Epi 73 - Rebecca Wiener McGregor
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[00:00:00] Ashley: Welcome to the Money Mindset Podcast, where you will find the inspiration and motivation you need to manage your money better so you can stress less and live the life you want. It's Ashley with Budgets Made Easy and the Money Mindset Podcast. Today our guest is Rebecca Wiener McGregor, who is an amplifier of love and catalyst for breakthrough. And she is a hypnotist and Money Mindset Coach. She helps visionary women live their truth, step into their divine purpose and create the life of their dreams. So over the last 16 years, she has helped her clients release old blocks, traumas loss, and hidden fears to find a deeper sense of self worth and determination to live life on their own terms.

[00:00:56] And today we are going to talk about fear. So why fear is your friend, what you can do to overcome fear so that you can manage your finance better because fear can be used as a tool. But I know you might be thinking that you are afraid to fail again and again, and you know what fear is actually a good thing and you can use it to help drive you and change your money story. So before we dive in, if you are ready to overcome your fear of failing again, and get started on managing your finances better, just so you can relieve that mental load, all that stress weighing you down. Go grab the Free Budget Starter Kit at budgetsmadeeasy.com/start. Now, here is Rebecca and I's interview about fear.

[00:01:59] Hey Rebecca, thank you so much for being with us today. 

[00:02:02] Rebecca: Thank you so much for having me, Ashley. I'm excited about this conversation. 

[00:02:06] Ashley: Yeah, me too. We are gonna talk about fear because you know, my women, they are afraid of failing. They're afraid of failing again. Maybe they've tried to manage their finances in the past and it just doesn't seem to work for them. And they're just, they're stuck because of fear. And so, you know, you're a hypnotist and a money mindset coach. So yeah. Why don't you dive into how in the world those , those can be, uh, you know, put together to really help us with our finances. And tell us just a little bit about yourself. Like, how did you end up as a hypnotist and a money mindset coach?

[00:02:46] Rebecca: Okay. Well that story is really a long and winding road, but, um, someone introduced me to hypnosis. Because my, I have a background in, um, psychology and health psychology, and that was 18 years ago last month, by the way. 

[00:03:00] Ashley: Awesome. 

[00:03:01] Rebecca: And, um, yeah, and really the, the coolest part about what I've learned, being becoming hypnotist. Is that everything that we're doing, it's all run by our subconscious mind. 

[00:03:17] Unless we're making a conscious decision and we make hundreds of decisions every single day that we don't even think about. Right. 

[00:03:23] And, um, and all of that, the patterns that we have, the fears that we have, they started when we were really little. Really little, like most of our main, um, emotional patterns started before we were, uh, were all locked in, I should say before we were eight years old. 

[00:03:42] So being able to, um, work with that has been a real joy. And I'll share with you a little bit of my winding road. I thought that I could start a business and just like put up a website and my phone number and sit on the couch with my dog and watch travel channel and get.

[00:04:00] Ashley: Yeah. 

[00:04:00] Rebecca: Turns out that doesn't work. 

[00:04:01] Ashley: No, it doesn't. I've been there too. Like I just put up full website for like all this affiliate revenue come in. Uh, no, that's not how it works. 

[00:04:08] Rebecca: Right? Right. Well, the best thing that I did was really learn to build relationships and I did that through networking. So for anyone starting a business, Especially a service business. Um, really building relationships of any kind is really the key 

[00:04:25] and so I was part of, and, um, started some beautiful networking and mastermind groups. And they were all women in those groups. So those women of course became my clients and they were all entrepreneurs. So that kind of became, uh, the way that I got so many clients that were entrepreneurs. And over time, what I found was where they were asking me questions, then, you know, how are you building your business? How are you doing this? How are you making money? X, Y, Z, you know, those kinds of questions. And it became clear that they needed. And other women needed to be able to focus on their mindset around money as well. So about eight or nine years ago, I would say it really started to talk about that so much more. That was probably where, where my success in money started taking off myself and people started asking me questions, and then I built a program around it called Extraordinary Wealth, just to help. Really understand how our mind responds to success and how our mind responds to, um, change and success is change. And our, our mind, our brain really wants to keep us safe and okay. It doesn't care about our happiness. It's our spirit that wants to be happy. 

[00:05:49] Ashley: Oh, that's so true. And once you focus on your mindset, whether it's your business or just your personal finances, 

[00:05:58] Rebecca: mm-hmm 

[00:05:59] Ashley: once you have some of those aha moments like, oh, that's why I do what I do. It seems like everything else just starts to fall into place and you can start doing the things that, you know, you need to do, but you just stop yourself from doing it. Like, yes, it's so hard sometimes even for, you know, for me and my business, like this has been a struggle and things that I've been working on this year is my mindset. And you know, like you said, fear of success and like being like, I know what to do. but I don't do it. right. 

[00:06:31] Rebecca: So yeah. So let's oh, go ahead. I was gonna say this is not a foreign territory for me either, because in my early adulthood, my bills would come and they would end up in a grocery bag 

[00:06:44] and then that grocery bag would end up in a trash bag in the back of my closet.

[00:06:48] I didn't even open them. Mm-hmm I didn't wanna deal with them. I was too scared, but one of the things that really helped me was to start to have routines around. What I would, would create for myself as a routine and our brain actually really likes routine. 

[00:07:03] That's how we keep the brain happy. while we're making success and making change yeah. Is through routine. 

[00:07:09] Ashley: You're absolutely right in that consistency with that routine. Cuz I know like when I get out of my routine, it's like everything starts to fall apart. exactly because it's so it's just easier when you know what to like what you're going to do and when you're going to do it. Um, so how can women. Start to use that fear of success, even if they don't realize it because people used to tell me, oh, you're afraid of success. Like in my business, I'm like, no, I not, I want like I wanna be successful. But in reality, I was, I just didn't, you know, Uh, consciously realize it. So how can they use that fear as a tool to like finally just do something, get going, like do the thing that they know they need to do, but they're, they're avoiding it.

[00:07:59] Rebecca: Okay. This is such an such an important question and the answer and how you receive this answer is really important too. So as I say my answer, I want you to, with all the listeners, whoever's listening, please. Refrain from judging yourself. Just look at this as data. Okay. Fear will lead you to where you have limited yourself. And fear will lead you to your limit. So if you have a limitation around success, you might have a belief that people with money are bad because we see it in the movies all the time that people with money are really powerful villains. Right? 

[00:08:45] You might think that you it's bad to have so much money or it's bad to grow a lot of money, or you may have an idea that success will bring you a lot more responsibility. If you have a lot more money, that's a lot more responsibility and let's face it. Women carry a huge mental load. 

[00:09:04] For their families. Ma one more thing to think about how am I, I mean then if I have all this extra money, am I gonna have to start investing and da, da, da, and what will I do then? And Bitcoin and cryptocurrency and all the other things that come into the, into play. Right? Mm-hmm there's if I mastered this one thing, will it be, will I be responsible for mastering the next thing? 

[00:09:27] Ashley: Oh, yes. That's so true. So true. 

[00:09:30] Rebecca: Yeah. It's a lot of responsibility. 

[00:09:33] Ashley: It really is. Like, I was just talking to somebody the other day about, you know, just the mental load that especially, you know, women and moms mm-hmm we carry where like the dads and the husbands, they don't even think about probably 10% of all the things we are worried about. All right. The little things. And so when you add finances on top of that, it. It can just feel like, oh, I'll put it off for another day or I just can't deal with that right now. I just mentally, I can't, I can't think about it right now. Like I have too many other things to do. So how do people like get to where they can use that fear and put it into action? So like, what are some things that they can do to like finally just get past that fear and do the. 

[00:10:22] Rebecca: Well, when you notice that you have a limit, that you have a self-imposed limitation, whether it's an old story that you're telling yourself from what you've seen growing up an old program that you've been operating on old operating system, that you've not upgraded, whatever the case may be, do not look at that as an opportunity to shame yourself or doubt yourself or ridicule yourself or put yourself down, but rather look at it as.

[00:10:50] Ooh, I have data here. I have an opportunity to take what I've found out about myself right now. That being rich really scares me because of the responsibility or whatever it is that you find out about yourself. Right. And what does that mean? What have I made that mean about me and what's possible for me and.

[00:11:15] as simple as that, as this is gonna sound, it's really powerful. What belief could I have in its place that would bring me closer to my desire, my goal, my vision mm-hmm and this is really important. Don't just breeze by this, because if you can switch out your belief and start. Telling yourself behaving in a way that shows that you are really committed to this new belief, things around you will change.

[00:11:49] Ashley: Mm-hmm . Now you've mentioned a couple of times to not judge yourself. Mm-hmm why is that important? 

[00:11:56] Rebecca: Judging yourself, compounds the emotional weight that you're already carrying about the thing that you feel badly about. So if you haven't, if you're, if you were like me and you haven't opened your bank statements back in the day when they sent us bank statements and, uh, they ended up in the grocery bag in the back of a, of the back of the closet. So imagine this, I am oh, so mad at myself. I've realized that if I don't look at my bank statements, then I don't have to take responsibility for them and I don't wanna be responsible for them because then that means that I actually have to take action. And what does that mean about me? Just means I'm scared. It means I'm scared to take action. It means I'm scared to take responsibility means maybe I don't have a lot of faith in myself. Right. Mm-hmm so at this point I could get really mad at myself. Oh, Rebecca, what? What's wrong with you? You're just what a loser you are. How stupid are you to just ignore these bank statements for months and years and not take care of your finances?

[00:13:03] You can feel the heaviness, the weight of those words. Mm-hmm, coming, even though they're not directed toward you. So imagine when they are directed toward you. The heaviness and the weight of that shame and that guilt and that doubt. So when you release yourself of the judgment, where you're just. Okay, I'm gonna look at this situation objectively. I'm gonna breathe my way through it. I'm gonna feel what I need to feel, but I'm not going to put myself down in the process. Then you have good data, you can journal through what is my belief about this situation? What do I think is possible right now yesterday? What did I think was possible? And what do I want my future self to believe is possible. These are places then when you can attach to those new beliefs and most of it will come down to you really being enough, feeling like you're enough, feeling like you're capable, smart. Strong enough, intelligent enough, resourceful enough, whatever. Some form of enough. 

[00:14:03] Ashley: Yes. Cuz that's what we struggle with. Probably deep down the most, which is affecting everything else. 

[00:14:09] Rebecca: Right. Right. 

[00:14:11] Ashley: So what happens when you attach judgment to an emotion? So the emotion of being, you know, scared about your finance or, you know, scared to mm-hmm, open the mail and you know, all of, all of those emotions around avoid the finances. Mm-hmm what happens when you attach the judgment part to it? 

[00:14:31] Rebecca: You felt the weight of the heaviness, the heaviness, right of that. And heaviness will stall you. Yes. Heaviness the heaviness, the, um, those that judgment will paralyze you in and it will cause more avoidance. It will cause you to push away even further. Because it's painful. It's painful to look at our mistakes and our missteps, but the truth is you didn't know what you didn't know. I didn't know what, I didn't know. Mm-hmm I thought that something would eventually just be okay and well, I wasn't that wrong. Something did become okay. But it, I was part of the process as well.

[00:15:11] Ashley: Yes. So how can busy moms build their confidence and their self worth around their finances and you know, maybe life in general. Yeah. So that they can get past that judgment cuz they judge themselves so harshly so that they're not paralyzed with fear. 

[00:15:28] Rebecca: Great. This is a really big thing. Noticing and paying attention to how you're speaking to yourself every day is huge. This is how you'll know that whether you're judging yourself or not, because the way that you think about yourself and the way that you talk about yourself and for some of us, it's, it is actually running a conversation in our head with ourselves mm-hmm and sometimes it's like a slight, um, like a narrator who just pops up. Oh, that was dumb every once in a while, you know? 

[00:15:58] Ashley: Yeah. 

[00:15:58] Rebecca: So noticing those con those words, moving through you, moving through your day, cuz we have 60 to 70,000 thoughts a day. That's on a good day. So we have lots of room for exploring the data. and looking at, are the words coming from a place of love or are they mean and nasty because you know, those words do not come from love. Those words come from fear. 

[00:16:23] Ashley: Mm-hmm and they're really not helpful. Like they're not, no they're helping you at all. Like it doesn't do you any good? To tell yourself you're stupid, like that doesn't improve the situation. 

[00:16:32] Rebecca: Right. But if that's been the way that you were treated and that's been the story that you have connected to, because that's what you were told over and over and over again, or that's how it seemed at school or with your family, or, you know, being, not with your family, whatever the case may be. If that was your story, then bringing extra loving. Bringing extra love into the situation is really, really important. And make looking at your finances, looking at your bills, doing your budget, make it a loving act, make it an act of self care that learning this stuff will make you feel better because avoiding it feels like crap. Mm-hmm having this big elephant in the room that we just don't talk about. We don't look at. There's a feeling of heaviness or tension that it gets carried in the body when we're not paying attention to something that we need to pay attention to, that we've chosen to pay attention to, but then we're, we've realized we're avoiding it and avoiding it is just easier.

[00:17:37] Ashley: Yes. Yep. 

[00:17:38] Rebecca: So if you can make it a loving act, like not sit down and get this done, but let me explore what's really happening here. Let me look at this. What what's been happening right now as data. It's gonna reflect my choices and I'm gonna choose not to beat myself. It's gonna reflect my past beliefs and I'm not gonna beat her up because she was just doing her best. Mm-hmm the truth. Is that whatever you did was the best that you could do at that time. 

[00:18:10] Ashley: Yes. Thank you. That's what I try and stress to people too. Like you made the best decision at that time with the information that you had and the resources that you had, like you, you know, you probably wouldn't have made a different situation or different decision in the same situation.

[00:18:26] Rebecca: great, but now you have that experience to move forward. 

[00:18:31] Ashley: Exactly. And you can make better decisions with this, you know, more with the more knowledge that you have and, uh, how you handled that the previous situation. Right? 

[00:18:43] Rebecca: Exactly. And it's really an experiment. You know, a budget can all be looked at as an experiment for your family. Sometimes you'll discover that things need to be renegotiated rerouted. There are things that you might have felt well, I could be really strict in this area. Mm-hmm because I need that over here, but when you're actually paying attention, you might notice, Hey, I guess I don't have to be as strict over here because this other thing that I thought was so big, we can kind of readjust and recalculate.

[00:19:14] Ashley: Yes. I love the idea of thinking of it as an experiment. I've never heard that before. That is perfect. cause that's really. What it is like you have to make adjustments. It's not like set in stone. It has to be flexible. And, you know, especially when you're just beginning and you're learning and trying to figure out what the numbers really should be. You're exactly right. It really is just an experiment to see what you can do. 

[00:19:42] Rebecca: right. And when you can do quote unquote, better, whatever better is for you, then you'll do differently or better. Yes. Yes. Doesn't have to be all or nothing. 

[00:19:53] Ashley: Yeah, absolutely. Now we did talk about, uh, before we started recording and I wanna bring it up here because it goes along with, uh, just our confidence in ourselves with, as women with managing our finances, is that women haven't been in charge of money for very long. Right. So like, how does that play into our confidence level of managing our family's finances? 

[00:20:19] Rebecca: Oh, my gosh, this is why we get to, this is why I express so much. Try not to judge yourself. Mm-hmm because for millennia, women didn't have control of money. Mm-hmm our mother's mother's mother mm-hmm. probably never even saw a bank statement.

[00:20:37] Ashley: You're right. 

[00:20:39] Rebecca: We weren't trusted with money. It wasn't until about the year I was born that I didn't wouldn't have had to have a mail come with me to set up a bank account or get a mortgage. Right. Yep. Or get a credit card. So, and I'm 48, so there, or going to be 48. So it's very important to realize that wherever you are, there have probably not been a lot of women in your family who were in charge of money before you.

[00:21:04] Ashley: So true. 

[00:21:06] Rebecca: You didn't learn it. There's no place to learn it. And if your family pattern for a lot of your life appeared at least to be like you were just scraping by, which was kind of what was happening. It appeared to me like we were kind of just getting by when I was growing up. And of course we don't have the whole picture either. Right. Mm-hmm . If you, if the people around you are just getting by, or you're hearing negative stories about money that only adds to the insecurity around money 

[00:21:38] Ashley: mm-hmm oh, that's such a good point. I hadn't really thought of it that way in that, you know, I knew that, you know, women weren't able to have like their own big accounts and credit cards, all those things until the seventies. But I didn't think about how that played into our money mindsets and how we you know, handle the finances. So I love that you connected those because we do need to, you know, give ourselves some slack and some grace as we learn this and we build a better future for our own children so that we can set, you know, an even better example. And then, you know, that legacy just kind of plays on with each generation, right. So we gotta cut ourselves a little bit of slack with these. 

[00:22:21] Rebecca: Oh, yeah. Loads and loads of grace there is, there is no reason for you to beat yourself up in a process that you can actually give yourself the grace to say, I'm gonna master this. Mm-hmm , I'm gonna figure this out for myself. And I'm gonna be able to teach it to my children and help them teach it to their, their children. And I'm gonna show other women, my friends. It's okay. It's okay to tackle this in your family or your single friends. It's okay to, you know, really take hold of your money and not feel like you have to wait around for, uh, a partner to show you how it's done. Yes. You can actually learn it and grow it yourself. 

[00:23:07] Ashley: And we have, you know, talked a lot about fear today. And as we wrap up, I want to ask you, cuz you say fear is your friend. why is fear your friend? 

[00:23:19] Rebecca: I touched on this earlier, but fear will lead you. It sounds like a really messy thing to think, right? Like, are you kidding me? I'm not gonna make friends with my fear. Maybe you don't have to be best friends with your fear. Okay. But you can notice, let your fear take you to the edge of where you believe you can go. Let it show you where you're holding yourself back, where you have placed a limit on yourself. Because wherever you have a fear and you won't let yourself move past that you're staying in your comfort zone, right. And, and anxiety and fear will wanna keep us really comfortable. But the life that we want usually is on the other side of that boundary that we've created. Mm-hmm . If I just let myself do this, then I'm still in my comfort zone. But on the other side of that is what I really, really want. Mm. 

[00:24:15] Ashley: Yes, you're exactly right now, as we wrap up, is there anything that maybe I forgot to ask you that you wanted to touch on or, you know, last words of wisdom that you want people to take from this episode?

[00:24:28] Rebecca: Oh gosh, this is my favorite topic. So I could talk to you for eight hours about it, at least before losing my voice. But the one thing that jumps out at me right now is releasing the phrase. I can't afford it from your vocabulary. and stepping into, because I can't afford, it sounds like a victim statement. Doesn't it like, oh, I wasn't gifted enough money or I didn't ma I didn't make the best choices or I'm not somehow my money is out of my control. I can't afford it. Right. True. But an empowered statement would be, this is where I'm choosing to spend my money. I'm not choosing to spend my money on that. Identifying it as a choice because it is, if you wanted a plane right now, if you wanted a jet right now, you could put together the resources to get that jet, but that's not a choice that you're making right now.

[00:25:24] Ashley: Yep. That's a very, very good point. 

[00:25:27] Rebecca: Very good point. So I know a jet is like a really big thing, but even dial it down to. I want this new, um, set of suitcases, because I want to go on this trip. I don't have the funds allocated for the, for those suitcases. So I could say I can't afford it and feel like, oh, I have to go on this trip, but I don't have good suitcases or the ones that I want and I could feel yucky about it. Or I could say. I'm choosing to spend my money on the trip rather than the suitcases. Right now, I'm choosing to allocate my funds to having a rental when I get to the place. I'm choosing to do this, I'm choosing to, um, pay for our dogs to be boarded while we're away. You know, all of these choices, acknowledging the choices that you have rather than just making a blanket statement of I can't afford it. 

[00:26:23] Ashley: Yes. Because that changes your mindset right around your choices of what you're spending your money on. 

[00:26:30] Rebecca: Yes. Everything comes down to being a choice. Yes. Choice to open those envelopes, the choice to write down the numbers, the choice to do the research of what you've been spending and making decisions from there about what you wanna spend. And the choice to love yourself through the whole process. 

[00:26:50] Ashley: Mm, you're exactly right now. I always ask my guests and I, I don't remember if I warned you or not. So forgive me if you don't have one in mind. Uh, but I usually ask at the end of every episode, if, uh, you have a favorite non-fiction book to share, cuz. I'm a hoarder of books. I don't finish them all 

[00:27:10] Rebecca: me too. 

[00:27:11] Ashley: Boy. I usually start them all, but I don't finish. 'em all. Uh, but you know, I love, uh, you know, sharing self-improvement tips and books and inspiration because really it truly is the basis for our actions. Right. What we do and, uh, is all controlled by our emotions and our thoughts and those types of things. So do you have a nonfiction book to recommend. 

[00:27:34] Rebecca: I absolutely do it is called. It's not your money by Tasha Silver. Oh, I don't think I've heard of that one. Tasha Silver wrote this really beautiful book called outrageous openness about serendipitous moments synchronicities in our life and how we, you know, what happens in our life. We get messages from the divine and her follow up book was, It's Not Your Money. And it's really beautiful, really beautiful way of looking at money and how it comes through from source through all these other avenues, um, and how we don't have to restrict its flow. We can be loving with its flow. We can make choices about its flow, but we don't have to feel fearful about its flow. Her name is spelled T O S H A silver S I L V E R. 

[00:28:26] Ashley: Awesome. I'm gonna add it to, I always love it when I get a new recommendation, like, Ooh. Yeah, I can get another book I really, really have a problem. I think. Um, 

[00:28:37] Rebecca: yeah, I. Uh, me too. I love 'em read both books if you can, because Outrageous Openness is so beautiful as well. And it really is like allowing yourself to be open to receiving abundance in all forms. 

[00:28:52] Ashley: Awesome. I will check those out now. Where can people, uh, connect with you and reach out to. 

[00:28:59] Rebecca: They can find me through Rebeccawiener.com and, uh, they can, if they have any questions or they want to have a deeper conversation, they can set up a call with me right on that website.

[00:29:10] Ashley: Awesome. And I will link to that in the show notes as well. So thank you so much for taking the time to, uh, perfect. Give us this great information today. Thank you so much to Rebecca for being with us today for that really deep conversation. You know, improving your life by overcoming your fear. And so you can manage your finances better.

[00:29:32] Now, if you loved that episode, please share it with anybody that you think may benefit from hearing that message. And as always, if you need to get started with managing your finances better, don't forget, you can get the Free Budget Starter Kit at budgetsmadeeasy.com/start and I will talk to you next week.