68_Nic Frick



Monica: [00:00:00] Welcome to the revelation project podcast. I'm Monica Rogers, and this podcast is intended to disrupt the trance of unworthiness and to guide women, to remember and reveal the truth of who we are. We say that life is a revelation project and what gets revealed gets here. Yeah.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of the revelation project podcast. Today I'm with Nic Frick. Nic is a career coach guiding women through the roller coaster of career transitions. Her holistic approach is a result of her commitment. To discovering her own self care practices and her career spanning tech, recruiting, customer service, and teaching yoga, her programs integrate both career growth strategies and healing modalities to ensure work-life balance and sustainability for her clients.

She believes that you can have your dream job. If you trust your own authority, start with your why and lead from your values. Nic prides herself on being the best hugger anyone has ever met. She's committed to dismantling white supremacy feels happiest on a surfboard, loves sending handwritten letters and starts getting ready for bed at 8:15 PM.

Nic grew up in Wisconsin and has lived in Minnesota, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Peru currently. She's living with her hubby and daughter in San Francisco, California. They are obsessed with finding the tastiest food possible and avoiding winter as much as possible, which of course makes me giggle so hard.

Monica: [00:02:07 ]Hi, Nic.

Nic: [00:02:11] Hi

Monica: [00:02:11] I sit here, here in zero degrees with the wind howling today. And it is a choice, isn't it? I know we just kind of talked about this a little bit before we started, but I just love that you have been like, I can seriously, when I read this, I was like, I envisioned you in all these places. Just going. Nope. Nope. Nope. And then finally, like getting someplace where you were like, and this is just right, like almost like the three bears Goldilocks. 

Nic: [00:02:40] Yeah. That's absolutely true. I think what I've learned so far in living all those places is that I do get to choose. And we actually lived in San Francisco when we first met my husband and I, and we moved to Boston for his job.

And then came back, like our goal was to come back to San Francisco and I'm so glad we worked hard to do it. And it's, it's been like the best thing that we've ever accomplished together, actually. 

Monica: [00:03:07] Uh, I, yeah, it's really, I would have to say that this is been probably the hardest time for me. Just maybe it part of it's COVID and being kind of inside and not being able to visit with other people for.

What feels like the second winter, I'm definitely kind of like over it. Yes. So thank you so much for just being willing to come on the show. I, you know, that I've really loved you and adored you since the moment I met you. And I think it's because one of the things that just stuck right out to me was your. You're ease with yourself. You just, you have this way of being that I found to be actually endearing and magnetic, and it has to do with how. How accepting you are of yourself. I think that's what radiated out of you. 

Nic: [00:04:02] Wow. I'm blown away actually by saying that, cause it it's so funny how humans and women are, like you saying that I was, I like didn't believe it in the moment where I was like how's how did she believe that?

Like, I don't actually believe that about myself. Thank you. I do. I do feel I, most of the time strive to feel for ease and want people to feel that ease also. So I'm glad that you were magnetized to that. That feels. Really great. And it's a pleasure, a pleasure to be here with you, Monica. 

Monica: [00:04:33] Well, I think what I remember most is watching you do a video that you were, you were kind of laughing at your Ray, you were laughing at yourself and you're kind of like, well, this is what all the celebrities do.

So like, right. Like you were just. Giving yourself kind of like full permission to like do the thing. And I just, I just cracked up. And then of course, when I started following you on social media and learned a little bit more about what you do, the other story that I really loved, that you were talking about was your attention to self-love and how that actually shows up for you. And it's, it's really become a lot of your work with women in, in the coaching industry. 

Nic: [00:05:14] Yeah, absolutely. I, I am so, so proud of that is not something that has come easy. You know, I, so like the, in 2017 I declared the year of Nicole and it was because I really wanted to have a baby and, or decided in that moment that I wanted to have a baby, but I knew as like an Enneagram two and a person who like gives of myself.

So, so fully that if I had a baby. They would have completely like, you know, all my time and all my love and I wouldn't, and it would be amazing if that was to happen. But what I wanted to be able to do was know what self love for myself looked like. And so I started the year of practicing. What does self love even look like for me?

So that when I do have a baby, I have this like toolbox prepared to know that. Like my supportive husband and myself, like we could get my me time and the energy that I needed to, to fully be present for her as from my overflow, rather than me feeling really empty. Like, I didn't want that feeling. So I wanted to figure out how that, how, how I could do that in advance of  her.

Monica: [00:06:27] I love how you approached that because there's this, I love kind of talking about almost like it's like, uh, like living inside of an inquiry. And, and what I heard you say is that for you, it became this question and it was an inquiry and you gave yourself a year to explore. Floor, what is it to actually fully love myself?

And what would it be like to bring a child in the world to not be depleted, but to be able to give from my overflow, like how beautiful is that? 

Nic: [00:07:02] Yeah. And it was super helpful to have that when she was born, you had really good resources around us, but that. Year 2017. Like it was really challenging. I revealed a lot to myself that I had no idea was hiding and I was able to really heal some stuff before she, she came into this world.

Like I had two miscarriages before her and because of the tools that I used, that I was able to cultivate in 2017, like it didn't hit, like I was able to heal through it rather than it taking me out or, um, really. Stopping me from wanting to have a child. Yeah. 

Monica: [00:07:38] Can you give me some examples? Like, I'd love to know more because as you know, self-love, it's something that I believe is the portal into everything.

I really do. I believe that when we kind of get that piece as women, we open the portal too. Everything that we've been denied or that we think we've been denied. Do you know what I mean? 

Nic: [00:08:05] Absolutely. Yeah. And that's like the actual, like the same conversation I have with all of my clients where I'm like, we're going to get to your career, but we really, really need to start with you taking care of yourself.

And so the way that I've the kind of tools that I have in my pocket now, or what had happened is I took a program like a leadership program. And in there I discovered. That I believe in my core, like my subconscious, my cautiousness, that I didn't belong here, that I wasn't good enough. And that every time I did something, regardless of what it was, the world was angry at me about it.

And I remember coming home and my husband, I told my husband that I believe this. And he was like, that's absolutely not true. And like, why would I marry you if you, if you were in full on here and, uh, to back up a second, when I, the way that that showed up in my life as in, I don't belong here and I'm not good enough.

And the world is angry, is that when I would get feedback at work, I would feel I would take it personally. I wouldn't ask questions in meetings. I never had asked for a raise and these kinds of tools really help. I think. Open up my capacity for first understanding what I was even dealing with and then moving through it, because I think what happens for self-love is in the conversation that's happening right now about it is that it's like a bath or getting like a bath bomb or getting a face mask, 

Monica: [00:09:37] It's facial it's a facial, it's a manicure and it's so it's so. Those are the superficial things that of course are part of it, but there's so much more to it. 

Nic: [00:09:53] Yeah. There's so much more to it because what I've discovered is self-care for me means investigating my thoughts. Like why, why do I think that about this person? Or why didn't I do that thing? And so self-care starts with.

What habits are you creating? What behaviors and priorities do I have in my life right now? And how can I clear them up to really create my own self love. And so that shows up for me as, uh, investigating my thoughts first and then also really, really surrounding my self with extraordinary women who are really interested in taking a look at their thoughts also, and like figuring out what.

What's going on in their lives so that we can have like really powerful conversations and hold each other up. I really, really appreciate having sisterhood around me to see that the things I'm going through are so normal and that we're all kind of going through the same stuff and it's at different stages, but we're all doing it.

So making sure that I was getting friend time was super, super important, 

Monica: [00:11:03] Right. Going back to the places that were nourished, so that were. We can give from that overflow. So I want to, I want to go back to a couple of things you said, because I found them to be really profound, this idea of like investigating your thoughts.

What I also really heard there, that, that there was a way that you were approaching yourself compassionately as well as you were in guest investigating your thoughts. Like almost like gently, like, wow, why do I. Why do I believe this? Almost like a, like a best friend would sit down with you and, and say like, Nicole, like really helped me understand.

Why do you believe this about yourself? No. Well, I, I just, I, I want to make sure I'm checking in, like, is that true for you? Was it, was it a compassionate way that you were kind of starting to question these what I call secret beliefs? 

Nic: [00:11:58] It wasn't immediately compassionate. I was very judgmental of it. Like I said, I would come home and like you all this stuff that I learned to my husband and it didn't come with compassionate.

So like, until like I got into the practice of noticing, cause the first time. The inner critic or the demon or who I call Ursula 

Monica: [00:12:19] Such a great name. That's such a great name for its saboteur Ursula. Yes. Oh my God. Ursula.

Nic: [00:12:26] I imagined and. She, when she, when I noticed that that she's there, but my inner demon saying stuff, I then try, like, I can collect the information that she's saying in a journal or talk to someone about it.

And now I can do it in a more compassionate way. Cause I've gone through the practice more where I can bring it to a friend and say, isn't this hilarious, these lies that I'm saying to myself, where before. I would feel like they were true and I would hold onto them and be like, Oh, you're right. I don't belong here.

I am not good enough. People are mad that I didn't do that thing. And so it's grown into compassion and I'm glad you asked that because. I'm realizing right now that it didn't start that way. 

Monica: [00:13:13] Yeah. Well, it, it does take some time, doesn't it? And that's part of, I think the self-love process, because for me, compassion becomes almost like the, almost like the. The biggest ingredient that I can kind of put into that pot of soup. You know, if, if I, if I kind of look at the metaphor of it, you know, the recipe for self-love that there's always gotta be an element of self compassion, because there's a way I think that we can start approaching ourselves that just takes the edge and the pressure.

Off in such a way that we can actually breathe, that we can actually receive that we can give ourselves the space to be perfect. 

Nic: [00:14:03] It's like, where am I? Where am I creating my own resistance here? And taking the inquiry in to discover how I can be more compassionate, where I can activate more. Self-love.

And bring that in. Cause I know, I know, like in my life, in my business, in anything that I'm doing, if I realize I'm not taking a break, cause I'm too busy or I can't do something, but my husband gets to do it. Like that's not where my, my power is. It's in, like, I'm going to take a break. I'm going to have the hard conversation to move it out of my body.

Yesterday. I heard from someone that like our body, isn't a storage unit and. I think it was in your last episode, actually, our body's not a storage unit and I really, really believe that like our emotions are supposed to get out, like, what am I doing to keep this in? My body right now. And how can I get it out of there?

Monica: [00:14:57] It's true. And I love that. You're like, I think it was in, I think it was in one of your episodes, cause I'm like, really I'll have to go back and listen, but it's, it's true. There's, you know, our bodies are not a storage unit and there's a way that again, it's like moving it through, moving it through so that we can have more space.

And I love too that you kind of. Brought up, not only investigating your thoughts, but also surrounding yourself with a community, with a sisterhood, because I think that's another way that, and for those of you out there who are really listening to this, I've often talked about a sisterhood or a community of women that you can be.

Who you truly are with. And when I say who you truly are, it's like words and all imperfections and all, and that, there's a way that we can now create context with certain women, with a group of women who are familiar with this kind of work, where we know that the context for the conversation that we're having with each other.

Isn't kind of the status quo of how women normally hang out together, which can. Can be quite toxic if, if we're not paying attention because how a lot of women tend to hang out together before we've kind of done. Some of the work is we can tend to find ourselves either gossiping complaining about our lives and really kind of sharing from a place of victim hood.

Versus empowering each other to actually, and reflecting back to each other. The other thing that we can tend to do when we haven't done some work is we can tend to want to fix others, which shows up as a lot of codependency versus the ability to kind of believe that our friend has their own answers and that all we need to do is be a compassionate witness and listen.

To what they have to say. So there's a way that I think that you're absolutely right. Part of the self-love practice is actually finding a community to support you in continuing to be in the inquiry about your own life and about how you want to continually show up

Nic: [00:17:16] 100%. I would not be, as you say, at ease with myself or still magnetic without this container, this net of women who see me in my life.

Well list being the worst and all, like you said, it's so beautiful. Like yesterday I had a lot of stuff coming up because I just like made a big investment in myself. And I had a list of all the things that my inner critic was, was very interested in telling me. And I read it to my girls yesterday. My, my women in my group and I was.

And they didn't tell me that any of it was wrong, they didn't try to cuddle me or, or make me feel good about it or make a, like a positive thought about it. It was like, yeah. Yeah. We're here for that. Thank you for sharing it. It's beautiful to see that and being held as in my full uniqueness and my full self expression, who I feel authentically to be without having to hide.

Like in the past, I wouldn't share that kind of stuff to, with people or with anyone and to be able to speak so freely without judgment is so powerful, 

Monica: [00:18:27] So powerful. And it's, it's really, it changes everything. It changes everything. I love that this comes up in your work. And you just said something that I want to circle back to, which is that you just made a big investment in yourself.

And one of the questions that I wanted to ask you is what do you know about women and self-worth and investing in themselves through your work?

Nic: [00:18:56] Oh, I'm so. Thrilled and proud and moved every single time a woman wants to even talk to me about and that stuff, because it's so hard to ask for help in, in this, in the patriarchy and people, women haven't been able to invest in themselves financially.

They're afraid to do it. It's, it's a scary, it's just scary. And so when I get to work with my clients and they say yes, like it changes. Their life and mind. Cause I get to like work through stuff with them, but also seeing the small, like even small incremental changes that they make or the new tools that they have.

They, they come in feeling super overwhelmed in either a job search or about to quit a job, or just trying to figure out how to recreate boundaries and work-life balance and a job that they're currently in. They just don't know how to do it because the, what we've been told or a lot that's modeled is you have to stay in a job.


It doesn't matter if you don't like it. This is how you do it. You'll get paid at the end of the week. And a lot of us. Now or just like, no, no, no, no. That's not how I want to be living my life. I want to be able to make money, but also like spend time with my friends and take a lunch break and not feel bad about turning off my notifications on the weekend.

And so when women invest in themselves and when I get to work with these women who invest with me, I'm so I'm so proud of them even once. Uh, one of my clients I'd love to share this. She came in. She's like really burned out with her job. She doesn't know if she should quit. She could quit if you want it to, like, she's talking about that.

But she stays. And one of the things we first started doing with her was to just take a lunch break and it was so hard for her to do that because the culture where she works is it doesn't do that. Everyone takes breaks, it doesn't take breaks. They just take lunch at their desk. And then even so in the pandemic they've been doing the same and.

Her homework for the week was like, take a lunch break every day. And so she took one on a Monday and then she said it was super, super hard on Tuesday. She took half of it because she felt really bad about it. And she told her team that she would come back and then Wednesday, one of the other people was like, Oh, you're taking your lunch break.

I'm going to also take a lunch break. And like, those people have never taken lunch breaks before. And then Thursday, she skipped her lunch break. And then on Friday, She took her lunch break and another person did yoga during her lunch break, which is like, that's what really, really boggles my life. Not even boggles my mind, but makes me so proud to be able to work with women who are changing the world in like such a ripple effect.

Like they're changing it from the inside, from inside themselves. And then also inside their work, like what I like to call it, my work is like strengthening our courage muscle. Like, it doesn't seem courageous to like take a lunch break, but if you think about it, you haven't been taking it for so long, but it's like this thing that you have to like.

Talk yourself into and be like, I'm going to take a lunch break today. I'm going to take a lunch break and you do it. And you're like, Oh shit, sorry. I feel like I have a person who takes a lunch break now and you become a new person, like in an instant. And it's so cool to see. And it seems so small, but now she takes lunch breaks and she also starts work later.

And she also has this person taking yoga breaks, which. Oh, I am so moved just thinking about

Monica: [00:22:45] it.Yeah. And by the way, you can swear. Cause what the Frick, what the Frick, Nicole, What the frick.. So you can swear. You're allowed to swear. It makes it, it makes everything more spicy. Uh, well, dropped swear word is always appreciated. Thank you. So there's a lot here because it does seem so simple.

It seems so simple. And yet it goes against the kind of tribal code, especially as it relates to the patriarchy. And I love that you said earlier, you know, it's really hard to invest in yourself in the patriarchy. And I wanted you to go a little bit deeper with that. Why, why, why is it hard for us to invest in ourselves?

Nic: [00:23:26] It's hard to invest in ourselves as women because. There aren't a lot of people modeling this. There aren't CEOs. There's not a lot of CEOs that are women. There. Aren't a lot of women in leadership roles. We don't know what it looks like to invest in ourselves because we don't see it happening. 

Monica: [00:23:43] Okay. I love that. Yeah. 

Nic: [00:23:45] We also make less money, so we have less to give to ourselves. And if like I used to also work in micro finance or volunteer in micro finance and. Women invest 90% of their income in their family and their community and men invest 30%. And so when we're thinking about how we're going to invest our money, we think of our community and our family first, and men usually think about themselves.

And so it just isn't ingrained in us to think that we deserve it or that we could even get it because we gotta, we have to take care of our families, got to make sure our community is, is nurtured. 

Monica: [00:24:26] Right. And yet, you know, it really goes back to our original conversation about self-love and what I've found.

And I'm sure that, you know, this is kind of where we're headed is that by the time women actually get to the point where they're in a breakdown, they're so depleted, they're so unhappy. They're so exhausted, overwhelmed and it's and have. And haven't really exercised that muscle of self-care and self-love.

And so when you speak of just taking a lunch break it's you're right. It is a really big deal, but it, it starts to become where the muscle gets stronger and stronger and leads to other things. And it's contagious, as you mentioned. And when we, and I think. And, and the thing that you said that I love the most is like, if we can't see it, we can't be at, and so I'm finding that.

I brag that we're, that we're also really quick studies as women and that it actually just takes one of us daring to kind of stand up and, you know, say like, I don't agree with the status quo. Like this is crazy. This is crazy making my work is not my life. And to really start to organize, to find. To really start to surface the values that really go back to what you initially said, like being in an inquiry, like, why do I have my life set up? Like this? It's not serving me. 

Nic: [00:26:04] It's not serving me. 

Monica: [00:26:06] Yeah. By default, because it's not serving us as women. It doesn't serve those that we care for. 

Nic: [00:26:13] Yeah, exactly. 

Monica: [00:26:15] So tell me more about, about, you know, just what. As you really start to work with the women that you work with as it relates to career, what comes up a lot?

Like I'm curious, do the women that work with you end up shifting their career, do they start daring to dream of a different way to show up in their careers or maybe even a whole different way of finding their life purpose? Like tell me more. 

Nic: [00:26:49] The women I get to work with are they, they come to me when they, if they've burned out, they're ready to, they're just, they feel stagnant.

They've outgrown the role and they don't know what's next. And what we get to work through is. They think what's next is like getting a new job, , which I really like helping them with, like, I, I did a job search. I helped them make resumes. I helped them with the strategy for interviews and all the, all the career strategy stuff.

But what we really do is we dive into their values. Why do you keep burning out every two years? What's happening there? What do you even value? Why do you take jobs that. You have to work on the weekends. It's like, why do you take jobs that you, you don't have a mentor at work or don't have a mentor outside of work?

What is what's important to you? And then let's go from there and set up. I need to have a job right now. And what I also, I also want to step back and say like, there is also a time when people need to be in jobs to feed their families and to take care of what needs to be taken care of. And. What I, I want to say that that is like the perfect place to be also, and also understand that that's where you are and that's, uh, that's the choice that's being that's happening right now.

And then we can, when that's taking care of them, we get to choose to dream. Again, we get to create our dream job. We get to create our gene job, dream job description and the lifestyle that we want because when it comes down to our career, if you think about it, it impacts. Her whole entire life. 

Monica: [00:28:32] It's important. What you're saying, because there are those necessary points in our lives where we just take the job because it's what needs to be done to feed the children or it's what needs to be done to make ends meet or support the family or ourselves in a way that. We feel at that moment, we don't have another option, but I love too that you're pointing to this also this idea of that being a stepping stone, a temporary place, and not necessarily where we want to.

Think about staying, especially if it's not nourishing us and this idea of choosing a job that actually nourishes and fulfills is still pretty foreign to a lot of people. Would you agree? 

Nic: [00:29:23] Absolutely. Yes.

Monica: [00:29:25] It's almost like there's this real kind of cult of denial that, and maybe this, and I think it is part of, kind of the mantra of the patriarchy is that it's about.

Being practical and pragmatic and putting your nose to the grindstone, faking it till you make it, which all intimates misery in the meantime. And the truth that I think a lot of people find out is that the, their whole life ends up being the meantime. 

Nic: [00:30:00] The meantime, meaning, 

Monica: [00:30:01] Meaning, you know, it's, it's that they're miserable in the meantime, you know, as, as they're kind of faking it till they make it.

And then one day they wake up and they're like, my God, now I'm retired. And I spent my whole life being miserable in a job. And I am, you hear all these stories of people then getting to the point where they finally are able to retire and then they get sick and die. Right. Yeah. 

Nic: [00:30:26] It's heartbreaking. It's so heartbreaking.

Monica: [00:30:28] And so what I'm really hearing is that this is a trend that you are disrupting. 

Nic: [00:30:34] Yeah. I think a lot of the thoughts that my clients have are I can't quit my job because it's going to be hard. There's a story in our culture that like, it's going to be hard to find a job if I don't have a job or I can't have, I can't find a new job while I'm working this job because it's too challenging.

There's too many hoops to go through. How am I going to take. Off of work to do this. And the story that is repeated that like upsets me is like, how imagine. So if the story is, if I don't have a job, it'll be hard for me to find another job. And what I like to move through is like, imagine a person who hates their current job.

Or is unemployed. And hasn't been able to unfortunately find a job for a while. They feel defeated. They feel overworked. They feel burned out. They go into a new job. They're like, they're burned out. They bring that feeling to this interview and the interviewers are like, ah, this energy is off there. They didn't prepare.

Like they don't feel, they don't feel right. Then you have that person who's interviewing it doesn't feel right. They're burned out. They're coming to that. You have a second person. Who quit their job because they could, who is creating boundaries at their old job, or is creating bombs at their old jobs where they can fill, continued filling up that cup.

So they go into this interview and they're just like blowing them away the interviewers because they know their worth. They know that they're going to kick ass when they're here and they crushed the interview. Right. And so. Who do you want to be interviewing the person that feels burned out? Or do you, or the person who, who feels thrilled to even have this interview and is prepared.

And when I can help my clients make that shift of like you going, you create your life. One of my favorite clients or they're all my favorite.

Monica: [00:32:31] Let's let's say that let's face it. Yeah. 

Nic: [00:32:36] She's like, wow, you made me see, or I helped her. See, she already knew this in herself that. I could have whatever I want.

Like, I get to  create whatever I want, no matter what anyone else says, and we get stuck in what other people say we should be doing so often that like, we really need to the inquiry we talked about earlier, just like, what do I want? What's important to me, what's going to make me fulfilled in this next role.

Monica: [00:33:09] We really it's like the inquiry, but we really also need to kind of interrogate. I think of like this idea of like sitting the belief under like one of those naked light bulb, light bulbs and like, right. And like interrogating it. Like why, you know, like, like why, why do you think that you need to be this constant voice in my head?

It's just, it's so crazy. So, yeah, it's, it's so funny, right. Because, you know, and I know that we're speaking about this lighthearted and if there's somebody out there who's listening, that's really miserable in their job or in their livelihood and is kind of hit that realization point or even pretending not to know that you're miserable, but like something feels weighted.

I don't know, you know, resistance or sometimes. You know, when you're listening to something that you want to shut it off because you know, ignorance feels better sometimes. Like I'm just going to urge you to keep listening because you know, Nicole, what I want you to kind of take us into next is like, what's the, what is the next step for somebody who's really feeling miserable in their job?

Like, what would you say to them if they've gotten to the point where they're really kind of seeing their work as a grind.

Nic: [00:34:26] Yeah, thank you for asking that question. I think it's really the most important one in the work that I get to do is be change. He doesn't like big changes near jobs doesn't happen overnight.

And so the advice I would give to them is like, pick one small thing that you want to change in your work. Or in your life outside of work, that will help you be better at feel better at work. So maybe that making sure you're hydrated every day for a week, maybe that's the goal and, or maybe it's, I'm going to take lunch every day.

This week. It can be so, so small, but that's just restarting to like probably listening. You're like, Nicole, I'm not doing like, that's not going to change anything, but. What's going to happen when you start taking like us like the lunch break. I already talked about that, making sure you're hydrated every day, you're reminding yourself that you are mostly water and you're like hydrating yourself for the day and taking such good care of yourself that it will start impacting the rest of your day and your weeks, and then the people around you.

Because once you, once, you know, you can drink water every single day. You're taking that break for yourself. Then you know that maybe next week you can take that lunch break or the, and then the following week, you like start taking your vacation days, which is, so is something that we don't do. Like I would say if you have vacation days, take two right now.

I want you to take two in a row so that you have afforded weekend and just see how it feels. Take time for yourself and not think about work and. Oh, I was just like, moved thinking about people taking vacation 

Monica: [00:36:12] I know  was just here like, Oh my God, like, that's so true. Like nobody takes their frigging vacation. Like it's kinda like that.

Th the mentality it's okay. This is another symptom of the trance, by the way. I always, you know, all of my listeners, it's like, you hear me talk about the trance of unworthiness, the trance of unworthiness. This is a symptom you guys, that this is. Symptom is when you stay in a miserable job that you do not love.

Okay. And I get it right now, if you do not have a choice, but what I want you to do is look at where you do have some choices and what Nic was just pointing to, where some areas that you can give yourself some love. And so whatever that looks like for you, the things you can impact. The things you can control, do those things.

And when it comes to taking vacation, there's another one where we fall into this trance of unworthiness. And it's like, we think, what are the excuses that you hear for not taking those vacation days, Nic? I love to do you guys hear the throat noise with it? 

Nic: [00:37:24] It's like, Oh, my teammates can do the work. Cause cause like my teammates won't be able to do it. I don't have enough vacation days. I I'll have too much work when I get back to do, why should I take a vacation day? I don't need it. I have. What would I even do if I took a vacation day is my favorite, because I'm like, let's talk about what we could do on your vacation.

Monica: [00:37:50] Oh yeah. I mean, uh, it, it breaks my heart. It, it, it breaks my heart because. Because it, it really is the, it, it is the trance and it's this understanding for me that there's a whole aspect of fulfillment. Enjoy waiting to discover you that is just. Literally like a choice away and yeah, you may not, you know, access that when you take these two vacation days, but again, it's building that muscle.

It's starting to think. About your situation in this moment as temporary, and then starting to do things that will actually disrupt the trance. 

Nic: [00:38:47] Yeah. I, what just came to me and was like, we have a choice in. Every part of our lives and if we've started so, so, so small, like we can just choose to take a longer breaths the next time we need to grieve because we're constantly breathing like. Just slow down your breath for one breath. 

Monica: [00:39:10] Yeah. I just did it with you. Cause I was like, yeah, that feels great. You know, it's just, it's these small incremental changes and we, we underestimate how powerful they can be, but it's just like shifting a mindset, you know, from this is just the way it is to, this is just temporary.

Yeah, that, that, that becomes a powerful shift. And I love that expression. You have to believe it to see it, instead of you have to see it to believe it, and like turning that script upside down, because that's what we have to do in the patriarchy. We live in kind of this upside down world where we're the only ones that are going to.

Really turn it right side up is ourselves. And nobody's going to do that for us. And if we can model taking vacation, similarly to how you were tagging Nic, about the co-workers starting to join her and starting to take a lunch break. That's what will happen with vacation too. And there's nothing that the patriarchy. Hates more than super fulfilled empowered women, especially because that's when the power of it and the trance starts to wear off and we can no longer kind of just be cogs in the wheel. 

Nic: [00:40:35] Oh yeah. It's so true. Like when you, yeah, when you take that extra break or you take that vacation day, it just. Inspires other people and that's so cool. 

Monica: [00:40:48] Yeah. It w like it reminds them to take care of themselves as well. Yeah. Well, and so, Nicole, I know we're kind of coming to the end of our time together, which I it's just like, it always goes so fast and I wish sometimes I could like stretch these conversations on forever.\

I love them so much. And I feel like we just start really diving into some of the, the gems, but I'd love to, to know if I were to ask you kind of one additional question, what question. Would would I ask you and how would you answer it?

Nic: [00:41:24] I'm not sure what the question is, but the answer would be,

Monica: [00:41:28] I love you

Nic: [00:41:29] for, for the folks out there who, who are feeling stuck, who are feeling overwhelmed, who are feeling like lacking in choice. I invite you to do some research on yourself, on what. Makes you feel good in the moment? Like, is it changing your breath? Is it putting on your favorite song? Is it, , going outside on a short walk? Like what are those things that bring you life outside of work? Because once we start focusing on those, it will impact and ripple how we show up at work and how we feel about ourselves at work.

Because our work isn't the only thing that's giving us. The, the nourishment that we need, we are, we're taking care of ourselves out of work so that we can flow into work in an easier way. And like, where are you creating your own resistance around finding those things that bring you joy that bring you nourishment.

And when you do find these things, get a, post-it get a piece of paper and write them down on a small piece of paper or a post-it and put it on the inside of your cupboard in your kitchen so that when you forget. You can go to the post-it and you know what you can do, what choices you do have to make.

And I want you to choose things that take like less than five minutes, because then you're more likely to do them. Like take a breath. Put on your favorite dance song. 

Monica: [00:42:59] And I know, I know that you do this. So tell, so tell our listeners where you might find a post-it in your house and what those post-it say.

Nic: [00:43:11] I posted, uh, I actually just, we just moved. So I just found the post-it yesterday in one of the boxes and put it up in my kitchen and it says, it says call a friend. It says, put on the country playlist that you've made. It says, read a book on the patio outside. I bragged that I live in San Francisco. So yeah, well, brag, it says put on pit bull and dance, and those are four of them that I've, that I've gotten to.

And another one is get a hug from either my daughter or my husband, and cause they're always goofy and great. And also I'm the best targets. So. It helps to, to be with people that are also really good hunters. 

Monica: [00:43:58] I love that, Nicole. That's so great. And you and you of course did a dance break before we even got on this call today.

Nic: [00:44:04] 100%. I a danced to confident this morning.

Monica: [00:44:09] I love it. I love it. Well, I want to say thank you so much. And to our listeners, I want to let you know that we'll have ways that you can contact. Nicola and the show notes as well as you can seek her out, of course, on social media, or you can go to her website.

And of course, all of that will be in the show notes. And to you, dear Nicole, I want to say, like, I just want the Frick. I am so happy that we met and that I was just found you and your energy. You're such a . A true delight. I just, I love how you show up in the world. I love that you're helping other women just really tap into their own fulfillment and joy, knowing that like these moments in our lives, you know, they don't have to be permanent.

They're temporary. You're really helping to bust the trance. And I, I just. You're a sister for life. 

Nic: [00:45:05] Thank you. I love that. Thank you so much, Monica ..

Monica: [00:45:09] Yeah. And .To our guests, more to be revealed,

We hope you enjoyed this episode. For more information, please visit us@jointherevelation.com and be sure to download our free gift, subscribe to our mailing list or leave us a review on iTunes. We thank you for your generous listening. And as always more to be revealed.