Today is another budget strategy session. Woo woo. I just love doing these sessions so much because I can help impact every day people like you. So today's episode is with Heather who really wants to stay at home with their kids, but right now they can't afford to because she can't get her kids and family to stop spending money. And so they can't take the pay cut right now and she is just struggling with how to manage all the things and all the stress and trying to,

you know, get her family to, you know, really focus on this big goal that they all want to, they are bought into the end goal but maybe they don't see the process or really understand what they need to do to get there, right? And so we've gotta connect the dots and so we work through some strategies for her to start implementing and getting her family on board with the process so that they can all get to the end goal,

which is what they all really want to do, which is her staying at home. Like her kids want her home. Her schedule is crazy because of her job. And so, you know, she's gone a lot too and that's hard on the family as well. So listen in as we work through some strategies to really get her going and moving toward her big goal.

And if you would like to have your own budget strategy session, you can sign up, there's no cost. Come join me. Budgets made easy.com/strategy. And of course there's previous episodes too to listen to if you're not sure what to expect just yet. If you're new around here, go listen to, well listen to this one of course, and then listen to some of the others that are labeled BSS and you'll see there's no judgment,

there's no shame and guilt. We are just going to start looking forward and create action steps that you can actually take to get moving toward your goal and get unstuck with whatever you are struggling with. So I'd love it if you could come join me. Let's do it. Legislate easy.com/strategy. Hey Heather, thank you so much for joining us today for another budget strategy session,

which is my favorite episodes of the Money Mindset podcast. So before we dive in, can you give us just a little bit of background information about your financial situation and what you would like to get help with today? So my financial situation, I feel we are in a position right now where we are completely overspending constantly. We think we have all of this money and we turn around.

Right now we're in the middle of getting our tax stuff ready and we don't see where all this money we made is and we're living paycheck to paycheck. So I feel like we need to get it under control now before we go into another year of living like this. Yes, absolutely. And you know, people don't realize this, but now is the time,

you know, we like to push things off till January, but really the end of the year when we're recording this is when you can really like set your goals and get on track with your spending and all of that kind of thing. So I totally get that. Now tell me a little bit about the overspending. Where do you feel like it's going?

I feel like, so our kids, three out of the four are teenagers. They all have cash app cards. They have quite a few of my credit cards that they keep on them that are supposed to be for emergencies. But looking at statement that's, you know, oh well we wanted Starbucks so we stopped at Starbucks or we wanted McDonald's. And I feel like every time I turn around they need lunch money for school or you know,

we're cashing them money to go get them food or me and my husband are so tired when we get home we order a takeout six out of the seven nights of the week. Absolutely. Yeah, that's definitely a struggle. And okay, so tell me more about, do you, have you totaled it up yet? How much like each kid has spent,

tell me what the numbers look like for that. It's about monthly, it's about $300 per kid that we're spending on after just them after school. Including gas in their cars too. We do, we do supply them with gas. So it's about $300 for all three of our grown children a month. So what that's $900 a month we're spending on just them alone.

Plus probably their cell phones and car insurance and if you have car payments or not. So it's realistically it's more than that so, oh yeah. Have you, do they, do any of them have jobs or have you discussed them working or is that something you don't want them to do? To do? So by 17 year old has just applied for a few jobs because I finally told her now more I don't,

I'm not gonna pay for your hair, your nails, your Starbucks and everything else. So she has applied, my 20 year old does work. He's the only one that isn't completely dependent on us. He does still live with us though, and I do pay his car payment. Okay. And what about the third one? Did you say you had three,

right? Yeah, well she is only six so well that the other one is 15 and then there's the last one, So. Oh, okay. Okay. So, okay, cuz I thought they were all three spending on the credit card. No, It's, well, so the oldest one does have a credit card but he only uses it for gas so Oh,

oh, oh, okay. So you've got 2017 and 15 using the card and then you've got another And then we've got another one. Gotcha. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, I was a little confused there. I was like okay, so, so the 15 year old can't really work yet and have you as a family sat down to discuss your family goals and your financial goals together as a family?

Because it does to me, just from the outside looking at it, of course we, we just started talking so correct me if my perception is wrong. It sounds like they think they just have an endless card to spend money on without really thinking about how that impacts the family. Except maybe the oldest one but the other two right now, you know,

they're still learning. Yes. So does that sound accurate? Yeah, that's exactly how they are And when we, when we all sit down as a family, it just, it becomes so overwhelming to talk about our finances that it, I don't see it going anywhere. If we sit down and talk, I've, I've already gotten to the point where I've just started confiscating cards when they're spending on 'em,

I take 'em, you can't have it anymore. One of 'em is down to only his cash app card right now starting for November because they've just abused them. Yes. Okay. So of course I'm not a parenting expert. I can just tell you kinda like experience and what I've learned. My kids are not that old yet. So take it for what it's worth,

I would suggest sitting down with just the 15 and the 17 year old, maybe after the little one's in bed and if the older one you know is at work or something where you can just focus on those two. Cuz they sound like they're kind of the biggest issue right now with the spending on the credit cards and take the credit cards, they can tell them that they are getting a set amount in cash or the cash app,

whichever one you wanna use. I would encourage you to have them use cash because it feels real as opposed to swiping a card that they don't, they're not feeling any impact. They're not, they're not feeling it at all. And so I would encourage you to get them to use cash and teaching them how to manage how much money that they're getting. However often you give it to 'em once a month,

once a week, every other week say this is what you're getting and I am not giving you anything else. And you've gotta be strong and you've gotta stick to it. Like you've gotta, you have to learn to, but it's a process so know that they aren't gonna be perfect, you're not gonna be perfect. But as you go and as you get in the habit and the routine and they learn that,

okay, mom's being serious, she's not gonna gimme the car back like I have to manage this because if if you don't, when they grow up they're, they're gonna keep doing it. Like they're gonna be in a really bad financial situation. So don't think of it as oh they're gonna hate me. I'm going to, you know, I'm gonna feel bad,

have all that mom guilt. Right. You, this is an opportunity for you to teach them so that they can learn before they move out and are on their own and managing their own money. Because if you don't, they're gonna be in an even worse situation as adults and you're still gonna be transferring them cash app money to Oh yeah, they're in their thirties.

Well I Think it's not, it's not so much mom guilt, it's more of, I think we've let it get outta control. So me and my husband are both in the oil and gas industry so we're gone a lot. There's some days where where like spur of the moment have to call one of the older kids, Hey can you pick your sister up from school?

Like we're not gonna be in town in time. And so we kind of, and as much as I hate to say this, I feel like we make things better with the money because we're not here all the time. Yes. And now it's to the point where we're trying to get our finances under control so that I can quit my job and be home with the kids because they don't have parents at home right now.

Gotcha. So, so yeah, that's, I think that's where we put the bandaid on is we okay here's a credit card. Yeah you guys can grab Starbucks or you know any coffee shop and that's how we make it better and that's something me and my husband have to work on with ourselves. Not Yeah but definitely and start taking the cards from them cause we need to start somewhere.

Right. Exactly. And I think that if you sit down as a family and get them to buy in to the longer term goal of you being able to stay at home, that's where you can start to make progress for you. Right. Your husband and the kids say okay if we can do this, if we can work together as a family and take more preparation and stick to the plan then mom can stay home and I can be here for you guys and I can go to your events and take the little one to school and pick 'em up because you know that's a lot of responsibility on the older kids too.

So I'm sure they're feeling that as well. Not saying that it's a bad thing though because kids need some responsibility but I know as moms we feel all this guilt cuz we're not doing everything but we don't need to do everything either. Right. So Exactly. You know, that's just something for you to work on as well. Now with the goal of staying at home,

have you ran the numbers to figure out what you can pay with just your husband's income and what you would need to pay off so that you could afford to stay home? Have you kind of played with them? We have. Most of my income should have been like savings because we don't need it. But unfortunately we have raised our lifestyle to live having both incomes.

So we are in the process of refinancing our home so that we can pay off all the debt and the two vehicles we do have and then start fresh and hopefully the beginning of the year live off of just his income. Okay. Now I will caution you because I think you're new inside Money Success Club with refinancing. I really, oh yeah. It's already given me.

Okay Well I want you, it's not gonna change your behavior. So I really encourage people to start working on their behavior before they do something like that so that you've already kind of laid that groundwork. Because what almost always happens is people refinance, they get comfortable and then they rack up the debt again. I don't want that for you because you'll be in an even worse situation and your kids are almost gonna graduate and you're gonna miss out on that time.

Right. That you want to have at home. So some of my suggestions for you, in addition to what I've, what we've already talked about is to really set a date if you haven't already, like this is when I want to be able to quit my job putting up so the whole family can see it. This is the date, this is what we need to focus on this,

you know, and hopefully maybe you could do it even next year if you really get the family and the adults to stick with the plan and focus on it. You know, put it up. We're in the kitchen where everybody will see it, mom quits her job date goal, like make it a finite date so that it's not just someday like I want to do this but I can't,

we can't ever seem to get there. Right. What you could kind of do is you could even make it kind of a vision board or like put it on a dry erase board or a frame or something. So it's like kind of altogether but like what I'm picturing here is like the date of leave job mom at home and then put some smaller action step goals kind of underneath underneath of it In Order to get this,

we need to do this and have it like visual. So Start posting it all over the House. Yes. So everybody can see it. They're reminded of what the goal is and you know, put up some notes too that Starbucks equals I'm just Turing like stickers cuz I've been making stickers for days now. So Starbucks equals date and then put a lighter date like overspending fast food equals the date is this like it'll be even further.

And another thing that I would encourage you to do when you do have time, because I totally understand like you're not even there, you know at times to cook dinner and things like that. So what I would encourage you to do is to have some freezer meals ready that the kids can just pop in the oven. Like they don't have to so that you can kind of cut down on the eating out part when you're not there or when you guys are tired and things like that.

That will help a lot because the older kids, they're old enough to turn on the oven and put some food in the oven for you right after school. Like they can easily do that and then it, it'll be ready at dinner time cuz it takes a little longer when it's frozen. But after school have them pop it into the dinner, make a big sticky note,

reminder what this is, you know, text reminders, Alexa reminders, all the things cuz we know how kids can be, they forget as soon as they walk in the door. So you're gonna have all the reminders. You know you can't use the wifi until you put dinner in the oven. You can't like put a note on the tv. You can't watch TV until you put dinner in the oven.

You know something, some visual reminders for the kids and I mean even as an adult I'm very visual so I don't know if you are too like the visuals just help and keep you kind of focused. The other suggestion I would have as you're making this board, so whatever you need to pay off, whatever your goal is or how much ever you need to save,

whatever the goal is so that you can stay home, I would make a visual tracker of that of the amount at the top and then as you go and you are able to pay some off or save some whichever thing that you're working on, you just fill it in but have it visual so the kids can see it too. And then when they are doing a great job of not asking you for things,

not going to Starbucks, not racking up the card, celebrate with them like let 'em, you know, get some little, it doesn't have to be anything major. It could be just like a little candy, like a miniature candy. You know, it doesn't even have to be a full size kitty. It would just be a little treat, you know,

or you know, do a happy dance. Like the older kids might think that's weird but you know, think of something to do to kind of celebrate with them because they're learning just like you're learning. And if you can all do it as a family, you're gonna be able to make it happen. But it's gonna be really hard as, you know,

if you're, you're trying to do this but the kids are over here doing all their thing and it's just, and my husband doing his thing. So I would really encourage you to try and get everybody on board working together toward the same goal of you staying at home because you know the kids like, they may not think that they care but they do.

And if you can can get them to kind of buy in to that goal, it's gonna be a lot, lot easier. But like I said, nobody's gonna be perfect. It's gonna be a process but you know, they've gotta learn to, especially at their agents. So how do you feel about that? Making some visuals and like getting the family to buy into it?

No, I feel good about about doing it. It's getting, it's selling it to them. Yes. They're, they're kinda a hard little pact to sell to. They, they make fun of me because I am the saver of the family while everybody is the spenders. I I just make the money and they spend it. So it's, that's how it works.

Yeah, I understand that for Sure. I will definitely, definitely try that because, and and the whole reason I'm quitting my job to stay home is because they have asked, they're ready. I work all their lives. Okay. So, you know, they're ready to have me around. Okay, good. And I think if I can sell that to 'em that I,

I can't quit my job until we start saving and start cutting costs, then maybe they'll, they'll take it. Yes. And so since they already want that, cuz I, you know, especially as teenagers, I didn't know how much settling of the idea you would have to do, but it sounds like they're on board with that so that's good. Yeah,

that's half the battle right now. And so, you know, make it visual for everybody. Make it fun. And I was gonna say something else and now just slip my brain. I will say it when I remember but you know, really, like you said, selling them on the goal but make, you know, make sure you have a specific date in mind.

It's not just someday because kids don't understand that either. Right. And so yeah, I think this is really, this is really exciting. Like I wanna know how this goes for you and how much they buy in and even though they're, even if they're bought in in the beginning, like it's gonna take some time to adjust their behavior too. And so,

Right. Oh yeah. Cause we've created those monsters, we've done that and it's gonna take some time. Yeah, Absolutely. Definitely. So have patience with them. Yes. You know, have patience with yourself and just keep working towards your goal. So, oh my gosh, this is exciting. Like I wanna know what happens over these next couple of months and especially with the holidays,

you know, you could even talk to them about, I don't know how much you spend or if it's even, you know, an issue right now, but you know, maybe even having a lower key Christmas so that you can move forward on these goals and kind of get them to understand what that means and why you would like to do that. So that's just another thought to throw in there cuz we're approaching the holiday season.

Yes. And, but they're at that age, you know Well they've agreed, they've agreed to a small Christmas. Okay. So we, we have actually, we've got a family, we're buying four so they've, they've given up quite a bit of their stuff so they can have one gift and we're gonna give to another family so Oh awesome. We're trying to teach them that too,

the kindness, but Yeah. Awesome. And get that the 17 year old a job so that Yes, Definitely They to spend their own money, they don't want to do it. The problem is is they, they don't mind spending mom's money. Exactly. They don't that the Truth. No, but when it's their own money and even my kids are younger,

but they're the same way. Like when they earn the money, oh man they are so, they're way more thoughtful and they save it and they're like, okay I don't really wanna spend more money on this, I'll wait, but when it's my money it's like oh no I'm on all the things. Yeah, no you said you had it, you you could buy it.

No. Yeah, Exactly. Like you said when they tell you can you take me to the store, I got money. And then when you get there they're waiting for you to pull your card out. No, that's not how this works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's just a matter of like really getting them to understand that as they get older and you know,

practicing managing their own money too. So it's a good learning opportunity for them while you go through this. So I am really excited for you. What is one thing that you could do in the next 24 hours to kinda get the ball rolling? What's one action step you can do? I'm going to hopefully pick a date that I want to quit my job and then I'm going to go through and reconcile credit cards.

Then I'm gonna sit down and have a meeting with my family. I think that's what we'll do tonight. Oh right. Just dive in, get it done. Yeah. Let know how it goes tonight. I'm so ready on the Okay, go Ahead. On the whole like getting the kids on the same page and the refinancing all of that. Whenever cuz I,

the refinancing isn't my decision, it was my husband's, he thinks that it's gonna just make everything better and you know, I think he feels like he wants to do it because he's the one who got us in such a big financial hole. He, he sees something shiny, he's gotta have it. And so one of my things was the credit cards and the credit card debt.

I don't wanna pay off with the refinance because I feel like it's pointless if he's gonna keep using 'em, the kids are gonna keep using 'em. All of the credit cards that I have in my wallet aren't, aren't used because I know like it's, it's kind of like the devil sometimes you spend it and you're like, oh I'm gonna pay on it and then you don't.

And so on that, I guess your advice, what would your advice be? Should I pay off all of our credit card debt with the refinance or should I do that more as a punishment? Make him pay off his own credit cards and not wipe 'em clean for him to spend on them again. Yeah. Just cause Mine, I plan on cutting up they're,

I'm not gonna close the accounts but they'll be gone. We won't have the cards. Gotcha. I would take the cards from Can they, can the kids use the cash app for like gas or do they need a card For gas? No, they do. They Can. Okay. Yeah, I'm that helicopter that gives them the extra credit cards first if they have to pick up their sister,

like grab her lunch on the way home cuz she probably didn't meet her lunch pill, what's in her lunch pill today. So that's the only reason they have those credit cards and it used to be asked to use it but half the time I don't have service so they're like hey I used my card today and they've gotten really comfortable with that. Gotcha. Not asking those cards,

I don't have an issue with taking from them because they do have their cash app. They'll be fine. It's my husband, my husband is more, he travels a lot for work so when he is in, you know, another state, he shops for everybody in the house and brings home gifts every single time and he's in, he's outta town every two weeks.

Okay. And He'll bring home's A lot. Yeah. And I cannot control Him now what have you ever heard of the book, the Five Love Languages? I would encourage you to, for both of you to read that book and he, you know, you can listen to the audio version as well for free on Hoopla. I'm pretty sure it's on there for free.

What was it called? Hoopla. Oh. Or the Five Love Languages. Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman I believe is his name. Now what it sounds like to me just from the outside looking in is that his love language is probably giftgiving, which is why he Gives everybody gifts. That's how he was raised. So, and we were raised with nothing and just love and Yes.

So that's how he's showing you guys. He loves you and it's probably a little bit of guilt too from being gone so much. So maybe a mix of guilt and that's how he can show you he loves you because he's gone so he is not here as much to you know, show you in person. But I would guess that his love language is gift giving and that's,

oh definitely. You know, like you said how he grew up. I totally understand that cuz my, that's my mom's love language too. And so it's just like stuff everywhere. So you know, you just, if you can really talk and get on the same page about what that your goal is for you to stay home. Cuz I'm sure he wants that too.

Right. And so, Oh yeah, they've, and they've all been begging but they don't understand like, I can't leave this job and and stay home and you guys still live the lifestyle you want. Exactly. I could live with nothing and be fine. You guys, you guys are the ones who want all this. Yeah, I'm the same way.

So I, if, if you think it would be beneficial he could join the Facebook group in the dashboard two, I don't know if he would even, you know, like my husband, I tell him, Hey read this book and then he never does. So I dunno if he would even do it. He asked me the other day, he's like,

do you want me to take over the bills? And I kind of, I, the OCD in me is telling me no, don't do it. But the other part of me is like, yeah, you know what like take em so that you can see what I deal with every month on trying to pay the bills while y'all are like just steadily spending and I'm making sure every single bill on his house is paid.

Yeah. But you know, if you're double checking him, making sure things get paid cuz if His Oh yeah definitely. Because that's, I could, I could never let him do something like that in me not watch, But definitely have, yeah. Have him if he's willing to and he'll actually like look at it, let him, he needs to see it,

he needs to see the numbers. And then what I would suggest is, so you have like your regular income with your income, all the bills right now and then make one without your income because that's the goal. Right. And so make another plan without your income and show what it is and then without your income and whatever bills you need to pay off so that you can stay home.

So he can visually see the numbers and oh okay, we can't do this until we pay these off. Otherwise we'll be just digging a whole bigger and bigger and bigger. And that might help because you are right with the refinance. Especially if that is his struggle and he's just gonna run 'em back up. So I, and you know he needs a card for traveling but does he have a work card to pay for work expenses?

So no, his company just, they, he does it all and then he expenses it out and then he turns around and granted his, his work and LLC bank account is way different than any of mine. I don't have access to that. So when he tells me he's paying, cuz he pays his own truck payment and all of his work expenses and all of that out of his account.

Okay. So he's supposed to be paying those cards off. But I was just hit with and and he says it was a mistake on Discover's part that there was a late payment on my credit report and I had asked him about it. So I don't know, I don't know if he's paying them off or Not. Okay. So On Those credit cards then,

if it showed up on your credit Report, I'm on one of his, which is the Discover card. We have the discover card together that I don't even have a card for anymore because I got rid of it when we paid it off the first time. Cuz it's got like a $5,000 limit. So can You just take yourself off that card so it's not on your Report?

We did yesterday. As soon as I found out I was like remove as a user you're Not even using it. Cause you don't want that to hurt you. Yeah. Especially when you're getting ready to refinance, get that off your Yeah, no, definitely. And so, so that's the thing is like he, he'll tell me he's paying on and you know,

as a wifi I trust him. You know, you say that these are the bills you're gonna pay out of your account, then you, I'm letting you have 'em. But then I, I get that email that there's a late payment. So I assume, cuz you said llc, so he has a business set up as well. So he, he does contract work and so he,

when he does do contract work, he does it under his llc. It is not a business that he runs all year long. It's just he picks up a couple contract jobs outside of his, his other job He has. Okay. So it's not his main income. His main income is Okay. Gotcha, gotcha. Okay. That makes more sense then That's a bit longer.

He's a safety supervisor so when he, when he goes to work for another company it'll, it's like under contract. So he uses Okay. Awesome. Okay. So that makes it a tiny bit easier. Now have you, when you've done your taxes, are you having to pay a lot in taxes because of that business or I do not. Oh,

okay. We file separately because he was audited three years in a row and owes the irs. So it, it, our finances are a mess. Okay. Okay. And it's only getting worse every year. Okay. Well I would do the numbers, like I said with the options, different options. Okay. This is where we're at right now.

Let him look at the numbers and you know, slowly without nagging, without like putting all the blame on him, I know should be hard, but try to do it in a way that you're teaching him and educating him instead of punishing and resenting him. Right. That there's some resentment going on with this whole situation too. Which I would ask. It's just,

it's frustrating. Oh absolutely. Absolutely. Especially when you feel like you're the one doing the right things if everybody else isn't and that's why you're in the mess. So, and if he will, he can have access to Money success club as well. He can come on the calls and kind of hear it and sometimes we just need to hear things over and over and over before it really starts to sink in and finally click and you know,

maybe encourage him to listen to some podcasts. It doesn't have to be my podcast, but I do have a podcast, especially if he's traveling a lot. Podcasts are great. You know, find, if he can find one that he, you know, connects with, you know, what else could he do just to kinda start laying that seed and getting him to really start maybe thinking about it if he will,

if he'll listen to some podcasts and stuff. No, he definitely will. Okay, good. He, he doesn't like to do finances with me because he says that I shut down, which I do once he doesn't understand me. Yeah. So I, I get that, that's what I do And I think that's why we, we are where we are because we don't like to discuss our finances together and it just,

it doesn't turn into an argument. We both just stop talking about it and we move on on and we keep doing the same thing. Gotcha. Now I'm not a counselor of course and maybe you guys do need to maybe have some session. No, I mean no judgment like this is good that you are recognizing and talking about what the issues are. Maybe instead of shutting down you can kind of push yourself to just say the one more thing doesn't have to be another.

And that's What he says. He's like, just say it whether it's gonna hurt my feelings or we're gonna argue. I just, I don't wanna talk to you right now. And he's like, I'm say something really mean. I'm gonna say it and I don't wanna say something really mean to you and then I'm gonna regret it in five minutes. Yes.

And you're not gonna let me regret it. Yeah. And so maybe what something that has just worked for me, cuz you sound a lot like me and my husband is I, this is something I've been working on cuz I do shut down and I just walk away like, I don't wanna fight with you. I, I'm not, I'm, I just walk away but my husband will like wanna have the confrontation.

I'm like, no, leave me alone is I have been. And it's really, it feels very vulnerable because the reason I shut down is cuz I, you know, a lot of other per other feelings of you don't, you know, you don't wanna feel that regret. You don't, you know, you love them and so, you know, I don't wanna hurt their feelings and I don't wanna be resentful so I just shut down.

But that doesn't help solve the problem. Right. And so what I have been working on, which is still a work in progress is just saying the the one thing, but not saying it in a way that is hurtful but just kind of trying to be tactful in how you say the one more thing that you're feeling and just say, this is how I'm feeling.

Instead of saying, you know, you put us in this situation now I'm pissed off. Be like, Oh yeah, scared. I am getting resentful because of this situation and I don't want that and I don't wanna be feeling that towards you. And that's what I'm feeling right now. And it could just be that and then maybe he'll start to think about,

you know, how you're feeling with the situation. But I totally, I totally understand the shutting down cuz that's, that is what I do too. So maybe, And I can't say he isn't trying, he does like he did offer to take over the bills and I, and I may let him for a month and see and see how he does and see how he feels after he does them.

Because I mean it makes me stick to my stomach and he is just the type and you know, he's like, well we have everything we could ever want but I don't want all of this, I don't want all of this because it comes with debt and I don't want that. I want to live, you know, finance free. I don't wanna have anything financed.

I wanna have everything paid for and if we can't afford it in cash then we don't need it. And I don't know, I guess that's the way we were raised. Yeah. And it it's a work in progress. Yeah. And You know, we were both together when we were making $7 an hour and now that we're making all of this extra money,

you know, we're living completely different and I, I wish that we would've never changed our lifestyle. Yeah, that's hard. And it's hard go back. Yeah And it's, once you get used to it, it's really hard to go back. Okay, well you have some things to work on. It sounds like he is willing, which is more,

I can say my husband, he's just like, he just, oh I'll just make more money. That's his. I'll just make more money. I can't take it with me when I die. Well I know you can't but we don't need to spend it all right now. And Something I tell him a lot too is I cannot cuz it the like the clutter and all the stuff does not bother him.

Like he doesn't even see it, which I'm thankful for that he isn't one of those husbands that's like what have you done all day? The house is a mess, you know, type of thing. He's not like, he literally doesn't even see it. So what I'll say is if you want me to be nice and not be full of anxiety and upset and angry,

you guys need to help. And I just keep saying it over and over and they have been helping like the kids him like, which is a huge turnaround. It's like I can mentally handle all this clutter like you guys need to help me or I'm gonna be stressed out and my anxiety shows up as anger and so if you don't help me I'm gonna be angry.

So you've gotta help. And they have been. And so maybe just kind of shifting the language to I can't deal with this. Like I need your guys' help. Like this is giving me anxiety, it's giving me stress. Like I can't, I just can't deal with this anymore. Like you guys have to help me. And so, you know,

just kind of try and maybe practice saying some of these things in your head just, I mean if, if you need to, I don't know how tactful you Of better At it A little, a little bit nicer. I need to say 'em. Cause you know when I start cleaning my kids are like, oh mom's upset about something. She's rage cleaning.

Yes, I've done that a lot in, but, But yeah, no All stuff is going goodbye. I can't take it Anymore. I need to think about it and think of a way to incorporate them because I mean, and I'm the type that's like, oh well just stay outta my way and I'll do it right my way. And so they're all just so used to me doing yeah everything,

finances, everything And a lot of that. And I will, cuz I've dealt with this too. So this is not any judgment, but I would say that a lot of that comes from anxiety. Like you're, it's anxiety about everything because that's perfectionism. Like oh I'll just do it cause I'll, I'll do it. Right. You have to work on kind shifting that mindset and oh man,

when you can do that it's so freeing cuz I used to be the same way and I've been able to work on myself for months, maybe years now to kind shift that mindset. Cause I'm the same way I'm so I totally understand. But that's something for you to work on as well because do have to let it go a little bit. Like you know,

you've got to not let it bother you so much but you have to learn how to cope with that. I mean it's easier said than done, right. So you've gotta do Oh yeah cause I'm a control freak and it's outta control. Like I don't understand how I'm a control freak but it's all outta control. The finances Just add to the anxiety, right.

The schedule just going and going. So and Then I become manic and throw everything in the house away. So, so I mean it's, but I'd love to get my finances. Well it all goes together, right? Yeah, it all Definitely It all goes together. So I love that you're here and you are starting and yes, you know, there's some things for all of you guys to work on and just give yourself some,

some grace and realize that you can't do it all and you don't have to do it all. That's part of it. We feel like as moms that we should do it all. No, you're working and you have four kids, like you don't have to do it all and you don't, you shouldn't do it all. So take that. You're gonna have to keep telling yourself that and kind of take that pressure off yourself cuz you're drowning in it and you Oh yeah,

no definitely get Rid of some of that stress. So you know, let me know how it goes tonight. Can Yeah, no definitely. Cause I really wanna know like I'm excited for you, I think you can do this, it's gonna be process to get them bought in but it sounds like they are bought into the end goal. Maybe not the process yet,

but they will cuz they're, you know, they want the end goal too so you just gotta get 'em bought how to get there. And I think that's kind of what is missing is that yes we want this but we don't know or we don't realize what the steps are to get there. And I think that's where it's, there's a gap so you can work on that and they can work on that.

Definitely get there. So Baby steps. Yes, absolutely. Right, right. Well I appreciate you taking the time. I hope this was helpful for you. I know it'll be helpful for others cuz we all struggle with the same things, you know, different, you know, scenarios and stuff, but it really, the underlying struggles are all the same.

So I appreciate you taking the time to share with us today. Yes, thank You for having me. Absolutely Can't you just feel the stress that Heather is under with her finances and she's right to be worried about refinancing the credit cards because nine times outta 10 they will run them back up and then you've got even more debt with the old debt and the new debt.

So you know, she has a good game plan and I really hope that her family can get together with her and all get on the same page so that they can work toward her being home. Cuz they will enjoy that so much more than any of the things. So it's just a mindset and trying to get everybody working toward the same goal. So thank you Heather for sharing your story and your struggles with us today,

cuz I know it's going to help somebody else. Now if you would like to get your own session with me as well, you can go to budget suite easy.com/strategy. It's no cost. You just gotta come on the podcast. It's not scary, it's fun. If you wanna come join me, sign up and let's dive in and get started. I want you to get unstuck now before the new year.

So let's do it together. It's so much easier when you have somebody to help you with it. All right, you guys have a good week.