Podcast: The Revelation Project Podcast Episode Title: Mastering Your Destiny Host(s): Monica Guest(s): John ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Intro (Intro) | 00:00:02 to 00:00:23 Welcome to the Revelation Project podcast. I'm Monica Rogers, and this podcast is intended to disrupt the trance of unworthiness. And to guide women to remember and. Reveal the truth of who we are. We say that life is a Revelation Project, and what gets revealed gets healed. Monica (Host) | 00:00:24 to 00:01:03 You hello, dear listener, and welcome to another episode of the Revelation Project podcast. Today I'm with Dr. John Demartini, who's a world leading human behavior specialist, researcher, bestselling author, educator, and founder of the Demartini Method, a revolutionary tool in modern psychology. He's authored over 40 books that have been translated into 39 different languages and presented his insights among some of the world's most influential people, including Sir Richard Branson and Deepak Chopra. Dr. Monica (Host) | 00:01:03 to 00:01:55 Di Martini's cutting edge methods are a culmination of almost five decades of research across disciplines, including physics, philosophy, theology, metaphysics, psychology, astronomy and mathematics, neurology, and physiology. He synthesized these teachings and incorporated them into his work on human values. He shares his life, business, financial relationship, and leadership empowerment strategies with people all over the globe, enabling them to transform their lives according to their highest values. He's been also featured in Oprah Magazine, larry King Live, HuffPost, Mind Valley, Sky News, and so much more. You can learn more about him at Dr. Monica (Host) | 00:01:55 to 00:02:02 Demartini.com. Please join me in welcoming him. Hey there, Dr. Demartini. Good morning. John (Guest) | 00:02:02 to 00:02:18 Or afternoon or evening. I think it's afternoon there. I know it's difficult when you're kind of sailing around the world to keep track of the time. Well, believe it or not, I have somebody that takes care of that. Whenever we go to a different time zone, they come in and change my clock. John (Guest) | 00:02:18 to 00:02:54 So that helps me a lot because I don't know what time it is at the time. Okay, well, I'm going to put that on my desires list. I want somebody to do that for me, too. I love that. So I was really fascinated as I was looking into your work that you actually couldn't read until you were 18 years old, and I wondered if you could just kind of start by giving my listener a little bit of background on just what your early life was all about, just to set the stage for this conversation. John (Guest) | 00:02:54 to 00:03:22 Okay. I was born in 1954, so I'll be 69 in a few months. I was born with my arm and leg turned in, and about a year and a half when I was trying to walk, I kept falling over, and so I had to wear an arm brace and a leg brace. I also found out I had a speech impediment. I couldn't use my mouth properly, so I had to go to speech pathologist by the time I was in first grade. John (Guest) | 00:03:22 to 00:03:44 First grade teacher told me that I well in front of my parents, that I'm afraid your son's never going to be able to read or write, not communicate effectively. Probably won't go very far. Mount much in life. But when I got out of my braces that I wore till I was four, I just wanted to run because I've been constrained. So I just ran, ran, ran, ran, ran. John (Guest) | 00:03:44 to 00:04:07 And my first grade teacher suggested to my parents that put him into some sort of sport because he can at least walk and run adequately. Well, I ended up eventually I made it through elementary school with the help of the smartest kids by asking questions. I'm a firm believer that everything that goes on in your life is exactly on track. And anything you can't say thank you for is baggage. Anything you can say thank you for is fuel. John (Guest) | 00:04:08 to 00:04:30 But I couldn't see some of those at that time, or maybe I chose not to see them. So I ended up dropping out of school at 13 and wanted to pick up surfing. So I was good on a surfboard. Texas wasn't the surf capital. So I hitchhiked at 14 to California Huntington Beach and down into Mexico. John (Guest) | 00:04:31 to 00:05:07 And then at 15, I found a way of handhelding enough money to fly to Hawai. And I first lived under a bridge, then under a park bench, then in an abandoned car, well, a bathroom, then an abandoned car, finally a tent. So I kept social climbing, and I was a surfer, and I rode big waves and got in some surf movies and surf books and magazines. Then I nearly died at 17. And in the recovery of that, I was led to a health food store to get some decent food in me, and led to a yoga class. John (Guest) | 00:05:09 to 00:05:32 I started taking yoga at 17, started teaching other people yoga at 18. And that night I had a dream to had a vision and dream that I could overcome my learning problems. Learn how to properly speak, learn how to read, learn how to write, and someday become intelligent. Up until that point, I never imagined myself being intelligent. But the gentleman named Paul C. John (Guest) | 00:05:32 to 00:05:43 Bragg, who was the speaker that night, inspired me. He's the one that you probably heard of. Bragg's Amino Acids, if you're going to a health food store. Oh, one of my favorites. So, anyway, he inspired me. John (Guest) | 00:05:43 to 00:05:57 That night I saw vision, and I actually have the vision painted. Maybe that would be useful to the people who might be watching. I'll show you a little picture. Yeah. John (Guest) | 00:05:59 to 00:06:17 So at 17 years old, I saw vision the night I met Bob Bragg. Now, this painting wasn't painted till twelve years ago by a famous painter in Melbourne, Australia. When I was doing a presentation there about my story. Wow. People asked me how to do it, and I shared the story. John (Guest) | 00:06:17 to 00:06:35 And I was inspired by the when I shared it because it was a tear jerking moment. And a painter came up to me and says, I would like to paint your painting as a gift. And I said, well, that would be wonderful. He says, I'd like to do a sketch. If the sketch matches your vision, let me know. John (Guest) | 00:06:35 to 00:06:48 And it was phenomenally, the vision. Wow. So he painted this. And this is sitting in my office. It's five foot by four foot, and it's me standing on a balcony. John (Guest) | 00:06:48 to 00:06:55 I don't know if you can see it. Yes. Let's see if I can get it from being blurred. Okay. And what's in the background? Monica (Host) | 00:06:55 to 00:07:13 Is it like a coliseum type thing or a balcony? It's a balcony with a million people below. Wow. And in the background is an iconic building from every major city around the world. And it's called a man with a mission, a vision, and a message. Ad (Advertisement) | 00:07:13 to 00:07:34 Wow. So that's what I saw when I was 17. This man painted it. So when you walk in my office, you'll see it. But I had a dream to go to every country on the face of the Earth to research on human behavior and on mastery of life, how to empower our lives. John (Guest) | 00:07:35 to 00:07:55 I wanted to read, I wanted to write, I wanted to speak. All the things I was told I would never be able to do, I wanted to do. I was told I would never read. And I've now read 30,760 something books I would never write. I've written nearly 300 books, 40 of just best selling books. John (Guest) | 00:07:55 to 00:08:14 And they said I would never go very far in life. I've traveled over 20 million mile in flights and over a million miles sailing. They said I would never amounting thing. I've been blessed to be very fortunate multiple times, financially independent, about 50 times. They said I would never communicate. John (Guest) | 00:08:14 to 00:08:38 We've reached over five plus billion people now with radio, television, newspapers, magazines, media, movies, et cetera. The very thing that you're told you may not be able to do is maybe the thing you're destined to do. At least in my case, it turned out that way. So I'm very grateful. My first grade teacher, if she was alive, I would have thanked her, even though at the time I didn't grasp the perfection of that. John (Guest) | 00:08:38 to 00:09:12 But I'm a firm believer it has nothing to do with what you've been through or what you're going through or what you've been through. What matters is how you perceive it, what you decide to do with it, and how you act from it. And so I'm a believer taking command of your actions and perceptions and prioritize your actions, prioritize your decisions and prioritize your perceptions by asking, how specifically is whatever I'm experiencing? How is it helping me fulfill what I feel is my inspired mission on Earth? And if you answer that accountably, you can liberate yourself from the baggage and realize that you're not a victim of history. John (Guest) | 00:09:12 to 00:09:39 You're a master of destiny. I love that, John. I also really am hearing that for a time in your life, up until this happened, you were kind of intimately. You had an intimate relationship with this what I call the trance of unworthiness. Up until a certain point in your life when you began to see something different for your life. Monica (Host) | 00:09:39 to 00:10:31 Something different was possible than messages you had gotten. And I'm wondering because I often tend to try to demystify experiences for people, and yet it came to you in a dream. And so I'm wondering, I want to get curious about what you think dreams are and also if that turned for you on a dime or if it had to become a practice, because I think it's helpful for my listener to just hear kind of how that happens for different people and especially for someone like yourself. Well, I had no idea when I went to that little yoga class that night that he took us through a guided imagery meditation experience, what he called an alpha meditation. I had not done meditation until that point. John (Guest) | 00:10:31 to 00:10:49 I had not done yoga until that night. I had not eaten health foods until that day. So it was just one of those things that it was a turning point. But after listening to him, I decided that I wanted to learn how to read. I decided. John (Guest) | 00:10:49 to 00:11:15 And so I went to a dictionary later. It was months later, but I ended up going to a dictionary and memorizing 30 words a day until my vocabulary was growing enough to be able to return to school. And then I wanted to speak properly, so I practiced pronunciation. My mom used to test me when I went back home. I was living in Hawai by myself, and I moved back home at 18. John (Guest) | 00:11:15 to 00:11:47 My mom used to test me on 30 words a day and how to pronounce them, how to spell them, and add meaning to them. So I worked on 30 words a day, and over two years, I had 20,000 words memorized and recited, which allowed me to then go back to school and recite. So it was a step by step daily ritual of progressively learning how to speak, read, and be able to articulate for me. And I started doing yoga every day. I started meditating every day. John (Guest) | 00:11:47 to 00:12:19 I started not living to eat, but eating to live and prioritizing what I was eating to make sure I was fueling my body most effectively. I grew an organic garden, and I was just trying to eat natural foods, and I drank mainly water, vegetable juices, and that was about it. I just did what I could. Every time I would learn something from my reading or from a class that I would take or from wise people that I would meet, I try to incorporate it, but try to immediately see, how can I use this? Is this meaningful? John (Guest) | 00:12:19 to 00:12:34 Is it something that could resonate with me? Can I incorporate it? And it was a slow, incremental thing. Baby steps make big dreams. Piggy banks become biggie banks if you just do incremental, momentum building actions consistently, yes. John (Guest) | 00:12:34 to 00:13:00 It's not something. People think they've got to do this big thing, but it's just a bunch of little things that add up after a while. I just started writing down every day, something. Every time I would get I read something and I'd get an idea quote, I put them on index cards, and I put a quote for card, and then I would shuffle them alphabetical. And I started building up a wisdom base, you might say, of information. John (Guest) | 00:13:00 to 00:13:33 We're standing on the shoulders of giants. And that was very helpful because that was sort of like a highlight, wisdom that was passed down from all different types of people, from great leaders, male, female leaders around the world. And I just tried to feed my mind. I didn't have any interest after age 17 to do anything other than to stand on the shoulders of giants. When I was about to turn 19 years old, my mother asked me, what do you want for your birthday? John (Guest) | 00:13:33 to 00:13:47 What do you want for Christmas? Because my birthday was Thanksgiving Day. I said, Mom, I want the greatest teachings on the face of the Earth, the greatest writings humanity has ever created by the greatest minds who ever lived. And she said, you sure you don't need a T shirt? John (Guest) | 00:13:49 to 00:14:16 Wow. I said, I just want the greatest teaching. Let me see what I can do. Well, she had a brother who was at MIT, who, as a gift, who knew I had learning problems as a child, my uncle. And he sent because she told him that I was learning how to read, he sent two giant six by six by six foot wooden crates on a flatbed truck to our house filled with thousands of books. John (Guest) | 00:14:16 to 00:14:49 And they unloaded them onto the ground, and I got a crowbar out, opened them up, and filled my room with nothing but books, except for a yoga mat face in the window and just started to devour. And I wanted to have the greatest books, greatest ideas. I later, when I moved onto the ship, I had a friend who I met named Martin Shoyan, who had the largest collection, the greatest collection of rare manuscripts on the planet. He has the largest collections, five plus billion dollars worth of manuscripts. These are the greatest manuscripts. John (Guest) | 00:14:50 to 00:14:57 I mean, he has the oldest Plato and the oldest Aristotle and the Magna Carta. Wow. I mean, he owns stuff. The Dead Sea Scrolls. He owns them all. John (Guest) | 00:14:57 to 00:15:33 And so I was able to get some of the perennial philosophies that have stood the test of time from around the world because of this gentleman. And he had the biggest and most amazing collection, and I had access to it because he was like a neighbor. I mean, you're talking to such a bibliophile over here, too, so I'm just, like, listening to you, like, yes, very engaged in what you're saying. I lived and developed from not being able to read. I learned how to read, and I learned how to speed read, and I started reading at least four to seven books a day on average, sometimes more on the weekends. Monica (Host) | 00:15:33 to 00:16:09 All right, I've got a question. I'm so curious because there's a tendency I mean, for those of us that really what I hear is that it sparked your love of learning. It ignited you. It was like coming in contact with whatever was going to light that fuse. And somehow there was this series of events that kind of then sparked that fuse, that developed this voracious appetite and this love of learning. Monica (Host) | 00:16:09 to 00:16:36 And I'm curious, where do you find that learning and ingesting? Like I was hearing some of how you embodied that was actually through doing it on index cards where you would actually write those down and alphabetize them. And I think there is something to that. Writing those down embodying it, thinking, contemplation. But where does that translate to wisdom? Monica (Host) | 00:16:36 to 00:17:00 And where does that translate to you then kind of combining with your own perspectives and ideas and creating something that then became uniquely yours where you actually wanted to write? Well, one of my internal, I guess you could call them affirmations was that the universe is my playground. The world is my home. Every country is a room of the house. Every city is a platform to share my heart and soul. John (Guest) | 00:17:00 to 00:17:17 I live on a ship called The World. That's the actual world that goes around the world. And I also said that I want to create original ideas that serve humanity. So I asked, how do I maximize creating original ideas? It was an intention. John (Guest) | 00:17:17 to 00:17:51 And I realized that whenever you pursue what's truly most deeply meaningful, what's truly highest on your values, the thing that most inspires you and pursue challenges in the world, problems and the challenges in the world that you can contribute to solving, whenever you're pursuing something deeply meaningful and inspiring, that's when you wake up your creative genius. That's when you come up with original ideas. That's when you become a non borrowed visionary. You're not subordinating and taking in derivative values and ideas from the outside. Heard you're going out and getting heard. John (Guest) | 00:17:52 to 00:18:20 I also found out that if I went to the originators of each of the disciplines, I wanted to study universal laws. So I asked, what exactly is universal law? That led me to Aristotle, that talked about natural laws, things that were micro or macro applied. And I then made a list of every known discipline that was known on the encyclopedias and dictionaries. I made this massive list of all the different ologies and disciplines a human being could study. John (Guest) | 00:18:20 to 00:19:05 And I wanted to go to the originator, the founder or the father or mother of those disciplines because they're the most creative. They're the ones that have the ability to have neology and come up with new creative ideas. And then I wanted to study all the polymaths, most of them were polymaths and they had multiple discipline backgrounds. And I wanted to devour that information, meditate on that, find the dialectic between the pairs of opposite beliefs around the topic, synthesize as hegel did and Xeno did, and find an original emergence out of that information that transcended it. So that was a purposeful, methodical, consistent, daily intention, and we end up with 300 different disciplines. John (Guest) | 00:19:05 to 00:19:39 And I made a commitment to read at least 100 books in each discipline, which I found equivalent to a PhD in that area. So I wanted to be a polymath with original thinking that served human beings, that came up with ideas that could solve problems in the field of human behavior. So that was my intention since I was 18. Okay, I love this so much, and I have so many thoughts swirling in my head right now. I want to kind of transition over into what is happening in the world now. Monica (Host) | 00:19:39 to 00:20:48 And what you see happening and how you serve has evolved to meet the times we're living in. Well, I believe that there's a hidden order in the apparent chaos. And I believe that the quality of your life is based on the quality of questions you ask. For instance, if you meet somebody on the street and you perceive initially that they are more intelligent than you, more successful than you, more financially viable than you, more stable in relationship than you, more socially savvy or connected or networked than you, more physically beautifully appearing than you or fit and more spiritually aware. If you put them on a pedestal, look up to them, and are conscious of their upsides and unconscious of their downsides and infatuate or admire them, you will automatically, by the law of contrast, minimize yourself. John (Guest) | 00:20:49 to 00:21:08 In comparison. The moment you exaggerate somebody else, you'll minimize yourself. And you will be too humble to admit what you see in them inside you. And you will then accentuate your disowned parts. You will then self diminish, self depreciate and question yourself. John (Guest) | 00:21:09 to 00:21:26 Now, this uncertainty is not a weakness. The uncertainty is a feedback from your consciousness to let you know you're not being authentic. You're minimizing yourself relative to people you're exaggerating to. And you don't have equanimity within your mind. You don't have equity between you and them. John (Guest) | 00:21:26 to 00:21:54 You have an inequity. Now, you can also do that walking down the street and look down on somebody. You think they're less intelligent, less successful, less viable, financially less stable in relationship, less socially connected, less physically fit, less spiritually aware. And now you'll exaggerate yourself and you'll be conscious of their downside, unconscious their upsides, and be conscious of your upside and unconscious of your downside. And you'll have a subjective bias distortion of your reality. John (Guest) | 00:21:54 to 00:22:14 And again, you're not authentic because now you've puffed yourself up. Before you were beating yourself up. Now you're puffing yourself up. Anytime we exaggerate ourselves or minimize ourselves, we're not being authentic to ourselves, and we disempower ourselves because we're too proud or too humble to admit what we see in the world around us, inside us. There's no reflective, pure reflective awareness. John (Guest) | 00:22:14 to 00:22:48 There's an incompetence in our perception. The moment we do that we are now creating signs and symptoms in each of those areas of life to try to make us look reflectively and not put people on pedestals or pits, but put them in a heart. So it's asking the question to fill in the unconscious. So if you're infatuated to somebody, you're blind to the downside. So your intuition is trying to whisper to you, beware this person's, not who you think, be cautious, don't be gullible. John (Guest) | 00:22:48 to 00:23:10 And it's trying to make you aware of the downsides to level the playing field. Because if you infatuate with them, you'll end up sacrificing what's important to you to be fitting into them for fear of loss of them. And if you resent them, you're unconscious of the upsides. And so when you're around somebody you resent, look down on your intuition is trying to whisper and says got to be a reason why they're in my life. There's got to be a purpose why this is happening. John (Guest) | 00:23:11 to 00:23:42 It's trying to whisper to you to make you conscious of the unconscious, to make you fully conscious, to be fully conscious, to see both sides and to not put people in pedestals and pits and not put yourself in the pit or pedestal, but to actually put yourself in them in the heart. Like in India they say the Namaste, the divine and you and the divine in me are meaning. Now I see it in you. It's reflection. So pure reflective awareness liberates us from the emotional bondage of the infatuations and resentments that distract our mind from being present. John (Guest) | 00:23:43 to 00:24:10 And so the quality of our life is based on the quality questions we ask. And quality questions are one that extracts meaning out of our perceptions and brings us back to the golden mean, as Aristotle described, between the excess and deficiency and allows us to see things as they are, actually not as we realize through our amygdala's distorted sensory awareness. We're now seeing things as they are. Right. And I hear the thread. Monica (Host) | 00:24:10 to 00:24:33 That's the thread? Yes, that's the thread. The thread is the authentic, the path. The Buddhists call it the Dharmic path. And the illusionary paths are the exaggeration minimum where you give false attribution biases and causalities to people you admire or to the people you resent and you give credit or blame instead of actually just realizing it's all just a reflection and there's no separation. John (Guest) | 00:24:33 to 00:24:53 The illusion of separation is what gets us off the thread and disconnected from the thread. Yeah, yes, I see that so clearly. Okay. Which brings us to kind of what is currently happening in the modern world. There's kind of a couple of things that I'm noticing. Monica (Host) | 00:24:54 to 00:25:47 And so on the one hand there's this reality being perpetuated in media that we are separate, that we are pitted against each other, that we're somehow like in this illusion or it feels very real, I think, to a lot of people that there's this pending kind of conflict that's growing and growing and growing. And yet, from my perspective, I can see that perspective, and I can see other realities. Right. I can see, actually, for example, I ask myself, have I ever met a human being that I have not been able to love, no matter who they are? And the answer that I come up with every single time is not I've never met a human being that I couldn't love. Monica (Host) | 00:25:47 to 00:26:24 And so there's sometimes these narratives in the world like, oh, this group of people is evil. And we often do that with the masculine and the feminine as well. There's this constant dualism, this binary. And I really understand those principles as more of this creative capacity in terms of the masculine and the feminine meeting in these realms of energy that create new ways of being. And so it's just really interesting to me to go back to the thread. Monica (Host) | 00:26:24 to 00:27:08 What reality are you paying attention to and what reality are you kind of, I guess, consuming or aligning to, which then really feeds the thoughts that you're thinking? So I just want to get some of your feedback on this and also bring the listeners in close here because I'd love to hear some of your thoughts about how to create a muscle for not getting kind of pulled into these other narratives and threads. Yeah. When I was about 30 years old, I didn't exercise. I realized that what I was projecting onto other people was me. John (Guest) | 00:27:09 to 00:27:38 It was becoming quite clear. I also was realizing that whatever I was judging, I was doing. And I decided to go to the Oxford English Dictionary, which was the largest dictionary I could find. And underline every possible human behavioral trait I could find, I found 4628 traits in that dictionary. Out to the side, I thought of the individual that I thought of. John (Guest) | 00:27:38 to 00:28:04 That was the most extreme example of that. So when I thought of inconsistency or courageous or whatever, I thought, who is it that I think of when I think of that that stands out? I wrote their initials out to the side. And then what I did is I went into my life and I realized the law of reflection. So I basically said, all right, so where and when have I displayed and demonstrated this same behavior? John (Guest) | 00:28:04 to 00:28:30 And I looked at where it was, when it was, to whom it was, and who perceived me that way. And I kept doing it until the quantity that I saw in myself was equal to the quantity of the most extreme example the person, the individual that I associated with it. And I realized I had every trait. I was nice, mean, kind, cruel, positive, negative. Because we only react to the traits we're not willing to own that things we're too proud or too humble to admit we have. John (Guest) | 00:28:30 to 00:29:03 So I went there and I found out that I had all 4628 traits. Nothing was missing me. I was kind and cruel and nice and mean and honest and dishonest and raging and saving lives. And I looked at all of them and that made me realize that when I meet people with these behaviors that I then immediately kind of transcend the perception of it and realize it's all part of me. And if I'm reacting, that means that I've been unwilling to own it. John (Guest) | 00:29:04 to 00:29:26 So if they hook me with an infatuation, it's because I'm too humble to admit it. If they hook me with a resentment, it's because I'm too proud to admit it. And so my objective was to find out how to make sure I owned it all. Because many people try to go through their life with moral hypocrisies, trying to get rid of half themselves, thinking that's going to help them love themselves. There's nothing to get rid of, right? Monica (Host) | 00:29:26 to 00:29:47 Nothing to fix. Nothing to fix. It's all part of the divine perfection. We tend to think that divine perfection is a one sided thing, but that's a moral hypocrisy promoted in order to disempower people, to make them pursue that which is unobtainable and try to avoid that which is unavoidable, as the Buddhist said. So I don't waste my time on that. John (Guest) | 00:29:48 to 00:30:17 So when I see what I see on TV, which is rare because I don't prioritize that as my priority, I try to fill my day with the highest priority actions I can. Because if you fill your day with high priority actions, it doesn't fill up with low priority distractions. And social media and media, if I'm involved in it, I'm trying to add something of meaning to it. Not something of polarity. Yes, between the polarities and so if somebody comes along and they go, why that person's bad? John (Guest) | 00:30:17 to 00:30:40 Or that's good? It makes me realize that they're not aware that that's a reflection of them, that they're projecting. So I try to own it immediately. If I find myself reacting, I try to find and own it immediately and refresh where I've done it. And the moment I do, I realize that everyone's my teacher, they're teaching me how to be me. John (Guest) | 00:30:40 to 00:31:04 Because if I don't react, I'm able to be authentic and own it all. And that's very liberating to realize that you don't have to try to facade it. You don't have to put on a mask, the persona, because that's the COVID up of what you really are. And the magnificent who you are is far greater than any fantasies you impose on yourself. So I did that exercise and I realized that nothing's missing. John (Guest) | 00:31:04 to 00:31:25 I was once in Nepal and I met with the Baumpa llama. The Baumpa llama used to be before the Dalai Lama even came into existence and before the Pacha. Llama, there was the bumpalama. They ruled Tibet for hundreds of years. And the current bumpalama I spent time with at his temple there in Nepal. John (Guest) | 00:31:25 to 00:31:48 And we had a conversation for about an hour on the idea because he had a beautiful smile. And he says nothing missing. Nothing missing. Everybody thinks something missing. Nothing missing at the level of the essence of the soul, the transcendent essence of our being, the ontological state of our own presence. John (Guest) | 00:31:48 to 00:32:47 Nothing's missing but the level of our senses and the phenomenological world of the existential world, things appear to be missing. And those things that appear to be missing are only the things we're too proud or too humble to admit that we see in others inside ourself. So everyone is our teacher trying to help us become authentic and awaken what we've stored in our subconscious mind all the wounds that we've not been willing to own and all the moral hypocrisies that we've imposed onto reality. That we've labeled good or bad that's stored there to create impulses and instincts from the amygdala as a result of looking for prey or avoiding predator in an animal survival mode instead of actually being a self actualized, executively governed individual that sees the magnificence and the hidden order. So I see the hidden order in the apparent chaos, and I do my best to dedicate my life to helping people see the hidden order in theirs that's liberating in itself. John (Guest) | 00:32:47 to 00:33:22 And then the world on the outside has nothing to do doesn't matter what the world's doing because there's still a hidden order in it. Yeah, whenever you have somebody that's attacking. Although the law in sociology called the law of aristic escalation, it's a law of chaos theory that the second somebody emerges and starts to create something pro, this somebody will come along and have a con towards that, right? And so it's like Donald Trump trying to create a wall and the largest number of people in the history of Central America and Mexico trying to get across the wall. The more you try to keep people up where they try to get in. John (Guest) | 00:33:22 to 00:34:01 So anything that you try to condemn, you breed, anything you try to run away from, you run into, anything you're trying to support, you attract its opposite to break your addiction because it keeps you juvenile independent, and you need the opposite to make sure you become pregociously independent. So nature always has these pairs, but they're not sequential in time which ages us. They're simultaneous in time when we're fully present, as William Watt, the father of experimental psychology, said, simultaneous contrast, which are basically inseparable pairs of opposites. They're not even separated in conscious awareness. They're simultaneous. John (Guest) | 00:34:01 to 00:34:18 And that's what love is. Love's a synthesis and synchronistic, complementary opposite, synthesized, not polarized. And then this conditional world that we run our minds with, we tend to have a sequential contrast. This is good and then over, this is bad. And this is going to get better, it's going to get worse. John (Guest) | 00:34:19 to 00:34:32 And we live in the illusions of gain and loss instead of a world of transformation and honor. I love that. Yeah. I love that so much. And I'm hearing the moment you create a position, you create its opposition. John (Guest) | 00:34:32 to 00:34:45 Opposition, exactly. Even in the fact that we might call ourselves ante, it's more like, well, what are you pro? So it's just also like this. John (Guest) | 00:34:48 to 00:34:52 What if you even transcend? Right? What if you transcend? Exactly. Ad (Advertisement) | 00:34:58 to 00:36:00 If you've been listening to this podcast for a while, then you've probably heard me share about my life changing experience in Megan Joe Wilson's Rock Star Camp. This experience changed everything for me by getting to the root of my own trance of unworthiness, which had so much to do with healing my voice and believing that what I had to say mattered. So the Revelation Project podcast was actually born out of this experience at Rockstar Camp. And this podcast is now in the top 1.5% of all podcasts worldwide, just three years later. So I'm super excited to let you know that the doors for this extraordinary experience are reopening for women like you who are looking for a radically different kind of feminine leadership training that will transform the way you see yourself, your body and other women. Ad (Advertisement) | 00:36:00 to 00:36:27 Rockstar Camp is a journey in sisterhood that ultimately places you yes, you on stage to sing in the spotlight with a professional band behind you and an audience in front of you. If this excites and terrifies you, then. Lean in, because it's a sign that. There is a big part of you. That'S ready to break free and shine. Ad (Advertisement) | 00:36:28 to 00:37:21 Your voice matters and it's time to stop swallowing your truth. It's time to stop floundering and make a bigger impact and to step into greater visibility so that you can share your brilliance where it matters most. And the best part, you don't have to be a trained singer or a musician to join cut knows I wasn't. Megan Joe is going to coach you every step of the way. So to apply for this extraordinary adventure, go to Rockstarcamp Live, where you'll get all of the details, plus photos and videos of women like you who followed their intuition and said, yes, there's no telling what will happen on your journey, but what I do know is that it will be revelatory. Ad (Advertisement) | 00:37:21 to 00:37:26 Go to Rockstarcamp Live to apply now. Monica (Host) | 00:37:32 to 00:38:20 So what I'm really also hearing is that it's training this, it's asking better questions and it's training the mind. And I think that a lot of people think mantras are about feeling better, and they are, but they're also about creating a way, I think, for you to live in this present moment as you're speaking of it's. Like the minute I stop being present, that mind chatter kind of goes back into its former habit. And a lot of what I talk about here on the Revelation project is breaking this trance of unworthiness. And I find that so many women have internalized these disempowering stories. Monica (Host) | 00:38:21 to 00:38:55 And so the trance is very much in the mind and for the women kind of in this second chakra area, which is this energy of creation. And so those kind of disempowered places really, I think, create this real, atrophy, this unconscious, disempowered way of kind of being a victim. It's a victim mentality. Yeah. Can I share a couple of stories of a couple of women that might be helpful? Monica (Host) | 00:38:55 to 00:39:16 Yeah, absolutely. First, it's going to be not what ends with bear with the temporary phase of it. I was in Calgary, Canada, doing a program on relationship dynamics, and we had about 70 people there, I guess workshop. And this lady puts her hand up. She says, Dr. John (Guest) | 00:39:16 to 00:39:34 Di Martini, what do you do when you've got a guy that can't commit? And I said, There is no such thing. And she goes, Well, I've got a guy that can't commit. I said, do you mind if I bring to you some new ideas that might bring a deeper awareness? She said okay. John (Guest) | 00:39:35 to 00:39:54 I said, he's committed to the hierarchy of his own values, not yours. He has his own unique hierarchy of values, things that are important to him. Second important, third important. And he's committed to what's most valuable to him, but he's not going to live in your values. Only you can do that. John (Guest) | 00:39:55 to 00:40:25 I said, so. And each individual tends to look for something that gives them the greatest advantage over disadvantage in their life. A man or a woman is looking for somebody that's going to give them an opportunity to expand as a human being. They're going to want somebody that's fit, somebody that's intelligent. They're going to want somebody that's got ambitions and accomplish things, somebody that's maybe resourceful, somebody that loves them, somebody that's socially adept, somebody that's inspired by something. John (Guest) | 00:40:25 to 00:40:52 They're looking for as much expansion of who they are as possible by being with somebody, partnering a cosmic couple. And so when somebody is not committing, as you call it, that means the person who's asking for it is the underdog, and the person that's not asking for it is the overdog. So it's not an equal game. And so in the process of doing it, there's a natural yearning to find a match. So if you're playing underdog, he's going to be hesitant. John (Guest) | 00:40:52 to 00:41:18 He's going to keep his options open until he finds a match. So I'm going to ask you some questions, and it's going to be something you're not going to want to hear, but it's going to be helpful once I get through. I said, So what are you offering him? What are you offering on the package? Are you a high IQ, incredible ingenious, brilliant minded, highly educated, highly aware, very enlightened individual? John (Guest) | 00:41:19 to 00:41:30 She goes, not really. I did about six months of college and that's it. And I'm not a big reader no, I can't say I'm offering that. Okay. Does he have a high education? John (Guest) | 00:41:30 to 00:41:40 Yes. Are you business savvy and have this massive business? Because he has about $11 million. He has a big business. Do you have this big business thing? John (Guest) | 00:41:40 to 00:41:57 She goes, Now, I work as an assistant. Do you have this big dowry, this financial package that you're offering this guy? She goes, no, I'm in debt. So you're a liability to him. It says, and do you have this physical attractiveness? John (Guest) | 00:41:58 to 00:42:14 And this beautiful physical attractive says, Well, I got that. She's a very attractive woman. I said, you have a history of family stability and relationship stability. Says, Well, I know I've been pretty long term relationships and married twice. And I guess I don't. John (Guest) | 00:42:15 to 00:42:25 I said socially connected. Get on the phone and call Oprah or something. You connected socially? No. Live in a small town outside of Calgary. John (Guest) | 00:42:26 to 00:42:40 Are you spiritually enlightened and very aware and understand the pernault philosophy of the world? She goes, not really. And so she was sort of all of a sudden stopping. I said, Why would he commit to you? What are you offering him? John (Guest) | 00:42:40 to 00:42:59 It's the underdog that wants commitment. The overdog wants to keep their options open until they find a match. And she didn't want to hear that. I said, but let me explain to you the only reason why you're having that perception is because you're not honoring the magnificence of who you really are. You're comparing yourself to other people and withdrawing and shrinking. John (Guest) | 00:43:00 to 00:43:21 So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to give your boyfriend here an exercise. He's going to do what I call the Demartini method, which is going to have him make a list of everything he admires and dislikes about you, and he's going to own it, and he's going to find the downsides. To what he's admiring and the upsides of what he's despising. And he's going to level the playing field, so you have a more probability of a match. John (Guest) | 00:43:21 to 00:43:43 He's going to be doing that for the next 2 hours. Why? I'm going to be sitting here and waking you up to the magnificence of who you are. So come up here. So she came in the front of the room, and I said, the only reason why you are minimizing yourself to him and wanting to hurry up and get in that relationship is because you're comparing yourself to other people and shrinking instead of standing on their shoulders. John (Guest) | 00:43:44 to 00:44:07 So I found out where her intellectual capacity is, where her brilliance was. Everybody has it. It may be an intuitive brilliance. It may be a psychic ability. It may be in a field that's not being honored, because I think, well, he's got this education, but she's got 42 years worth of education too, in her life, because her life is a PhD of life. John (Guest) | 00:44:07 to 00:44:32 So I went in there and I showed her where she had everything she saw in him and made her honor her knowledge, her uniqueness, and what she would be contributing to him. And I didn't stop till I got a tear of gratitude, which is a moment of authenticity. Wow. And she actually got to see and feel, wow, nothing's missing. It was in a form that I didn't honor, and it was in my values. John (Guest) | 00:44:32 to 00:44:49 But I'm comparing it to people with other values and thinking it's not equal to theirs and playing underdog. Wow. Then I went to the business and I looked at where do you have business savvy? And what is business? It's relationships with people trying to communicate effectively in people's values and serve people. John (Guest) | 00:44:49 to 00:45:09 That's what businesses are about, whether you're an employer, whether you're a customer. It's about service, and it's about selling and communicating ideas in front of people. Where do you have those skills? And all of a sudden, she saw those skills with all her friends and her family and her social life. And we made her realize that she had just as much knowledge in business as he did. John (Guest) | 00:45:09 to 00:45:28 His was in a formal form, his ear in a more of a social form. And I didn't stop till they got a tear in the eye until she realized that she's not missing what she sees in him because she was playing underdog and diminishing her form of it. Now she was equal. I go, my form is just as equal to his. If you're a cat trying to swim like a fish, you're going to beat yourself up. John (Guest) | 00:45:28 to 00:45:50 If you understand that you're a cat and you have skills that can climb a tree and they can't, you're going to honor the form of your genius. Then we went to finances. Where was her wealth stored? Her wealth was not stored in physical fiat currency. It was stored in her relationships with friends, her communications with children, her ability to help children. John (Guest) | 00:45:51 to 00:46:14 We all store our wealth, genuine wealth, in the form of what we value most, where our skills are most extensive. And I helped her realize her wealth, and we came up with $11 million worth of value, and I kept putting dollar values on what it is that she was doing. And what does that mean to the mothers that you serve, all the kids you take care of? What does that mean to the parents, the grandparents? And I got her to tears. John (Guest) | 00:46:14 to 00:46:41 And so all of a sudden, we leveled that playing field. We went around all seven areas of her life spiritual, mental, career, financial, family, social, physical. And I spent 2 hours in helping her see that nothing was missing in her, but she thought it was missing because she was comparing it to other people, playing underdog, and then desperately wanting to grab something that was an opportunity to her, this guy. And she had been doing that. And once I got it all leveled, she was in tears. John (Guest) | 00:46:41 to 00:46:58 I had to have her. She had to go do her makeup over. And she said to me, right now, I don't feel this urgency that I have to capture this guy. I said great. She says, I'm going to make sure I think, because what I've done is I've gone to three relationships. John (Guest) | 00:46:58 to 00:47:17 I played underdog. I've seen this pattern. I get involved. They leave me for somebody else, or they dump me or whatever, and I'm back in there beating myself up, thinking there's something wrong, covering it up with my pride and exaggerating it, but feeling inside less than. And now you've made it clear, seeing what I'm doing. John (Guest) | 00:47:17 to 00:47:32 And I said, now, this level isn't it. You realize that he's not necessarily somebody you need to jump and get. It's something that you want to match. You want somebody that wants you as much as you do them. And she says, this is really amazing. John (Guest) | 00:47:33 to 00:47:49 The pressure is off me and the pressures off him. I said, now that you're in empowered state, when you value you, so does the world. The world changes around when you value you. So it was right at lunchtime. So I said, all right, we're going to have an hour for lunch. John (Guest) | 00:47:49 to 00:48:11 We'll see you in an hour. So he's just finished up his exercise and leveling the playing field on her. She's just done the same thing on him. But I worked with her because I knew that she would be a little bit slower than him on that project because she wanted to be proud about her belief system, and I had to confront that. Our miglord wants us to be addicted to pride and fantasies, and she was going to hold on to those. John (Guest) | 00:48:11 to 00:48:27 And I had to do work on her individually. He was just methodically working away. So they went to lunch. They walked down the street from the Metropolitan Building there in Calgary. A block away, they were looking for a restaurant. John (Guest) | 00:48:27 to 00:48:52 A block away, it was a jewelry store. They spontaneously walked into the jewelry store, both of them. They spontaneously looked at things. And he bought her a $26,000 diamond engagement ring on the spot. When I came back at the lunch, there were seven girls in a little circle, and she was showing them the ring. John (Guest) | 00:48:52 to 00:49:05 And you know how girls gather around and look at a ring? The guys were staring out the window going, oh, crap. What I'm about to get into, if Dr. Demartini talks to my girlfriend, I'm in deep with water. They're freaking out. John (Guest) | 00:49:05 to 00:49:16 And I said, all right, what happened? And she held up the ring. I walked over to him. I said, What'd you do, get hit by a bus to the guy? So what happened to you? John (Guest) | 00:49:16 to 00:49:41 He said, Dr. DeMartine, while you were working with my girlfriend, and I was doing that exercise, I was seeing things that I was overlooking in her. She was so pressuring and so urgently wanting me to be in a relationship. It was like it was, like, devaluing it. I was devaluing her because she was desperate, and it just turned me off to some degree. John (Guest) | 00:49:41 to 00:50:12 And I really felt that she had more than that. But I was, like, waiting for her to honor I help her see what she had. And so in the process of doing this, when I was doing the exercise, I realized she's got more than I've been able to see. And then when I saw you working with her and having her in tears, I actually, for the first time in our relationship in about 1112 months now, is I felt what would happen if she left. I took her for granted because she was minimizing herself. John (Guest) | 00:50:13 to 00:50:30 And when I actually felt it's, the old flee, they follow, follow, they flee. And what happened is, all of a sudden, I felt what would happen if Dr. DeMartin talked her out of being with me and she walked away. I never had that feeling. The time I've been with her, I've always been the one that had the power. John (Guest) | 00:50:31 to 00:50:45 And when you did that, all of a sudden I felt like, what would it be like if she's gone? And I realized I don't want her to go. I felt a love for her because I leveled the playing field. And we did not intend it. Neither one of us intended it. John (Guest) | 00:50:45 to 00:51:20 We just happened to walk, and we saw that jewelry store, and we both walked in, and we walked hand in hand. Okay, so I love this. And I'm noticing where I got comfortable, uncomfortable is when you said power. So help me understand, because I get that this was this gentleman's experience. But when it comes to power, I think we in this culture have very much kind of this power over addiction. John (Guest) | 00:51:23 to 00:51:39 Power is not a polarity up to one side. Okay? Say more. Power only comes when you have both power. If you study mechanics, you have what they call when something is moving at a speed, it's going a certain distance per second. John (Guest) | 00:51:39 to 00:51:57 That's called velocity. If it's accelerating, it's going a certain distance per second per second. So it's a change of rate of speed. That's called acceleration. If you add an acceleration, you have what is called mass times acceleration. John (Guest) | 00:51:58 to 00:52:21 That's called a force. If you take the force and move something a distance, that's called work or service. And if you do it in an efficient use of time, it's called power. So anybody who can effectively and efficiently fulfill their mission, and that only occurs when you're authentic not dominating. If you're dominating, you don't have the power. Monica (Host) | 00:52:21 to 00:52:29 Got it. If you're minimizing, you don't have the power. It's only when you're in the center in a state of grace and love, do you have the power. Got it? Okay. Monica (Host) | 00:52:30 to 00:52:56 All right. I love that. That's me, right? I need to own how I was hearing you say about power. It's so interesting because there has been over time this illusion that men have more power and not true. Monica (Host) | 00:52:57 to 00:53:24 Right? And it's not true. I was just saying today to a couple that was sitting here that I was chatting with at lunch. I said a man comes to become a man when he finally realizes the power of the intuitive qualities of a woman. And a real man is going to figure out how to pay a woman or to find a woman in working or in relationship to tell them what to do. John (Guest) | 00:53:24 to 00:54:23 Because without them telling them what to do, they don't do too well. I love too how it's also how we equate value. It's how we assign value to certain skills and certain qualities and certain values that we bring to the table. So there's a lot there kind of in worthiness that comes up, I think as we and here's where it kind of comes back to what I call doing your own revelation project. It's like if I am using this reflective law that you're talking about, and I am using every single thing, every grasping, every negative thought, every attachment to look as an opportunity to look at my own stuff within my own, like, what needs to be revealed in me in order to change whatever this power dynamic is that I'm feeling. Monica (Host) | 00:54:23 to 00:54:52 Because it's not over there actually, it's in here. No, it's a perception. Anytime you exaggerate yourself to somebody, you'll project your values onto them and expect them to live in your values, which is futile, which will then eventually bring pride falls. It brings it back into equal. Anytime you minimize yourself altruistically and sacrifice rather as you have futility because you can't live in other people's values and eventually you get angry and you lift yourself back up. John (Guest) | 00:54:52 to 00:55:11 So nature forces you into authenticity by the events in your life. The reprimands, the praises, the tragedies, the comedies. Every event is nothing more than an event to try to help you become empowered and authentic. That's not a power over or a power under. Power is not about above or below you. John (Guest) | 00:55:11 to 00:55:25 In fact lose your power. You give your power away with futility every time you're narcissistic or altruistic. It's when you have sustainable fair exchange with equanimity and equity that you have power. Okay, I love that. I absolutely love that. Monica (Host) | 00:55:25 to 00:55:32 Thank you so much. And that story was amazing. Thank you for that. Can I share another one more? Yes. John (Guest) | 00:55:34 to 00:55:51 So this is a little again, starting out, it's going to sound one thing. At the end it's going to be different. Okay. So I'm flying from Houston, Texas to Las Vegas and I've got about seven or 8000 doctors. I'm supposed to speak there and I was running a bit late. John (Guest) | 00:55:51 to 00:56:24 So I got on the plane and I literally was the last person on the plane and I was in the third row, two seats on either side in the first class air. I think it was an american Airline or something. And all of a sudden, on the third row, I go in, there was this beautiful blonde girl sitting next to me. And I don't know what it is, but it's just something about a very attractive person sitting next to you makes the flight a little nicer. I don't know what I don't know what that about. John (Guest) | 00:56:24 to 00:56:30 George Clooney is sitting next to you. Like that just kind of makes it. Just kind of makes it nicer. Let's just admit it. Yeah. John (Guest) | 00:56:30 to 00:56:39 So anyway, I said, hi, I'm John. And she says, Hi, I'm Tina. I said, Tina, where are you from? She says, Las Vegas. I said, you're going back home? John (Guest) | 00:56:39 to 00:56:50 And she goes, I am. And she said, Where are you from? I said, Well, I'm originally from Houston, Texas, but I've just traveled today. I'm kind of worldwide. She goes great. John (Guest) | 00:56:50 to 00:57:06 I said, what do you do, Tina? And she says, I'm a cosmetologist, and I do the hair and makeup for all the celebrities that perform at the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas. I said, fantastic. I bet you've met some amazing people. She says, I definitely do. John (Guest) | 00:57:07 to 00:57:19 And she said, what do you do? I said, Well, I travel around the world. I write books and I speak and I harass people on planes. Jokingly. And I said, So, Tina, what are you working on in your life? John (Guest) | 00:57:19 to 00:57:33 What's the big focus that you're on right now? What do you feel is your direction and calling right now? She says, I'm looking for my soul mate. She was around probably late 20s, early thirty. S a typical age for trying to find the soul mate, right? John (Guest) | 00:57:34 to 00:57:51 I said, fantastic. Now, I tend to have a bit of a flirtatiousness sometimes when I'm that way. And I said to her, I said, So how would you like to meet your soulmate today? And she kind of looked at me like, Are you coming on to me? And I wasn't. John (Guest) | 00:57:51 to 00:58:01 I was actually thinking of, you know, I'm in a personal development. I'm thinking about what I could do to help her on that. Sure. But I'm having a play on it. She says, what exactly does that mean? John (Guest) | 00:58:01 to 00:58:18 I says, Well, I would like to ask you some questions to help you get clear about what you're looking for and why you're looking for it. She says okay. What kind of question? And I said, So, what are you looking for in a soulmate? And I got my pen out, and I got a jacket because he used to put tickets inside jackets. John (Guest) | 00:58:18 to 00:58:33 Opened up the jacket, and I started writing down what she's looking she says, I'm looking for somebody that is highly intelligent. And I wrote down highly intelligent. Fine. And I said, and what else are you looking for? I'm looking for somebody that's really good looking. John (Guest) | 00:58:34 to 00:58:53 All right, put that down. I'm looking for somebody's got a great sense of humor. Somebody's got some better reserve cash somebody that's wealthier than I am. So I'm not having a guy, I'm having take care of. And we listed 22 different items on that list. John (Guest) | 00:58:53 to 00:59:10 22 different items, which is pretty common. Most of them are predictable. They're usually the fantasies that people are looking for typical stuff. We wrote all 22. I said, now let's write down the exact opposite because that comes with it like a magnet. John (Guest) | 00:59:10 to 00:59:33 You don't get a positive pull of a magnet without the negative pull of the magnet. There's always a Piccadillo that comes with everything that you admire in somebody. So let's take all the opposites. And she goes, you can see her just cringe because her Amygdala was looking for a one sided hedonistic soulmate that was support without challenge, kind without cruel, positive without negative one sidedness, which doesn't exist. They stop the mold with Adam on that one. John (Guest) | 00:59:33 to 01:00:00 Yeah, that's definitely from what we can tell, we went through all 22 positive and negative aspects of behavior. Because if they're highly intelligent, they can also argue and think they're right not want to listen, and these kind of things, okay? They're highly good looking to be easily swayed by other women. And there's a pecadilla that goes, there's never a one sided trait. People have this illusion, get this positive without a negative kind of thing. John (Guest) | 01:00:00 to 01:00:23 So we made a list of all the things and the opposites point to them. I said, now, the next principle, now that we've got what you're looking for and what you think you're trying to avoid, which is futile, let's take a look at where it is in your life. It's never missing. So who's providing you highly intelligence? And she goes, wow. John (Guest) | 01:00:24 to 01:00:41 Hmm. The actual owner of MGM Grand Hotel. I cut his hair, he comes in, and I am absolutely just blown away by his intelligence. I said, So you have intelligence in your life. The thing you're looking for in a man is present in your life. John (Guest) | 01:00:41 to 01:00:52 She goes, yeah. And I see him. And sometimes we go to lunch. And he's even helped pay for a trip for me to Hawaii. Yeah, so you have that in there. John (Guest) | 01:00:52 to 01:01:06 And who else? And I made a list. She listed five people, but it was mainly him, but five other people that were highly intelligent. I said, Is that the quantity of intelligence you're looking for in a guide? Yes, because everything you're looking for is in one or many people. John (Guest) | 01:01:06 to 01:01:23 It's called the love of the one. To many, it's either concentrated or dispersed based on the previous wounds you've lived with. And so she made a list, and we quantifiably found everyone that traits. Then I said, well, where's the sense of humor? Well, this gay guy that cuts hair next to me, he keeps me in stitches all day long. John (Guest) | 01:01:23 to 01:01:31 He's just as flaring gay as you can get and just absolutely hilarious. And he just has a sense of humor. I said so. You. Have that. John (Guest) | 01:01:31 to 01:01:57 And yeah, I have two or three other friends that did. So she wrote that down. We went and found out who is highly wealthy, the MGM Grand guy, and he's bought me a car. So the things that a husband would do, typically in these situations, he was doing. So you now have good looking handsome, you've got intelligence, you got sense of humor, you've got somebody that you said also likes to travel. John (Guest) | 01:01:57 to 01:02:26 He goes traveling all the time. So we helped her identify every one of those behaviors, every one of those behaviors quantitatively to the degree that she was searching for. Yeah, because when somebody doesn't believe they have it, they're in desperate mode, and there is a void, and they now are seeking it, and people can sense that, and they feel, they're disempowered. So all of a sudden, she realized everything she was looking for was present. I did the negative ones, and I made her realize, oh, my God, those are all present, too. John (Guest) | 01:02:26 to 01:03:00 Sometimes in the same individual, sometimes other individuals, but nothing's ever missing. So when we got through with that, that's about an hour, 15 minutes into the flight, and she's going, wow, I had no idea I was going to be meeting somebody that's going to make me do and look at this this way. I said, now, can you see that everything that you're searching for is present in your life? She goes, yes. Can you see that the urgency to find it in one person changed just now? John (Guest) | 01:03:00 to 01:03:24 She goes, yes, it has. She said, Will I ever find it in one person? I said, no, there's no one person that's probably no, there's no one person that's going to take care of all your fantasies. The one sided? Yeah, you're going to find out that every human being has all those traits in different forms and their own expression according to their values, but nobody's going to have this one sided fantasy. John (Guest) | 01:03:25 to 01:04:02 But in the past, if you have been with one individual and you associated more pain than pleasure, you're going to protect yourself and disperse all of those behaviors out of one into many people. And most people have a few wounds. Say more about that. As long as you've been in a relationship and you perceive more pain than pleasure, more loss than gain, more negative than positive, you're going to have an instinct to avoid that, doing it again, and want to disperse and get what you want through the variety of people. It's called when you've been wounded by one, you disperse it into many and protect yourself by having it. John (Guest) | 01:04:02 to 01:04:26 I said, Because right now you don't have to worry about the guy. The guy that was highly intelligent, outwitted you and argued with you. Your boss doesn't do that. The guy that was really good looking, had a fling, and was basically wanting you to do much for him because he had a high Narcissistic ratio and so you didn't want to do that, so you made sure, I don't want to go through those again. Right. John (Guest) | 01:04:26 to 01:04:51 As long as you have those wounds, you're going to make sure that you disperse it with people you have governance over. She goes, wow, I can see that now. I said, well, what do I do? And I said, let's clear the wounds. Let's go back to so we found three major relationship for any duration because she was only 28, 27, something like that. John (Guest) | 01:04:51 to 01:05:12 So she had three major relation. One was like three or four years, another was around two to three years, this kind of thing. I said, let's go to those. Let's find the wounds that you made sure you don't ever want to do again, because anything that you store in your subconscious mind, you don't ever want to do again. You're going to go look for its opposite, or you're going to want to make sure that you get the positive side of what you wanted in a safe way. John (Guest) | 01:05:13 to 01:05:27 So we went in there and took each one of those things that they were upset about. We found out, how did it serve her? How did it benefit her, what were the upsides to it? Because if she resented it, she's not owning it. So I had to make her own it, and then I had to go and find out what were the upsides to it. John (Guest) | 01:05:28 to 01:06:11 Once she found the upsides and owned where she's done the same thing, the judgment on that and the avoidance instinct was dissolved. And so right now, when I went through all three of those men and cleared about eleven different issues that she had had by finding out where she's done it to the same degree quantitatively and finding out the benefits, to what she thought was negative, which made her avoid it, which made her want to go and protect herself by getting guys in this other form that's safe. She was praying safe. She all of a sudden realized that I can't lose no matter what happened, it was actually to my advantage. Yeah, because the guy that was basically the schmuck or whatever that was messing around gave you your power back and made sure you didn't lose your job. John (Guest) | 01:06:11 to 01:06:28 If the guy would have been totally into you and take care of you, you would have lost your career. She goes, you're right, and I want my career. I want to have my autonomy. I said, that's why you have it the way you do. So we went there and dissolved all the baggage until she got to tears, until she could say thank you for all the men she'd been with. John (Guest) | 01:06:28 to 01:06:36 Because there's no mistakes. People think there's mistakes because they're comparing it to fantasies about how relationships supposed to be, but they're all part of the perfection of teaching us what we haven't owned. John (Guest) | 01:06:39 to 01:07:01 When we got through with that, she was brought to tears again. I have a way of mess up in women's makeup sometimes. Well, bragged, I love it. Yeah. But in the process of doing that, at the end of the thing, we got off the plane together and I said, I have a car service, I'm going across the street from you at the Bellagio. John (Guest) | 01:07:01 to 01:07:31 I can drop you off if one so I dropped her off, say goodbye to her. She exchanged the card, I gave her a card. It was three weeks later. She sent me an email and a picture, two pictures of a guy from Israel that had been visiting there at the hotel. She said, I met a guy, he's highly intelligent, very good looking, has quite a bit of cash, has not been a player. John (Guest) | 01:07:32 to 01:07:52 And he just locked on to me. And I locked on to him almost instantly. I didn't feel underdog, I didn't feel like I'm minimizing myself. I just felt like a natural conversation. I normally get infatuated, and anytime I get infatuated, I know now I've learned that that's to be aware beware I said, well, that's what your intuition is trying to do. John (Guest) | 01:07:52 to 01:08:13 It's letting you know you're playing underdog and you're looking up to them instead of equal to him. You're wanting a match. You innately want a match. So she said, I felt like this is kind of a natural system, so I don't know, it's only three weeks in, but I just wanted to say thank you because I really believe he showed up in my life as a result of what we did. And I've seen this pattern. John (Guest) | 01:08:13 to 01:08:47 It's usually within three weeks of doing that exercise thoroughly. That's when all of a sudden a guy that's more resonant comes. So anyway, over the next probably three years, every month, two months, maybe three months at the longest, she would send me their travels, the things they were doing, and then suddenly I didn't see her, didn't hear from her. So I don't know, I have no idea what the status is today, but I know that there were about three years they were together. Don't know what the status is, but I know that that's what happens, that nothing's missing. John (Guest) | 01:08:47 to 01:09:14 And the moment a man or a woman realizes that everything they're looking for is already present and it's being manifested according to the hierarchy of their values, not their fantasies and not the injected values that they subordinate themselves to another people that they admire, but actually their own true values, they realize that they're masters of creation. They already magnificent. There's nothing missing. They're not missing anything. And they can finally realize that they can share their magnificence with somebody else. Monica (Host) | 01:09:15 to 01:09:38 I love this so much, John, and I really appreciate these stories because stories are so helpful. They are trance breakers. And a lot of times we're living in our own story about our lives. And until we actually surface the story that we're telling ourselves, we can't see, we can't reveal it so we can't heal it. And this is this realm of transformation that is so potent and powerful. Monica (Host) | 01:09:39 to 01:10:10 And what else you're really pointing to is what one of my mentors, Lynn Twist, always talks about sufficiency. And I think in this realm of sufficiency is where we actually embrace and where we reintegrate all these disintegrated parts of us that we actually kicked out of the garden. And it's by bringing them back in and allowing them to be here, it's what I call the sacred. And I can be messy and magnificent. Right. Monica (Host) | 01:10:10 to 01:10:53 It's like finding the value in myself and not in a comparative way, but in celebrating the things about me that make me who I am. And so it's like this pathway into self love is what I really hear you doing with people, is like figuring out where they have disintegrated parts and really giving them tools to access and bring them back into the garden. Well, anything you're too humbled or too proud to admit that you have that you see in others is a dissent part. That's a disintegrated part. Yes. John (Guest) | 01:10:53 to 01:11:09 Anytime you exaggerate yourself to somebody or minimize yourself to somebody, you just fractured yourself and didn't have the power. That's not where the power is. Yeah, that's where the power is. Dominating or being dominated is not where the power is. Oh, my God. Monica (Host) | 01:11:10 to 01:11:20 So good. That's a symptom. It's a symptom. The power is realization that there is a divine love and presence right now. No matter what you do, no matter. Monica (Host) | 01:11:20 to 01:11:35 What you do, no matter what you. Do, I say, no matter what you've done or not done, you're worthy of love. Because when you're nice to somebody, you're also being mean. People don't get that. I just wrote that in a new book I'm doing right now called The Essentials of Emotional Intelligence. John (Guest) | 01:11:37 to 01:11:48 People, they think, Well, I want you to be nice to me. Well, then what you have is you got it. When they're nice to you, you can be dependent on them. You can feel obligated to them. You cannot be resourceful. John (Guest) | 01:11:48 to 01:12:08 There's lots of downsides to it. And when you're mean to them, you can be independent and capable and resourceful. Inside the nice is the Yin and the Yang, and inside the mean is the Yin and the Yang, and the wise individual sees the Yin and the Yang and the Yang and the Yen and sees neither one. Right. When you've seen neither positive nor negative, you've transcended. John (Guest) | 01:12:08 to 01:12:21 As long as you see either positive negative, you're still in the illusion. I love that. And you had said earlier, I made the note, but right. It's either fuel or baggage. Baggage. John (Guest) | 01:12:21 to 01:12:30 Okay. Right. That's what put bags under your butt and your boobs and ages you. Yeah, it ages gravity. Literally. Monica (Host) | 01:12:30 to 01:12:37 Yes. Okay. It's called gravitational entropy, which is the aging process. Oh, my goodness. Okay. John (Guest) | 01:12:37 to 01:12:50 That's why I have to hang upside down to keep my jealous from sacking you know what? At some point, John, we all do. Let's just face it. Okay? So before you go, and this has been such a rich conversation. Monica (Host) | 01:12:50 to 01:13:24 I'm really so grateful you've written so many books and so obviously, for my listeners, you've been able to just from these few stories. And I love how you frame things. It's very easy, I think, for some of these things and especially if our listeners go back. I love how you have these turns of phrase that just make things so easy to kind of absorb and remember. And I see how that probably was very that was a tool you developed early on because of your own kind of learning challenges in the beginning. Monica (Host) | 01:13:24 to 01:14:00 But I think we all realize that we all have different ways of learning, but that the more we can kind of create and package sometimes some of these tools in these terms of phrase or by just really kind of creating a way to kind of pack them in so that you're able to kind of use them as these resources. Those are the things that I find really land for me. And so I really feel like you're such a master of that. So thank you. I want to know, you have a specific book called Seven Secret Treasures. Monica (Host) | 01:14:00 to 01:14:39 And I wondered if you could tell us about that specific book because just the word treasure is kind of like I'm immediately curious. Well, when I was 17, I had the vision that I wanted to travel the world and be a teacher and learn and speak, et cetera. When I turned 18, I was watching a movie with David Kerridine called Kung Fu and he was this martial artist kind of guy in a Western period. And he would have these flashbacks of his Shaoldin master whispering in his ear, teaching him wisdom. And he called him the Master. John (Guest) | 01:14:40 to 01:14:59 So from that day on, I thought, I want to master my life. I want to be a master. I didn't know what that meant exactly, but I wanted to be a master. So I decided, what exactly is a master? And I defined a master of life as somebody that empowers all seven areas of life and that don't confuse power with overpower or underpower. John (Guest) | 01:14:59 to 01:15:18 Just power. Just power. Yeah. And so I wanted to empower all of them. That means I wanted to awaken my creative, innovative, originally thinking genius and contribute something original on the planet that served that would leave a mark beyond my life. John (Guest) | 01:15:18 to 01:15:44 I wanted to create a business that was global, that touched people in every country on the face of the Earth that would last beyond my life. I call these the seven paths of immortality. I wanted to create financial independence that would have more wealth at the end of my life than life at the end of my wealth that exceeded my capacity to spend. I wanted to have a relationship that was global. I didn't see myself in a little house. John (Guest) | 01:15:44 to 01:16:02 I believe that the whole world was the home. And I live on a ship called The World that goes to every country around the world that water allows us to. So I always envision having a global family. And my girlfriend lives in Turkey. My wife passed away, but my girlfriend lives in Turkey. John (Guest) | 01:16:02 to 01:16:24 She's coming in two days. But we have Global Family Dynamics. My kids are in different places. So instead of walking room to room, we fly or sail, instead of talking to each other wheel skype or WhatsApp sometimes. But I want people to give them a global idea that the whole world is their home. John (Guest) | 01:16:24 to 01:16:45 Every country is a room in the house. Every city is a platform to share my heart and soul. I want to have global influence. Anybody that made a magnificent contribution on the planet globally, I wanted to resonate and hang out with them and meet with them and have clients that are that way and friends that were that way, et cetera. I want to make enough of a contribution to have a global resonation. John (Guest) | 01:16:45 to 01:16:59 I want to have a vital body. I'm going on 69. I've got more energy than most people that are even younger than me. I wanted to have that. So at 120, I'm still doing my seminars, I'm selling tickets. Monica (Host) | 01:16:59 to 01:17:29 You go, yes. And I also wanted to be not subordinating and following a tradition or convention of religious construction. I didn't want to be trapped in anthropomorphic polarities of moral hypocrisy. I wanted to see a transcendent, spiritual, inspirational path that no matter what your background, no matter what your faith or belief is, you can also contribute and participate in it. So that, to me, was an empowered life, the mastery of life. John (Guest) | 01:17:29 to 01:17:57 So I define the mastery of life. The empowerment of life is the bouquet of expression, the magnificent expression of what we're capable of doing in each of those areas. And so I figure that if I'm not going to specialize in one area, I'm going to specialize in the mastery of human behavior and do what I can to share everything I've been able to learn in every different field to help that. So anybody, no matter where. Because many people, you know, they're great in business, but they got crazies in relationships. John (Guest) | 01:17:57 to 01:18:17 Great in relationship, but they got money or they got great business, but they got unhealthiness. They got a great body, but they'd have no money. Right? I find there's such a disconnect and there's such a judgment in the heart of their values that they can't embrace all of it and master them all. I want to specialize in that pursuit. John (Guest) | 01:18:20 to 01:18:31 I really believe that all of those are manifestable. I've been blessed to do it. And I started out living on the streets. I lived in a tent. I didn't have to read. John (Guest) | 01:18:31 to 01:18:46 So it doesn't matter where you start, doesn't matter what you've been through. It doesn't matter what you're going through. What matters is, are you going to apply the principles that stand the test of time that are proven to help you master your life? If you follow those, your life changes. It doesn't matter what you've been through. John (Guest) | 01:18:47 to 01:19:08 Running your story is only going to drag you and keep you in baggage. Transforming history is going to change it. I have a program I do called The Breakthrough Experience. Every weekend people come in there with a story, and I said, okay, pick the individual that you resent the most, and they got a story. I was a victim of this. John (Guest) | 01:19:08 to 01:19:19 When they leave, I said, Is there any victims left? No. Is there anything you need to forgive? No. Is there just something to be thankful for? John (Guest) | 01:19:20 to 01:19:59 Yes, with tears, I said, Because even forgiveness is a self righteous perception that somehow they've done something you haven't done, and they've done something that's got drawbacks without benefits and still a limited thinking. So I don't promote anything that's got a Polarity on that. I'm interested in seeing the magnificence where there's an actual expression of grace, and that's mastery grace in all those areas, in the empowerment, being able to live the way you actually envision, where you're got tears in your eyes of gratitude for each of the areas of your life. That's totally doable. John, would you say that men and women are equally attracted to your work? John (Guest) | 01:20:00 to 01:20:22 If I look at the stats, they're almost perfectly balanced. Great. And do you find that there's a difference in how men become attracted to your work or how women become attracted to your work? It all depends on their values. Because I've seen a full spectrum of men and women playing at different roles. John (Guest) | 01:20:22 to 01:20:44 I know I think of a woman in Dallas, Texas, that runs a $20 million company and worth a fortune, and her husband has long hair and has earrings and takes care of the kids. A complete role rehearsal. Yes. So they're drawn because I'm uniquely putting something in all seven areas. They're pulled in from whatever their hierarchy of values brings them there. Monica (Host) | 01:20:44 to 01:21:12 Okay. I love that I've seen men and. Women play on all the different parts, so I don't really put much attention on what that's supposed to be. There's probably still a slant, but that slant, even the last 45, 50 years since I've been doing this has been shifting and becoming more androgynous so there's more females, males that are more androgynous with all those powers today than there was when I started 45, 50 years ago. Okay. Monica (Host) | 01:21:12 to 01:21:39 And if you were to tell our listeners to start with one of your books that you would say is the best place to start, what would you say? I'd probably tell them to go to the Values Factor book first. Okay. To help. Because every perception, decision, and action is filtered through your values, and you have a unique fingerprint retinal pattern specific set of values. John (Guest) | 01:21:39 to 01:22:02 And those values are built out of voids from all the judgments you've accumulated. Okay. If you're too proud or too humble to admit what you see in others inside you, you've got a void of disownment, and that void wants to be fulfilled. So you're being led down a path to own all those traits you've been unwilling to own. And you think it's some sort of a mistake, but they're not all those situations. John (Guest) | 01:22:02 to 01:22:20 You only label things mistake when you compare your actions to somebody else's values, not your own. It's never a mistake in your value system, you've navigated through those value systems. So starting there, I think is probably most useful one. Okay. The seven secret treasures is a love one. John (Guest) | 01:22:21 to 01:22:36 The resilient mind is they all have different layers, so if they go on the subtitles and titles and content, their heart will guide them. I can't tell them which one is for them. Their heart will guide them. Yeah. Okay, good. Monica (Host) | 01:22:36 to 01:23:01 So good. And is there any question that I have not asked that you wished that I had? Well, since there's an infinite number of questions, probably, but I think you did great. Okay, great. So I want my listeners to know that John is totally generously offered a number of different free master classes that you are more than welcome to take advantage of. Monica (Host) | 01:23:01 to 01:23:36 I'm going to just name a few, but we will put the rest of them in the show notes. So he's got a free master class on learning how to balance emotions and awaken your gratitude mindset. He's got another one on using your seven greatest powers to your full advantage and awaken your unique genius. And he's got another one on finding meaning and purpose on your path to self mastery. But he's literally listed like seven or eight here that you're all welcome to take advantage of in the show notes. Monica (Host) | 01:23:36 to 01:23:57 So, John, I just want to thank you so much. You have been an absolute delight. I have loved your stories, I've loved your enthusiasm, and I can tell that you absolutely love what you do. And I see you totally continuing to give these seminars and sailing around the world until you're 120. Why not? Monica (Host) | 01:23:59 to 01:24:08 So good. Thank you so much. Thank you. Somebody asked me, why do you do what you do? And I told them there was a time when I couldn't and now I know I can. Monica (Host) | 01:24:08 to 01:24:23 Right, yeah. It's deeply inspiring, really. I've really enjoyed talking to you today. Yeah. And for my listeners, I'll be sure to just add all of those links and some of the resources that you've mentioned. Monica (Host) | 01:24:23 to 01:24:35 So thank you again. I say thank you for all the questions. Thank you for the opportunity. You bet. Well, I can't wait to pick up some of your books myself, so I'll be sure again to put those in the show notes, everybody. Monica (Host) | 01:24:35 to 01:24:38 And until next time, more to be revealed. Intro (Intro) | 01:24:41 to 01:24:59 We hope you enjoyed this episode. For more information, please visit us@jointhevelation.com and be sure to download our free gift, subscribe to our mailing list or leave us a review on itunes. We thank you for your generous listening and as always, more to be revealed.