EPISODE 269

[INTRODUCTION]

[00:00:14] MD: Hi, folks, and welcome to First Bite: Fed, Fun, and Functional. A speech therapy podcast sponsored by speechtherapypd.com. I am your host on this nerd venture, Michelle Dawson, MS, CCC-SLP CLC. The all-things Ped's SLP. I am a colleague in the trenches of home health and early intervention right there with you. I run my own private practice, Hartwood Speech Therapy, here in Cola Town, South Carolina. And I guest lecture nationwide on best practices for early intervention for the medically complex graduate child. First BiteÕs mission is short and sweet; to bring light, hope, knowledge and joy to the pediatric clinician, parent, or advocate.

[00:01:01] EF: By way of a nerdy conversation, so there's plenty of laughter, too.

[00:01:05] MD: In this podcast, we cover everything from AAC to breastfeeding.

[00:01:09] EF: Ethics on how to run a private practice.

[00:01:12] MD: Pediatric dysphagia to clinical supervision.

[00:01:16] EF: And all other topics in the role of pediatric speech pathology. Our goal is to bring evidence-based practice straight to you by interviewing subject matter experts.

[00:01:25] MD: To break down the communication barriers, so that we can access the knowledge of their fields.

[00:01:31] EF: Or, as a close friend says, ÒTo build the bridge.Ó

[00:01:34] MD: By bringing other professionals and experts in our field together, we hope to spark advocacy, joy and passion for continuing to grow and advance care for our little ones.

[00:01:45] EF: Every fourth episode, I join. I'm Erin Forward, MSP, CCC-SLP, the Yankee by way of Rochester New York transplant who actually inspired this journey. I bring a different perspective, that of a new-ish clinician with experience in early intervention, pediatric acute care and non-profit pediatric outpatient settings.

[00:02:06] MD: Sit back, relax and watch out for all heart growth and enjoy this geeky gig brought to you by speechtherapypd.com.

Hey. This is Michelle Dawson. And I need to update my disclosure statements. My non-financial disclosures, I actively volunteer with Feeding Matters, National Foundation of Swallowing Disorders, NFOSD, Dysphagia Outreach Project, DOP. I am a former treasurer with the Council of State Association Presidents, CSAP. A past president of the South Carolina Speech-Language and Hearing Association, SCSHA. A current board of trustees member with the Communication Disorders Foundation of Virginia. And I am a current member of ASHA, ASHA SIG 13 SCSHA. The Speech-Language Hearing Association of Virginia, SHAV. A member of the National Black Speech-Language Hearing Association, NBASLH. And Dysphagia Research Society, DRS.

My financial disclosures include receiving compensation for First Bite Podcast from speechtherapypd.com as well as from additional webinars and for webinars associated with understanding dysphagia, which is also a podcast with speechtherapypd.com.Ê

And I currently receive a salary from the University of South Carolina in my work as adjunct professor and student services coordinator. And I receive royalties from the sale of my bookÊChasing the Swallow: Truth, Science, and Hope for Pediatric Feeding and Swallowing Disorders. As well as compensation for the CEUs associated with it from speechtherapypd.com. Those are my current disclosure statements. Thanks, guys.Ê

[00:04:06] EF: Hi. This is Erin Forward and these are my disclosure statements. I receive a salary from Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center. I receive royalties from SpeechTherapyPD for my work with First Bite podcast and other presentations. I also received payment for sales from the First Bite Boutique, which I have with Michelle Dawson.Ê

For non-financial disclosures, I am a member of ASHA and a member of Special Interest Group 13. I also am a volunteer for Feeding Matters. I am a contributor for the bookÊChasing the SwallowÊwith Michelle Dawson, which I receive no financial gain. I also am a member of the South Carolina Coalition Committee with ICDL DIR/Floortime.Ê

The views and opinions expressed in today's podcast do not reflect the organizations associated with the speakers and are their views and opinions solely.

[EPISODE]

[00:04:54] MD: All right, everybody. I have a delightful guest on today. And it turns out, in the .2 seconds that we have known each other, we have multiple things in common. The first being, we both survived the blizzard of '93. Although my survival story included that it canceled my 10th birthday. But I did get a blue bra for like my little mosquito bite nipples and I had a bow on it. And hers had cul de sac. I mean, I don't know, cul de sac bra. But then it turns out we both have name twins that are not us. Hers is kind of scary. Mine's even nerdier than me. But if you Google Michelle Dawson, an autism researcher from Canada pops up.Ê

But today's guest is Stephanie Michele Sweigart. And I'm hoping I said that right because it rhymes with yogurt. Did I do it right, Stephanie Michelle Sweigart? I don't think I did that right. But if you don't put the Michelle in, it's a murderer. But let the record stand, it's not her. Because she has a joy radiating sunshine and not a murderer. Those are her opening Ð she's losing her marbles. That's her opening story. We're not murderers and we like snow.Ê

Hi. Thank you so much for coming on. And Yoomi, I love you. Thank you for this delightful introduction.

[00:06:11] SMS: I can't believe this is Ð I have tears coming out of my eyes. I'm crying.Ê

[00:06:17] MD: Either the greatest introduction or the worst.Ê

[00:06:19] SMS: I didn't think you could talk about murderers or nipples on professional development.Ê
[00:06:27] MD: Yes. Yes, you can. [inaudible 00:06:27].

[00:06:27] SMS: I'm having such a fun time over here. Thank you.

[00:06:34] MD: Welcome to First Bite. You're welcome.

[00:06:35] SMS: And, yes, blizzard of '93, and cul de sacs, and big igloos of snow. I loved it. I loved it. Beautiful memory. Thank you for bringing me back to that. And thank you for bringing me on the show. And, yes, thank you for the clarification with my name. Stephanie Michelle Sweigart. I always tell people, it's like swei like fly and gart like yogurt. Sweigart. And, yes, not to be confused with other Stephanie Sweigarts that are out there on Google. Thank you for the clarification for everybody.

[00:07:07] MD: Okay. Everybody, I know you're going to go back and google this. But please don't do it while you're driving. Because that is frowned upon. There's that. Now here's the backstory. Yoomi Kim is the Director of Content Development for SpeechTherapyPD. She is the one that keeps all of us organized, especially me. She's like, "Yes. Yes, I do."Ê

But Yoomi went to California for CSHA, the California Speach Hearing Association Conference, a couple years ago. She messaged me and was like, "Michelle, I found the most amazing person. And you have to interview her. She works in the schools. She just knows her stuff and ya-da-da-da. Sing your praises." And then we Ð like all great episodes in my life, it took forever and a day, all my fault, not hers, in order to schedule to make this happen. And here we are.Ê

But you're out in California. You help host the YouTube channel for SpeechTherapyPD. You're not in Pennsylvania. And I have so many questions. And the topic that we're talking about today is incredibly heartfelt and compassionate. Can you take us from the beginning? How did you become an SLP and then move to California? Because you're in LT. This is not snowland.

[00:08:23] SMS: Well, you can go two hours to Big Bear and you can capture some great snow. We have that option. We can be at the beach playing volleyball in our bathing suits. Or we can hop in in the car and go up to Big Bear and spend even just a day if we want in some snow if it's there, and ski and come back.Ê
One of the lovely parts about being in Los Angeles. But not why I became an SLP. I became an SLP in Pennsylvania. And I graduated from Bloomsburg University of Pennsylvania with my master's. Interesting story, I did not go to school to be an SLP. I went to school because I was really interested in, at first, broadcast journalism. And then I was really intrigued by the editing side of things and working with Ð I think it was like Final Cut Pro and Media 100 and kind of putting together all these videos for my friends in college and making pretend commercials. And I thought I want to go into the back side of entertainment. Be behind the camera. Entertainment's always been very fascinating to me.Ê

I ended up studying abroad in England for five weeks. I was going to graduate early in December with a communication degree focused more on the media type of things. And when I was studying abroad, I went to London. There were 500 people that came from the United States over to London. And it was through, I believe, Kings College. And we were taking an intercultural communication course.Ê

I get over there and it's the first day I'm over there, I happen to meet this gal. I was so excited about meeting her because I'd never been out of the US before. This was a really big deal for me. We kind of like stuck together as we were sort of learning the ropes and doing the orientation the first day. Well, that night, she's like, "Let's go out. Let's go see the town." We actually went bar hopping or wine hopping in England. I was old enough to drink.Ê

And we literally Ð I thought it was the coolest thing. You could take your alcohol in what they call the tube over there. And we're taking our to-go drinks. And we're just Ð we're seeing the area, right? I'm like, "Wow. Someone let me out of my cage. I'm in Europe. This is a big deal." And I figured, since the way you open the podcast, all things could come out in my story.Ê

[00:10:39] MD: Love the honesty. It's totally good.Ê

[00:10:42] SMS: Truth be told, I don't know if it was this gal who changed my life forever. Or if it was just the ambiance of where I was and the situation in multiple glasses of wine and meeting Australian soap stars who I didn't know. But I heard they were famous. And we got in pictures with them. But she told me, when we were sitting at the table, that she was studying to be a speech pathologist. And I'm like, "What is that?" And I was so interested.Ê
And I really remember this memory. And it was this loud bar, and there was live music and I had my cocktail. And she's like, "You teach people how to say the S." And she's making this sound. I'm like, "What?" And she's like, "It's articulation. And we're teaching sounds." And I honestly was so intrigued. Would you believe, the next day we go about our business and we're spread apart in different classes? I never saw her again till the end of the five weeks. And we were like, "Oh, hi." We said our hello.Ê

But that gal literally changed the course of my entire life. Because I came home and it was so imprinted. And, again, I don't know if it was all the variables. I'm not sure. But it was serendipitous. And I came home and I told my sister, who is an ER nurse, and I said, "I want to be a speech pathologist." She's like, "What? Well, I know a speech pathologist at my work. Let me introduce you."Ê

So, I got to shadow an SLP for one day for a few hours that was in the medical side of things. And her name was Randy. God bless her soul. Within a couple years after that, she Ð speaking of murder, she was actually murdered by her husband. It's a very sad story. It became a lifetime television movie. I met her and she was so influential in my life, too. And I saw the medical side of things. I thought this is really great.Ê

When I graduated, I said I got my degree in communication, I said I'm going to become a paraprofessional and I'm going to get into the school districts and just learn more about what SLPs do. I didn't know anything about SLPAs. And I did that from January until the school year ended. And I worked in a classroom with Ð it was like an SDC classroom and an SLP came in all the time. And I watched what she was doing. It was a special day class style of classroom. Autism support classroom.Ê

I'm not sure what they called it in Pennsylvania. They call it an SDC classroom. Special Day Support. Well, I guess there's different names for the classroom out here. And I just was so fascinated and I said, "That's it. I'm going back to school for that." I did another year of the post back and went into grad school. Did grad school. And that's what brought me to Ð and I've never looked back. I graduated my master's in 2006. And those two people, one I have pictures of in my photo album. But I only have her first name. And I've tried to Google and look on Facebook and Instagram to find her to say Ð because we're in that world now. We're all so connected through social media. I thought I could find her. And I can't find her. But she's out there, I'm sure. And she has literally, that night, changed the course of my entire life. And same with Randy. God bless her. The two of them were so influential. And here I am. And never looked back.Ê

[00:13:48] MD: I got to be honest. We've never had a wine story to kick off an episode. This Ð you for the win. It goes up there with bras and murder. Go team. Although, I do have a working theory that a lot of SLPs that I know absolutely love murder crime shows. The murder podcasts. Also, this sounds wicked bright. But so many of my students, they listen to SLP podcast and like murder podcast. And my work wife, Dr. Aaron Kleiner, she's like my work Aaron. Love her. She's starting an SLP podcast clinical supervision. And she was like, "I got to figure out how to get the word crime in here. Because, then, SLPs will listen." I was like ÐÊ

[00:14:32] SMS: I never knew that. How interesting.

[00:14:34] MD: I'm like, "I don't listen to murder podcasts." But I listen to Ologies. But I love her voice, Ologies, with Alie Ward. And she's got a great voice. Ologies. Folks. I love that you listen to me. But also, do yourself a solid and listen to Ologies. She interviews scientists on all different topics. But crazy topics. Like scorpions, or lemurs, or fungus, or tick infestations. And she also did one on colonoscopies. That was cool. Yeah.Ê

[00:15:06] SMS: Okay. You know what? I have a neighbor who told me that she has a friend that does a podcast that's very successful. And it is about all these random topics. I wonder if it's the same person.

[00:15:15] MD: Oh, my God. If it's your neighbor ÐÊ

[00:15:16] SMS: There might be a ton of them out there though. I don't know.

[00:15:18] MD: I know. But this is very cool. Oh, my God. Well, she's in LA. It could be.Ê

[00:15:22] SMS: Oh, okay.Ê

[00:15:22] MD: That would be very cool. Tell her I'm ÐÊ

[00:15:24] SMS: [inaudible 00:15:24] remember that first name. We're all connected through seven degrees of Kevin Bacon.

[00:15:31] MD: Yes. Yes. I saw that. Also, I don't really like Kevin Bacon in his movies. But in real life, he seems charming. Okay. I promise we're going to get to the point today, folks.Ê

[00:15:43] SMS: Hi, Kevin.Ê

[00:15:45] MD: Sorry.Ê

[00:15:46] SMS: I'm a Kevin Bacon fan. Sorry.

[00:15:48] MD: Oh. Although, I do know where Lake Lure is. Because we went there on a baby moon. And, apparently, that's where they filmed one of his movies. I don't know. But like Lake Lure North Carolina. Anyhow, the focus. We are here today to talk about the CCC pathway. When I read what we were going to talk about and I saw the CCC pathway, I was like, "We're talking about clinical supervision?" Because that's what we prep our graduate students on is getting ready for the clinical Ð earning your Cs. And there's actual classes on like what you need to do to make sure that nobody goes to Medicaid jail before they get their license. Because that would be terrible. I would feel like I failed as a human. But that is not what we're talking about. What do you mean when you say the C's?Ê

[00:16:40] SMS: Yes. Okay. We're going to jump into it. But when I'm talking about CCC, this is something that I learned. We're going to be talking about center, connect, communicate. Are we ready to sort of dive in and get the juicy bits going?Ê

[00:16:58] MD: Yes. Whatever you need. And, guys, she also said I'd be doing like an interview, or like a call me, or something at the beginning and at the end. And I was like, "Okay. I'm game."Ê

[00:17:07] SMS: Yes. I love professional development that is like not just one person sharing but really that full engagement. If it's a podcast, that people are really popping into that chat box and engaging. If we're in a room giving a presentation, that it's like constant flow of back and forth. Yes, I thought we could make this extremely interactive and interactive for the people listening, too. Nice microphone. That's beautiful.Ê

[00:17:35] MD: Hold it up so I get comfy. The microphone does look like a giant George Washington monument.Ê

[00:17:45] SMS: All right. I'm going to just take a breath now to sort of focus myself from all of the humor that we've been having. Nobody told me that this was also a comedy show. But I'm loving it. This is great. I'm super relaxed. I'm enjoying the fun. Because professional development should be fun. I love that. Thank you for bringing that, Michelle.Ê

I thought what we could do for our audience and for anybody listening is I wanted to sort of open this up. And it ties into our theme. But just take a moment of self-reflection. And, again, like Michelle said, don't do this if you're driving. Not safe. We don't want that liability, please.

[00:18:20] MD: Or if you're running on a treadmill. Please go to walking.

[00:18:24] SMS: There you go. That's our little disclaimer in the fine print, right? We're not we're not held liable or going to Medicaid jail. We're going to take a moment and we're going to Ð what we're doing is we're bringing our focus inward, right? We have so much outward stimulation happening all the time that's just coming at us and that affects us.Ê

But what we're going to do is we're going to take a moment just to kind of bring that focus inside. If you feel comfortable Ð it's not necessary. But if you feel comfortable, I invite you to either or close your eyes or bring them to a soft, downward gaze. And the reason that this is said is it's just to kind of block out some of that stimulus that might be competing for your attention. Only if you feel comfortable doing so. It's not necessary.Ê

But what I'd like you to do is I want you to really think back to an experience where you felt really emotionally stable. You felt really connected. And you felt really engaged in a meaningful, deep conversation. I mean, this conversation was just Ð you were just like we are so in tune. We're so connected right now. And this could be a moment you had with a friend, a loved one. It might have been a colleague that you were deeply sharing with. Or maybe it was just a stranger that you were passing by and had an encounter with.Ê

I want you to allow that memory now just to come to the forefront of your mind and try to recall the details. The details of the environment. The details of the emotions that you might have experienced. And just take a moment. We're going to pause for a little bit of silence just to think about the impact that that had on you.Ê

And we're just bringing it to mind. A few moments just to immerse yourself in that memory. And just reflect on what made it so special. Maybe you bring a slight smile to your mouth as you think about it. And think about how did it feel to be fully present in that moment of connection or communication.Ê

And continuing to keep your eyes closed if it's comfortable for you, think about what is there to learn from that experience from those emotions? From the way you participated in that conversation or the way others participated with you? What is there to learn in that? You can then take and apply to future interactions.Ê

And then when you're ready, if your eyes are closed, you can gently open your eyes and really just carry that sense of inspiration and insight with you as we sort of begin this chat together on compassionate communication. I would love that. How was that for you?Ê

[00:22:16] MD: One, I really have to blow my nose because I didn't realize how clogged my sinuses were until I closed my eyes. And I don't know why that ÐÊ

[00:22:24] SMS: It made you tear up. It was emotion.Ê

[00:22:26] MD: It did. Probably. Now I'm like, "When we pause again, I'm going to blow my nose." But, guys, I will block out the audio for that. Two Ð I had three. Go figure? ADHD. I had three thoughts that came to mind and they were all really profound. The first was riding in the car with my grandma that raised me. She lived in Fredericksburg with my dad and my mom obviously because Ð and my parents split. She ended up raising me.Ê

But when I went away to college and moved to Newport News Virginia, I would drive up, pick her up, and then drive her over the mountain that my husband drives to work every day. Life, the journey, right? And we would go to the Green Valley Book Fair out here and visit with my aunts.Ê

And I always joke. She taught me. How to pray. She taught me how to love. She taught me how to shoot. She taught me how to cuss and read a good book. But there was a lot to grandma. But she taught me how to listen. And I could prattle over trivial things to wrenching things. My biggest fears in the amount and depth of the conversations we would have in the car driving to junk stores and bookstores was profound.Ê

Then the second one that came to mind was when we first moved to South Carolina 13 years ago on Friday, January 13th, 2012. A couple weeks after living there, my husband and I found a pub. It was a little hidden bar. Rockaways. And I was missing working in the hospital. I was missing working with my adult patients. I was working in EI. And I didn't want to work in EI. And kids are gross. And the state system was broken. And I was just mourning everything that I had lost with the move. Because I set up a tumor board. I did all these amazing things all in my CF year.Ê

And I was so dejected in that moment. We've gotten a pitcher of beer. He refilled my cup literally and then said, "Okay. Then fix it." And I was like, "I'm sorry. What?" He goes, "You can either gripe about it," well, he didn't say gripe, "or you can fix it. Fix it. I'll be here." And to have that kind of support, unwavering. No questions asked. Just, "I'm here. What are we going to do to make the world better?"Ê

Also, to have the belief that he actually thought we could fix it. I mean, we did fix a lot. Not all of it. But we put a good dent in it. That's pretty spectacular. And then my sweet friend, Tessa Ð God, I love this woman. She's a pediatrician. She's a special needs mommy. She's an advocate. She came to ASHA to give a presentation on a panel discussion this past year. And I had a very raw talk at a bar after our presentations.

And to watch this woman, who I admire, speak with such raw vulnerability professionally, and as a mom and as a woman, that's why we do what we do. Those three moments are like a Venn diagram for what it is that I do. I want to be a listener. I want to advocate for those because of these raw moments where I have the ability to hopefully love a tenth of the depth of the love that Tessa does. And those are really raw things that I just said. And I feel very naked. Oh, this is like counseling. I love that. But those are my moments. Damn. Now I'm crying. And I really need to blow my nose. I'm going to mute myself really quick.

[00:26:19] SMS: Maybe it wasn't the sinuses.

[00:26:21] MD: Maybe.Ê

[00:26:22] SMS: I love that you shared that. And you know what? Yes, you're being very vulnerable opening up and and sharing those stories. And I like that you had three different stories. Because they all kind of popcorned up because they're all important in their own way, too. It seems like the bonding with your grandmother and the memories that you have. And that special time together. That quality time of just being together in the car and being with each other and really listening and appreciating.Ê

And then that time with your husband where you were feeling dejected and all those emotions were coming forth with this new transition. But your need being met for that support. And he was there for you and showed up for you. And that need for the communication that he had at the right time. That kind of propelled you to say, "You know what? You're right." I can write my story.Ê

And then the ASHA as well, the advocacy, the inspiration. All of that. Those are such beautiful moments. And those moments happened because you were present, you were connected, you were open to listening and receiving the information and the communication. And that's what these three C's are really all about. It's really about being Ð and we're going to dive into each of them. But it's really about, if we're going to be in those moments and we want to have those deep, meaningful connections that matter, and make a difference and have positive outcomes, we need to be centered. We need to be grounded and present. The person that we're with, we need to be connected with them. It needs to feel like a safe space. It needs to be a space where we know that they're open to hearing what we have to share. Where we're connected in a way that there's a trust and that foundation has been built.Ê

And then we go on to communicate. But we have to look at how we're communicating so that we can continue to be in that space together. And that's going to be looking at how we're framing the things that we're saying and what we're sharing. And, also, reframing what we're hearing. How we're listening to others. Thank you for those beautiful stories that you shared with us. I love your stories.

[00:28:36] MD: I'm good at telling a story. And they're true. But you put me right back. I could smell that bar stunk. We ended up getting food poisoning at that bar.Ê

[00:28:47] SMS: Oh, no.Ê

[00:28:48] MD: We had my son's baptism and then we went to the bar afterwards. But it was our favorite pub. but it just smelled really bad because they had pimento cheese. And I think pimento cheese stinks.Ê

[00:28:57] SMS: As they do. And the beer down on the mats where it gets stuck in all those bar mats they have on the floor so they don't slip. Yeah. I get it.Ê

[00:29:06] MD: Sorry. I just envisioned fetid pimento cheese and beer on the mat. Wow. Okay. I am focused now. Okay. Now that we've lived through Michelle's some very deep moments, and we're definitely in tune here, how does this apply to therapy and what I do?Ê

[00:29:25] SMS: Yes. And you know what I love about all of these strategies is that they apply to everything that we do. I'm all about strategies that we can use in our personal life and our professional life. And I was in a nonviolent communication. It's NVC, Nonviolent Communication from Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. Well, I was in training with Ð Magdalen is her name, from Long Beach, California. And I attended it in the spring of 2023. She's a candidate to be a certified trainer of this nonviolent communication.Ê

And so, I want to acknowledge her. Because she's the one who brought this CCC to the forefront in this parenting course that I was taking. And it just like clicked. And this was about parenting. And I thought, "But I can use this in everything that I do." This idea was just Ð I received it really well and I thought, "Okay, this can make a difference."Ê
Because we first Ð this centering is a big piece of mindfulness. And I'm a big advocate of mindfulness and building our presence, right? And I think that that is really the foundation to communication. We have to be present. We have to be aware. We have to be in the moment. We can't be distracted and have all these other ideas and all of our other thoughts, right?Ê

When she started sharing this information and I started applying it with my child, I thought, "Oh, all these pieces I sort of knew from different trainings and practices. And it makes sense. We can use it in speech path.Ó And so, I thought if I divide it into these three components, we could break it down. And I could show you how that these could be very practical strategies that would be helpful in our field of speech path as therapists and as co-workers to people. Maybe as supervisors if we're supervising people. Maybe even if we're mentors or the mentee. These are all strategies that we can use no matter what our position is or where we're Ð if we're in the schools, the nursing homes. If we're Ð where are you teaching?Ê

[00:31:20] MD: I'm Director of Clinical Ed at James Madison University. And so, I teach, and I treat, and mentor and a little of all of the above.Ê

[00:31:30] SMS: All hats. Yes. I don't think I've ever met an SLP with only one hat. I love that.Ê

[00:31:37] MD: Me neither.Ê

[00:31:41] SMS: Let's start with centering. Centering before communicating with others is super, super important. And this foundation that I talk about, it's really about establishing a foundation within yourself, right? Before you walk into that IEP meeting at a school, or before you share an assessment report with a family who might be really upset, or before you're offering feedback to your students or to a CF that you might be supervising, you need to be able to ground yourself first and get clear. Have that clarity and be really stable.Ê

This means that if you're experiencing any intense emotions, or you've been triggered, or something has just happened and these emotions are really alive and kind of flooding through you, this might not be the best time to interact or engage with your agenda.Ê

If you're in this place of reactivity, which we often get into, where we're in this place of fight, flight, freeze, you might not show up in this conscious and wise way. Grounding is the antidote sort of to that and centering, right? This might be the preferred route that I would invite you to approach or to try on before you interact with your communication partner before you converse.Ê

Centering is coming into full presence in the moment, okay? I kind of mentioned emptying out all of your faculties in the sense of not running to the bathroom. But emptying out all your faculties in the sense of all of your judgment.Ê

[00:33:06] MD: That would be me.Ê

[00:33:08] SMS: I have pelvic floor therapy.Ê

[00:33:10] MD: I'm like, "No. Pelvic floor therapy is valid." When you got to go, you gotta go. Man, you can't concentrate.Ê

[00:33:17] SMS: Well, but different kind of emptying. Emptying out judgments, and all of your biases and all of your preconceived notions or thoughts about a situation. Or all the things that you're like rushing in that you want to say your agenda. Just kind of releasing all that so that you're just really fully being present in the moment.Ê

And now what you're doing is you're balancing your emotions and your internal state with the outward environment, too. Okay? Because now when we centered, what's going to happen is Ð and we'll talk about some strategies. And I kind of want to see where you go with centering yourself, too, Michelle.Ê

But when we're centered what happens is now we're going to show up in a way where we're more aware. We're more aware of what's going on. We're more observant, right? We're SLPs. We're observant. We're more present. We're more focused. We're more in touch with our emotions, our thoughts, the thoughts of others.Ê

And now this sort of inner alignment, right? We got this inner alignment. What it does is, now when I go to communicate with you, it's going to be more authentic. And I know we kind of throw around the word be authentic all the time. But authentic in the sense that you're like, "Oh, I wish I didn't say that. That wasn't me." Or, "I wish I didn't do that. Why did I do that?" Right? We all have blocks that prevent us from being who we really are at our core, which is connected to our values.Ê

We want to be more authentic. We want to have more clarity when we're observing without our shadows of evaluations on top of that. We want to be able to come with empathy, which means we have to pay attention to how others are feeling in the moment and be tuned into that. We want to be open to hearing diverse viewpoints. If we're stuck in our own narrow way of thinking, then we're not going to have that openness, right? And this is going to create more valuable, deeper connections. More meaningful connections like the one you had with the mom at ASHA. The one you had with your grandmother. And now these moments are going to be more effective and they're going to be more respectful, too, with communication partners.Ê

If I said to you, "Hey, Michelle, I'm sensing you might be a little triggered. And it looks like maybe some of your buttons have been pushed. Maybe just take a moment and go center yourself." What would centering yourself look like for you? What would you need to do in that moment to ground yourself?Ê

[00:35:43] MD: It depends. I mean, I will be completely honest. Because you don't know my backstory. I do have triggers. I am a domestic abuse survivor from a very, very violent ex-husband. I have PTSD. And so, I have to be careful when I go into patients' homes if I pick up on triggers for domestic abuse. If I see certain things that I have to remember it's not me. Because I will go into fight, flight, or freeze easily as do a lot of domestic abuse survivors.Ê

If I get excited that I want to share, my ADHD kicks in. Or if I have another thought, it just Ð and then I have to rein it in. And so, this ties into me deeply the centering piece is the first step of working on what I describe to my students as your therapeutic presence. And that is how my body, my tone, my energies influence the sessions I'm about to have as the sun comes out and like completely blinds me.Ê

But I use fidgets. I normally wear my sons' Ð they made me a pearl necklace. It's beads. It's little beads. But it says mom. And if you turn it the other way, it says wow. And I had a guy one time tell me, he was like, "Yeah, if you're ever in a meeting and it's really terrible, you could just be like, "Wow." But I was like, "Why did I not think of that? Because that's freaking amazing."Ê

But I do. I am a faculty member that shows up at our job with all of these brilliant Ph.D.-level SLPs. And I'm like, "Yo," in my mom necklace. But it's on a stretchy string. And when I'm thinking, it helps me essentially to stem to help me process certain faculty meetings. Or I take lots Ð and my notebook is around the corner. I take lots and lots of notes in a notebook and those components.Ê

But, also, if I am delivering information, I will center in a different way by making sure the person that I need to have a crucial conversation with is comfortable. So, to the ladies that are listening that come into my office Ð and, yes, I do have my grandma's China teacups in there, I will make people a cup of tea so that we can be grounded. Because acts of service is one of my love languages coupled with gift-giving. And so, I will serve to try to make people-centered. Hell, I'll do home health therapy and still be in a stranger's home and say, "Honey, can I make you some tea while we're talking?"Ê

[00:38:32] SMS: I love that. And for everybody who can't see our video but can hear the podcast, right when you were sharing something so touching in your own personal experience, that's when the sunlight came on you. It was almost like an angel was over you just kind of saying, "I'm here with you. I'm supporting you. I got you." It was just the timing of that sunlight on you when you were sharing your experience. It was beautiful. Thank you for ÐÊ

[00:38:59] MD: It's hard to talk about. But we have to talk about it. Because if we don't talk about it, then the myth will never change. Yeah.Ê

[00:39:07] SMS: Yes. And you bring up a really good point, that there's different experiences that have happened to people that create different triggers. And telling ourselves that this isn't me. But you've brought up some points where even you saying that, that this isn't me. And bringing yourself back from wherever your mind was going. That's a moment of mindfulness. That's a moment of bring yourself back to the present moment. Where you said something else that stuck out, too. And I thought, "Well Ð" oh, you said, "I have to rein it back in."Ê

When you're reining it back in, even just recognizing that it's like, "Okay. I went out here." Because it's normal. Our mind wanders. We've got hundreds of thousands of thoughts that go through our minds daily. When you say I have to rein it back in, that one moment of reining it back in is mindfulness and pulling yourself back to the present moment.Ê

I want to share with people who are listening some strategies for centering. Everybody might have different ways to center that work for them. Mindfulness meditation is a big one for me and it's one that I talk about. I think that Ð and for some, it's woo-woo. But if we don't even call it mindfulness meditation and we just call it taking a few minutes to focus on your breath or to sit in stillness, if it feels comfortable for you. Some people it doesn't feel comfortable to sit and focus on their breath. And I would invite you maybe to focus on the sounds around you.Ê

But by doing this, what happens is your breath is always in the present moment. Just noticing the in-breath. Noticing the out-breath. If it's a long breath or a short breath. If you're out of breath. You're got a rapid breath. Just noticing that and bringing your attention to that, you're now in the present moment. Same with sounds around you.Ê

If I think about the sounds that are happening right now, I'm right next to Ð Pacific Coast Highway is right on the other side of where I live. And I can hear the sirens and the car. I can just take a moment and I can stop and I can hear that. If you're working in a school, if you stop and take a moment, you can hear kids playing on the playground. Or maybe you hear the school bell. You can take a moment and just breathe in, breathe out. Come back to the present moment. It takes us away from our thinking mind.Ê

The second one is one that you kind of mentioned, Michelle. Not kind of mentioned. You did mention it. It's informal grounding exercises. Going to get that cup of tea is an informal grounding technique. And what happens is we pay attention to the physical sensations during those moments. You can ask yourself, "What do I hear? What do I see? What do I taste? What do I smell?" When you get that cup of tea, you can say Ð you can go into your swallowing and you can think, "Oh, it's touching my lips. And it's going to my tongue." And follow through the swallowing process. And think Ð a good reminder for our education, right?Ê

But that's focus at getting out of your thinking mind, and thoughts, and judgments and bringing you into the present moment. How does the tea feel? It feels hot. I'm noticing my temperature. Noticing the smell of the tea. And, again, I'm sensing where it is in my mouth. And as I swallow Ð and I don't know about you. But have you ever had something super cold or super hot and you actually notice the feeling all the way down to your chest? You're like, "Whoa. I felt that all the way down here." You feel the temperature?Ê

[00:42:27] MD: The other night, I swallowed my multivitamin. And she's a big old pill. And it went down. And I swear I felt it go like straight up and down to like sideways in my esophagus." And I was like rapid-fire trying to swallow additionally afterward. But I keep them on my nightstand, which is an antique table. And she's got little claw feet. And it's just very cute.Ê

But anyways, she was sitting right there and I grabbed them. And Bear and I, my youngest, he has some of his mommyÕs anxiety. At night, we do a gratitude journal together. And so, let me rephrase that. He has hijacked my gratitude journal. But I'm super glad to do it with them. We were filling it out and Bear was like, "I can hear you swallow. That is not okay." And I was like, "Well, I'm trying to Ð it's a globous sensation right now, bud. That's very accurate." [inaudible 00:43:29]. They're flapping in the wind trying to [inaudible 00:43:31]. Edit that one out. Sorry, guys. But, yeah. Continue.

[00:43:37] SMS: No. Don't Ð you know what? You hit the third point on the nose. Because that's what I was going to talk about is cultivating in your family, or in your personal life, or in your habits these self-care rituals. And one of them can very much be journaling. Because we're looking at activities that are really going to nourish and feed our mind, and our body and our soul. I know some people don't like the word soul. It's kind of woo-woo. But, yeah. We're really nourishing ourselves. And this could be taking regular breaks. Setting your phone alarm to get up and walk away from your desk just periodically throughout the day. It could be different hobbies. If you like painting or spending time in nature. I'm naming some of mine. Watercolors or going out in nature. If you practice mindfulness or yoga, or you go to the gym, or if you like to Ð some people will bring into therapy before they start their therapy sessions. Certain types of music. And I love the classical piano or the classical violin music just to kind of Ð like a mood setter, right? I like to set that ambiance.Ê

But that journaling it sounds like in your family, if you're doing that with your son, that's a really good self-care ritual that can provide this sense of balance with you and your son. And it can kind of help you guys Ð whoever's doing the journaling, kind of connect to yourself. And now you're cultivating that centered state of being. And you're teaching that for your son, too.Ê

For anybody who's listening, if you want to pick up a hobby in the New Year, or if you're like, "Hey, I want to create this new Ð" even if it's just one time a week, this little ritual for myself, just pick one or two things and see where you can kind of embed it into your routine. And then when you're feeling a bit off-balanced, this is your go-to, right? To kind of stabilize. To start to stabilize your emotions, or clear your thinking, or just take a break from all the chaos that ensues.Ê

And you know you're centered Ð then this sort of wraps up the centered piece, the first C. You're centered then when the emotion has come. We've allowed it. We've recognized it. And it's okay. It's like a weather system, right? They come. they go. And we see that the intensity of the emotion is starting to go down. Doesn't mean we have to wait for it to completely go away. But we're not overreactive with it now. We're a little bit more calm. We're thinking a little bit more clearly. We're a little bit more stable with that emotion. And all those distractions have sort of faded away. That's when you know you're centered. And then you would move on to step two, which is connection.Ê

Keep up your journaling, Michelle. I love that.

[00:46:05] MD: I actually got it for my girlfriend, Erin. She co-host with me. And it's the most simple Ð guys, I don't know the name of it. I got it from Amazon. But it's pink and blue. But it's not overwhelming. It asks what are three things that you're grateful for today? Then it follows with what can you do to make today great? And then it concludes with what was your favorite memory of the day?Ê

And my favorite part about it is so much can happen in the course of a day. So very much can happen. But when I sit down with my pen in my hand, and my boo Bear cuddled up next to me and we're talking about what we're grateful for, it's those small moments of Ð like, we fed the ducks. There's a place here called Gypsy Hill Park. And we like to go feed the ducks. And so, one of his favorite memories was feeding the ducks. Or we got to play Ð we play a card game at like one of the little pubs that we go to. And this sounds terrible. There was a lot of alcohol in this conversation.

[00:47:19] SMS: I was going to say, you had a lot of pub talk.Ê

[00:47:23] MD: But we love Ð it's like a little English-British kind of style pub where you like bring your kids. And so, they actually have a sign there that says, "Live a good life. Read a good book. Drink better beer." And as we're sitting there, Bear was reading Secret Garden. Goose was reading Hunger Games, which I thought was about eating children. It's not about eating children. Wow, was I wrong? But I really did. And Daddy and I are sitting there reading our books. But it was just kind of interesting. But squirrel. Okay. We have centered. And then we go to connect?Ê

[00:47:59] SMS: Connection. Yes. Yes. Connection is the next step. It's really important before we communicate. Because this is what is going to continue to build that foundation that I was talking about for that really effective and meaningful interaction with whoever it is that we're communicating with, right?Ê

And I want you to think about these CCC's in times of challenge or conflict. There's some more C's. We should just throw in the end challenge and conflict. The C words. Because when we're really challenged or we're in conflict, our emotions are heightened. And that's when we want to kind of center ourselves.Ê

And then when we approach the person that we want to talk to, we want to establish that connection. Because we want to create that sense of trust and that sense of empathy. Or building rapport if it's the first time we're meeting with a client, or a student, or going into someone's home. That connection is much more important than jumping to our agenda.Ê

Because now what we're doing is we are allowing for this deeper understanding of one another's perspectives. We are showing them that we support you. We are encouraging this safe atmosphere. And when the atmosphere feels safe or emotionally safe, people are more open to sharing. They might be more vulnerable and share more information. You've got more that open dialogue. I see it with parents all the time in IEP meetings. When they feel heard and validated and that connection is there then they trust and they are able to share some of their deepest vulnerabilities. And they cry and they feel connected.Ê

When I'm talking about connection, I'm talking about really taking a genuine interest in our communication partner. Whether it's asking them questions about what they're doing, or how their day is, or how their day is going, or maybe commenting on something they're wearing as a start starting point.Ê

But I want to give you an example because I talked about how I took this from my parenting course into my home and started using this compassionate communication in parenting. But my child has a hard time. She's eight now. But at the time I was practicing this with her, she had a hard time coming in for dinner when I'm like, "Dinner's ready," from the other side of the home. And nobody's coming, right?Ê

And I'd finished cooking and I've got hot food on the table. And you spend all this time making food. And I would get frustrated and I'd call out, like, "Guys," because I don't want to eat cold food, "come on. Let's go." And she still doesn't come to dinner, right? And I'd go back to her bedroom. And this is repeat, over and over. I'm frustrated. I'm like, "Come on, guys. What does it take just to get out of here get to the table, and eat you go right back to whatever you're doing?"

When I would come into the room, I'd bust in I'd say, "Hey, what's going on? I said dinner four or five times. Come on, let's go." There was no centering of my emotions. I brought them in with me however I was feeling. I got right to my agenda. And I wanted her to get the heck out to do what I wanted her to do. Because that's what mattered to me, right? As you can imagine, this wasn't creating the best type of communication once we got to the table.Ê

What I started to do was incorporate what I had learned of the CCC's. And, first, I would say, "Okay, I'm being triggered because I know this is something that happens. It's happening. And I'm going to just take a few deep breaths." And sometimes we have to be quick with our centering. We can't go out and go to the gym first before I call her for dinner, right? I just connect quickly with my breath and I'm like, "All right. Let me just take a few deep breaths. I'm stuck in my head in the story that she should know better and all this. I'm going to let all that go."Ê
And then once I've sort of relaxed my nervous system now, I go into her room and I choose to connect with her before I'm telling her what my agenda is and communicating. And, again, I'm sitting down and I'm like, "Okay, she's got her Barbies on the floor. She's playing with her Barbie dolls.Ó I'm going to sit down next to her and I might say, "Wow." And I might comment on the pretty dress of one of the Barbies. And maybe I watch her play for a moment and I comment on her play and how fun, "It looks like you're having such a good time. And you love playing with your Barbie dolls." And she might now look up and smile at me and at times hand me whatever she's playing with or doing like, "Here, let's play," and make a noise. And, yes, my dinner is ready. And, yes, it's getting cooler. But that connection.Ê

And this is what I always tell my daughter, "What's more important? People or things?" That connection is important first with my daughter before the food. Even if the food gets cold. We're on the floor together for just a few minutes. It doesn't have to be very long. I'm engaging in the same activity and I'm connecting with her and what's going on for her in that moment. And then that's where I would go on to my communication, like, "Hey, I made this food." And we'll talk about that when we drop down to communication.Ê

But those two pieces are so very important before we move on to jumping right into our agenda. Because now my daughter's going to be less Ð she's not going to be assuming my emotions and getting all frustrated and uptight. And we're going to be able to relate to one another a little bit better. And we're going to have better communication by the time we get into the kitchen. Because I'm not going to be like, "Pfft," at the table. It's just going to be a more enjoyable experience.Ê

I'm going to find out what's Ð I'm going to understand from her, like, "Hey, what's going on for you when I'm calling you for dinner? Is it because you're just looking for more time to play and you want to be here a little bit longer?" It's kind of allowing for that opportunity for me to come in to set the stage for empathy. For how I'm feeling about the dinner. For maybe what she was feeling for Ð I just wanted a little bit more time to play. Or I wasn't quite hungry. Or I didn't understand it was that important to you, mom, for me to jump when you say jump. Those types of things. We're just creating a better relationship, right?Ê

And together, this is an environment where now my daughter and I were we're going to grow together. We're going to evolve together with better communication and more understanding. And, hopefully, more positive outcomes in our communication with each other.Ê

There was a parent Ð I wanted to share this. I thought this was so important and beautiful. I just did a maternity leave in my last position. I was covering for somebody on their maternity leave and I was out of school for 10 weeks. And I got this email from a mom. I wanted to read it to you. And it said Ð it was really short and sweet. And it said, "I know it can be hard to connect with a child sometimes when they don't verbally communicate as much as other kids. I always worry that people don't get to see the REAL," she put in caps locks, "her." It's exciting to see her blossoming and connecting with people. Thank you for working with her and for the reassurance that she's going in the right direction. Moms need to hear that sometimes."Ê

And my response to her was, "Words, although important, don't always capture the true essence of who we are. It's really in our shared space together and the moments of really being present with one another that this sacred connection can really begin to happen. And it's in that space where your daughter and mine connection has gone beyond words. And now we're simply in this space where we just enjoy the beauty of being together." And I said, "My best moments with my own seven-year-old daughter or when I sit and just observe her essence and her way of moving about the room. And how she enjoys just being in her little bubble of this perceived innocent world. It's magical."Ê

I was letting mom know that even though her child doesn't verbally communicate maybe as much as the peers in her class, it's the connection. It's the connection that's more important. And it's the connection that comes from so much more than the words that we speak. It's that shared time together. It's the bonding. Like you being in the car with your grandma. There's the bonding of being engaged in the same activities together, or sharing that space with one another, or just when we're giving our undivided attention to another person, that's when we really have some of our best connections.

[00:56:17] MD: You have no idea how much Erin is going to love you. This is, I mean ÐÊ

[00:56:23] SMS: I was hoping she'd be here today. Because I thought you guys are always the duo.

[00:56:26] MD: We're the duo. And she's working today. Dad gumit, Erin. But when we rolled out our design template ideas for the First Bite Boutique, not affiliated with First Bite Podcast. Two separate businesses. There's my disclaimer. Her shirt was "connect first". And that's what it says simply on it, "Connect first." Because so many times we're taught in school. And will take the onus because I know I have taught this erroneously in the past, and I hope I'm doing it better now, where we have to go in and do therapy. Do therapy. It has to be billable. You have to do something.Ê

And I remember for the longest time thinking I had to do something in my session to make it billable. But, folks, if you're listening, there is skilled billable activity in creating the connection first. Because if you do not establish a connection, a rapport, a bond with the patient, client, student that you are working with, if you do not seek to understand how they engage with their communication device. If they engage with food. If they engage with peers. If they Ð how they're engaging with their environment. If you're not taking the time to make those skilled clinical observations and those meaningful connections, then you are not establishing trust to then ask of them to learn a new task. Whether that be how to communicate with a verb conjugation, or communicate on a new device that they're unfamiliar with, or try a new food that they're scared to death of because it's a different texture, it's a different shape, it's a different color. You've changed too many variables. We cannot ask for a higher-level zone of scaffolding task or higher up on the Maslow scale of hierarchal needs. If we skip the connection step, that is so key, especially when we look at it through a trauma-informed lens.Ê

Because everybody's coming to the table with a trauma. And what may be a small insignificant moment in your perception could be profoundly traumatic in their perception. And once that shift and scale of trauma, once my brain wrapped around that, it changed how I do work. And it was Ð I can't remember what the analogy was. But it's something about rowing a boat in a storm. Some of us are rowing a canoe. Some of us are in a kayak. Some of us are trying to basically steer the Titanic. But we're all in the same storm. The storm being life. It's just that how are you rowing, right? What vessel are you in?Ê

But that analogy somehow flipped the script for me and how I viewed an incident occurring in a human's life causing trauma. And I don't know why that just made sense in my head. But that made sense in my head. But if we truly center ourselves first as the first step and then, two, focus on making a meaningful connection, then you're right. You're set for communication. And that's the crux of what we do.Ê

Okay. Do you have strategies for like working on connection-building?Ê

[01:00:22] SMS: Yes. Yes. I can share some strategies. And I want to look up that analogy. That's really interesting. For those who are listening, take notes. But, yeah. First of all, practicing active listening is a really big one. Giving your full attention to the person that you're communicating with. This is really going to demonstrate a genuine interest in what they have to say.Ê

If it's possible for you to maintain eye contact, that's an opportunity. You can nod. You can use verbal, non-verbal cues to show that you are actively engaged with them. You could show empathy and understanding. Because that tells me, "Oh, you're listening. You put yourself in my shoes. You're trying to understand my perspective." You can validate the person's feelings and experiences. It does not mean you need to agree. You just validate.Ê

You can make statements like, "Wow. That must be hard." Or, "Wow, it sounds like you're in a lot of pain. Is that right?" Or, "Do you want someone to understand the challenges you must be going through?" We can ask open-ended questions. And we know that as speech therapist, right? To encourage that meaningful conversation, we ask the open-ended questions that now invite our communication partner to share more to. Share more about themselves. About their thoughts. Their experiences. And now we're getting to know them on a deeper level. You can try to find common ground. We know this, right?Ê

Look for shared interest that you've got the same sports team t-shirt on as a team that I like. Or shared experiences. Or if we've been to the same museum. Or traveled to the same places. Or even values. Connecting on our core values can serve as a basis for connection. Really highlighting those commonalities is a good starting point for furthering conversation and for building rapport with our clients.Ê
You can show appreciation and gratitude. There's so much research on gratitude, and evidence-based research to show the value that comes from just acknowledging people's contributions, people's insights, people's perspectives and saying thank you.Ê

And then, obviously, being authentic and vulnerable. Like you were today, Michelle, in sharing your heartfelt experiences, your emotions, and your stories in a very vulnerable way. When we do this with others and we're sharing in this way, it's a deeper connection, right? It's a deeper connection between us. I would say those are some strategies for centering.

[01:02:47] MD: We don't always take time out to even address it in our own life. And then to be tasked with doing them professionally can be a beast. Do you know ÐÊ

[01:02:56] SMS: Practice. Absolutely.

[01:02:56] MD: Oh, my God. Why can I not Ð thankful Morris? Yes. Yes, gratitude. She's ÐÊ

[01:03:06] SMS: Marie. Marie. Yes, I interviewed her on YouTube.

[01:03:11] MD: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. She's the reason I started the gratitude journal.

[01:03:15] SMS: Perfect. Yes. I think she does a lot of work with gratitude and SLPs. And, yes. She has a gratitude journal.

[01:03:24] MD: Yes. Yes. I don't have her gratitude. But that's what started me on the Ð okay. okay. Then that leads us to our last piece, which is communicate. Do we have time for our communicate?Ê

[01:03:33] SMS: Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'll wrap it up. Because I know that we are getting close to our time. I'll try to just hit the bullet points. But this is our last piece. This is our communicate, right? Because we've centered ourselves and our emotions are kind of Ð our inner emotions are kind of stabilized or balanced with our outer world. And now we built that connection with our communication partner, or our client, or our co-oworker, or colleague.Ê
And now, since we have maybe a little bit more trust or maybe a little deeper of a relationship, we're ready to communicate what's alive for us, and what we're feeling and what we're needing. And in times of challenging conflict, which is where I spend a lot of my time teaching, and that's the work, right? Showing up when it's really hard. When things are difficult, we need to advocate, or set boundaries, or share with others what's going on for us that is not acceptable to us. All these pieces need to be in place.Ê

Because we don't want to show up a hot mess to communicate these. Because what happens is if we're not centered and we haven't connected with our communication partner, their ears are now closed. Or they're now on the defense. And they're not open to listening. And if we come at our communication with judgment, or blame, or criticism, "You did this." Or, "You made me feel this way." Or, "This was expected of me. And I can't believe Ð" most likely, our innermost needs are not going to be met. That's where compassionate communication comes in when we're communicating in that third C. So, that our listener is open to receiving. We're open to receiving the feedback. We're calm. We've worked through things. We've maybe gotten some empathy. And now we're ready to communicate.Ê

When we're ready to communicate, I want to point out a strategy that I'm sure a lot of people at this point have now heard is using "I" statements. And the value and the importance of an I statement, because what it does is it promotes personal responsibility, which can be a really hard pill to swallow. But we're taking ownership. It's a very hard pill to swallow. I get nervous talking.Ê

I'm getting ready to do a class on anger and I'm like getting nervous about how people are gonna feel when I say, "No one's responsible for how you feel." Because people have a hard time with that. I don't have to explain why. But that's for another episode.

[01:05:54] MD: We did this last night with Bear because he had a meltdown. And he was like, "You're making me feel Ð" I was like, "No. I am not making you feel anything. You are frustrated because mom raised her voice. But I've told you three nights in a row, do not eat chocolate on mommy's blue velvet couches." And he goes, "Well, I didn't know." And I'm like, "Correction. You knew but you forgot. Also, do not eat chocolate on mommy's blue velvet couches."Ê

[01:06:19] SMS: No chocolate on the antiques.Ê

[01:06:22] MD: Oh, my God. Well, these are new. But they're really freaking cute. And you can't eat chocolate on furniture, people, especially when you're sweaty, and sticky, gooey and it's everywhere. And it looks like a turd. You can't do it. He was like, "You're making me feel mad." I was like, "Correction, you are making yourself feel mad."Ê

[01:06:45] SMS: No. He's feeling frustrated because maybe he had a need for autonomy. To eat wherever he wanted to eat. And you know what? That need wasn't met. Or maybe he had a need Ð he was feeling frustrated or upset because he had a need for connection. And maybe that connection with you in that moment was broken because you were upset. Or maybe he was feeling upset because he had a need for ease. And in that moment, things were not easy or peaceful. Right? Because mom doesn't want food on her couch.Ê

[01:07:11] MD: He is my ease child. He literally chose to paint his room all varying shades of gray so that it would be comfy, cozy like a thunderstorm. Yes, he's my ease child. But we're still not eating chocolate on mommy's furniture.Ê

[01:07:25] SMS: Well, I get it. That's going to be the hard, fast rule, right? No. I get it. It's taking that personal ownership. It's like I'm taking responsibility so I'm going to use I language. And by using I, we're acknowledging that our feelings of frustration, upset, anger are our own and not solely caused by others, right? And others might just be a stimulus that highlights our unmet needs if we're having emotions that come from unmet needs, right? And those unmet needs are what drive our emotions. Our emotions actually come from our own unmet needs. And what this does is, when we use "I" statements this way, this is how we are going to encourage people. This is how we're going to empower people.Ê

This is where, now when we take accountability, maybe we're reducing the anger because we're not looking through our eyes as like, "You're the enemy. You're wrong. You deserve to be punished." Right? And, again, hard pill to swallow. But when we recognize that our unmet needs are driving our emotions, we begin to communicate that. Now we're avoiding blame if we're speaking. We're avoiding defensiveness if we're listening. And we're focusing on someone's perspective if they're sharing with us, right?Ê
I want to reduce my defensiveness when I'm in a conversation. I don't like to feel uptight and tense when you're sharing something with me and I'm thinking that, in this moment, I'm being attacked. Right? I don't want that. I want to try to peel back the words and try to think about what's going on for you right now? What are you really needing that's causing you to feel this way?Ê

We use these "I" statements. And it gives us the opportunity now to express what's going on for us. Our thoughts, our emotions without assuming that others feel the same way. This is just me now speaking. This is just me. I'm not going to say we. I'm going to say I. Because different individuals can have different perspectives. And it shows respect to different viewpoints. I don't want to speak for other people. I want to speak for myself. I don't want to speak for my team of SLPs. I don't want to speak on behalf of the parents. Nobody likes to be spoken for especially if they don't agree with what you're grouping them into.Ê

And then now, also, what we're doing is, with "I" statements, we're getting really super clear and assertive with those "I" statements. for example, if I were to use the sentence starters. Speech therapists, we love our sentence starters. We could say I observe, I feel, I need. If I said, "I see you riding your bike without a helmet after you told me you'd wear one. And I feel upset because I have a need for trust and dependability. I'm wondering would you put your helmet on like we agreed to?"Ê

Or when I hear the alarm going off in the room, these fire drills, I feel startled because I have a need for more ease. Would it be okay if maybe we did therapy in a different room, right? Getting to ask those questions.Ê

When I observe you sitting on the ground after I asked you to line up for class, I feel frustrated. Because, as a teacher, I need respect and I need order with the line. Would you be willing to tell me how maybe I can support you right now in this transition of going back into the classroom? Right?Ê

Or for swallowing. When I notice you drinking water when you're supposed to be NPO and you said you wouldn't, I feel scared. I feel really scared. Because I have a need for safety, right? I have a need for safety. It's my need. Would you be willing to consider putting the water to the side until after your swallow study?Ê

Again, it's all about me. I'm not saying, "Hey, you shouldn't have had that water. That's why you're choking. You know you're not supposed to do that. You haven't had your swallow study yet." And guess what? The listener is going to be guarded. But I keep it about me. This is what's going on for me. When I see this, I feel this way. Because this is my need. This is what matters. This is what I value. This is what is important to me. Now I'm going to make a request of you. And not a request that is going to hurt anyone else. But a request that is going to enrich life, hopefully, for all of us.Ê

And, again, you still have the right to say no. Because everybody's needs matter. And then we'll talk about that. Okay, why not? Why do you want to drink that water/ What's going on for you? What are you needing right now? What are you feeling? What's your experience? And then maybe we can meet in the middle and come up with some strategies that meet both of our needs. Maybe you have a need for autonomy, or quality of life, or whatever the case may be. Let's talk about that and then let's keep that open.Ê

But that conversation is only going to happen if I didn't close off my listenerÕs ears. And the way to do that is this compassionate communication of using these "I" statements. Connecting back to your own feelings and needs. Removing the evaluations. Removing the judgment, the criticism, the blame, the comparison, the diagnosis that we do so often of others that's very prominent in our culture here. Removing all that and just getting back to that self-reflection of, "Why am I so triggered? What am I needing right now?" And that need that isn't met is driving this feeling. And I can take responsibility for that. And I can show up. And now I can express that because I've calmed myself. I've connected with you. You're open to listening. And now I can share in a way that you're going to keep listening. And it's going to make our relationship so much better. That's the communicate piece.Ê

Look at Ð who's this?Ê

[01:12:54] MD: This is Dog. Hi, Dog.Ê

[01:12:56] SMS: This is Dog.

[01:12:58] MD: Her name is Dog.Ê

[01:13:00] SMS: Look. He must know we're talking about dogs.Ê

[01:13:04] MD: Dog wore herself out earlier today barking at the construction guy that was Ð the construction worker. And she's old lady. When we wear ourselves out, she napped hard. Normally, she joins the podcast earlier and shares her opinion on things. But ÐÊ

[01:13:20] SMS: I love it.

[01:13:21] MD: She's turning 13 here soon.Ê

[01:13:24] SMS: Oh, old lady. I love her.Ê

[01:13:28] MD: Compassionate communication. When I hear this explanation, I think Ð oh, my God. Look at your baby.Ê

[01:13:35] SMS: I'm holding up my three-pound Yorkie now just to kind of quickly say hello and to get him to stop barking now. She needs to be seen and heard.Ê

[01:13:45] MD: I was going to say, she's this biggest dog's face. Yeah, love it. But the compassionate communication piece, to me I think of it from an interprofessional practice component and the value there. Because so often, for my PFD patients and my most medically complex patients, if they have a pediatric feeding disorder and they get to me first, we're still trying to tease out the medical ideology. But because the diagnosis is so new and fresh, we often struggle with trying to get referrals to allergists, ENTs, and registered dietitians. Because pediatricians, they're not as thoroughly aware of the four domains of this diagnosis. And so, it can become very frustrating.Ê

And trust me, I want to go in all guns of blazing to raise you know what for my tiny humans and not-so-tiny humans. But this will win me no one. But if I go in with a copy of my report in hand or have given it to them a couple of days before and follow up with, "Hey, my name is Michelle Dawson. Not to be confused with autism researcher in Canada. And I'm really concerned about this child because I observed this. Can we please consider a referral to Ð" it takes fear away. And there is that autonomy of physicians are used to being in charge. They're used to having the final say. They don't want their "power" questioned. Right?Ê

Here, folks. I'm going to also give you this advice of when you have these compassionate conversations, especially from like a patient safety perspective, go at it with the compassion and with the seek to understand. However, remember, your providers can change. The interprofessional practice partners on the team, including yourself, may not ultimately be the right clinician, the right physician for that child, for that human. And it is okay to also educate caregivers and say, "Hey, you're entitled to a second opinion, or maybe a third, or 15th, or however many you need to get to." And that's okay. Because I had to have those conversations with caregivers, and service coordinators, and case managers and say, "Look, we need to change who's driving this." And then the scary part is, when you change it and then they finally do get to the right person and they get that right diagnosis that's life-altering, it's validating for your soul but also frustrating that it can take that long to get there, right?Ê

And I don't like the if. But what if we hadn't changed? What if we hadn't gotten the second opinion, right? We wouldn't have gotten the diagnosis of laryngomalacia. We'd still be aspirating or we wouldn't have gotten the diagnosis of EOE. But it's through the power of these conversations. Of being centered, of making the connection, which is establishing the trust to then be able to communicate that you can change the stars.Ê

[01:17:02] SMS: To changing the stars.Ê

[01:17:07] MD: To changing it with our teacups. To changing the stars.Ê

[01:17:09] SMS: Yes. I love that. To changing the stars. Yes. What a beautiful way to end. I love your beautiful, glowing sunlight that you have on your right now. Perfect.Ê

[01:17:22] MD: I literally haven't been able to see ÐÊ

[01:17:25] SMS: As we're talking about compassion, and self-compassion and empathy, it's perfect.

[01:17:29] MD: Yes. We can think the winter sun that is cresting the Shenandoah Mountains. I thought this whole time they were the Blue Ridge. But my husband told me, "Honey, you're in the valley. Those are the Shenandoahs. And those are the Blues." And I was like, "Oh. Well, because there's mountains that way, too."Ê

[01:17:44] SMS: We have Blue Ridge Parkway in Pennsylvania, which is because we have the Appalachian trails or the Appalachian Mountains. Excuse me. I go on the trails. That come right through our area. because they're main to, I think, Georgia. But we do have a little section that's called the Blue Ridge Mountain Parkway. Maybe somehow related.Ê

[01:18:03] MD: We can hop on the Blue Ridge from our house. It's only 15, 20 minutes away. And drive it all the way up through Pennsylvania.Ê

[01:18:09] SMS: Oh, then that's it. Yes.

[01:18:11] MD: Yup. There's really good hole-in-the-wall pottery spot that we get our um Sunday coffee mugs. We have special mugs only for Sunday. And I don't know how that happened. But we have our Sunday Ð it's romantic.Ê

[01:18:27] SMS: That's your little self-care ritual.

[01:18:31] MD: It is. It is.

[01:18:31] SMS: Special.Ê

[01:18:32] MD: Okay. This was profoundly amazing. And I know other people are going to want to listen to you and learn from you. How do they find you where?Ê

[01:18:42] SMS: They're going to find me with you at the pub. Because I want to come to where you are.Ê
[01:18:47] MD: Come on down. I'll take you to Red Beard Brewery.Ê

[01:18:49] SMS: It sounds fun. Oh, my goodness. No. Thank you. Yeah. If you don't see me at the pub with Michelle or hanging out in the Shenandoah mountains hiking, because that sounds glorious, too, you can find me on my website at goldenstateofmindpd.com. PD, like, professional development, so goldenstateofmindpd.com.Ê

I'm not super savvy on my Instagram. However, I do throw some pictures up there and some notifications. And that's golden.state.slp. And if you want to join my email list, you can do that through my website. I send out free resources periodically. I'm not going to jam up your inbox. But I do send out some handouts, checklists that you can take into meetings, different frameworks for communication, different script phrases to support you in your journey, and notifications of different courses.Ê

I do have a digital course that is coming out soon. You can get on the waitlist for that. All of this information is at goldenstateofmindpd.com. That would probably be the best place to check me out. I'm also on LinkedIn at Stephanie Michelle Sweigert if you want to check there, too.

[01:19:59] MD: My next thought was please make sure you put the Michelle in there. Because, God, if we run into the murderer on LinkedIn, that would make for a bad day. Stephanie Michelle. So, found you. And I got the right one.Ê

Okay. And then my last question is, if somebody has any love money, where could they send it to?Ê

[01:20:26] SMS: And I love that you do this. This is amazing. And the love money, you mean a charitable contribution in my name, you were saying, right? I love that. I am actually getting ready to go on my next medical mission trip with Joyce Meyer Ministries. I don't know if anybody's heard of Joyce Meyer. But through her ministry, she has an organization called Hand of Hope. And that is who I do my volunteering with when I go out of the country. And I'm going to be a part of that this February. That's the first thing that comes to mind as I'm a monthly contributor also to Joyce Meyer Ministries. I love her word. If that resonates with you, great. If it doesn't, I also love animals. We talked about dogs today. I hope I'm getting the acronym right. It's just a monthly withdrawal that's been coming out of my account for years. The ASPCA. To support animals in the shelter. Those are two places that I donate monthly. And that I also donate my time to that hold Ð a strong place in my heart.Ê

You can also find on my website though, under gssps.com, all of the organizations that I'm a part of. All the different charitable organizations that I'm a part of. And if any of the other ones resonate locally, nationally, or worldly, I would appreciate that. Thank you.

[01:21:42] MD: Amazing. Oh, my God. This is wonderful. Look at you. We're doing good. Go team. Okay. And then ÐÊ

[01:21:47] SMS: Thank you. I'm so grateful for this opportunity. And I'm feeling really appreciative and excited. And I have all this energy now running through me when we hang up. I think I need to go be outside or take a walk. I just feel so excited and revved up. This was fun. Thank you.Ê

[01:22:06] MD: This was. And I'm just thinking, "Wow, I'm going to process all of these strategies and I'm going to do that while eating." Because I'm like I need to go think. This was really good. thank you so much for coming on.

[01:22:21] SMS: Thank you, Michelle.Ê

[01:22:23] MD: Absolutely.

[01:22:23] SMS: Yes. And thank you for making the time. And thank you for supporting me and having me in your space. You're doing such incredible, amazing work. And you have awesome guests. I loved your episode with Dr. Kia Noelle Johnson. I learned so much from that.Ê

[01:22:37] MD: I love her.Ê

[01:22:39] SMS: I love your energy. You're witty. You're fun. But you're also extremely smart. And you just have so much to share. And I just felt like it was really an honor to take space and time on your podcast today. I really appreciate that. And thank you so much for that gift.
[OUTRO]

[01:22:54] ANNOUNCER: Thank you for joining us for today's course. To complete the course, you must log into your account and complete the quiz and the survey. If you have indicated that you're part of the ASHA registry and entered both your ASHA number and a complete mailing address in your account profile prior to the course completion, we will submit earned CEUs to ASHA. Please allow one to two months from the completion date for your CEUs to reflect on your ASHA transcript. Please note that if this information is missing, we cannot submit to ASHA on your behalf. Thanks again for joining us. We hope to see you next time.Ê

[01:23:34] MD: Feeding Matters. Guide system-wide changes by uniting caregivers, professionals and community partners under the Pediatric Feeding Disorder Alliance.Ê

So, what is this alliance? The alliance is an open-access collaborative community focused on achieving strategic goals within three focus areas; education, advocacy and research. So, who is the Alliance? It's you. The Alliance is open to any person passionate about improving care for children with a pediatric feeding disorder.Ê

To date, 187 professionals, caregivers and partners have joined the alliance. You can join today by visiting the Feeding Matters website atÊwww.feedingmatters.org. Click on PFD Alliance tab and sign up today. Change is possible when we work together.Ê

That's a wrap, folks. Once again, thank you for listening to First Bite: Fed, Fun, and Functional. I'm your humble but, yet, sassy host, Michelle Dawson, The All Things PEDÕs SLP. This podcast is part of a course offered for continuing education through speechtherapypd.com. Please check out the website if you'd like to learn more about CEU opportunities for this episode, as well as the ones that are archived. And as always, remember, feed your mind, feed your soul, be kind, and feed those babies.

[END]
FBP 269		Transcript

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