123_Pat_Duckworth === Pat: That menopause isn't just hot flashes, and it's not just about your periods ending. This is a physical experience. It's an emotional experience and it's a spiritual experience you are in. Liminal space, the space between who you were and who you're becoming. I know your listeners can't see me, but I'm using my hands anyway. So you know who you were, was brilliant and who you're becoming is going to be great. And you're in the messy bit, in the middle where it's all starting to fall. And it's so important to remember that at that stage. You need to practice self-care because you're setting the foundations for your next 30, 40, 50 years. Don't think about menopause as a day when your periods stop, think about it as this transition and that the more you look after your physical health, your emotional health, your spiritual health, the more you are setting yourself up for really good. Second half of your. Uh, so I can't really stress slightly enough that, you know, when I talk to women and they're like, oh, I think I can. I think I can tough this out. You know, I'll get to the other side of this. It's probably only a year or so. And no, don't think of it that way and brace this time of change and embrace it as a time when you can set really fun foundations. === Monica: Welcome to the Revelation Project Podcast. I'm Monica Rogers, and this podcast is intended to disrupt the trance of unworthiness and to guide women, to remember and reveal the truth of who we are. We say that life is a Revelation Project, and what gets revealed gets healed. Hey everyone. Welcome to another episode of the Revelation Project Podcast. I am with a personal favorite today. Pat Duckworth. Pat is the best-selling author. She's an international speaker and a specialist in the area of wellness at menopause. She enjoyed a 30 year career. In the British civil service, she became a director in a major department there, and then she went on to write five books, actually on the subject of women's health at midlife in 2021. Menopause mind the gap was given several awards and she speaks all over the place, all over the world. She brings humor and authenticity to her fact filled presentations. And she is hysterical. Pat has worked with organizations in the public and private sectors, also all over the map. Like she is just such a fierce advocate for women's health. And she is noted for just sharing her wealth of information and her just gentle, wonderful, warm heart and spirit. And in fact to that point, she received the heart and spirit award from the evolutionary business council. 2022. So you can only imagine I had invited Pat to join us because I don't yet have an episode dedicated to menopause and understanding it more, I think, through a spiritual lens today, because while there's plenty of information out there, including all of Pat's fact fill. and fun books. I also know that pat has just a depth of spirit and I wanted to really bring her on the podcast today to talk about how midlife changes are part of our evolution. They're actually an initiation into who we're becoming. And of course, there's so much honor in that. So please join me in welcoming Pat Duckworth. Hey Pat - Pat: Hi Monica, I want to count on site. So I said, I'm literally going to my seat here. Monica: Oh, I have, I actually Austin this morning, do you have a podcast episode that you're recording today? And I quickly looked and I just like broke my whole face, burst into a smile because I enjoyed our first conversations so much. It was just, you know, we were vibrating, you know, on the, on the same wavelength and I just absolutely. Loved and what we've talked. I think we expected to spend maybe 30 minutes and like 90 minutes later we were like, I have to go. I have to go. Pat: Yeah. Those are the best conversations when you think, oh, I just, I made a new friend. That was such a great connection. Monica: I know. I know. Well, you're truly a kindred spirit. I could tell that right away. I'm going through, I think, you know, what you teach. And so that became really one of my first reasons for reaching out. And of course, serving midlife women, midlife awakening women. Right. And so here we are kind of in. In the mess of the constant awakening, I will say because as we evolve, that is so much a part of our awareness on a daily basis. I think that once we kind of have that really, that big initial awakening, it's forever kind of these little deaths and rebirths along the way, or maybe big ones, but for me, menopause has been. A real journey and I've started listening and being aware in such a different way than I had before. I think that there's also like the. At least I'm sensing for myself. It's like, I am not interested in the mainstream mentality about menopause because it, it actually hurts me. Like it really feels quite derogatory. And I was just like, you know, There is so much more here. Like this is an initiation. I get to come into my wise woman, my crone, like this is an honor. And I love like, when I learned that you talk about hot women, right. I was like, oh hell yes. Pat: Yeah. I know it's my title, but that title was kind of gifted to me. I was at a conference and I come up with a title for my first book. I shared with the guy who was sitting next to me and he went, oh, that's really good. What was it again? I thought, oh, that didn't stick very well. And we were being encouraged to think about the titles. And I said to him, oh, how about this one Hot Women Cool Solutions? He said, love it. I have that one. And when I stand up at networking or meetings and I say, hi, I'm Pat Duckworth. I'm the hot woman. We cool solutions off and they laugh in a good way. You know, like, ah, Get it, it's kind of funny and women don't mind being hot women. They just don't want to be thought over. So menopausal woman, you know, with all the heaviness that goes with now, Monica: Right? 'cause that's, that's that, that's that narrative that really feels. Not only disempowering, but certainly not very hot. And actually, you know, like so TMI, but I'm going to do it anyway. Cause it's you like I've, I've actually never felt more alive, more vital, more sexy, more sensual. And that is the truth for me. I, I, I always talk about unbecoming from all of the ways that we've been taught to conform. And so coming out of what I think was this dormancy, my whole life here, of course, Pat and I got the Oracle card, this seed. And so I remember now I'm getting chills because the dormancy was part of that message. But for me, it's like, I lived my whole life in this dormant place because. I was being like pushed down. I feel like into trying to conform into this confined space. And now that I've kind of crossed rather quickly from like this wounded maiden into this allowed to fully bloom into the maiden and then. Quickly after into the full bloom of mother that archetype and now crossing into what is the full bloom of my wise woman, you know, it's like, whoa, this is so amazing. Pat: It's so juicy. And I think women get really scared by the subject. When I say I speak about menopause, some of them kind of walk away because I don't know if they think that just me talking about it, bringing it on or. Monica: This is like divorce. Like, like I used to be treated like I was contagious. They're like, no one dinner parties for you, monica. Right? Not contagious people. This is divorce is not contagious. Menopause is not contagious. Pat: It's not contagious. I'm not talking about it. Doesn't mean you're not going to go through it. There is no magic in not talking about it. There's some magic in sticking your fingers in your ears and going la la la la is gonna happen. And it's okay. It's more than okay. It's who you're meant to be next. And that is fantastic. I went to see a. Uh, homeopaths about three years ago, someday I've met at networking sometime before that. And he's the guy he's a French guy got really sexy French accent, which I won't try and do, but he was treating me for something very unsexy and, um, TMI anyway, and, uh, We said, do you still talk about menopause? I said, yeah, I still do. And I said, ah, he said, I really envy women, their menopause. He said, because you get to hit the reset button. You get to start again. We don't get fat. I thought what a great insight from a guy is that we get. Mid point in our lives and we get to go, who am I? Where am I hit the reset button? Who do I want to be for the next 30, 40, 50 years of how fantastic is that? Monica: How fantastic. I love that. It's so it's so true. We, I never thought of it that way. You know, as women, we have these very mark. Initiations don't we, I never thought of that. You know, it's like, we ha like the beginning of our cycle is really such a transition from, from the child into the maidenhood. And then we, if, if we, whether or not we actually give birth, there's certainly, you know, a real feeling of coming into a mother archetype. And then same, as our cycle is ending, we come into this now, other really? And it's true. It's a very marked change. It can be a very visible change. It's really quite profoundly beautiful to. Pat: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think as women, we have a different relationship to time because we are constantly aware of time passing because of our cycles. You know, we're aware of each month changing. We're more aware of the moons. We're more aware of the seasons. Because of our relationship to time. And then we get to this midpoint and again, life, the universe spirit reminds us that we're entering another stage of our own lives. And if we embrace it so much opens up, you know, I am way further down this path, then you are. And I still, I think I feel more vibrant all the time because. I'm opening up to so many more possibilities and opportunities. And, uh, I, you know, I love it. Monica: I love it too. And here, I also want to be honest and share that. sometimes the way that the trance shows up for me in this stage of my life, because for our listeners too, you know, like I talk a lot about the fact that the trance is not something that you just break out of and then it's like, It's we have been inculturated for centuries to stay small, to stay in our place, to be distracted quite honestly, by all of the ways in which we quote unquote need fixing. We're made to believe that if we just bought this cream or just had this supplement or just could stay youthful. That we could somehow be. Okay. And it it's such a racket, first of all. And it's such a, it's literally like the ever dangling carrot that you never get to as a woman, because you're constantly being marketed to in a way that is so disempowering it's so disempowering. One of the things that I started to really recognize was my age-ism showing up. Like, I didn't realize what age-ism was, but it was this true prejudice against aging. And I had internalized all of these messages about what aging was in our society and what it is in our society. When I really sat with it, it broke my heart because I think of all the ways I even used to speak to my mother, you know, and the way that we refer to. Our wise women? Our elders, our is such a mark of honor. And yet it's not treated that way in our society because what we do with our wise women and our elders is we, we send them on their way. We're like, you're not useful to us anymore. Pat: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And all of that experience and that knowledge. That women build up can just evaporate in fact rates from their, from their families and from the birth place as well. You know, if you start, I mean, the crazy thing about aging, and I think this is crazy. Suddenly women say to me, oh, I don't want to get old. I won't say getting old over the alternative. Okay. You either die or you get older every day. Um, I'm getting older every day and I am thankful every morning I wake up, I put my hands over my heart and I say, thank you for another day. And before I go to sleep at night, I say, thank you for that day because it's not guaranteed. If there's anything we've learned in the last couple of years, it's that these days aren't guarantee. And so we should rejoice. So when I look in the mirror, I know if I'm looking through the eyes of my ego, because my ego goes, Ooh, look, there's another crow's foot or whatever my spirit goes well done. You're doing amazing. It's that different? Monica: Well, and also I want to point to the opposite of what you said, which is if we were to age backwards, I wouldn't go back for anything because of the wisdom that I've acquired because of the peace that I have inside of myself. And. There is this way that I think we, we can tend to just idolized this youth. It's such an illusion. Oh, I think my internet just fell out. Pat, did I lose you and standby more to be revealed. Where'd she go? Where'd she go? She's come back. Okay. While I'm waiting for her. I'm going to read the Oracle card that we chose because this is kind of trippy. So it was the deck from the wild, unknown archetypes guidebook. And it's called the seed. The one that we chose on page 197, and it's the deck by Kim Krantz. And it said. Beginnings come in many forms. They're not always a beautiful seed placed intentionally in nourishing soil, origin stories like any birth story are complex, surprising multilayered, and usually reveal a central image or detail that represents the fully formed. Simply stated the end is present in the beginning or the entire Oak tree resides within the acorn. Whether you follow this imaginal theory or not know that when this card appears there is potent generative energy all around it stirs your very insights and usually results in an antsy impatient. Pay particular attention to what agitates you as it is a sure sign of growth to come. You are bumping up against a growth edge. It is from the grit that the Pearl eventually comes to be. So I was kind of laughing because when we chose this, I was really. Relating to the fact that menopause can be a bit of that grit that comes back into our lives as women, as like a reset, oh, here's change. We can tend to avoid change, especially when we're not having to go through a massive physical change. Again, I love this wisdom for women where our bodies really carry the seed of new beginnings as we go through these physical initiations, which also. Pull our mental initiation and our spiritual initiation with it. It's almost like our body is so wise. It leads us out of the comfort zone and into the zone of revelation. And so for me, coming into menopause has really revealed, like I was just saying to pat my age-ism where I hold the. Unhelpful stories about aging, which are so much a part of the trance and so much a part of our inculturation. It's also revealed to me some of my fears, like, I don't know about you, but you know, I always heard all about, or you're going to all your colleges, like, you're just going to somehow. Every you're just going to like be a walking wrinkle or something like a prune. And then the other thing is I've, I've also had to face the fear of things around my sexuality. So my sexuality and like all the. You get all dried up when you go through menopause, it's like all this stuff that we, again, it reminds me of after I gave birth. And they don't tell you about kind of that period, the first three months after birth, because they somehow like society thinks if they tell you what it's really like, you're not going to want to have more children or something. Totally bizarre. And it's the same with menopause. It's like, we, we have this, this negative conversation about it, but then nobody's out there talking about all of these great cool solutions for kind of getting over the quote unquote hump of it or the grit of it. That also makes the Pearl of it. Yeah. So Pat, while you were, it was. Tend to get a net for my next trick, Pat will be leaving and coming back in. But what we were just talking about was kind of the revelation period of how our bodies hold this wisdom and the seed. So I read the actual Oracle. Oh card that you and I chose and how our body carries this wisdom of this, this initiation that I was kind of having that revelation while you and I were, were speaking, there's the initiation of our cycle. And then there's that initiation every month. And then there's that initiation or that passage into the crown. And so I was sharing that the zone of revelation for me is when we. Get out of the comfort zone and it's kind of our body's wisdom in some ways that forces us out of that comfort zone, because now we're physically going into menopause and it's going to take our spirituality and our mental it's like the, all of it has to kind of be pulled through that portal at some point. Pat: Yeah and there's this thing, you know, somehow it's wrong for older women to be sent. You know, it's a sort of society thing. And some women really worry that like, oh, you know, I don't, I don't know what happens to my libido. Well, let's have a look at what's going on. You're going through this massive hormonal change. You're probably under quite a lot of stress because you're managing the home. You're managing your work. You're managing your relationship. You might be managing older parents. So you've got all of that going on because of your menopause symptoms. You might not be sleeping so well, you know, look at you as a whole person and everything that's going on and say, how are you differ from when you were 18? Is. It's a big difference. So start off being compassionate to yourself, compassionate about where you are in your life doesn't mean that your sexuality or your sensuality is gone. The context has changed and you need different things at this stage of life. You need different things to help you to feel sensual. And actually there was a program on the BBC radio here in the UK a few weeks ago where they talked to, they had. 90 year old ladies talking to each other in a studio. And, um, one of them said I still very central. She said one of the biggest problems with locked down is I haven't been able to go and get my hair done. And she said, when you get to this age, if you don't have a partner yeah. Women my age, don't, you know, that lovely feeling of having somebody wash your hair. She said, I love that. And it's part of my sensuality and it was so wonderful to hear a woman at that age, talking about, you know, being touched and being sensual. I. It's such a strong, positive reaction to the program, if it is like, wow, that's amazing. Monica: Yeah. Well, right, because it's, it's like we, we live in this illusion that somehow like that, that dies off and it's, I think it's, it's actually the opposite. I know for me that so many of my sexual hangups were so. Freaking wrapped up in my inculturation. There's so much bullshit around purity and women's bodies and the objectification. And it's just, and then so many women talk about, oh, you hit a certain age and you suddenly become invisible. There's this way that that is I'm like, yay. Like yay. And it's so funny. Cause I was just probably another overshare. I have this great relationship with my daughter and you know, how crop shirts have been like super in, we were like parking in a restaurant parking lot with just like the whole family in the car. She was like, yeah. I said something about, you know, did you cut the t-shirt that you just got? And she's like, no, I'm kinda done doing that. I go, yeah. After you've been objectified enough, it kind of, you know, it, it kinda started, she's like mom, and then she's like, you know what? That's actually really true. And I'm like, it really is. Yeah. We can love the way that our body looks and feels at all these different ages, but sometimes that becomes. Again, that revelation around not necessarily needing or wanting that kind of attention, because for me, it was such a part of the Monica that needed the external validation and that my worth and my value was so wrapped up in my lucks. And it was the way that I got to say, oh, I'm worried that. Yeah. Instead of my currency, my value, my energy, my everything, is like, I get to affirm. I get to approve. I get to validate where I'm at at this point in my life. Pat: Yeah. I we've recently, my husband and I have recently joined. Local country club. That's it all done up in marble and fittings and everything. And it's got a spa and a swimming pool and they went through a couple of times. They've been like a mom who's taken her older teenage daughter to the spa and the mums, you know, like guys thing gear on and the daughters. They're absolutely gorgeous. And they're wearing these lovely little swimming costumes and they've got, had their manicure and pedicure and they still got their makeup on. They're still clutching and phone, even though they're in a spa and they looked so awkward, like, are you judging me? Feel them feel their discomfort in that they got so much body on show. And I don't know who else is in there and they're feeling awkward. And I want to say, oh, go you're. You're great. You look lovely, relax and enjoy it. Don't be worrying. What anybody else is thinking about you am. I allowed to say what I said when we had our conversation? Monica: Oh, please do. I mean, that's what, like immediately I was like your mind forever. I'm keeping you, Pat: You know, I want to say to them, why don't you get the stage where you give so many less fucks about anything and this, this is the freedom where you go. Yeah. I used to worry about that. Couldn't care less now. I used to think, oh, I wonder if they're looking at my toenails. I care less, Monica: No fucks to give. Pat: Uh, you know, those days of past what you think about me is not my business. Monica: It still breaks my heart. It breaks my heart for, for all of us, because we all know that feeling. We all know. And again, when I think, oh my gosh, I mean, my husband. Austin is such, has been such a just mirror for me, just in terms of his just complete. Adoration and love me, allegedly warts and all like the way that I am, like all of it. And I just, I really got finally, like the difference between kind of that male gaze of like, what would you call it? Like conquest, uh, desire and the male gaze of like, just pure love that he taught me so much about. Being comfortable in my own skin and claiming the beauty that. I also have nothing to do with my body. No. Pat: So I'm familiar with differences that might kind of ego gaze where like, I want you, you know, like the possessive days, I'm the spirit days of we're here at home. So. Honored to have you as part of my spirit journey, you know, that it's a huge difference between I want you to show off or to have as mine, that kind of acquisition mindset and the spirit mindset of, well, we can be on this journey together. Monica: Yes. I love that so much. What would you say pat are some of the. Biggest the things that you kind of talk about and teach over and over and over again, that you think are kind of the crux of this conversation, Pat: That menopause isn't just hot flashes, and it's not just about your periods ending. This is a physical experience. It's an emotional experience and it's a spiritual experience you are in. Liminal space, the space between who you were and who you're becoming. I know your listeners can't see me, but I'm using my hands anyway. So you know who you were, was brilliant and who you're becoming is going to be great. And you're in the messy bit, in the middle where it's all starting to fall. And it's so important to remember that at that stage. You need to practice self-care because you're setting the foundations for your next 30, 40, 50 years. Don't think about menopause as a day when your periods stop, think about it as this transition and that the more you look after your physical health, your emotional health, your spiritual health, the more you are setting yourself up for really good. Second half of your. Uh, so I can't really stress slightly enough that, you know, when I talk to women and they're like, oh, I think I can. I think I can tough this out. You know, I'll get to the other side of this. It's probably only a year or so. And no, don't think of it that way and brace this time of change and embrace it as a time when you can set really fun foundations. Monica: There's the head trash, right? Like I think what you're pointing to is, is so much of the inner story that comes up, like the dialogue and really being aware of it and interrupting it. I'll never forget, uh, years ago. Gosh, like. Uh, 10, 11 years ago, there was a woman that I knew and she had a blog called lines of beauty, and it was all about the, the saging process. I'll call it. When we think of age, it's like the same. Yeah. And that that's something that Sarah of Magdalene talks about all the time. Who's one of my teachers she's like saging is a beautiful, beautiful process for a woman. And there's this way. I think that also what comes up for me is sovereignty. And it's like the moment that I sit up in my chair and I, you know, I straightened my crown, right. Because I have earned. This honor, I have earned this wisdom. I have done, you know, my work and I have lived this life. And so there's this true? There's the reclamation, which is the going back and the, you know, the remembering of all of these pieces of ourselves that we might have abandoned growing up in the framework of the patriarchy or the system of the patriarch. Um, but then there's this reauthorizing that happens moving forward. If we can stop being the victim in our story, and we can start standing in the center of our story and becoming the heroine of our story, the queen that the Empress, whatever you want to be, like, go for it, but to choose an archetype or a, or a story. That celebrates you. It's like you, we are narrating our story that we live every day. And if we're not conscious of the story we are creating, then we will get probably something that's going to make us upset. Pat: Yeah, absolutely. And part of that story is celebrating that we've got to this stage because the age at which menopause occurs, hasn't changed. In millennia. It has been at this age of around 50. I have so many women didn't make it that far. We're only going by for a couple of generations and women didn't get past the years of childbith died. Um, so we get real the dream of our ancestors, real the dream of those women that we've made it to the other side of this and we get to carry on and share our wisdom. So how fantastic is it? But we can do what they couldn't do. I actually feel quite moved even saying it because it's just so profound that we have this opportunity and we should be grasping it and saying to younger women, Hey, enjoy your life. But when you get this far, it's going to be brilliant. Monica: You know what? I just, what it's bringing up for me pat is so recently I had this revelation about my ancestors. I think we can live in this belief that our ancestors rate or lake, not with us on a daily basis. I mean, they're in our DNA and depending on what you believe, they're all around us. And some of them are actually, we have something to teach them as they have things to teach us. And so I love. Often get said, as you start doing your healing work, which is that when you break the generational cycles, whether it's a negative story or cycle of abuse or self abuse or a cycle of addiction that you're breaking that cycle, not only for your children. Yeah, and the generations to come, but it also goes the other way and you create an opportunity for a healing for those that couldn't do it in their lifetime. Which becomes, again, this incredible opportunity for us to actually see how courageous we are, how loving we are, how generous we are, that we would actually dare to do it differently here and not repeat these cycles that keep our. Matrilineal line in bondage is what I'm going to call it because that's what it is. It's this form of psychic bondage that, and so I was in my writing group recently, I was actually. I can write a letter to my ancestors. I can create a signature talk. Right. I was just talking to Pat about the fact that I want to do some more public speaking, but like I can create a talk and invite my ancestors to come and teach them what they didn't know when they were here in physical form. That that actually gets to be something that I can play with. Not only for my own healing. But for healing for my daughter and her daughter and healing for my grandmother and her mother. Pat: And of course, if we went back far enough in our ancestry, we'd be in pre agricultural days and pre agriculture women were free. Women could be with whoever they wanted to be with because there wasn't ownership ownership came with agriculture and putting fences around land and we fences around land, came fences around women, you know, ownership became a. And if you put a fence around your land and you grow crops on it, you wanted to pass it down to your own children. He wants to make sure they love your children. So you had to put fences around your women as well. Monica: I'm taking a deep breath because, because I'm, I'm going back to like, of course, like let's, let's just tame and all of those wild things. Pat: Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. But if we go back to those women, you know, if we could get back that far, they'd be celebrating us. Now I'd say it's centuries, but we get in back to where we were, where women and men were equal and people lived in communities and they worked in communities and ownership. Wasn't so much of a thing because there wasn't anything to us. Um, even, you know, like if you look up urology now, they always assume if they dig up a sewed or a. Uh, you know, shield, oh, this must be the grave of a male warrior. And then they look and go male Viking. Monica: Oh, it's a woman. Pat: Hang on a minute. It's a woman Monica: and it's like, hell yes. Pat: She must have been the wife of a great warrior , Monica: She was a warrior. Hello. She was a worrier. And I, I also really, I love too, how many. How many incredible women are bringing women back to this idea of this rewilding. Because again, there's so much about our story where we, we kind of, we almost like need to de-center ourselves in order to, to start to remember that we are part of this inner connected whole, and that. Each of us brings our own medicine and then there's the feminine medicine and there's the masculine medicine. And so when I think about the equal, it's like, I think about like, talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face with the masculine, because, and I don't say the masculine has done that the patriarchy has done that, but there's this way that women aren't, we are. We are a huge and the feminine energy principle, a huge part of harmonizing this whole frigging equation, and like, to be able to be these wisdom carriers, these seeds, literally of our matrilineal line. All, every one comes through. Guess what? You don't avoid coming through the matrilineal line, men and women. You come through the portal of the friggin vagina. Hello? It's not, it's not what they taught you in church. You didn't come from the rib of Adam actually. Just saying, but you like the absurdity, the absurdity. So, you know, rewilding, right. And taking down these fences. And I love that you used the word fences because I wrote a piece and I, and the name of the piece was invisible fences because as women, there were these places that we were taught not to go. And it was literally like, I think about a dog collar and like, You know, like, oh, I'm not allowed to go there. Although it was a psychic zap, right. It was like, we figured out our place in the world. Cause every time we stepped out of line, it was like zap. And we got back into line, you know, we came back back into the fenced area of the yard and that's where we were kept because I mean, I could go on and on and on about that. But what I, what I really am feeling is that here we are now, really I encourage all of us. All of our listeners to really, if you haven't really paid attention to more of the organic natural cycles that are so, I mean, even wrapped in with the seasons, the moons, it's like our seasons of the soul, our evolution, our. Evolutionary blueprint as a woman is so fantastic, so magical, so incredible. And so really understanding menopause through that lens becomes like this whole nother. Revelation project. Yeah. Pat: Yeah, because I had, I had a revelation probably last year in thinking about, you know, when people talk about the autumn of your life and the autumn of your life, sounds like I'm kind of a, a lay about time where the light is kind of golden. And then I thought, hang on a moment. I live in the country. So. I live in a small village in the UK harvest is the busiest time harvest is when nobody sleeps because they're out there harvesting while the light is full. And the moon is in that outfit. Rusting. I thought, ah, that's why I was so busy. This is autumn and harvest. It's a super busy time. It's when everything you've planted is coming to fruition and you get to go out and celebrate your harvest and the abundance of it and the balance, the fullness of it, it was a huge revelation because I was thinking, why am I so busy at this stage of life? And what's awesome about. Awesome. Fantastic. You know, cause it's when all this stuff is happening, Monica: it's like, it's so great. It's it is the bounty. It's like, you get to all the seeds that have been planted along the way, you know, and this is true. And this is something that you talk about, Pat, why are women so successful after midlife? It's because we can't. The wisdom. We are the wisdom carriers. And when we think about our, the role that we hold and the honor of the role in terms of, as all of these women are unbecoming, those that are doing this work and have done the unbecoming work. We're such great guides for these younger generations who are still kind of standing in the midst of bonding. Saying, like, I can't, I don't know if I can do this anymore. And we're like, walk this way. Right? Like you just, right. Like, look through this lens and walk this way because I'm going to open the past gate for you. Pat: Let's just rip down the fences. It's all good. I just feel like, you know, if this, this task between who you were and who you're becoming, I've got my handout. I'm going to come on. Jogged make it and come through. It's fine. You know, we're all good on this side. Monica: We're all good on this side. And that's just it because we also, we also need there's so many of us in this liberation of understanding that we need a new story. And now we get to co-create it in a way that's so fun. So empowering, so filled with wisdom. So filled with adventure. It's like, I really, I want to be one of those, just, I mean, living examples of a woman who is forever learning. It's never over until the day I die. What do they say? Like, you know, sliding into home plate in know, just with all your knickers are dirty and they're just like, you know, like fully like just gobbled up life and just lived it to its, to its most. Pat: Yeah. I want to hang this body back wrecked yeah, it was, um, it was for the right word. Um, but it's such a, I feel the responsibility of it. I feel the responsibility of science, where the women look, this is how you can be, you know, uh, before, before the past couple of years I was traveling on speaking at women's events, I'm always learning, I'm taking on new stuff and I'm in, but. As you get out in the beginning, I had an over 30 year career in public service. And so I was in my mid fifties when I started my own business. And people would say to me, when are you going to slide down pat? I mean, men and women. Oh, that's why I'm not slowing down. Speeding up on speeding up. I don't know how long I've got and I've got so much to do. I am getting faster and faster. All right. Well, you know, don't you think you should be sitting in a chair? No, I'm going to Iceland and I'm going to speak in America. I'm going on a retreat. I'm doing this. I'm doing that. So you wear yourself out. Okay. If that's what I had in back, that's what I had back, you know, but it's going to be a fun ride a lot of the way, but there's that fence? Monica: I mean, it's so it's, so they're everywhere. They're everywhere. That is such a term. When are you going to slow down? Yeah. It's like, mm, never at your forever home. Why? Don't say forever to me ever. If they're just, there's like so many of those expressions that are meant to fence us in that are meant to contain. Yeah, will you please stop trying, unless you're going to put me in a perfume bottle that you can spray me all over yourself every day, then don't try to contain me. It's just, it's such a, it's such a racket. Pat: I want to know. So what would you smell like if you were in a bottle, what would be essence of Monica? Monica: Oh my gosh. Eau de revelation. Pat: That would be fantastic Monica: it does just spray a little revelation behind your ears every morning. Go along your way and just have a wonderful day. Pat: Just start seeing things differently. Like I put that person on and suddenly I'm seeing things differently. I've seen through the crack. I can see through shifts. Monica: What would you be called? Pat: I'd be called abundance. Eaau de Abundant. So all the grass look at all the trees, look at all the everywhere and look at the flowers. Monica: And I would spray that. I would spray that on myself every other day. I would do revelation or maybe behind each ear, you know, depending on, you know, revelation over here, little abundance over here. This morning. I, what was I, what was I saying? There was some way that I was just feeling so much appreciation this morning. It was so sad. Oh, it was the coffee. Oh. I was just like, my husband makes the coffee every night so that I can literally just come on in the morning and like turn it on.. And I just have this moment of like deep gratitude and I'm like, my life is so abundant. It's like the coffee at a button. Love is like percolating all the time. Pat: Well, gratitude as well. Yeah, I guess I went to a perfume shop where they said, what can be a really good thing is if you spray this particular perfume on your front, On your back so that as people smell you coming forward, they still one thing and then she'll as you go. They smell something else. I mean, obviously they're trying to sell two bottles of perfume, but imagine you spray like bottlenose on your front and gratitude on your back. Monica: Do you know? Do you know, what this brings up for me is I had, so I have a dear friend. Her name is Erica Buchanan, and I'm just stir. I'm like, I have feel this smile coming in my heart as we're talking about this, because she made me a gift once. And all of the words that in the ways that I show up for her and she filled the bottle filled with water. And she said, cause I think I said something in one of our retreats. I said it flippantly, like just spray a bottle of, you know, O D Monica on or something like that. But she literally created it for me. And on the label she had inspiration and all these beautiful words and I thought, oh my God, that is such a precious gift. I'll keep it forever. Pat: Yeah, that is a whole new whole new thing opening up for us, we think. But also what does gratitudes smell and light smells fantastic. Monica: Oh my God. I mean, we could just go on and on. I think, you know what? We have a whole new business here. Pat: I think we do. Yeah, Monica: I think so. Pat: And you could just, you could put those words underneath, you know, they say the vibration of water changes. Depending on the words that are underneath it, we could have those words underneath it just like percolating that energy into. Monica: I love that. So pat tell me this, because you know, we were just kind of joking around and I've been really asking people, what does revelation mean to. Pat: Revelation is an opening up. It's an opening up to the huge expense of ideas. You know, we've talked about fences and, uh, you know, sorts get fenced in. And so revelation is when you take down the fences in your mind and you let in the stuff that was already there. I mean, all of the knowledge and information you need already exists. It probably already exists in your mind, but you've fenced off hearts of your mind with your beliefs and your values. Everything that you've been told, you've kept it in and then suddenly. It breaks down. And I think when we talked, I told you about my own revelation a couple of years ago when I, I don't know how I took the whole of September off and I was going to various retreats and trainings and it completely changed my life. It completely changed because I opened my mind up and all this stuff came flooding in. And since then, I felt like there were no boundaries to what I could sing every now and then I hit up against one and I go, well, that's interesting. Cause I'm not ready to think that yet, but I'll keep kind of worry, a kid peering over the fence and thinking, am I ready to go think that, uh, can I break that fence down? So yeah. Revelation is opening up to what you want to know. And what's already out there, perhaps you don't want to know, but it's going to come in anyway. Monica: Okay. I love that description. It's so good. I think we just figured out what we'll name this episode, right? The revelation of menopause. Pat: Yeah. When we take down the fences and instead of ignoring. We go, what is out there? What are the opportunities? What is this presenting? That is amazing rather than I don't want to look, I'm going to put my blinkers on and I'm not going to look cause it's about aging and not being attractive and becoming invisible. And it's like the end of light. No, it isn't like take the fence down. It's really good out here. It's so good. Monica: Have I told you lately that I love you? Uh, if I told, so I love, I love this whole conversation. It's just been so good. Anything else that you feel like you have a burning desire to say or remind our listeners? Pat: Dont be afraid sooner the revelation comes when you let go of the fear. And a lot of that fear is about stuff that isn't even true. It's just not true. So just allow it to dissolve away. The step into who you're becoming, you're becoming something amazing. Just open up and be ready to step into it. Monica: I love that. I love you. Thank you so so much. Thank you for your me too. Me too. And so Pat, where can our listeners go to learn more about you and maybe check out your books, whatever you want to offer. Oh, my goodness. I can go to patduckworth.com. That's really easy. And also on hotwomencoolsolutions.com. I've got a load of bonus gifts and I know you're thinking, oh no, you're going to have to sign up for something. Pat: And she's going to email me every day. Honestly, I don't. And my business coaches told me that I'm rubbish, but I just want to give it back. I don't give a fuck. Do you think the Queen says that? Korgie just bit me and she just. I don't give a fuck to give this back. We have income solutions.com. If you want help with anything, menopause is loads in there. And that was my first book. And it's still brilliant. It's still a brilliant book. Monica: Oh, so good. Yes. All right. So we'll be sure to have all, all of Pat's links in the show notes, and until next time more to be revealed, we hope you enjoyed this episode. For more information, please visit us@jointherevelation.com and be sure to download our free gift, subscribe to our mailing. Or leave us a review on iTunes. We thank you for your generous listening and as always more to be revealed.