In today's episode, it is another budget strategy session. I speak with Ann Marie about, you know, using the excuse of, I deserve it. I work hard, I got everything I wanted done today. And so I am gonna go through Starbucks, or I'm gonna treat myself in her example, it is Starbucks. She's going like every day, even though she's already made coffee,

she likes the coffee she makes, but she will still, you know, come up with excuses to go through the drive through. And I can totally relate to this because I do the same thing from time to time. It's easy to do, right? We, it's like, Ugh, I'm tired, I don't wanna cook, I don't wanna have to,

you know, think about what I'm gonna eat for breakfast and all the things and I can totally relate. So we talk about some strategies for her to work on to kinda make progress on not doing this so that she can save for her bigger goals, which is ultimately what she wants to do. Of course, you know, she wants her money to be going to different other things besides Starbucks.

Now, if you would like to have your own budget strategy session with me, where we work through what you're struggling with and create some action steps that will work for you, go to budgets Made easy.com/strategy to sign up for your session today. Now let's dive in. Welcome to the Money Mindset Podcast. Well, you'll find a judgment free zone to help you free yourself from overthinking and the fear of doing things the wrong way.

It's time to shed yourself of the mom, guilt, procrastination, and perfectionism so you can start doing the things that you really want to do with your money instead of just working to pay bills. I'm Ashley Patrick, ex detective turned debt free, CEO of my very own business and stay at home mom of three. Not too long ago, my dreams of staying at home with my kids seemed impossible.

I thought I'd have to stay miserable in a high stress and demanding job just so I could retire someday. After gaining the confidence in my own ability to manage my family's finances and a simple step by step plan to make it happen, I was able to pay off $45,000 in just 17 months, which then allowed me to finally quit my job, stay at home with my kids,

and build a debt free business. Now my mission is to help moms like you conquer debt and free themselves from the mental load of handling their family's finances. If you're ready to shed the guilt and shame surrounding your past money mistakes and tackle your debt, this is the place for you. Let's get started. Hi Anne Marie, thank you so much for joining us for another budget strategy session.

Thank you for letting me join on. I'm so excited to get this started. I'm excited as well. You know, I love helping other people, but also sharing other people's stories because we feel so alone and other people can relate. So of course, you know, share what you're comfortable with, but know that you're not only helping yourself by being here,

but you're helping other people listening as well. So I, I really do appreciate you being willing to do this with us. So can you just kind of introduce yourself a little bit, let us know, like kinda your background, what you're comfortable sharing. Yeah, of course. So I am a mom of a little girl. She just turned six in May.

I'm also a student, so I went back to college, I wanna say last year for my second time around for office admin. I've been, you know, I was really good with finance until I had my daughter. That's when everything kind of went downhill. I'm not gonna lie, there just kind of woo. Yeah, kids, They do that to us.

Yeah, yeah, they really do. They do. So from there, which it's just been a back and forth with, you know, finding different jobs and everything. And then with the whole pandemic that happened, that was really the the focal point of like, Oh my fricking gosh, yeah, what am I gonna do? Like what am I gonna do if this is actually to happen again,

God forbid, and I'm screwed cause I, you know, it's just, it's what you, what are you supposed to do, you know? Exactly. Yeah. Well I'm glad that you are thinking about that and making preparations because those big life events like that can really steer us toward changing ourselves for the better and setting us up, especially financially, you know,

in the future. So are you a full-time student or are you going to school and working full-time, part-time or So, yeah, so I am a full-time student. I am an asynchronous student. So the program that I picked is strictly all online. And that's the only thing I, I wanna say, I wanna thank the pandemic about, cuz they offered this program online.

So it's, it's fully asynchronous. There's no life classes. I do it on my own time obviously. And with that being said, I'm able to work part-time. I could do a full-time, but that's just way too much on my plate. So I work, it's a lot part-time, three days a week. It is, it is a lot.

So especially with a little one as well. So it's just like, yeah, Absolutely. I understand that completely. So what do you feel like, cuz you are in a season that you know is only gonna last for a season, right? And then you've got your whole life ahead of you where things will improve, you'll make more money, things like that.

So, you know, getting yourself on a right track right now is gonna help you so much in the future if you maintain it and don't let like lifestyle inflation happen and lifestyle creep and that type of thing. But, you know, I can understand having struggles right now when you're working part-time, going to school, have a child, like you have a lot on flight.

So what do you feel like is your biggest struggle that maybe we can work through today With your, My biggest struggle is making a budget and sticking to it. So I've just a little quick little bit. I'm almost, I'm 27 so I'm fairly, you know, had my fair share of credit or credit card I should say. So I did a consumer proposal back in 2018.

That was two years after my daughter was born cuz I just couldn't do it anymore. Like I racked up a good amount of debt and I just wasn't working like I was before, obviously after my daughter. So that is slowly coming to an end. I'm almost done paying that off. But from 2020 to now, I've been trying to stick to a budget and I really can't make a realistic amount that will make me stay within it.

I do a lot of, I used to live a very high life, very high lifestyle that has drastically changed. So I'm very happy with that. But still my spending habits are still not at par of where I want them to be. And when I make a budget, I think it's a realistic number and I'm just like, okay, like let's say one 50 would do and then all of a sudden it's $500 later.

I'm like, oh yeah, no, that's gotcha. Not it at all. Absolutely. So do you, from listening to you, I feel like you are thinking it's a spending problem. So if you have your budget, it sounds like you do, at least you're like starting it, you know how much income you're making it, is it an income issue or is it truly a spending issue?

It's truly a spending issue. So, and, and I've, and I've kind of figured that out. So I've been tracking my spending since 2020. So I've been tracking it and like every month I'll be like, Oh my goodness, like why am I buying coffee every single day? Gotcha. Or like, why am I eating out every single day?

And like every day will be like about 40, $50 of just food and stuff, let's say. Right? And I'm like, okay, next month let's fix that and we'll fix it. We'll do really good. And then the next month I'm like, ah, it's okay. Like, and go right back to it. So it's, it's definitely a spending because about my bills about I would say a month are about $1,100.

So they're very maintainable to what I make. Gotcha, okay. So I'm able to, to do that. So it's definitely Ok. I just wanted to make sure that, cause you have a lot going on, so I just wanted make sure it was, it wasn't really an income problem cuz we could, we could fix a spending problem a lot easier.

Right. Especially with you going school and working and everything. It's like, okay. All right. So what are the things that you're overspending on? Like is it fast food or groceries or you know, self-care? Like what kinds of things are you saying? 150 and then it's five Fast food. Okay. Even now. Yeah. That, that would be like,

I stopped buying clothes. Like that used to be a very, like, the budget was like, let's say one 50. That would be like 900. So that would be, but I've, I've nicked that in the butt, but it's really, it's really my fast food. Like coffees and like Starbucks. Gotcha. So the good stuff. Yeah.

Okay. So is it, what are you telling yourself when you're going to through Starbucks? Is it kind of a mindset of you're busy, I deserve it, you're tired, you know, cuz you're trying to do school and work and kid and so, you know, we tell ourselves things to justify the purchase when we know we really shouldn't. So what are some of the thoughts that It's a little bit of everything.

Like today, Well today I didn't get a coffee cuz I just was running super late. So I was like, No, you know what, let me not do that. I'll make a coffee at home. But usually it's like, ooh, I deserve it. Or like, oh, I woke up early, I got on time for and, and reward myself type of thing.

I'll be like, Oh, I got my daughter to school with 10 minutes to spare. Let's, let's get a frappuccino. Cause you know, I deserve it. That's, that's mainly the, the kind of, I guess mindset's, like I deserve it cuz I did really well on something that I was stressing me out I guess. So. Gotcha,

gotcha. Okay. I totally get that. Cuz I do the same thing, like when I have time and I drop my son off at preschool, I'm like, oh, I got a few minutes. I could go through, drive through. Like I do the same thing. Right? Yeah. So that's, that's normal. You're human. So what is your budget for let's say s or for coffee since that seems,

you know, that's what we're Yeah, that's, yeah. Yeah. So I usually, cuz Starbucks has the preloaded, like we, I do the gift card thing. Okay. So I usually try to stick to a $50 monthly thing, like for the, the gift card. So I would do, I would reload it once a month with $50 and then,

well that, that should suffice me cuz I shouldn't be getting coffee every day cuz I make pretty good coffee at home. But that's the budget. Yeah. That's not, not what stays though. That's usually another 50 or maybe another 25 sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Gotcha. I gotcha. So I love the idea of the gift card. The problem is once it's run out,

you're still spending, right? Yeah. Just load it. Yeah, just reload it. Okay. So $50 is what roughly maybe eight, nine drinks, two a week roughly? Or is it more than that or less than that? It's, it's a, it's, yeah, it's about that. It's about that. Yeah. About two week. Yeah.

Okay. Do a week is good. That's a good number. That is a good number. So, you know, that's realistic. Yeah. So what do we need to do to get you to where you are making your coffee at home as a reward for yourself? Like are there things that you can do ahead of time, like the night before so you don't have that excuse,

like it's already mostly ready or prepared. Like you've got everything right there to kind of, and you can even, it's called habit stacking. I don't know if you've heard of that in the Atomic Habits book by James Clear. It's a really good book. And so I don't know if there's something in the morning that you can do to add it to your routine so it becomes a habit to make your coffee at home.

Cuz you said you make pretty good coffee at home. Yeah. So it's not that, you know, I think it's more of like a treat to go through Starbucks. Yes. And so we kind of needed work on that mindset as well. Yeah. So are there things that you can go ahead and do the night before to make it easier to not make an excuse?

So like, have your cup out, have the coffee already either like, ready to go a timer on the coffee machine, you know, they make all that kind of fancy stuff. Yeah. Are you doing any of that or are you willing to do any of that? So that's, that's the, the funny part. So I prefer ice coffee.

So I have a whole jug of ice coffee in my fridge. Premade, right. There's all I do is pour to the cup, but I still like, ooh, the barista makes it so good. Like, I don't have the fancy, I dunno, I dunno what it's, I dunno. It's just, I'm just like, ooh. I mean,

it's the same Starbucks coffee. Starbucks coffee in my, in my cooler thing. It's the same coffee. It's, it's, it's the same thing. It's everything's the same. The only thing is, is I'm making it. So I'm just like, Oh, Jill made it really good today. I gotta, I gotta go back to her and, you know,

talk to her. I don't know what it is, but I, I've done that. But again, like ice coffee, I like to, you know, cold brew it. So it sits for 24 hours. It's nice and good. It's, you know, perfect. And it's like, no, and, and the, and the funny thing is,

is sometimes I will do that. I'll make my coffee in the morning. I'll be like, Oh this is really good. You know, I'll get some work done. I'm like, Oh, I deserve a Starbucks even though I just had one. Okay. And then I'll go to Starbucks and give myself a, So it's more of the mindset of yeah,

you deserve it. It's not necessarily the habit or the routine. Okay. All right. So let's think about this mindset. All right? What is something that you really want with your finances and it, you know, you're in a season where you are learning and growing, going to school. So it may be more of a longer term goal versus a shorter term goal.

But is there something like what's your bigger vision for you and your daughter? Like what do you wanna be able to do? So my bigger vision is to be able to have emergency funds set aside to not have to ask for help in that sense. Because I will be planning ahead for any kind of downfalls or anything like that. Again, being able to support not only my,

myself, my daughter. That being said, I am able to do that but not with living check to check if that makes sense. Like to be able to to let's say have a month's worth of bills already set aside to just have and then just, you know, to just to be financially secure. If my daughter's like, Oh I would like this,

you know, as they get older they, the needs change and they want more and the things that they, they wanna do costs more. Yes. They're not just, you know, wanting to stay in the house and just sleep. So like to Be able to take them to Dollar Tree, You know. Exactly. Right. So it's just like to,

to be able to, to do those things and not be like, oh, like okay next time sweetie, like mommy doesn't have that right now. Like I don't, I don't want that. I wanna be able to be like, okay, yeah, I, we can do that for you or you wanna go on a field trip, we got that for you.

Like a lot of my financial stability or the freedom that I'm looking at is more for my daughter to be able to do anything that she wants in life with reason obviously. But to not hold her back on things that just because mommy couldn't afford it. If that makes sense. Yes, Absolutely. So another question before I tell you my idea. When you are overspending on your budget for Starbucks,

are you going further into debt for that or is it just coming from other places in your budget? Other places in my budget. Okay. Do you have a line item for your daughter for just whatever in your budget? No. Okay. What It's, Yeah, Let's add that and what my suggestion is when you are wanting, when you're making, when you're telling yourself you deserve it to go get coffee,

send that money into an account named with her name and automatically send it like the money that you would spend. So if it was $5, just send $5 and just for now and then as you go, you know, cuz I think that if you change it from, I deserve it to, maybe she deserves it or we deserve it, let me transfer this to that instead of the Starbucks.

Because the Starbucks, even though it's, you know, maybe five or some dollars a day, it adds up as you know it, It it does. Yeah. And so another $50 a month in her account, that's a food trip. Yeah. And if you do that every month or an extra $25, you know that's a toy, that's a pair of shoes.

Like yeah. So if you kind of change that and you know it's a process of course maybe you don't do it every single time at the beginning. But if you start trying to get in that habit and that routine of, okay, I really, really wanna go get a Starbucks, I was so good this morning and say okay, I wanna send this to that account and like have a separate account and label it with her name and see if that can help.

Okay. Do you like that idea? I do, I do. I like that. I didn't think of doing that actually. That's, that's a very way to manipulate the mind to think of something else that's actually really smart. I like that. That, Okay, so let's work on that. And another suggestion that I would have for you is maybe some sticky notes like in your car,

like on your steering just temporarily. Yeah. As you're getting in this habit or wrap it and or maybe need more than one wrap it like around the card that you use and say do I really want this or would I rather send this money to your daughter's name account? Yeah. Or like put some kind of like physical reminder there for you so you see it before you spend the money and you know,

you might turn around or decide not to do it that way. But I really like the idea of if you've got the money, I mean obviously it's coming from other places, but as you get in the habit or add it in as a line item for her, if you can, you know, kind of make that distinction in your budget and you know,

you can even do another idea that I just had is once you hit, let's say whatever amount you want for the month for her, let's say $50, once you've hit that amount for her in her account, then you can treat yourself with an extra Starbucks, you know, make, give yourself a reward. It's just a matter of it be like earning it or like feeling like you still made progress on your other goals.

And so then you can treat yourself like you know, you're still doing the two a week Starbucks, which is fine. So you know, I feel like you're not completely depriving yourself because that doesn't work either, right. So no, I don't want you to say no Starbucks ever, but you know, if you're addicted to it, we might need to have a different conversation.

We do need to cut it altogether. But for now, you know, you're setting aside to a week, that's a reasonable amount. And when you're tempted and feel like you want to, you know, treat yourself, send it to her account and then once you reach a certain point, if you've got the money to treat yourself, then treat yourself.

If There's nothing Wrong with that either. So let's just some ideas for you. Okay. So what is one thing that you can do in the next 24 hours to get toward this goal? So, you know, is it doing a post-it note like around the card or, and or go ahead and like setting up an online bank account. Like you could probably do that relatively quickly in the next 24 hours,

but I don't know your schedule, but what do you feel like is a good 24 hour goal? Based On what I, with what like you just suggested. I think starting with the post-it notes and cuz I already have two separate accounts for her that are Okay good. Supposedly her savings again, like I, that's what gets taken out sometimes. Right.

But I do have an account that I don't touch that is hers that's like in a different, that's just hard to access. Which is great. That's a good point. I Was gonna say that. Make it hard to access. Yeah, yeah, Yeah. So she does have that one. But like the, with that I can change it to where one of the ones that are easy to access,

I can change it into her name and be like, okay to do that transfer and then those sticky notes. I am a big believer in sticky notes. Yes, I love sticky and I don't know why I didn't think of doing that, but yeah, definitely making those. And I, and I do use a ton of sticky notes, so, but when on Your back door grab your coffee,

It's, it's literally I have them everywhere so it's, it's not, it's, it's really funny. That's funny. Another thing I just thought about was, cuz you said you make it at home but then like you'll have it in the morning and then wanna treat yourself later in the day. Yeah. Can you like take it with you or put it like in a,

like a, Like a Tumblr? Yeah. Or, well not necessarily a Tumblr but like bigger than that even that keeps it cool, you know, like a half gallon or keep it at work. I mean I know you're part-time so that might not work either. Yeah. Just so you have something there, you know, cuz I know how the cravings can be too and when you need some caffeine.

So just another, some other ideas to maybe help you if you're not, not already doing some of those things. But yeah, sticky notes. Let me know how it goes. I'm gonna follow up with you in 24 hours to see if you did it. Yes. And see, and then let me know how it's going. You know, I just,

I'm excited for you, I wanna see how you do if it works and if not, you know, we'll come up with some other ideas and just, you know, give yourself some grace. Know that it's a process and you've gotta build those habits and routines and change your mindset. Like, and that takes time and I, yeah, I think people get so caught up and they feel so bad because they feel like they're just gonna instantly become a different person.

But once it clicks, like usually it, you know, it takes time for it to like really click and flow and so just give yourself that grace to get that figured out and you've got some new ideas to try, so we'll get you there. Yes. I'm, I'm excited. I didn't think of that. I don't know why that was not a thought process.

That sounds, it's something that I know definitely might work in the sense of like putting it elsewhere and thinking of a a, of a bigger picture but in a smaller sense. Yes, Absolutely. Yeah I know it's, I mean it happens to everybody. Like you don't see things, you know, that's why you need the outside perspective. Like Yeah,

me too. Like you need other people's like ideas and things. It's like, oh why didn't I think of that? That that's totally normal. Alright, do you have any other questions or anything else you wanna talk about before we wrap up? I just do have one question. When it comes to setting your budget and like getting that realistic number, what,

what is process of the budget? Let's say 51 50, let's say gas a hundred dollars, let's just say, right? And then obviously if I drive more out that month or whatever and it goes over and then obviously it's like, oh like you broke the budget again and blah blah blah. Like what is the thought process of sending a realistic budget where you're not penalizing yourself of going over if something is to happen,

Having that buffer. So I like to have a buffer or a miscellaneous category in my budget because things are gonna come up and especially for gas, cuz use the example of gas. I try and estimate higher cuz you, I mean that's not something that you can completely control. Yeah. And the price fluctuate. So I do try and adjust that on the higher end and then,

you know, having that buffer and so that buffer could be different depending on your situation. So I know you talked about emergency fund, but this is separate from emergency fund. This is just checking account buffer. Buffer in your written budget. I usually call it miscellaneous but the term buffer kind of more applies here. But, and it could be a hundred dollars,

you know, it could be some people like 200 or 500 but even just a hundred dollars buffer for things that come up that you hadn't thought about like a school field trip or you know, something for your daughter that you forgot about or hadn't planned for yet. Cuz those things always seem to pop up right? During the school year. They Always, Always,

always, you know, the kids' birthday parties and like the classmates' parties and stuff. And so just having just kind of a generic category there for that is helpful. Okay. For things. And then I guess, so and I guess with that in mind, like whatever my monthly, like would you suggest the best to start off with trying to stick to a budget would be a zero based budget?

Like trying to really maneuver all of my funds into whatever it is. Yes. Just so I can obviously hopefully put, allocate more into savings and do all of that later on. Yes. That is where the magic happens. And so, but when you do a zero based budget, it can feel restrictive because what if you know all the things that come up.

That's why I like that miscellaneous kind of buffer Okay. For those little things. But have a clear idea of where you want your money to go for the month. Even if after you've got your income, your expenses, gas, like Starbucks, keep planning, you know, have your buffer and then what's left. Keep planning for that. So your daughter just,

it could be a generic category for just whatever comes up. It could also be okay so much for, cuz when I had a problem with, with my kids with just having a kid's category, I feel like, oh, let's go get some toys and then something would come up. I'm like, oh, I forgot about that. So I have to be a little bit more specific with my kids' category.

So like their dance classes or their sports, like school clothes, school supplies. So I get a little bit more specific with them. Okay. As opposed to just a general kids' category. I've had to learn that the hard way. So you might, that's just a suggestion to keep in mind If you need like separate cat, you know, birthdays,

Christmas, you know, figure out what works for you on your categories and like how much, of course. But yes, you wanna be planning all of that and then build in that buffer just for the what ifs. Okay. Okay. And I think that's where my, my problem lies is that I don't do a zero based budget. I just budget for whatever it is that needs to be paid.

So like obviously my expenses and all of that, like stuff that needs to be paid is budgeted for. But the other stuff is where it's like, eh, Yes, We're free to go. You know, so that's, I guess that's where That's the magic happens when you plan the rest because then you realize, oh I can, I can go to Starbucks twice a week.

I can set money aside for my daughter. Yeah. And I can put this much money in savings. So the more you can plan for, the more you will realize, okay, I do have, I am able to put this much in savings and that will, you know, free up a lot of that stress and that that truly is where the magic happens.

Where you can save and pay off debt and all the things. Yeah. Yeah. So highly recommend you do that. It sounds like you have a really good start. All right. You feel good about your action Set, Do awesome. Yes, I do. I think switching, I guess that mindset is something that is plays a big part in,

in my spending. And I, and I think it's because I did, I don't have, like I didn't have those things. I wasn't able to get those things when I was younger. So now it's like, okay, you know, we're making adult money now, so, and and spend it on things that you weren't able to, you know,

get. And I, and I, it's a very hard mindset to kind of leave and it's something I don't want my daughter to have, definitely don't want her to be like, okay, like, you know, just spend just whatever and and not realize what you're spending. And, and she's, even though she's only like, she's only six so it's not like thing,

but she's, she knows, she's starting to get into the the habit of like, Oh mommy, can I get this? Like, does mommy have money for this? And it's like, it really hurts when she's like, Mom, do you have money for this? And I'm like, oh like am I that? Like am I that far back in my finances that you have to ask me if I can buy you,

let's say like at this toy. And it's like, oh that kind of hurts. Like, you know, it's like, oh I don't, I don't that, You know, to me and I, I totally get where you're coming from and I would suggest if you haven't already listened to the budget strategy session with TriNet, cause we talked a lot about this.

Okay. Yeah. I don't remember which number but it's one of the newer ones. I can look it up real quick, but we talked a lot about this. It's very normal, it's very common. But know that, you know, my kids ask me that and I just say no, not today. Like in setting them a budget, getting them in that mindset of they can't just buy whatever they want whenever they want is not a bad thing.

So yeah, I know you're hundred feels bad to you, like cuz as a mom, but it's really not. So you, you just have to give, kind of change your mindset around that as well. And that that is hard to do, especially when you're getting feeling the mom guilt. So number 81. 81, okay. 81 is, I talked a lot about that or that's was the main conversation number 81.

So definitely go listen to that and then, you know, it's okay to talk to her about money and I think that you're gonna have to just kinda let go of that guilt a little bit when she asks if you have money. Cause there's, there's one, there's nothing wrong with that question, but there is, I do understand why you would feel guilty about it,

but it's also important to set boundaries with her as well. Yeah. So you know with Internet's episode I talked about having them earn it, setting them a budget, but having them earn it. And we talked a lot about different things so that might be helpful for you and some other ideas to work with your dog. Cause I think she's the same,

I think she, her daughter's six too, so Yeah, it's a lot of the same things and she's a single mom and so there's just guilt that there's not two incomes and yeah. So yes, school, listen to that episode. I think it'll be helpful for you. I will definitely go ahead and do that after this. Awesome. Do you have any other questions for me?

That's everything for today. Thank you so much, Ashley. You're welcome. You know we talked about some mindset things and some other things to do and yeah, just finish planning out your budget with the zero base and let me know how it goes. I definitely will. Thank you so much. Awesome. Thanks for coming on and sharing your story. Thank you so much.

Ashley, Don't forget, if you would like to have your own budget strategy session with me, go to budget sweet easy.com/strategy so we can work through your biggest struggle together. It's always easier when you have an outside perspective, right? And you can work through something with somebody else. And this isn't, you know, something that you typically would talk to your best friend or your friends and your family with.

So come in, work through it with me, let's get you on track before the new year. I hope to see you soon, but just made easy.com/strategy for your own session today.