Welcome to the money mindset podcast. We'll, you'll find a judgment free zone to help you free yourself from overthinking and the fear of doing things the wrong way. It's time to shed yourself of the mom, guilt, procrastination, and perfectionism. So you can start doing the things that you really want to do with your money instead of just working to pay bills.

I'm Ashley, Patrick X, detective Turner, debt-free CEO of my very own business and stay at home. Mom of three, not too long ago. My dreams of staying at home with my kids seem to possible. I thought I'd have to stay miserable in a high stress in demanding job, just so I could retire someday. After gaining the confidence in my own ability to manage my family's finances and a simple step-by-step plan to make it happen.

I was able to pay off $45,000 in just 17 months, which then allowed me to finally quit my job, stay at home with my kids and build a debt-free business. Now, my mission is to help moms like you conquer debt and free themselves from the mental load of handling their family's finances. If you're ready to shed the guilt and shame surrounding your past money,

mistakes, and tackle your debt, this is the place for you. Let's get started In today's budget strategy session episode. We're going to talk to TryNet who is struggling with overspending because of mom guilt, specifically single mom guilt, and we can work through some ways that she can work to improve this. And if you would like to be on one of these budget strategy sessions,

go sign up today@budgetsmadeeasy.com slash strategy. And remember, this is coaching week, so we have more episodes coming your way, where we will coach through your biggest money struggle. So let's dive in good afternoon, TriNet. Thank you so much for being with us today and being willing to share your situation so that we can work through some of the things that you're struggling with with your finances.

So thank you so much for being willing to do this with us today. No problem. Thank you for allowing me to be on here to share my situation and experiences. Absolutely. So I know other people will be able to gain, you know, valuable information and support from your story as well. And so, you know, let's just dive into it.

What is your biggest struggle right now in terms of your finances? Where are you struggling with? I think my biggest struggle is trying to say no to my six year old daughter. You know, she's going to first grade this year and she's watching way too many YouTube channels on every new thing that everybody has and she wants it all. And I'm like,

no, I think that's the biggest struggle is trying to stay on budget with her, wanting to go over budget on the things that she wants. Yes. Oh my gosh. I feel your pain. You know, all three of my kids are watching YouTube, all the, you know, especially summertime, you know, that's what they're primarily doing. And I want this,

can I have this? Can I have this? Especially my four year old, it's like every two seconds we buy me this, we buy me this. It's like, I don't even know what the store has that most of the time, I'm just like, okay, maybe for your birthday. And then he leaves me alone for like a minute. And then he comes back video,

like, can I have this? But it's, you know, as moms we struggle with saying no, but if you can, are you working with her on some of the, you know, maybe some boundaries with a budget. So it does take time, kind of what I've done with my children when they do have money that I can buy them a toy and spend,

I tell them, you know, $20, $25. I said, that's your budget. That's what you can spend. And over time that has definitely helped because they know what their limit is and how much they can spend. Have you tried doing anything like that with her yet? And so I have gone over, like she knows about you and how much things cost,

but whenever we go to the store, like that goes completely out the window. I'm like, no, that costs too much. This is what you're allowed to spend. And if I don't get it, when she wants it, she'll say, well, I'll just ask my Nana to buy it. If you don't want to buy it all as She can ask away,

right? Oh, no, feel guilty. I didn't know. I'm like, you can ask grandma if she buys it, she buys it. She says, no, whatever. I don't care. Go ahead and ask her. Don't feel guilty because you know what you're really doing by telling her no is you are teaching her, you know, those financial and the budget aspects and delayed gratification.

So something else that you could work with is maybe start cause she's at that age, you know, where she could maybe kind of start this. You could bring up, okay, that's outside of the budget for today. But if you want to save your money today and I'll add to it later, then you could get that one. So, you know,

working with her on setting up, you know, maybe even what works, what has worked for my kids, my kids are, they punishment doesn't work as well with them, but a like working toward a, your reward works really well for them. And you know, you just have to kind of figure out what works for her. Every kid is different,

but maybe like a point system, you know, however you want to set it up and she earns points for doing what she's supposed to do, but kinda like let her work for it. Like let her work towards that bigger goal. If it's out, you know, if you don't have, you know, if it's outside of her budget today, you know,

have her work for it. And you know, it can take as much time as you need to, you know, and it doesn't have to be like, you know, a hundred, $200, whatever, it could be $40. But if you are, you know, if you say her budget's like 20 bucks a month or something like that, and kind of work with her to save her own money and work towards it,

that could be something that at that age, I think would be age appropriate for her to work towards. It's worked for my kids anyway. Yeah. I have to try that because she's just spoiled. Like I feel guilty sometimes because I'm a single parent, you know? And I'm like, okay, I can't spend like two incomes of all. Only have one.

So I have to, I have to set some families, but I'll definitely try that going forward. Hopefully that will work. Yeah. And w you know, something to think about and work on is getting past that single mom, guilt, you know, I was raised by a single mom. My mom's still single, and it's still like, she still struggles with it.

And so I'm constantly trying to remind her that, you know, you did the best you could with what you had like that is all, any parent can do is do the best that you can with what you have. And, you know, she will appreciate it later in life and, you know, spoiling her now because of that mom, guilt doesn't necessarily set her up for success in the future with how you want her to handle her finances,

or, you know, working toward a goal. Like there's so many life skills that you can teach her by telling her no, or letting her work for it. So instead of thinking that, you know, feeling guilty as the mom, you could use that as a motivator to, you know, teach her some things instead of, you know, feeling guilty and,

you know, spending the money. So I think you really have to just kind of work on your mindset around it and kind of switch it. Like you're doing the best you can with what you have. And it's obvious that you love her and you want to do everything you can for her. So maybe you could work on instead of like, feeling guilty,

saying, how can I this as an opportunity to teach her something and kind of switch it around. And let's put that mom guilt to the side, because we all have it. It's just like different triggers and different things. We all have mom guilt and that's normal. That is totally normal, but you know, you're doing the best you can. And I know you for money,

success coaching, and, you know, we've talked to, you know, before. And so I know that you are a good mom and you were doing the best you can, and that's all you could do. That's all, any of us can do the best we can, right. With what we have right now, you know, and maybe in the future,

you'll be able to do more for her and just know that you're working towards that goal. What is, what is your big overall goal for like the next, let's just say two years, do you have a big thing that you are working for? Well, I'm trying to pay off my two credit cards and I have a car loans and I got last year that I'm trying to work towards.

And so if someone that I'm on the right track for early payoff for my car, but it's only by like a couple of months. And so I wanted to kind of fast track that, but I wanted to kind of get like credit cards paid off first and so Gotcha. Gotcha. And I know we've kind of worked on that a little bit as well.

Do you have a date for those credit cards? Like, do you have a specific date that you want to have those paid off by? I would say like, they're only about a thousand dollars two of them, but it's, I'll draw the peat for like $2,000. I'm not really sure. Maybe like this is August now, middle August. Let's say maybe like the first part of 20, 23 by January,

February of 20, 23. If I can really, you know, I get one down, then I can roll those payments over like the snowball effect and it kind of paid towards the other one, like the funds that I was using towards the one that can pay towards the other. I just have a habit of like overpaying on one and not thinking about the other bills that I have coming up,

like pay the minimum maybe a little bit over, but don't like, go crazy. And then you don't have anything to pay your other bills and then you'll have to dip into your savings. So that's what I don't want to do. Gotcha. Gotcha. And when we set up your budget, cause I set your budget up in the spreadsheet, right.

Okay. Just wanted to make sure I was like, I know I did. I want to make sure. Cause sometimes I forget things. Do we set it up by paycheck? Right? Like we broke it down by paycheck. We did set it up by Patrik but the other credit card statement hadn't come in yet because it was new. And so we did transfer that into the spreadsheet because it didn't have a due date because it was new.

That's right. That's right. I remember that now. Okay. So I would encourage you to add it to the spreadsheet if you haven't yet and figure out which paycheck you need to pay it with. And then that'll give you a little bit more accurate idea of what you've got left so that you can send. So you can know that you can pay the other bills and still send a little extra to the credit card,

whichever credit card you want to work on. And I would recommend if you're not already just focusing on one credit card at a time, you know, pay the minimums, but just focus like any extra on the other on whichever one you're trying to pay off first. So just one at a time. And you know, with whenever your daughter is asking for something,

you know, think of if I spend this extra money on her, does that get me closer to that financial goal and how much better of a place that you will be in, especially as a single mom, once you get those bills paid off. So, you know, and you'll be able to do a lot more of the things that you want to do for her.

If you can kind of delay that Gretta can delay the gratification for her as well. And so, you know, you're not going to be perfect at it because guess what none of us are, and you may spend extra on her one payday and you know, even though you didn't want to, but you know, the progress is not doing it, you know,

some of the time. And then the majority of the time, you're not going to be perfect. Like you're not going to wake up tomorrow and be a completely different person and never overspend on your child. Like that's, that's not going to happen, but you can also, you know, as, I don't think we have that in your, in your budget,

if I remember correctly, but you know, you can add a line item for her, you know, it could be allowance or, you know, just spending money and it could be like 10 bucks, you know, a payday and then let her earn it, but you've already planned for it. So then you won't feel as guilty with spending that extra money on her cause you have a plan for it and then you could,

you know, it, it, I think it would help you stick to your plan a little bit better if you have some money for her in your budget to spend and then let her work for it. Okay. So kind of budget for her overall life. Okay. Okay. Sounds good. I never thought about that, but yeah. Yeah. I don't think we put that in your spreadsheet so you can add to it,

but yeah, I mean, and it doesn't have to be much, it could be $5, a headache, you know, 10 bucks a month, $10, a payday 20 bucks a month, you know, and I can't remember if you get paid bi-weekly or weekly, but you know, it could just be a little bit here and there and then let her work for,

and she said the age, like you could take her to dollar trade, she get like three things and you know, probably be happy. At least my kids are, they still love the cheap little toys to dollar tree. Yeah. She will be. She doesn't, you know, as long as the toy, happy with a toy, but go to the place that she wants to go to,

that she's seen on, you know? So be like, mama, this is on target.com or walmart.com. We need to go to talk in a Walmart to get this. Yeah. My kids are the same way. Yes, mine are. Oh my gosh. Especially the four year old, I'll say that around like seven or eight, it gets a little bit easier,

but yeah, that younger age and they're just like obsessive about it, you know, they won't quite ask for it. Stop taking you to the store. Something else that I've had to do as well with my kids is not take them to the store with me, which I know as a single mom, that's probably hard for you to do, but if you can't and I do a lot of pickups,

so I don't have to even go in the store because I know if I take them in the store, I'm going to probably cave. So if you're like, we're like, okay, I really don't want to spend any extra money today. Maybe try doing like a pickup order instead of actually going in the store that I've found that helpful for me, at least I have,

I haven't done that with grocery pickup once or twice. And that has helped to kind of call the budget or her going through the store and picking up random chips or candy off the shelf as we're going down the hour. So I'll try that. Okay. Yeah, definitely try that. I know my middle child, like if I take her to the store,

I overspend by so much and then there'll be stuff in the cart that I didn't even see or put in it. Like, I'm like, where does this come from? Where these kids, these kids are going to break us. But yeah, she, she does do really well when I tell her a budget. So, and that's just something that takes time and it's going to take practice for you and for her,

especially if she's used to getting what she wants all the time, it's going to, it's going to take practice. No, she's probably going to have, you know, she might, I guess I shouldn't say probably, cause I don't know your child, but you know, she may have a fit or she may get upset and know that that's okay.

Like it's I know as a single mom that probably like breaks your heart a little bit and like, it makes you feel so much worse, but know that you are doing, even though it sucks right now and it makes you feel so bad right now you're doing what's best for her in the long run. And just have to remind yourself Of that. Yeah.

So let's start crying in the store and I'm like, oh my gosh, I feel so bad. Okay. You can get it, but this is the last time. Yeah. But she knows that you'll do it if she cries, so she's going to cry. And so you ha it's going to take practice for both of you. And just once she figures out that,

okay, the cryings that working, maybe mom really does mean what she's saying. It'll get better because I do it too. I'm guilty of it too. Like we, I think almost every mom does, like we still give in sometimes, but you know, just keep practicing and keep practicing and reminding yourself that you've got these bigger goals. And if you give into her now you're not going to reach those bigger goals so that you can both have a better life in the future.

Right. So you gotta kind of really hold onto that bigger overall emotional goal. So, you know, you want to pay off the credit cards, but what is that like really emotional dream that you have for you and her. And it could be, you know, maybe you want to take her to Disney world sometime, or maybe you want to just be able to help her pay for college or,

you know, just not stress about buying her school supplies, you know, like something that's really tied emotionally to like your overall financial goal. And just reminding yourself of that when times are tough. So have you thought, like, what is your like big overall dream for you guys? Well, I want to buy another house and that's like something that she's going to ask her for.

And she's like, I'm going to pray to God that we get another house. Then I'm like, oh my gosh, okay, baby. You pray to God. And I'll pray to God to that. And to be able to like take her on, take her to different places for her to experience different things, like buy her a lot of stuff.

But experiences, I think will be more beneficial term in the future to be able to explain and stuff versus just buying her a whole bunch of stuff that ends up, you know, a clever, clever in the upper room and spilling out into the living room. Yes. You should see my house. It's ridiculous. Yeah. Well, what I would suggest just an idea for you is to make a vision board or create something visually for her to see,

and for you to see of that, like maybe a house, like your dream house, you know, help, let her help you create it. So she's a part of the process and remind her, you know, I can save more for the house if we don't get this today. I mean, she's sick, so she's not always going to get it,

but the more you reinforce it, it helps you. And it also helps her and have that visual and say, you know, and that will really teach her for her future as well. Like letting her learn what you're learning as you're going through it too. And that's really gonna set her up for success in the future as well. And so know that you are like doing something really beneficial for her by telling her no,

we have to remind ourselves that as moms we do. So, you know, maybe think of something like that, that you can get her to participate in as well. So, and maybe that will kind of help, but just know it's, it's gonna take some practice. You got to stay strong, You can do it, you know, and posts posted in the Facebook group.

When you say no, or you stick to your budget, you know, when you have that win, make sure you're celebrating and we'll celebrate with you as well. Yeah, definitely. I know it was one question that you posted in the Facebook group for the money and success coaching saying that if your child wants to participate in a sport, would you tell them no.

Or would you just go ahead and do it? And me at the time I said, I would tell her no. And then I went out and bought her like a $50 doll house. I'm like, okay, I have, I did my response a little bit, But you recognized it like it, got you thinking about it. And you know,

that's, that's a, it's a process. You know, like I said earlier, you're not going to wake up a completely different person tomorrow, but the more you can work on that and recognize like some of those triggers and things you're going to get better and better. And so just keep, keep at it, keep practicing, keep focused on your bigger goal.

Well, thank you so much for taking the time to be with us today. Thank you so much for having me ask me. I appreciate it. Absolutely. Can't you relate to the mom guilt and feeling so guilty when you can't buy everything your kids want, but you so kind of focus on the overall goal and what you really want them to have in life.

So thank you to TryNet for being willing to share with the rest you, cause I know you can relate and don't forget that you can sign up for your own budget strategy session at budget's made easy.com/strategy. And come on the podcast with me, it's fun. Go with the flow and you will learn a lot. So I will see you again tomorrow because it is still coaching week.

We are so excited to be pumping out these episodes all at once so that you can dive in and start making some progress. And I will see you guys tomorrow.