Eva Sheie (00:07):
This is a story about what happens when you have breast cancer, told in real time. So this update was scheduled to talk actually about how you're feeling and looking six weeks after getting your expanders removed and your implants put in.

Kristen Vengler (00:28):
Yeah, well, everybody should know that implants were never on my bucket list, I never thought that's what I would do. I thought maybe if I had an extra 10K, 15K, hanging around, I might get a boob lift one day, just because I've had kids, I'm late fifties. And I'm getting used to the implants. Having the expanders out, oh my gosh, it's so nice. This is probably TMI, but I actually like looked down earlier this week and I went, "Oh my gosh, they look like boobs again." And I wasn't afraid to look at them because I would see the tumor. Because for the first seven months that I knew I had cancer, I could see the tumor so I wouldn't look. And now, I'm looking at them and I'm like, "Oh, they're like boobs. They're really good." I mean, there's no more Frankenboobs.

Kristen Vengler (01:28):
And Dr. Pacella did such an incredible job, he had so much work to do. And the left one actually was where the cancer wasn't, he was able to make it so that there's barely a scar that you can see anymore. It doesn't go across the center, like the one on the right, and that has to do with radiation, and the way that the skin had moved during radiation.

Eva Sheie (01:56):
He knew what he was doing. He could see the vision, even when we couldn't.

Kristen Vengler (02:01):
Yeah, he's so good. I feel 90% healed. I still feel a lot of the nerves are reconnecting and the skin where the radiation was, it doesn't look thinner, but it still is really, really sensitive. And when I turn on my side, I can still feel the skin pulling a little bit, getting used to the implants. I may have mentioned this before, but I feel like between having the scan that came up with no evidence of disease, and having these expanders out, and now moving, I can see my way through this finally. Even though I'm crying about my feet hurting and crying about the mobility pieces, I can still see a way out. And when I realized that this wasn't like an ACL surgery, where it had the surgery done, rehab it, and everything was going to be fine. Once I realized I wasn't going to be the same person again, I mean, I really thought, "All right, 2021 bust my body down with the chemo and the surgeries and the radiation. 2022, I'll build it back up." It sounds really good on paper, but it's not quite that easy.

Kristen Vengler (03:26):
It clicked finally for me a few weeks ago, that I was like, "Oh, I don't have cancer anymore. I don't have anymore long-term treatments." I have another surgery with Dr. Pacella, but what we're doing then is it's after everything is settled, just fine-tuning it, and I don't have to do that.

Eva Sheie (03:45):
Right,

Kristen Vengler (03:45):
To survive. So that's all super exciting. What questions do you have for me about all this? You've watched me go through this ad nauseam.

Eva Sheie (03:58):
Are you just walking around without a bra on all the time now?

Kristen Vengler (04:02):
Not yet. Yeah, I'm still wearing one for support.

Eva Sheie (04:05):
But so is it your plan to just go without a bra?

Kristen Vengler (04:09):
If I can.

Eva Sheie (04:10):
Yeah. Okay.

Kristen Vengler (04:16):
Yeah. Now, what I'll say, is that because there's weight behind these, these aren't like an almost A or a B, they're probably a very full C. So because of that, in order to keep the skin from sagging early and all of that, I probably need to wear a bra. I did wear one for six weeks at night. And when she told me I didn't have to wear one at night anymore, I was like, "Ah." And it was just to support where the scars were healing and all of that. So the whole question now is nipples, what do you do about nipples, right?

Eva Sheie (04:51):
Good question, right.

Kristen Vengler (04:52):
Yeah, I don't know. I kind of think I don't want to get any skin protrusions put on because if I wanted to go without a bra, I could. And not that you can't when you have nipples, but it's just I think I spent the most of my life in the workplace trying to wear a padded bra to keep those, my headlights, my high beams from showing. So I thought about tattoos like traditional areolas, I've also thought about doing something kind of pretty, but not overdone. I don't need a whole chest tattoo or anything. And that's fine for whoever wants it, but I don't feel I have any scars I want to cover. I think it would be more something pretty.

Eva Sheie (05:39):
Yeah, the tattoos are amazing.

Kristen Vengler (05:42):
Oh my gosh.

Eva Sheie (05:43):
Those that we've been sending back and forth. Just they look so real, I don't know why you would go through some weird surgery to get fake nipples made when you can just do that.

Kristen Vengler (05:54):
Same. Well, and the thing is, that you might want to cut this out, I don't know, is that part of the purpose of nipples for me was that they had some kind of sensation. I don't have any sensation, they're not going to put nipples on to make me feel anything. Do you know what I mean? There's no sexual pleasure or anything like that from them.

Eva Sheie (06:18):
That's one of their purposes. And if you can't...

Kristen Vengler (06:22):
Right. And I had both of them taken off because I think Dr. Pacella had mentioned, it'd be harder to match it, the one that was okay. And the other piece to me is I found that damn cancer on my nipple.

Eva Sheie (06:36):
Yeah.

Kristen Vengler (06:36):
I'll be damned if I was going to have any more nipple tissue.

Eva Sheie (06:40):
Right.

Kristen Vengler (06:40):
So...

Eva Sheie (06:41):
So the theme of this conversation seems to be around adjusting to all these body changes.

Kristen Vengler (06:50):
Yeah.

Eva Sheie (06:50):
Keep changing and went back to work last week, which is great. I'm so happy to see you with a purpose every day.

Kristen Vengler (07:00):
Mm-hmm, yeah.

Eva Sheie (07:02):
And I think that, I mean, to me, you seem really happy now that you're back with Sammy.

Kristen Vengler (07:09):
Mm-hmm. I was afraid last week though. Last week I was like, "I have no idea how I'm going to do this." And I think part of it is the stamina. I just have not had the stamina. And so I just started trying to do more things to gain more stamina, more walks of pills and stuff like that later last week. And I can pick him up again. There is so much to be said for hugging a two-year-old like that. But he literally runs me, "Kristen, Kristen, Kristen." How is that not lifting me up? And I am tired, for sure. I feel so much weight has been lifted. I don't know, no pun intended on the expanders, but I feel like a weight's been lifted. And Sammy's turned a corner too. While I was gone, his grandmother was there hanging out with him. And I think she was more hardcore on the potty training than Crystal and I were together. And so he's done, he's done. And just this week, he decided he wasn't going to sleep in his crib anymore.

Kristen Vengler (08:18):
And they took the front piece of the crib off. And he's going to be two and a half, he's just turned a corner to where we can have a conversation sometimes about things. And he's been very much a baby, and now he's a toddler. And I get to use my education specialist stuff more, and get to interact a lot more on that, from that piece. The thing too is that people don't really know this, you and I did a lot of really good work while I was off, with the podcast conference, and moving a lot of things forward with the podcast. And getting the feedback that we have gotten recently, it's heavy on my heart, how many people suffer from breast cancer. I don't want to say suffer from it, but how many people are diagnosed, and the road that they have to go down.

Kristen Vengler (09:16):
And then also, how helpless the people who are around them feel. It's been really, really heavy on my heart. And I think I see a roadmap on how to help people. I don't know what it really looks like. I mean, I don't know what the road is, but I think that the gift that you came up with when starting this podcast, and that we have been able to put out there, this is not about tooting our horn, this is about helping people not to feel alone. Some of the conversations I've had recently with high school friends who have been diagnosed, and people who love them, I just get chills.

Eva Sheie (10:01):
Just yesterday, one of my friends.

Kristen Vengler (10:03):
Oh yeah.

Eva Sheie (10:04):
That I haven't talked to in years just messaged and said, "I want to give Kristen a gift," because he had gone through cancer himself and especially radiation. So it's not just reconnecting you with people, it's reconnecting me with people too.

Kristen Vengler (10:23):
Yeah, yeah. And how generous was that? And there's people that I have been interacting with on Facebook groups and on other podcasts, who, we've become friends. There's someone here, shout out Annette, that I'm going to go have coffee with in a couple weeks who lives here in San Diego. And she has Dr. Koka and Dr. Rivera. And she had some pretty serious, very serious radiation burns, and we were able to have conversations through that. And several people that I have met in person who have reached out to me and have become friends, and it's a gift to be able to have those people in my life.

Eva Sheie (11:10):
Anyone who's been listening to us for a little while might remember that, a while back, we asked if anyone wanted to tell their story. And we had a very specific type of person in mind for that. And so it's probably as good of a time as any to say that we've been recording with our season two story now for a couple of months.

Kristen Vengler (11:33):
Mm-hmm.

Eva Sheie (11:34):
And that story is going to be incredible.

Kristen Vengler (11:39):
Right, yeah. Can I say her name?

Eva Sheie (11:41):
Yes.

Kristen Vengler (11:43):
Natasha. She wrote to us and gave me some quick information, and I got on a Zoom call with her and immediately fell in love with her. She has a British accent, so how can you not, first of all? And she was a palliative care nurse.

Eva Sheie (11:59):
She still is.

Kristen Vengler (12:00):
I'm sorry.

Eva Sheie (12:02):
She's a smart ass, and also she's really smart. And she just knows things from two angles. She doesn't just know them from being the patient now, but she knows them as someone who's cared for the patient for a very long time so...

Kristen Vengler (12:18):
Absolutely it's been really wonderful. I hate that she has cancer and that that's how we connected, but she lives up in the Bay Area and it's all I can do not to just fly up there and go to sit with her at chemo. I mean, maybe I'll do it, it could still happen.

Eva Sheie (12:34):
So before her story actually starts, you'll hear her on a couple episodes. One with the author of a book that we all are reading and that book is called Healing by Theresa Brown. And then Natasha is also joining us on another episode with Dr. Aaron Fritts about getting a port put in and what that's all about. So you'll start to hear from her and it's really exciting.

Kristen Vengler (13:00):
It's so exciting.

Eva Sheie (13:01):
Yeah.

Kristen Vengler (13:02):
She was the person who told me that nurses were listening to the podcast and it was actually some people that she worked with, when they found out that she had cancer, that told her to listen to the podcast and she went and found us.

Eva Sheie (13:14):
I'm just going to apologize for my voice today because you know in Austin when caterpillars all come off the trees, they're not real caterpillars.

Kristen Vengler (13:21):
Right, yeah.

Eva Sheie (13:23):
There's a crust of pollen on my car.

Kristen Vengler (13:26):
Oh, it's the green crust.

Eva Sheie (13:28):
The green crust is here.

Kristen Vengler (13:30):
Oh.

Eva Sheie (13:31):
It's that time. And I went out this morning and I tried to clean off the deck and really, it was a very bad idea.

Kristen Vengler (13:39):
I can hear it in your throat.

Eva Sheie (13:40):
I inhaled a bunch of it, so...

Kristen Vengler (13:42):
Oh, that's the worst.

Eva Sheie (13:44):
Yeah, it really, truly is.

Kristen Vengler (13:47):
So yeah, season two with Natasha is so good, so good. In fact, it's funny because I keep thinking, how are people learning anything from us? Because again, she's a smart ass, she's so real, and she's so dang smart. And the life that she's lived is so interesting as well.

Eva Sheie (14:12):
Yeah, we're lucky to have her.

Kristen Vengler (14:13):
Mm-hmm.

Eva Sheie (14:14):
So if you haven't heard the trailer yet and haven't met Natasha, go back and listen to the trailer. And then she'll join us when we talk to Dr. Fritts about port placement. And it sounds really boring, but it was actually really fascinating conversation.

Kristen Vengler (14:32):
Yeah, it really is. For those of you who aren't sure what port placement is, basically when you have chemo, that's where the chemo goes in. So yeah. And I will be moved probably by the next time that you and I have a conversation because I kind of feel like, knock on wood, I kind of feel like my story's over.

Eva Sheie (14:51):
God, I hope so.

Kristen Vengler (14:53):
Are you guys done with me yet or what? We didn't think it was going to go this far. We just kind of thought, "Okay, here's some things she's going to get better, she's not going to whine about her feet, she's not going to move, she's going to stay put," but...

Eva Sheie (15:08):
Next week on the podcast, another foot update.

Kristen Vengler (15:12):
You can't take another foot update?

Eva Sheie (15:14):
No, that's all you're going to get from now on is updates on Kristen's feet.

Kristen Vengler (15:19):
So it's going to be a big day when my chemo toenails fall off because that's still in progress, I'll be honest.

Eva Sheie (15:28):
Who wants to do a poll? What day will Kristen's toenails fall off?

Kristen Vengler (15:34):
Leave a review on Apple Podcasts with the date that you think the toenails will come off. And whoever is closest, I will personally come buy you a pedicure.

Eva Sheie (15:48):
Love it.

Kristen Vengler (15:50):
I think we actually will talk probably after the fat transfer and the perfection of the boo-boos, but...

Eva Sheie (15:55):
Well, you haven't made a decision about tattoos, so we're going to have to talk about that. And we'll have some really smart and wonderful tattoo artists on to talk about that process too and what that looks like. So that's coming.

Kristen Vengler (16:10):
Yes, absolutely.

Eva Sheie (16:11):
Don't forget to sign up for our newsletter.

Kristen Vengler (16:15):
Our newsletter, so excited. I'm a nerd.

Eva Sheie (16:21):
Find our newsletter page at breastcancerstoriespodcast.com. And we promised not to spam, you will get all kinds of great resources from us.

Kristen Vengler (16:32):
Remember, just click the button and we got you.

Eva Sheie (16:35):
Yes, more snark in your inbox. Okay. Thank you for listening to Breast Cancer Stories, to continue telling this story and helping others, we need your help. All podcasts require resources and we have a team of people who produce it, there's costs involved, and it takes time.

Kristen Vengler (16:56):
If you believe in what we're doing and have the means to support the show, you can make a one-time donation, or you can set up a recurring donation in any amount through the PayPal link on our website, at breastcancerstoriespodcast.com/donate.

Eva Sheie (17:10):
To get the key takeaways from each episode, links to anything we've talked about and promo codes, or giveaways from our partners, sign up for our email newsletter. If you've been listening to us for a while, you know we are cynical Gen Xers who approach everything with a healthy dose of skepticism, so you can also expect that from us in our newsletter.

Kristen Vengler (17:30):
You'll get notes and thoughts from me related to each episode, and links to the most useful resources for all the breast cancer things. So if you have chemo brain, you'll be able to just go read your email, find anything we talked about on the podcast without having to remember it.

Eva Sheie (17:44):
The link to sign up is in your show notes and on the newsletter page at breastcancerstoriespodcast.com.

Kristen Vengler (17:50):
We promise not to annoy you with too many emails.

Eva Sheie (17:55):
Thanks for listening to Breast Cancer Stories. There's a link in the show notes with all of the resources mentioned on this episode, and more info about how you can donate. If you're facing a breast cancer diagnosis and you want to tell your story on the podcast, send an email to hello@theaxis.io. I'm Eva Sheie, your host and executive producer. Production support for the show comes from Mary Ellen Clarkson and our engineer is Daniel Croeser. Breast Cancer Stories is a production of The Axis. the axis.io.