll give myself up here. That's just going to be more ease where the empowerment of women and what you're creating with your podcast and all of your platforms. And like what I've learned with access consciousness, and what I create is really to start to open up the space where you can choose to be more of you, which then the beauty comes forward and comes, comes to front and I've seen people's faces changed their bodies change because they're actually being now rather than taking a back seat in their life, whether it's figuratively or otherwise. Monica: Yeah. It's so true, Sarah, you know, I often observe because I have the opportunity to, with so many women and the ones who are showing up are animated and self-expressed and unapologetic and fun and funny, and you know, willing to be messy. And those are the ones that I'm like, those women stick with me. They stick to me like they there's something that happens in the chemistry of my own body. When a woman shows me her full self it's literally. She blessed me. Sarah: Yeah. Yeah, no, I totally agree. And one of the things that I say a lot of the time in the classes is that I become more beautiful when I acknowledge another woman's beauty, but we are taught to do comparison competition, pit each other against each other. Yeah. When you give that up and you start to celebrate another woman, you actually step into way more because you're actually doing, you're connecting with her and communing with her and the gift that she is that gets to light up something that is the gift that you are. So, yeah, I would love to take this conversation to so many places and whoever's listening right now. Like start to look at where you just naturally with not even a cognitive thought, do competition with women and do comparison of you against another woman's beauty. And if that was. A choice to be made, what would be possible beyond all of it that would bring us together so that we could lift each other up and celebrate one another. Monica: Yeah. Well back to that training ground and how we're socially conditioned. There is that. And I think we pointed to it when you were talking about the parenting aspect, because the wound comes from that childhood experience and the modeling that we had. And even if we managed to avoid it with our parents, which is rare, you know, if you did. Wow. Um, but, but even then, you know, you're socialized through school. Like there's just a way that you kind of learn how to do that. It's just, it seems to be in so ingrained in our culture. But one of the things that I loved also revealing was that before jealousy is jealousy, and this is of course from the work of mama Gina and a wonderful coach that I've had over the years, whose name is Megan, Jo Wilson. That jealousy is actually admiration. It just turns and that same alchemy can be used the other way to notice our jealousy and to actually be like, wait a minute. That's not jealousy. That's admiration. Let me call that out. Let me celebrate that. Sarah: And that's, that's so cool. I'm so glad you just shared that because one of the things I talk about too, is that. We do comparison when we're little kids, you're like, I could jump this high. Well, I could climb this high and we're like, wow, what can you do? And there's this comparison thing, but from acknowledgement of how we're so different. And then at some point it turns to competition, comparison turns into competition. And I love what you, that you just shared that with me. Thank you. Because yeah, that, if there's a Nana that nanosecond that you just shared was like, if you were admiring another woman or you were. Adoring her beauty and grateful for her beauty. And then where does that turn to now? Meaning something about your beauty, that if she's that beautiful, you can no longer be. And let's also not mistake that the women who are judged to be beautiful in this reality, don't also have their own bag to carry because they're constantly being judged and separated from because they're. judgeably, more beautiful in this decade. Give it another decade. Right. And then the, the they're looking at like, Hey, how do I connect with all these women? But the women won't want, don't want to connect with them or they keep themselves small and they go, okay. You know what, if I acknowledge my beauty, it must mean by that judgment standard that I'm going to take away beauty from someone else. Right. That is such a huge thing that shows up in class. Women that are just hiding what they know to be true about them, which is the judge really good, right. Beauty. And they're hiding it because they feel so guilty to have it. And they think that it's, if they show it or they shine it bright that someone else has to feel small. And that's another lie of this. Monica: Yeah. And you know that I love that you brought up kind of that reverse beauty kind of thing, because I got to tell you that was true for me. And I've had this grief lately that I spent so much time trying to dumb down or to, to not shine. That bright, because I wanted friends, I wanted friendship and in my high school, right, like moving into another territory, it was suddenly like I was left out, unless, unless I started to kind of dull my shine women, weren't going to want to be friendly with me. And there was also also that an exterior and it was always so funny growing up because of. I've always felt so misunderstood because I didn't see myself the way other people projected upon me. And of course, if you even pull attention to that in our culture, you just sound stuck up, you know, or like all the things. Right. But back to the, all of us projection around beauty, we cannot even begin to imagine what it's like to be. In another woman's shoes, unless we dare to step in them for a minute and look through another perspective. We're just going to be in that projection mode otherwise, and to get curious and to ask questions, it's like, what is it like to be. And that knowing as we start to kind of reveal those aspects of beauty and the way we've been inculturated to think about it, that we're more alike than different. And what we all really are desiring is to feel seen and known. Sarah: And I would say greatest way to get there as to start being willing to see you. A great question is if I were truly being me today, What would I be able to acknowledge about me right away or acknowledge about my beauty right away. We keep, we look so much for the outside validation, whether it's from the beauty standards that you're looking for, um, whether it's from your hairstylist or your lover or whomever that you were looking to be validated for your beauty. If you start to acknowledge your beauty, even just 2% more today. It will start to change and the comparison and the desire to compete starts to dim and fade out of your world. When you start to have more of you and the gratitude for you and your beauty, it's no longer as valuable to compare yourself. And I would be lying. I'd be lying to tell you that I don't still do that, but I know I have tools that when I catch myself doing that, I, I stop and I'm like, okay, what question can I be here? What question can I ask here? And I'll, I'll discover something, whether it's, I'm perceiving the insecurity and the woman that I think I'm judging, I'm perceiving how much she's judging herself. And I'm like, okay, what space can I be for her to not have to do that? You know, and just, and be in the constant play of the moment without having to go into the limited point of view that I'm less than, or I need to compete or compare to how it's me Monica: And then tools really are so key because without those tools, we cannot pivot that moment. We cannot transform that moment or alchemize that moment. And that's what I have grief about are the moments when I think of. You know how many moments I didn't have the tools really to pivot. And, and that I did dim that I did go into a story about myself or into the trance of unworthiness as I call it because let's face it. We teach what we most needed to learn. And it was that I was worthy just the way I am that I am worthy moment by moment by moment. So, Sarah, I want to talk about a little bit about social media here because right. Social media, it's like, can we all just take a big side? There's I see both things happening. I see so much permission and so much redefined. Beauty and so much celebration thank goddess because it's, it also has to do with who I choose to follow and how I choose to nourish myself with imagery now versus harm myself with it or to follow people that actually are not mirroring what I most am hungry for. Not any more of the, to, Sarah: Well, yeah, I mean, social media has been the double-edged sword, so we got to connect to a bunch, more people and to have our businesses out on different platforms and being received. And so our message, your message, my message, um, those that want to heal the world's message or out there for people to find. So how awesome is that? And then the other side of the sword is that we've now created a new perfection. Whether it's the perfect meal or the perfect sunset or the perfect, you know, the perfect life only putting out there. What's so perfect. And now we have more ways to judge ourselves as like, oh, this person's living this life when, why don't I have that life? Well, and it's funny, I've literally heard a woman in one of my classes say, well, they have that life because they're beautiful. Um, So she gets to go on these trips and carry these fashionable handbags and wear those clothes. Cause she's beautiful. That's, that's why I don't have that. And it's, it's really starting to deconstruct that culture period. And where did we come to these points of view that that's the most valuable product and where are we looking to be inspired for our beauty? I don't want to make anybody's beauty wrong. Like in classes I've talked about everywhere from how do we receive a woman who loves plastic surgery and how do we receive a woman who thinks, you know, being on natural and you know, not shaving her legs is beautiful. Like it's all in the spectrum. We don't have to judge or reject anyone's choices with their body, but the social media. Influence has starting to skew. I will say that there are new platforms being created that I'm like, yay, we're going in somewhat of a direction body-positive campaigns and such like that. But what I see a lot there is that it's like, Hey, this is wrong with you, but it's okay. That it's wrong with you. Let's be okay with it. You know, like let's celebrate the wrongness of you rather than there's nothing wrong with you. You're fucking beautiful. Yeah. And that's, that's the thing that like I'm excited and would love to support those types of campaigns. And then let's expand on them. Let's go past the right and wrong, the good and the bad, because I know like, you know, when I was in high school, there was a certain body shape that was celebrated and I wasn't that popular. And then the minute I got out of high school, my body shape became really, really valuable. And I'm like, wow, how is that all true. If it's all disappear. How is it that the 18 hundreds, a woman with a very large body meant a certain thing and she was celebrated and then the skinny woman comes in and that celebrated it. So if you can change that easily, then none of it all has to be alive. So what would we like to create as beauty on the planet? Monica: It all, it has to be a lie. It's, it's so interesting, right? Like again, I just want to point out how sick that is such a sick cultural indicator, right? There is even just the commodified. Of what's in, and what's not we're human beings for heaven sake. We are, our body is a vehicle for us to experience this incredible journey. And it's just, it's amazing to me again, how, how this is still even a thing. It makes me actually. Exasperated frustrated. Right. But that energy, again, that also makes me that much more determined to amplify these messages of beauty and to change that norm because it is changing and I do see it and I am celebrating it. And where I'd really love to get is this. Understanding of interconnection, not only with everything and stop commodifying, everything like there's also just such an organic, innate beauty in each of us as human beings who are interconnected with. The earth and all of the ways that we get to celebrate our, our messes in our lives, our failures, our to celebrate all of those aspects because that's what helps us be, who we're meant to be. So where do you get your inspiration? What makes you think you can take on an industry as big as the beauty industry, because so much of that industry is really committed to profiting on the lack. Sarah: Um, well, first of all, I'm crazy. Monica: Yes, sister. Sarah: But what I also know before I tell you about might where my inspiration came from. Cause it's a great story. It's what I know is that with every step I take forward, I meet people like you and together we can change. I know it's not me. I know that I'm not going to take on this industry or, or just beauty as at large in the world and be able to change it by myself. But every little step the universe has my back and there's some door that opens and I meet some other magical being that's like, yes, that and willing to have a conversation to put out there. So my inspiration actually does come in story form. So as you know, like I have Dr. Dain is my older brother. You know, your listeners haven't checked him out. They probably should. I know you've interviewed him a few times Monica: Your such a good sister. I'm going to put it in the show notes. Sarah: Okay. So I mean, uh, access consciousness and Dr. Dain Heer is a huge inspiration for me to just be me. He wrote a book called being you change the world, like you said, and it just starts to explore more tools like you even mentioned with having the tools, to be able to do that pivot point and change things. As far as the beauty industry goes, I've modeled when I was a little girl and I never really understood the intensity in front of the camera. And so I was always hiding around with the hair and makeup girls and, um, never wanted to go on set actually and get in front of the camera because I loved the creation that was behind, which then led me to become a hairstylist when I got older. But I still, I thought I had to do it in a certain way. If I was going to be successful, it had to be with the celebrities I had to be on sets. I had to work with. Like film industry. And I did that for a little bit and I was just kind of unfulfilled and I started playing more of the access tools and became a facilitator, but it was my daughter who is now 13 years old. And I'm going to do my best to try to get through this without crying. Okay. Monica: It's okay. You can cry if you want to probably cry right along with you. Sarah: So she's 13 years old now, but it was about three years ago, four years ago that over the summer from fourth to fifth grade, she developed vitiligo, which is a skin condition. Um, the pigmentation of your skin. So you have dark skin, it'll start to show up more white and I'm my husband's Italian. So she has a really beautiful olive complexion and she started to get these white spots on her neck that started to grow up to the side of her face and her mouth and like any good mother. I freaked out. I was like, what's going on? So I took her to the dermatologist and the dermatologist gave her a bunch of creams and a bunch of pills for her to take, to try to slow this process. Reverse it. And so she started to take the pills and the creams and. Because we have other energetic tools and we do energetic body processes and such that changed so much in access consciousness. I called my brother Dain, and I said, Hey, are there any body processes I can run to give his body more ease with this process of like healing this? Right. Because I was looking at it as something that was wrong. Okay. And it was wrong because it was happening to my beautiful girl. It was happening on her face. It was wrong because of all my projections of where she would be teased the future. I was trading with all of my motherly fear. It was wrong because I couldn't stop it. It was just wrong. And my brother said to me, Sarah, I think. She likes it. And to which I said, I'm going through a tunnel. Bye. And I hung up. So I, I couldn't receive that. There's no way she would like this. And so I sat with that for a few days, still giving her, her medicine on time and putting the cream on her face. And she came to me and said, mommy, I don't want to take this cream. I don't want to put this cream on me anymore. And I don't want to take these pills anymore. And I said, okay. And I'm I, as a parent, I really celebrate giving my kids choice. And so I said, okay, well, tell me about that. Because it was my point of view that I needed to get through. I knew it wasn't hers. And she said, well, mommy, she's like my Vitiligo cause Vitiligo changes, shapes and moves on different parts of the body. She goes, I wake up every day and I run to the mirror and I don't know what I'm going to look like. She goes, who gets to wake up and not know what they're going to look like. She said, I actually really liked. I was like, I can't believe my brother's right again. So I said, oh, okay. Maybe you don't have to wear it. You don't have to take the pills anymore. And so I just started to look at my points of view about that. And so then it came time to take her back to school and all of my stuff came up because I could learn to love this as part of her. And I had by then. And she could do it, but could anybody else do it? Little kids or me and I was. So wanting to go into protection mode of preparing her. That's what we do. We prepare for the worst case scenarios with our kids, but I know enough to not do that. So I held all that, that, and all that fear and all that anxiety and dropped her off at school. I was the first parent in line to pick her up and I waited for her to get in the car and she did. And I said, how was your day? And she's like, great. And we did that for weeks. How has your name great. And I was like, what does she get to tell me that everybody's teasing her? Nobody ever did. And so one day T the teacher called me and she said, your daughter just changed my life. I've never seen anything occur. That just happened. The one I just saw happened in my classroom, and I said, what happened? And she said, well, her and her little boy were arguing over something like a pencil. And they started to do the thing that kids do, which like throw a dig back and forth and try to one-up each other with the dig. And she said it finally got to a point where the little boy. Well, what are those ugly white spots on your face too? Which my sweet Talia put her hand on her face instead of this, this is what makes me unique. Ah, instead of arguing with me, why don't you go find out what makes you unique? And the teacher said that the little boy just turned and walked away, that it was completely diffused because Talia never bought that as something she could be. She created that reality that it's not anything she could ever be teased about because to her, it was already. And I started to look at that in so many different areas of like, if I don't have a judgment of something about my body and someone says something, it's not going to match anything, it's not going to connect with anything in my world. And she's now 13. And it was about a month ago that she said, mom, you won't believe this. She said, I have this friend who I've been friends with since fifth grade, when all this happened. She said, he just looked at me funny today. And I said, what are you looking at? And he said, when did you get those white spots on here? And she goes, I've had these for four years and he said, no way, he's like, I've never seen them before, but she wasn't projecting them as wrong. She was celebrating them. From the very beginning that nobody got to look into her world and make her wrong for that because she owned her beauty. She owned the gift of her beauty and she didn't have to hide it. She didn't have to hide anything. I I'm a makeup artist. I thought for sure, I was going to be teaching her different techniques to cover it. She got upset this summer because she was in the sun. And when she tans on them, they start to go away and she was like, oh no. And she wanted to ask. Cover them with screen sunscreens so that she didn't actually have them go away. What a different point of view. Okay. And that, I mean, Monica: I'm not crying, I'm a mess. I'm a total mess because it's such a powerful lesson. Like, if, if I just, that's such a beautiful story and I, the second you said you were going to tell a story about your daughter. I was looking for my tissue because I think when it comes to our kids, again, there's nothing more powerful. That can change our perspective or that can reach into our hearts and say, pay attention, pay attention to this right here right now. And great job mama, because all of the ways that you had to like confront your own stuff about beauty and allowing her to teach you something like how beautiful is that? And. Yeah, we're I brag that we are raising and celebrating these strong, resilient, beautiful daughters that are able to celebrate each other, to be able to have pivoted from where I was and teach my daughter differently and to allow her to teach me what she's learning is such a beautiful dynamic. That was a beautiful story. Sarah: Thank you, you, and you know, one of the questions that we ask and ask the access is what's right about this. I'm not getting, and that was the question I just kept asking. So anytime anything's going on, that you cannot see the future of you cannot see what it's creating. It seems so wrong. And so daunting. You can start to ask every day, what's right about this. I'm not getting. And what I know now from the inspiration that Talia just bees for me, Is my whole beauty dynamic of like it awakened what I already knew, but was pretending not to know. And she invited me to the space of my being. And I was like, wow, what gift is some diagnosis like this that is going to wake all of us up. And I can start to tell this story to the world, invite them to the awarenesses that came from, from seeing her just step into that and never make it wrong. I was like, what else is possible here that we have never considered? And that really, she really is that. Beacon of light to a possibility that if she didn't have that diagnosis, you know, I don't know if we would have necessarily, we necessarily would've gotten there really. So, you know, anything coming up with anything in your world around beauty or otherwise what's right about this. And I'm not getting by. Monica: I love that as like the self love. We haven't tried yet. Yeah, right, exactly. Yeah. It's such a beautiful, it's such a beautiful practice. I love that. What's right about this that I'm not getting. And I'm sure that, you know, I was just having this conversation about an auto-immune disorder that I've had for many, many years. And recognizing and celebrating that it's taught me so much about how to take care of myself. It's taught me so much about how to listen deeply to what my body needs. It's taught me to stand up for myself when it comes to being shamed for not doing something or overdoing it. Because I know like, no, because if I go down, the whole ship goes down and just really getting. What I am to my own life, into those around me, and that I need to take care of me first, before everything else. And also what a perfect question for where we're at in this pandemic. What's right about this that I'm not getting. Sarah: Absolutely. It's a, it's a mainstay question here. And, you know, there's always the beauty and beautiful energy underneath everything. If you look for it. So true. And you know, a lot of us get swept away in the top layer of the tide and really the undercurrent is what's bubbling and what's possible and what's coming to light. And if we stay in the awareness of that beautiful energy underneath. You can perceive the possibility so much quicker. Monica: Well, I'm you just said the keyword. It's not on the surface. It's not on the surface. It's the soul dive. It's the looking beneath it's the what's hiding here in Plains. That I can't see with my physical eyes. I have to see it from another vantage point. And like using all of these sensory gifts we've been getting and we've, and we're honing in on. I assert, cause I think so many of us are, are learning how to use these extraordinary senses for, for other purposes now, you know, too, I have, I've always said, you know, women are extraordinary and we were built to Intuit the world, you know, in a way that. You know, I think is completely, uh, extraordinary. And so learning how to use these extra sensory gifts is beautiful and allows us to fill ourselves with far more beauty than we can on the surface. There's so much more nourishment when we dare to go beyond what we see on the, on the surface. I couldn't agree more so we're already kind of at time, but I've loved this conversation so much and I always love to ask. My guests, you know, like what conversation or what question have I not brought up or asked that you, that you want to talk about or that you want to reveal? Sarah: I would love, I think the thing that's popping right now is where, you know, we have a lot of focus on empowering women. And I think that what. Another part of the conversation that we as women could be having is to know that, that we can also be a gift to empower men, to acknowledge their beauty as well. The, um, I know what platform are both on right now, but I just wanted to leave that maybe at the end of the show is, is that young men and. Grown men are all also part of this beauty conversation. And I see so many men having to hide that they're at the effect of it as well. And so as we explore this because the world has given us permission to explore it, what can we be for men in the world to also know that they are beautiful and that they don't have to live by the beauty standards as well. And. I just, I have a son and I have daughters and I watch how the world is talking to my girls in a new way, but they're not necessarily talking to my boy and yet, so if us women are having these conversations where we can, we include the beauty of Monica: men. Yeah. And Sarah, I want to, I want to dig in a little bit here because of course I'm like so curious, how do you see that happening? I too. Right. And you and I were talking a little bit before we started our session and we were talking about that until my boy reached a certain age. He actually, and he'll still joke around, but he's more joking now where, before he used to be like, I want to paint my nails, you know, or, or just do something funky or different with his hair or, and he is so beautiful. And again, it's, there's a physicality to his beauty, but there's also like this inner radiance that is so apart of his beauty and same with my husband, like my husband is so it's such a giver and he's such a beautiful human being. Like when I say a beautiful human being, it's like, he's just got this extraordinary way of showing up in the world for other people that I just. I called that beautiful. Yeah, of course. Sarah: I'm with you on the boy and the man, my husband's the same way. Monica: And so is it like celebrating like point like pointing to it, speaking to it, you know, inviting them to claim what they see beauty, you know, beauty in themselves as, yeah. And like really creating that conversation with them. Sarah: Yeah. And it's not to ignore that the beauty norms and the beauty standards also affect them. You know, like I have male clients who are. Beside themselves because they're losing their hair. I have have a young, my son, my son. Body image stuff that comes up for him that we talk about, but we, it's not on the billboards. It's not being talked about. It's not, it's not in the magazines. Um, you know, right now we're, we're in a time where like beauty standards are having an of sorts, you know, we're, um, having conversations like this, about women and empowering women and the empowerment of men and their beauty is not really being talked about. And men still compare themselves to other men. They do locker room talks and whatever, but it's also, you know, their bodies are also being judged. They're being judged by women and being compared to by other men the same way that we are, but there's no platform for them. There's no. Right now. And so what I know is that if we have that forum as women and we don't exclude men from the conversation, and I know that that's not where you're coming from, that's not where I'm coming from, but we can start to open up those conversations for them to have. Maybe there is a male leader out there that would like to have these conversations for young men to be able to explore, you know, I'm going to be a good sister. Again. Dain has a book called Return to the Gentlemen. Which is an exploration of that, of How to be a Gentleman. And I would just love to pump it up with a little bit of a the beauty conversation here with you. That beauty includes men as well. Monica: Yeah. I love that you're pointing to this because it's true. It wouldn't have occurred to me because. They don't necessarily talk about it, but that's what you're saying. It's not on the billboards. And so in some ways it's kind of like this hidden again in plain sight, but, but it's what I'm hearing you say is it actually really works on them. It really has it's own. Toxicity in their lives. And just because they're not talking about it necessarily and sharing about it, it doesn't mean that it's not impacting them. And I think starting the conversation and being aware as women that's when I think that's what I'm hearing you really point. Sarah: Exactly. And, and as, as moms, as parents, as lovers, as, you know, girlfriends, whatever wives, if we start to go, okay, you know, cause the entrainment of men is to not talk about it, period, whatever it is, right. To go inward, to hold onto it, to prove their strength by not having to talk about it. And the amount of men that have melted down in my beauty classes that think they were being dragged. There is a date or, you know, doing a friend Sarah favor by sitting in the amount of men who have come from. To their knees energetically and said, oh my God, this conversation actually includes me. I have something to say is you would be so surprised and because they have dealt with their own body issues and what is the good right. Male body. The handsome man, the, you know, my son was born with a cleft lip, so he can't really go up, grow a mustache. So he, you know, for the longest time judged his mustache growth, you know, um, it seems, it seems like as a mother I'm like, you're so handsome regardless, but how many, how many men are just hearing that from their moms or, but not from the world? Yes. Yeah. And so if we just, as women. Stepped into our own beauty, what can we actually empower and inspire and men to know that they, Monica: Yeah, I, gosh, it's so important that you're revealing this because I D you know, I do think too, as women, we are such the, like the lantern bearers, right. And, and in giving permission to ourselves, we give permission to everyone. And that includes our men. And I mean, Sarah, that's just. A huge conversation and I'm going to of course get, get your brother's book now. Cause I didn't know, again, I know he's prolific in all ways, but I didn't know he had that book. And so actually picking that up too for my boy and having that conversation. Thank you. Yeah. Thanks for bringing that up. Sarah: Thanks for receiving it too. Monica: Oh my gosh. Sarah: And I just want to acknowledge that about you. Uh, there are many platforms out there that are there to empower women, but from a place of rejecting men or keeping them out of the conversation because they blame men for where women are at. And this is a totally different space. And I just want to say thank you for being a space that invites that conversation. Monica: Oh, my gosh. Thank you. I received that. And it's so important to me because again, like this journey to wholeness, it, it does, it obviously it's wholeness, right? It doesn't, it can't exclude it. Can't and I think the more we can reveal and feel and heal. That just means that we're creating a better world for all of us. So again, I'm celebrating your work. I'm going to keep this conversation close to my heart today and for the rest of the week and probably forever. Thank you. And for our listeners, I just want to let you know that I'll have all of Sarah's links in the show notes. I want to. Point you all to a blog post. She wrote that I got a chance to read this morning and we didn't talk about it on air, but it's called an open letter to a mother at the pool. And it's beautiful because it really, again, it like spoke to my heart in such a deep way. And that has so much to do with your work with parents. And again, we didn't talk about it today, but I'd love to invite you back. To talk about that because again, like our children, right? I mean this whole parenting conversation is huge. And I think now more than ever, we're having to really address and pivot our parenting in ways that I don't think. Many of us have the tools. I mean, we're, we're scraping for them. And I think we're doing a great job under the circumstances, but to know that you have a whole tool set as well for parents is just amazing. So thanks again, Sarah. It's just been a complete and utter joy to have you on the show. Thank you for your work in the world. Sarah: And I am so grateful for all that you're creating and I got to be included in it. Me to have any other conversations with you. Monica: Great. Well then more to be revealed. We hope you enjoyed this episode. For more information, please visit us@jointherevelation.com and be sure to download our free gift, subscribe to our mailing list or leave us a review on iTunes. We thank you for your generous listening and as always more to be revealed.