Chris: What about a second time? Lucky? Phil: In Kentucky? Chris: apparently, like that's, that's like a British thing. Second second time. Anyway, I am really excited about this episode today, Phil. Phil: I'm very, very excited. Chris: this is our first guest You know, our, our podcast title is dad's kitchen and we have very much focused on the kitchen side of things with like the occasional dad thing sprinkled in and today I think is going to be a little more, the other way. today our guests, Phil is somebody that I think you've known for a while now. Phil: Yeah. Peter moved to Bazi. Is someone that I've known since 2008, Peter. And I went to Uganda together, and worked with kids at an orphanage, and it was a really, really incredible experience. Peter was kind of the facilitator for the trip. Peter is from Uganda has just this absolutely amazing journey of being born into abject poverty. And then through the most unlikely of circumstances, raised out of that, pulled out of that. If you will, and ends up in the United States and starts doing some absolutely incredible things. One of which is becomes a foster dad for underprivileged kids here, here in the U S and then, and then adopts one of his foster children. And, Oh my gosh, I'm so excited for you guys to hear his story. Peter is an incredible communicator. his joy is so infectious and I'm just so excited to, have everyone here, Peter story. So Chris: Yes. Ever since. I heard a little bit of a story from you. I have been looking forward to having a chance, talk with him and, to also hear his heart, as a single foster dad, you know, that there has to be just something special about that person. I'm really looking forward to this episode. Chris: Peter, thank you again, just for joining us. this is something that both Phil and I have looked forward to for a while now. when Phil gave me the overview of your story, there was just something so unique and, impactful about it. It just really, really resonated with me. So, fact that you are, a single foster dad and what that's led to, with you, uh, eventually adopting Anthony, the continued foster work, and then some of the other things that you're doing. Peter: right. Absolutely. So you know what 18 it is. Start from there. You know, I'm originally from Uganda, so born and raised in Uganda and growing up as a kid, you know, You know, life was no, it wasn't difficult, but it was a hopeless, if I may use the word in every way you could, you could imagine, you know, just think about like you as a kid, you grew up, no one ever told you to dream. No one ever told you that tomorrow for you. And it wasn't because they. It wasn't there, you know, it was more, you know, it's hard when a mom can't feed you for a day to tell you there's a future for you. You know? So it was from, you know, parents who barely had anything, you know, uh, grew up in a home. I had never slept in a mattress. I'd never had a. Two meals a day. You know, if I was lucky I would get, beans and then tomorrow you get potatoes, you can have both, you know, so that's kinda a life that I, I lived, you know, uh, we never had running water. So the cleanest water was maybe about. Two three miles away. So as a kid at four is off of Asia, I could walk to, to get water for the family to drink. So, you know, so Paul was, is like, all you knew, but it wasn't just our farmer. Like everyone around you when you live in the village and everyone leaves and looks like you, you know, it's, it's hard to tell the difference or even to hope for it. Cause there's, you know, it's not like you have a neighbor who was doing better, that you want it to be like them. Like everyone around you is poor. You know, at an age of four, so began to realize that not only what we pull up, but my dad was the most abusive man he could think of. So, so you have one side, you know, poverty, and then you have your own dye that could easily take your life. So for someone to tell you, Hey, one day you be 10 years old, you're more like the chances of that happening is SIM looks, feels, smells zero. You know, that, that there was no room to dream. There was no room to think about. But you could be somewhere, you know, because at night, they use to Lipton on an empty stomach or you slipped at the beatings of your data after. So for me also, if you told me like, Hey, there's a future for you. I think for me, I didn't want to know the future because today it was. That was what's happening tomorrow. So, uh, you're poor, the abuses knocking at the door every other day. So do you really want to see the future now? Uh, so that was my, my life. Well, at age of 10, you know, I think I, could not take the abuse anymore. It wasn't like how I was looking for better plan or better place to go, but I was like, look, I'll rather be killed by someone who didn't know me than my own father, you know? So, uh, I think I was like, I cannot give you a chance to. Take my lab. I would rather give you some of us in, in some way. So as of 10, 11, I ran away and became a street kid. I never been 20 miles away. I run away 500 kilometers and I ended up in Kampala, you know, and became a street kid. And as you know, of course, I had grown up from a home where, you know, the only awards I had from my dad, I, to this day, I cannot remember one positive word. You know, I was garbage. I was good for nothing, and I would never amount to anything. That's what I had. Every day now as a strict kid, you know, not only did you hear them, but you're treated more like a, an animal more like, garbage. And so you believe it, you know, so that became my life for four years. and find out along the way I met a stranger, you know, there's a family who was buying things and, and street kids. We always looked for way to steal while we're helping. And so as I tried to get food from him, he gives me the food and I got to know him, you know, and, uh, he fed me for a year and a half. And finally he said, you know what? If you had an ambition to go school, would you go to school? You know? And I said, of course I would love to go to school, but it's not really, like, I really want it to go, you know, uh, he was my source of food, so I thought I would tell him whatever he was here, you know, so I can always get my mail. So that was how I really got to know him, you know, but with Tom, remember he had fitted me for a year and a half. So there was a little trust, you know, because he'd been consistent in somewhere, you know, but also when he said, Hey, would you like to go to school? Think about like, I never had anyone see potential in me. I never had anyone believing you you're a good kid that there was nothing that anyone had ever told me. You know? So there I am as a street kid, you know, and this stranger is like, well, I think you should go to school, but you know, I think I'd been treated more like an animal that I didn't believe I was a human being or I was at the same level as any other human being that you believe that so much. So for him to say, would you like to go to school? It was more like, You mean, I have a potential, you mean you may not. I'm human. You know, something that I didn't see, as growing up and finally went to school, agree, they would take them in school. So he to go to school, I did well in school. I went to school in Kampala. Went to university, went to England as a student and came to the United States, as a student. but also I think, because he had done something for me, I always wanted to help the most vulnerable. So I worked for compassion international for 11 years, you know? But also there was that feel of, you know, I think I was a little bit shocked as a, as a, as an African community United States that people were so wealthy, but they had so little knowledge about the poor who were just a stone throw away from them, And I think for me that it's not like it bothered me. It was more like, well, You know, to whom much is given much is required for me, that the really convicted me, like, how can I have so much, and have a house and has two extra bedroom and say, it's a blessing when I know there are kids in my neighborhood that have nowhere to go, you know? And I think for me, because someone had done that for me, like, I couldn't, I could not just Have a house and say I'm blessed, you know? And so I quit my job and decided to be a forcer dad. Of course as a single guy, I didn't know. They will allow me by they're like, look, you know, absolutely. If you want to sign up, we'll love to do that. Uh, and so I became a foster dad and since then I've had 13 kids and adopted my oldest. you know, so when I became a foster dad, sometimes it's really hard to say goodbye. Like you get to say goodbye when they go back to their parents, which is the whole idea. We always want kids to go back. Uh, because that bath connection is, is quite amazing, you know? So, when Anthony cam, I want someone like I was ready, I wasn't ready. I was like, look. Two kids just went home. I need three months of break. Like I can't do this, you know, but the social worker said, no, no, no, no. Could you take him just for the weekend? You know? we'll find a home for him the following day, man, the kid walks in and I show him where to sleep, and what to eat. I said, Hey, you can call me Mr. Peter, because of my last name is so long. And the kid looks at me and say, bye, can I call you my dad? You know, that, think about like, you've wanted to be a dad for a million years, you know? And there is a kid that barely, I mean, it was about 20 minutes in the house and he says, but can I call you my dad? I said, no, by the reason I say, no, it wasn't because I didn't want to, but I felt. Man, what if I be a dad, I'm going to mess it up. So now I went to more to the question in my own self, you know, like this kid has seen a dad, but am I really a good dad for him to want me to be his dad? You know? And of course I said, Hey, you're only here for two days, so you cannot call me dad. But I honestly was, the fear was more of. Can I be a good dad, you know, And so the following week on Sunday on Monday, they came to pick him up and, you know, finally I go the guts to ask the question like, so why is he in the foster care system? And the social work said, well, you know, he was put in the foster care when he was the, and a half. Then he was adopted by the SIM family that took him in. And that family that adopted him at Fort just dropped him off at the hospital at 11, you know? So I'm sitting there thinking, Who would do that? You know? And that's when I will tell myself, I'd say it, the kid has already coming dad. He must know somehow I can be a good dad. And right there that day, I decided that he'll be my son, you know? Well, two years later at the adoption was complete. you see how the, the journey of when I wa I wasn't prepared, it's not like something I was looking for, you know, but it happened like. happened to be there. And the kid knew that he wanted a dad and I happened to be present. Like, all I did was to say, I will allow him to come for weekend, but look down, look to what the Jenny has now that he's my son. He's my oldest kid. the two day visit. That stand out for forever home, that he has taught me so much, you know, that he's educated me on how to love. It's easy to tell people we love him, but until they live with us until they're at home, that, you know, you love I was impatient, but he's taught me how to be patient, how to be kind, how to love unconditionally, it happened because I was winning. To say, I am open to that, you know, and that's really what I love about your, podcasts about, they may open the door to the kitchen and let me see what. Quavo unfold, laser, you know, and for me, the adoption, I feel like that's what has been, you know, that allowed a key to come in and somehow has given me an opportunity. I always wanted to be a dad and VI was a dad where I could have easily said this weekend. No, I am not taking in a child, you know, I somehow was willing to be vulnerable. Like, I don't know, but for two nights, sure. I'll give it a shot. And there we are the two nights where the best nights I will ever ask for. for the rest of my life, that I have a son that I love the most, that I care for, that he's taught me truly what it means to be a dad. Because I was willing to be vulnerable. I was willing to open back kitchen as a willing to cook a meal. I didn't know how to cook, you know, that I just said yes. And, and, and see what happens after it was just amazing. so it's been a long journey, but more from a point of someone did for me, you know, I was given, I didn't have a potential. But someone saw potential in me. I was nobody, but someone made me known, you know, I seem to be, you know, off, you know, off the grid from anyone's life, but somehow he saw more in me than I ever saw in myself, you know, but also on the other side that he had faith that I had potential and I think that's all that. It took for me to go this far, but also to really in some way, I had a part to play because he saw in me that most people had not seen, but may the, had I seen in myself, you know, uh, him taking a time as a stranger, who do you know who I was? And that's the irony and the cool thing too. Like he, it's not like we were related. you know, we had nothing in common in many ways, but for him, he saw a little kid. and he said, you know what, I'll do the best icon, you know, but the faith that he had in me that I had a potential is really what led me to what I'm doing now. Chris: well, that's fantastic. that connection between place of hopelessness that you started and, kind of where you're at now was something that I was, I was really curious about and, kinda, as you were telling your story, there are a couple of things that, stood out to me. that kind of transition that you had, you know, it was, it was somebody that saw you and. it doesn't sound like he just kind of stepped in and gave you all these opportunities. He, he took time and spend time with you to build that trust. once there was that trust it seems as though he helped you develop and build hope, hope for a future. what do you feel like the importance of those two aspects are in a child, especially kind of in, in your situation where you do have kids that are kind of coming in there, coming from not the most ideal home situations where those two things are probably lacking. Peter: Rob. Absolutely. You know? The thing he made, was he recognized, well, it's coming from, he knew I had every baggage you could think of. He knew I won't trust them either. I think, you know, and he. Took his time, you know, but also here in breast MEO, who I was like, it's not like he came and say, you need to change your life. No, he just, he just liked him as who was keyed in, either was dosey or starting to steal. Like for him, he, he just saw me as a kid that needed to be, uh, listened to not to change, but to be listened to. And I think, you know, I love fishing and in Africa we have a tilapia fish called tilapia and it you know, comes with a scales, you know, And the way we clean them, we, you remove the scale from the, top, but you do it gently and slowly. And then funny, you get you have the fish you can eat. And I think as humans as how, especially boys and men, that's why. We tend to not do that. We, you know, we want just them, already clean and say, well, you know, I can help you if you have, you know, you've done one, two, three, and four before him. I think he, he didn't see, they said, no, no, it's my part. I will take him out with his skills, no matter how hard dirty they are, uh, that I will embrace him as we eat. And the same with the foster kids, you know, you know, muskies in foster care. Yes. This lack of the male figure, for sure. Like there's hardly any, any emails or even if they're, you know, even, even if families are married, most of them, they spend time with a female at home while the male is working. So, even that is lack of, you know, the consistence of seeing a man in their lives. So when I came up, I became a foster dad. I think everyone was worried like, Oh, you a male, what are you? I mean, what do you have? You know, that I felt that. They will look at me. Like I didn't have anything to offer because we've always seen family in a traditional sense. You know, it's mom and dad, uh, you know, most of our mom stays home and does whatever it wants with the kids, but that's not the case in the post care, you know? Also that's the stereotype. I want it to break in some way, I can be tender to them, that I can, be there to, to watch those scales drop one at a time. And when they feel, when they are ready to do so, that it's not like it's become easier, but I think I understand it. Better, but also to lay the kids know, you know, that you, you, you have a potential, no matter what you do when no matter where you've come from, but you have a potential. And it's my job not to remove those baggies, but to accept you with them and along the way, show you the way. As you let those baggage's away, that most of our force kids, we are looking for, you know, and I think as role models as men, you know, uh, I think, if we could always approach it that way, though, we love people as who they are. And then along the way that is our job to somehow provide path for them to navigate and you know, and, and deal with the trauma they've gone through. That's how I dealt with that. He created room, he created a place for me, you know, to breathe and think. And then when it came to dealing with my trauma problem, it was a little bit easier because there was that trust, you know, that he loved me as who I was not as who he wanted me to be, but along the way, I turned up to what he wished, I think without him having to do anything. But leaving me as who I was. Chris: Yeah. and I don't know if you've seen the, either the Mr. Rogers documentary or the, movie that came out a few years ago with Tom Hanks. there's this, uh, song and I don't exactly remember the song, but the line that stuck out to me was I like you just the way you are. And there's something that's just really powerful about that idea. And, seems like a lot of what you're talking about is just taking the time To listen and to acknowledge these kids as people and human beings, and, kind of acknowledged them with everything that they come with to, to take the time. I think maybe, maybe in your words to see them and to hear them. And so, that does kind of remind me of, some of what I was reading about this, Phil: uh, Chris: new initiative that you have now I'm known. Peter: Yes. Now I'm known. You know, so again, it goes back to my, my story, you know, as a kid, again, there's no word I could say, as you know, in Africa, we have a tendency of, you know, seeing men are men come first, women come second and children come third, you know, I never had an opportunity to be hard. Like I never felt someone could hear me or I mattered to anyone, so. Once, this family took me in, they truly made me know, like they find him, gave me the opportunity to be hard, to be seen most time. I wasn't, I felt like I wasn't seen, you know, uh, that I was enough. I think, you know, I worked so hard to get approval for my dad or for him to say, good son, job well done, but it never cam. And so I never failed. I was enough, I loved that was a concept. Something I did not understand, you know, labs, what do you mean? because I faced the hardest form. Those who should laugh me belonging. I was a street kid. I never belonged anywhere, before, for some reason, This man made me belong somewhere. He made me feel, I mattered. He made me feel enough that I didn't really have to always prove myself to someone, you know, as a kid who runaway, you know, Fest that the most difficult thing, you know, he always said, Peter, you brave for what you've gone through rather than see it as a, sorry, but say you are brave on how you manage to make it through life. And so once I became a faucet that I wanted to do the Sam and like, I never had one. Affirmation word for my dad, not one time. for most of my life I live, I never heard him say son, that was a good job. All son, you matter. Or, or even listen to me, like I had a problem or I needed a book to hear for me to say, dad, can I have something? Nope. I was never heard. I never talked to my dad face to face. And so, once I, that happened, I wanted to really. Be the opposite as a dad, you know that I am a force of dye. I wanted to use those words of affirmation that changed my life for my kids as well. The way I can vividly remember the first day I went to their family, he told me. he has five kids. So he told his kids to sit in the back of the car so I can sit in front and I hesitated. I was like, ah, I can't sit in front because that's a seat that deserved for the special ones for your children, for your wife, not me, you know, so I didn't go. And he said, Peter, you you're special and you matter, that's why I want to sit there, but I can. Do these days to remember what time was, what I was worrying, where was tiny, because I had never had someone say those words to me that truly changed my life. And so I figured if I really want to change, you know, last for our kids and that's most our kids, the world they've come from, you know, they are more from one house to, their parents have given up. They've been neglected. Like they feel no, no one can hear them. They feel. They're never enough because they are moved from one house of the air to the, they never feel brave of what they're going through. They're not seen. And so I wanted to use words of affirmation as a dad to really encourage my kids, kids also go through trauma. So they are days times when they don't want to listen to me, you know, when they don't want to hear those words. So I figured, Hey, we have an animal. We have a dog who they love so much. So if I can put these words on a bandana and then my kids are able to see them, even if they don't want to listen to me, but at least they can play with a dog and see those words, but they get to remember that, you know what? I belong here. You know what I am brave, you know, I am a gift and that's kinda how I really wanted to make sure every kid, you know, in the foster care that can be seen hard. but they are known that they are not just something forgotten out there. To know that they are known and use my platform to truly give them a voice and share stories and share a journey, as man is really high to be vulnerable, but I've learned how to be vulnerable as a father, as a dad, but for one reason, just so. Our kids who are listening. So moms and dads, who they're wanting to make a difference, they can say, you know what? I want to be that man that can change the child's life. But also Ikea is I can hear those words, that they are hard and use my platform to truly make them known. And that's why I came up with, a small organization to truly, use our platform user at time. But also since I'm a forcer that I'm about to take. Teenager. Who's 16 years old as well, you know, so I'm still fostering, you know, and I still would like to adopt more and be that advocate for kids. And so I thought, this would be the best way we could tell the stories. We could tell their stories. but also that I can share with my fellow parents, the, our kids and they don't have to be from foster care. Any, any child, you know, as parents, we get to be busier as dads, we get to be a match on all that. But we forget to say the words that sometimes our kids want to hear, you're brave, your gift to me, you know, that, those words, that they're mean special and not just to say them because of one of them feel cool now, but I think sometimes we forget To share with them and say, you're not alone. I hear you. I'm here. I can hear you. And that's why we came up with this smaller, organization, you know, now I'm known to, to truly use it as a platform to change lives for many Phil: Peter. That means so much to me. Uh, I'm totally a words of affirmation guy. You know, like there's so many ways that you can show love to someone, but for me, like the words of affirmation is just so important and that's something that I think my dad did a pretty good job of, you know, letting me know that, that I'm important to him just by affirming. And so I'm just so happy that that's kind of what you've chosen. It's it just really resonates with me so, so much. And it's something that I'm trying to do with my kids as well. I've got two daughters and one of them is 100% words of affirmation. And the other one, I don't think really cares a whole lot about that. Or she just shows love and, and interprets love in different ways. But I do, but I don't care. Like I do it with both of them and I don't stop. And. just the other day, you know, my older daughter who doesn't necessarily gravitate toward the words of affirmation was watching a show. She had her headphones on or something, and I made her turn it off. just for a second. I was like, Hey, can you pause that just for one minute? And she looks up and I was like, I just want to let you know that I love you. And then she's like, okay, I'm going to get back to what I was doing now, you know? Chris: but Phil, I think there's something powerful with that. He, even if that's not necessarily like exactly her love language, you're still like imparting some level of identity there. Peter: right. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I have a a neighbor, and they've got like a one and a half or two years old, you know, I say, Even when that kid is crying and cannot tell you whether you're feeling for you to say, I hear you, I can hear you, you crying. It's not a bad thing to do, but I know you're in pain or I know you're hungry and I want to listen. But the only way you can talk to me is scream and cry that it's okay to say, you know, I think it's easy sometimes to push kids. Like, no, don't not here, but sometimes we'll say a son. I understand. It's okay. It's okay. To, to feel, agitated. It's okay. To feel mad when you want a score and you can't, you can't make it like it's. Okay. And I think for me, that's where, you know, that I've learned It's not so much that the reaction I got from it, but it's so much internally to know. Okay. I, I hear you. I'll give you an example. So when I moved in with his family, I was always scared of that. They will kick me out because I always felt I didn't belong there. You know, that I didn't belong there, but he's a cool thing. He always did. They always had a tub and they will always make sure that I sit on the table. but they didn't say you have to sit on w always Peter, that's your seat. You know, you can sit there, but it made me feel I belonged, it was an internal feeling I had at IDN belong there, but on how they really showed me a way to believe that I belong. There was, they gave me I chair the table, that that's all it took to our farm to help me know that I belonged, and most of our kids, sometimes they really don't feel belong. Even for you have kids, they go to school there. I don't belong in this school. You know, I, I don't feel I'm part of here. And how do we encourage to feel like, no, it it's Pat of your, you belong here. You're part of every kid in class yet. You're part of it. Every kid in Sunday school, And, and how do we do that as a parents? so kids in Tanley can really think through them and then feel like, okay, I think my dad understands that when I cry I'm not going to frustrate them or feel like I'm doing something bad, but he will give me an opportunity to be hard. Like he will, he will listen to me. Chris: Yeah. So what, what Peter, do you think it really takes to start to develop that sense of belonging? I know, like you've talked about just being there and that consistency of being there. what, what type of role do you feel like time plays in that. whether that's kind of quantity or quality or, time that we have to give to our kids. Peter: Oh, wow. So I come from MOFGA whale at times seem like stretch for a long time. You know, we do things slowly. And then when I came to the United States, you know, I feel like everything is a microwave. you want to make a friend today and then tomorrow all we want things now. We don't, kind of get for sure that we don't really have time to say, okay, whatever. I'm trying to earn a worthy textile I'm, you know, and especially for us as a dad, kids watch what we do and it's not something we do everyday, but as consistent that we can be, that kids get to, to understand that, Oh, that's how things are done. Or they get really know that it's not a one-time, you know, I, again, I, I want to be honest with you guys. Yes. I come from a hard place where life was really difficult. So yeah. Some things I don't trust people easily, you know, you can be my friend for a day, but I don't really get to understand until six months later because that's kind of, the trauma that I you know, I grew up with that. You don't trust people, but with Tom, they prove who they are. So Tom is the, is one thing that plays for us, our kids, you know, have kids who have come from, the hard places and sometimes what I was trying to teach my kid to make the bed, you know, all oranges. Clothes and put them in the closet, but no one had ever shown him he's 11, but no one had ever shown him that. So for me to assume that somehow if I do it 10 times that he will get it, you know, like I realized like, no, that doesn't work. That I lied. It's an ongoing, you know, and it's not me. Telling him, but him, me being involved in doing what I want him to, because I'm the only example he's seen, And so for me to not be frustrated because I'm doing it for the hundredth time, but to be encouraged that. It takes time. And it's my role as a dad to tag alongside. And, rather than be a say, give up, man, this kid will never get it, but somehow really do it over and over. You know, he didn't know how to make his bed, you know, like he had no clue what making bed is. now we've been together for three years. It's still an. Issue before, but it has changed, you know, at least he will throw, He will cover everything under the bed and then throw the cover really clean. So you get, you know, so he's falling away, but at the same time, There you go, Phil, but it's another way of, for me see, like, yeah, he's met an effort, but no, my standard I'm looking for, but in his own way, by me being consistent, I can see him, you know, uh, learning and, growing where he needs to Chris: that's really good. so. jumping off of that idea of, time and consistency. You know, one of the things that we're trying to do with this podcast is like on the surface, yes. Get better at, kitchen stuff, get better at, making meals, but it's not necessarily about. the end result the quality of food, but rather the idea that, we do feel like so much of. our family like exists in and around the kitchen and around food. And if life and family happened in the kitchen, that's where I want to be. And that's where I want to be spending my time. So that in mind, And, with the idea in mind that it's not necessarily about, that end result, creating gourmet meal, but about the time and memory spent together. do you have any most memorable moments or times with either Anthony or other, kids that you've been able to foster kind of in the kitchen? I have noticed that on social media, you do have quite a few, different posts with you guys in the kitchen, making things together. but I don't know if there's any, anything that really specifically stood out to you. Peter: you know, so, again, going back to my, my, my family, so, growing up, I didn't grow up in a home where someone could tell me they love me or show me via affectionate, like zero, but my mom, while she's cooking, she would, that's when she would talk to us, you know, that will be around while she's in the kitchen making. But for me, that's how I learned that she loved us. You know, I go to know about higher. Ah, history. I go to know about her background while she's making meals, you know, because she had to work and grow crops every morning. And so there was never time for her to be around us, but during the meal. Yes. So once I became a four-step man, I kitchen as well, we do homework is where we do, disputes is where we divide. I mean, It's literally, it's the one place where you cannot walk away or where we it's like FinCo of erotic expense. You like that? we go sort out things in the court. You're not quite house, but I feel like our kitchen is the courthouse, you know, as well. We do. Oh, but also that's where they get to learn about who I am. You know, how am I messy cooker, how I'm not good, you know? But they're able to be there to critique me, but also get to learn as well. Like it's just an amazing place where they get to learn. you know, my son was making a smoothie yesterday, but I was like, so. When did you align to it? But I noticed like he just watches me do it. So I figured that's what you get. That's why you go. he knew how to make a smoothie. So for me, kitchen has truly been the place we, can call, not even a family of players is more of a place like, where our lives are shaped, where our lives, I'm mentored Where we get to see the future in some way, because that's all we may call the plans. That's where as a single dad, I don't have another person located at kids where they are playing video. They're like, you know, they can watch a video while they're in the kitchen. because it's the only way I can keep an eye on them, but also they get to see what I'm doing. You know? Uh, so kitchen is for me, my home, it's kind of a weird to say it, but it's like the only place that in my arm that is home, you know, I, that we love it so much. that that's why we do anything. Everything, homework, church, projects, Nam, it all. It all happens in a kid. Again, as you, you, you saying it's not so much about what you cook for me, it's so much about how we learn about each other. You know, I've got to learn more about my kids and their families when we are quickie. And they're like, yeah. The other farm that my mom used to do that I'm like, Oh, okay. What did he use to do what she used to do? And they will tell me about their background while they would never tell me if I said, could you tell me about your background, but by. Being in the kitchen doing a few things, then they'll say, well, my mom taught me to this, or my dad used to do this. and that's how I've come to learn more about my kids and also them learn about me. Phil: it's almost like the. The kitchen is exposes who you are and like breaks it down into, you know, what your strengths are and what your weaknesses are. And it's almost like we become more of who we are in the kitchen, And, I'm not sure if that, you know, resonates with everybody, but it just seems to make perfect sense. Peter: yes, it does. You know, also I come from a culture where men were never allowed to go in the kitchen because that was like the female's place to be. You know, if you want to respect time, don't go in the kitchen. You know, and for me I'm like, no, That's not true, you know? I guess I'm a rebel. I was like, look, you know, I, I I'll be the mom. I'll be the dad. I'll be all. Uh, but also knowing that it's a, it's a cool place to be vulnerable as well. When you, cook a meal and your kid says, mom, dad, your Mac and cheese tastes horrible today. And you're like, okay. Uh, but they're able to tell you, and the next time I'm like, okay, maybe we need to make it better in bed. So in some way as the, teach me, it's as much as I'm learning and learning about them as well, what the, like, you know, the VA via to explain it and tell them, and for me, Also culturally I'm from a different country, but I didn't really know the ingredients. You know, I'd never had Mac and cheese, you know, I have no idea what's the best Mac and cheeses, but to let them teach me to let them say, okay, how did your mom make it? You know? And they'll say, well, I'll put these to put better, put that now. I'm like, okay. But to me it was a way. To get to know my kids, you know, like I figured that's a cool way, you know, for me to teach me about who they are, what they like. you know, and that's why I want to know what the best meal as quickly as possible, because I did let them come in the kitchen and helped me, you know, and be that vulnerable. Like I don't, I don't know what I'm doing, so I know your mom is a good cook, so how does she make it? You know, Chris: yeah, there, there is such an interesting vulnerability in the kitchen and I think over meals in general, just. Having that shared activity together and that time, the time spent together doing something. I think it's great that, and really is true that you can see somebody's background with the type of food that they grew up with and the things that, even are tied to memories of the past. How much of your cultural culinary upbringing have you been able to share with them? Peter: Uh, well, yes, I had to learn very quickly, My kids come from the, the marginalized, sometimes the poor of the poorest that they didn't have opportunity to have meals. Like, you know, most of us have had sometimes, you know, the four year they would live on Roman neuron. That's it? and to me that's really been sad to watch by the same time, we'll call to, to watch them learn how to, to enjoy meals they've never had. And, you know, bringing in a few things that they never had to before, uh, you know, the, the African meals and I'm able to teach them about my life, about my past, about, you know, where I come from, like, okay, this is how we make potatoes. It might not. Tests or look like, uh, what you're used to, but I want you to try it because when I was a kid, this is how it was made So there's that. I always have to give him warning. Hey, it looks different, you know, but also giving them the background. Why does it look different? Well, that's where I come from, you know? So they own eat the way they approach that. Like, Oh, that's really cool is our all African kids eat us. Absolutely. So I'm giving them about my past, showing them in my culture, but in some way are also introducing them to a different way on how we eat potatoes in a different way, on how we make eggs and a different way on how we mix things that They're not use to, but bring in more from a culture point of view, rather than let's try this meal, but bring it with history and bring it, in some way. And to say there are different ways, the different, you know, they haven't traveled to Africa, or to other places of the world. and, and the other thing you have to remember, you know, that the Caucasian kids and our black, dad, you know, so that, there's that element of, always teaching them like, Hey, you. You might have grown seeing things this way, but it doesn't mean that it's a wrong way. It's the right way. But also this person on the other end has a culture where on how he was raised. So to see both worlds, but they're both good though. They had different, uh, and that's been the joy for me, you know, to have kids who totally come from a different culture look different than I do. No. Phil: I've seen in some of your social media work that you, you often wear a t-shirt and Anthony often wears a t-shirt. This is families don't have to match. And it's kind of like this reoccurring, almost like a uniform. And I love it. I absolutely love it. And I, it just makes me wonder, how have there been challenges? With that with kind of the, like you mentioned, the, Caucasian kids and what that looks like for you. Have there been, any challenges. Peter: Yes. I've been three ways. I can describe the challenge, you know, we faced the racial problems, you know, in different ways. So there are those who, you know, they want to protect the kids so that they. the view you as the wrong person with the right kid. So then they'll call the police like, okay, he's a black man. He has two white kids that can't be right. You know? So then they'll call the police and the police will follow us or ask us, you know, who are you? Why? You know? but that is. Ignorance. You know, sometimes like this, you can't change it. You can't change how people think, but rather approach it with an attitude. You know what, because this is my dream. This is my calling, but I don't want him to be a watered down or brought more baggage's than what we have. Because someone doesn't like how we look like, you know, the Ulan to embrace it and landing there. People will always see different. So rather than be mad, but rather in some way, expect it. Then there are those where we go to, especially in the grocery stores. So they're seeing the kids and then they're seeing you, but they still can't pull you together. They're like, okay. Where your parents, they will ask, where are your parents? Emilia. The kids are stunning. They're like, he's right here. You know? And, and the cool thing is that the kids don't see me as the black dad. They didn't see me as a dad. That's it. they see the color. I know that before them, I'm a dad. Period. That's it. So when someone else is questioning, they're like, what do you, what do you mean? You can't see that he's right here, you know? and sometimes you're, you know, you, it's not, you want to argue by you, you want to educate people as well. Like, Hey, am I, am I seem different, but, but I'm their dad, you know? And then you have those who just really. in some way, see me like, as a black man, as a black dad, I'm not fit to be a dad, to my kids because of my color, you know? and those are three different ways on how we face it on a daily basis, you know? The questions, you know, are you fit to be at that? Why do you have them? Why should you, that, that we face every day, you know? But again, I come from a world where we've seen the worst of all. I I've come from a, a homeowner, background where in some way, being called hymns or. Being seen that I wasn't worthy that I understood, but I also knew how to overcome that. You know, that I've come to learn that as a parent, that not everyone would embrace what you're about, but you can't take the love for the kids away. You can't, you know, for me to care for the vulnerable, that that's a passion. That's something that is one of my heart of that. No. I will not let anyone take that away, but at the same time, I acknowledge that people will always see things different, not like I want to be mad, but in some way, maybe be the best I can to educate them to change the narrative. You know, I think we've seen more, white families that have adopted black kids than we have seen the other way around, So in some way to say, no, it's not true. There are black families that have adopted white kids and it's okay. You know, they know boundaries and to change that novelty of that, the more people see us that they know it's normal, that they don't have to question it, but also understanding that the issue of that person who's judging me or not accepting me. And I can't change it. I can't change, I always have to prove myself, like, no, you know, The UN breastfeed and say, sorry, I hope you, you learn along the way, but you walk away, uh, with joy. Otherwise I won't be able to function if I had to think through, you know, what people say or do Chris: it sounds like With your kids, you're already doing so much to change what you can in terms of those mentalities. And I think one of the bigger things that we face today in, all of the, whether it's racial struggles or, you know, different types of class struggles is this idea that all too often, we don't see the humanity in other people. And it's really easy just to think that everybody is, is like you or everybody should be like you. And then when somebody is different, see them as the other, you start to vilify them in a way they become the enemy. There's this large us versus them mentality that's created. And, just that idea that you are. Really trying to take the time to impart this thought to your kids, that everybody, everybody is different. And, everybody's worth knowing everybody has a story that's, that's worth taking the time to listen to. when you start to see them and see them as a, as a person, that's just like you, that they have value. They have hopes and dreams and fears. In the same way that you do. It's really hard to think of them as the other are the enemy. so in a way, to me, just listening to you, it feels like work that you're doing with these kids, it's taking that first step it's it's like, you're doing your part to change. The minds and mentalities of, of so many then the, the, the ramifications of that, I think important. Peter: Yeah. And the cool thing is like, it worked for me. So for me, I am speaking from experience or I am, I am doing it because I was that kid who no, no one saw potential in him. You know, I was that kid who was seen on the other side or you might've not been nobody, you know? Oh, you're not even human. Sometimes that. you know, it's a little bit easy for me to understand when people say that like, well, you know, I've been there. and, and my, my ward is I'll stand to really speak on baffles the kids, you know, I didn't tell you guys, but we created a Plaza, you know? so the Simba, so you see the Yes. I know, so it's plastic. So it has, so when kids receive it, as it says, you know, it says, hello, what's my name? So the kid is able to name, the flashy to the, whatever name they want to, but the plastic has those 12 words of affirmation, you know, and we wanted something where that we wanted the kids to feel. Okay. I can go, I can go to, bed or I can go somewhere and get to have a little something that reminds me I'm special. You know, that I'm known, you know, you are not alone. You belong, you matter your heart, your gift, the kids can have that, you know, and that's something we've created. So Becka, we, we sell one and then we give. the other one goes two kids in the foster care, you know, and they also get a bandana human, you know, an adult bandana, the huddle 12 a to remind them it's for you guys to have it in your, in your desk and sit and put it on the side. Who say, how often do I tell my, my wife. She's brave for whatever she does, you know, things that seem more natural for us. You're like, honey, you are brave for you. Do you know, or, to realize that people struggle with a few things in your life to know that you have a friend who, who always feels like they are not seen, but. So sometime I have that on your desk and call them and say, Hey, Hey Jessica, Oh, Hey Moses. You know, I just want to let you know that you are sin, that you are your sins when it let you know that, that how that really improves the life of who is receiving it, you know? so that's why we've created a few of these as a reminder, honestly, I can tell you it doesn't come easy for me. these are things I was never brought up with. So they don't come to natural, so I have to have them in my car. So in the car, I have it. So I can always remember, you know, in a house that I can always remember, you know, my job, a desk that I can always remember if I'm making a phone call to, to someone that I can always remember, how do I offend them? You know? Uh, but in, so doing that, I'm a family myself as well. So Phil: I'm literally ordering two of those right now for my kids. Those are so cute. Peter: yes. And so forth for your kid. Just also like when you, when you, when your kids receive them to say, Hey, Dad loves you. And these are the things I want to, tell you what I think about bat for you having these, you also telling the other two kids somewhere. So our plush has come with a number there's a secret number. And then number only that kid will give it to another child. So there's no duplicate, you know, so for you. It's a teaching moment to think of your kids. Like, okay, how do I make this more of a teaching moment than just a toy, you know, to sit down with your little girls and say, Hey, that kids who don't get to hear these they're kids somewhere and you have invasive. Every day, they also getting to have that, to able to read them that they are special though. Sometimes they have nowhere to sleep. So it's a cool tool we wanted to somehow, you know, the parents to use and remind their kids on how special they are, but also how they are making special something to another kid somewhere. on our website. So that website of your own, you know, now I'm known, so you go now I'm known and then you go to a shopping. So then you can buy a bandana, a t-shirt or the pledges for every plus you buy, to a child. Chris: Peter, if somebody just wanted to follow along with your story as well as that, continued supportive where, where would they find you on social media or otherwise? Peter: uh, you know, force a dad flipper, that's my Instagram dad on, on Facebook or they can watch our YouTube. We also have a YouTube, you know, YouTube doc now I'm not.com. So they get to see our lives. We know, as I say, like, it's, easier to put a nice picture on Instagram, you know, but I like YouTube that we get to go behind the scene, you know? To see what we go through, as dads too, you know, like when you guys invited me to come here, I mean, I was super thrilled. Why? Because your, your dads, that are, that are can't understand me, your dads that truly are reaching out to others. There's lack of male pet special in farm ways, to be honest, you know, as you said earlier, Most of our kids, they are looking for a mentor. They are looking for someone that they can look and say, you know, this person really cares. And we lack that from a dad point of view or from a male point of view, that you notice like this hardly any male. And for me to have this platform with you guys, that you're there to encourage that to say, it's not about, Hey, let's go walk out and have the best, you know, abs we can have, you know, But, how can we be part of the family? How can we add a value? How can we be willing to be vulnerable? How can we really sit down and say, how do we make our home, our kitchen, a place where we can grow with our families? You know, Where I come from, it's a world where men were never allowed to be in, you know, so for you to, to just really say, no, that's not true now, a home where I can be truly the best I can be as a dad to grow, to align, to impact at us. So I was really thrilled with you feel increased. So it's truly a joy. Chris: you. Phil: I think, uh, last, last thing for me is, you know, Chris and I have often said like, as we'll, we'll, we'll kind of keep the conversation rolling. Like, how are things going with the podcast? What have we learned? How far have we come? And I keep going back to when we first started, I wanted to really do one simple thing and that was connect more with my kids in the kitchen You know, regardless of what platform we might end up having or whatever metrics there are involved on how many downloads we have, or, you know, trivial, things like that. so far in this journey, I have done what I set out to do, and I personally have spent more time in the kitchen and have connected with my kids So man, if anything, I've so loved this interview with you, because hearing your story and hearing how you have impacted all these children is gonna make me a better dad, So thank you so much, Peter. This is, this has really been quite something and I'm I can both Chris and I are so honored that you would join us. Peter: Why it's a joy always. No, I hope this is not the last one. I can always invite me and see and see how we are doing. We get, so I'm about to get another key. So usually, you know, it's a good, good time to always give you updates on what, on what life is, you know, again, uh, for what you're doing, you're making the modern man. you know, be hard and be seen, you know, and I, I have friends who are moms that sometimes they're like, I wish he could come and empty the dishwasher. I'm like, Oh, well, okay. So to me to hear you guys say, say that, you know, it's a, it's a joy, you know, the kitchen is a place where we learn, but also that we can. Probably make the best friendship, and an opportunity to share with the family when we are willing to see it that way, not a place to go eat, but a place to go connect and a place to go learn as well. you know, In Africa, we have a saying, it takes a village to raise kids and that's in some way for you, you know, for you feel increased, like that's the village, that's my village. And so you are my village and I appreciate that. Chris: absolutely. this has been fantastic. Thanks Peter. Phil: Wow. Are you inspired or what Chris: I think Peter is absolutely one of my new favorite people. Um, that, that was just so good. Phil: can he be my dad? Chris: he can adopt a 30 something year old, right? well, that, that really was fantastic. he had so many great perspectives. Um, I think I'm going to be thinking about that one for a while. and just to reiterate, if somebody wants to, support what he's doing, whether that's through, purchasing one of the plushy is that then. Gets a in kind donation to, a child in the foster system, or just following along with Peter and Anthony's story. where would people go to find Peter online? Phil? Phil: yeah, his website is now. I am known.com. You can also find him on Instagram. At foster dad flipper, he has this amazing curated Instagram page that almost like tells this story of who he is and what his mission is. And it's, it's honestly my favorite Instagram profile on the entire internet. and then he has this really amazing YouTube channel, which kind of just goes behind the scenes. Like he, like he said, uh, during the interview, And I believe that is youtube.com/now I am known, so please, please check him out and let Peter change your life. Chris: Yeah, so absolutely check them out and, thank you again, Peter, for taking the time to come and share your story with us. it meant so much and I really could not think of a better first guest for us here at dad's kitchen. Phil: and we want to hear your story. If you want to be a guest on the dad's kitchen podcast, reach out to us. You can send us an email at hello at dad's kitchen code.com or reach out to us on Instagram DMS at dad's kitchen co.