This is a machine transcription and is subject to error. Apologizes in advance. 

Hi my name is Olivia and I intern at the Health and Wellness Center at Stonehill College and
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today I'm here with Professor Turner from the Psychology Department and we're gonna talk about
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some mental health stuff. So Professor Turner if you would love to go and introduce
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yourself. Hello, I am Professor Turner. I am an assistant professor in the
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Psychology Department here at Stonehill college. I am also the director of clinical
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training and I am responsible for the psychology health science and neuroscience students
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that are interested in internships. I have my PhD from Wichita State University
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in Clinical Psychology and that is my first passion is just being a psychologist
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and doing individual therapy in groups with children and adolescents.
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I've done my training per se in mostly children and trauma. So I did
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my formal internship at UMass Memorial Hospital in Worcester and then I did
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my postdoc at Children's Hospital in Boston. So that's me, I've been really all about kind
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of health and wellness and and children and adolescents and focusing in on
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trauma. Important stuff we definitely need to address. As a psychology
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student I have taken a multicultural psychology with Professor Turner.
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Definitely take it if you can. It's a wonderful class I was so excited to teach it and what
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people don't know about that class as my first semester here. You know there's not a lot of
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diversity on campus especially diversity in the sense of faculty members and so some of the diverse
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students in the psych department and actually no our science department came to me and said you know we really need
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more representation within the Psych Department and it just so happens that the Psych department
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I think just had recently had like kind of an audit. And that was one of the things that had come back
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as a ways to introduce more diversity and inclusion within the curriculum.
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So when the students came to me and said that they wanted something like that it was just easy to figure okay
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how do I do this, how can I create this class and my department was so supportive. I
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really wouldn't be here if our department wasn't as supportive as they are. So it was awesome.
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Once the student said that they wanted it, it was something that was just necessary to do anyway and
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it's really fun. It definitely overlaps with mental health for me in many ways. So
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lot to learn. Yeah definitely. So jumping right in, how did you become
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interested in mental health and psychology? Okay, so I thought about this because I did
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have access to the questions early and I was looking through them and I was super excited because I
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think that for this first question it really happen to me in high
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school and I don't think that that happens often and I try to be mindful when I'm talking to students
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about like their love and their passion and we ways to explore it because I know
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I'm a little bit of an anomaly in the sense that like I knew in high school.
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My first introduction to psych came in high school when we take our intro to psych classes, our general
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psych classes. I just fell in love with it and I knew from growing
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up in Roxbury in Boston that I wanted to do more for my community.
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And it was through the help and guidance of my grandmother, my aunts and uncles,
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family members that I have that kind of worked in crisis centers
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worked as a social worker and my grandma is a retired social worker from DCF.
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so it was through their guidance that they would like you know can you not do social work because
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we want you to make some money and I was like what, what do you mean? And they were like we really
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want you to have kind of some more doors open for you, so look at psych and so
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your grandmother tells you what to do and you kinda just do it right. so when she told me that I did the research and I was
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like okay I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna get a PhD. I had no idea
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what that meant when I said that out loud as a high school student but what I didn't
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know is that I wanted to be able to be as the most use
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for my community and stopping at a masters wasn't gonna do that for me and my goals.
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And I wanted to, I had this idea that if I had a PhD I would be able
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to sit in the room and be heard and that the color of my skin wouldn't close doors for me
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that the actual level of education that I had would open more doors and that me being educated
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would make people listen. Now let me tell you that's not always the case.
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Right? I had to learn that the hard way but I don't regret the degree in the past but
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it was a long process to kinda get there and learn the kinda pitfalls along the way especially because I went
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to the Midwest to get this degree so that in itself came with
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a whole host of its own issues and challenges but I'm
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here right. I'm here and I'm happy to be here and it definitely for me,
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that interest in love and passion of helping people understand their mental health
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the love the psychology starting in high school for me. I remember taking
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AP psychology and my senior year and that's like when it clicked for me. Yeah absolutely
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love it. Okay, so as a Psych Professor and Clinical Psychologist do you feel
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it is important for students to have an open conversation about mental health?
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So the easy answer is yes, I feel it is very important for students to have open dialogue
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about mental health and the importance of understanding our mental health but I really
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think we as a college if we're talking about Stonehill College, we will do a
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disservice if we put the ownership on students. If on the backend administrators
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faculty and staff aren't normalizing the need for a conversation about mental health.
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we can expect students to jump in and do that work. If faculty within the classes
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don't acknowledge that sometimes students need a mental health day just like faculty take their mental health day right?
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I take mine when I need them. If administrators don't put money behind
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programming that helps the campus like the Jed foundation come to our campus and do a
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sweep and do a survey to see what's the mental health climate here and what
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we need to change what we need to implement where do we need to put money to make change happen for our student staff
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faculty as an administrator see the mental health on campus. It's not just the students so it's
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not fair to say okay it's not fair to answer the question just for the students because if it doesn't
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start on this campus and it doesn't become normalized that we have to talk about
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this and this is a part of our daily living this is something we all go through all.
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Not some people not a subset of us all of us go through them all of us have days when we feel down
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all of us have days when we feel anxious Right now it's, okay.
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It's finals week. It is now we're recording this this is getting
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ready we've got days. We are counting down till finals. That means everyone's in this
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library working on papers, being anxious about okay what I gonna get, what is my final grade
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gonna be? Everyone's at teacher's office hours like okay can I get some extra credit can
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I do this can I do that like there is an abundance of mental health on our campus
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right now and campus wide because we're getting into a season of really needing the buckle down the study to get
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the final grade. And so we just need to recognize that, it's not students
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that need to normalize that on their own.It is this college normalizing that so the students kinda
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can take a deep breath and say okay yes. It becomes a simple conversation as okay
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did you go to your PCP appointment. It should just be as easy as that yearly you going to PCP
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appointment right like you go and check your medical body. You check your body with a medical provider.
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No one says anything about it because it's normalized but we need to do a better job at
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normalizing the mental health piece of that. Absolutely like also I've heard so many stories of
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like the RAs. Yes, they get the brunt end of that. You know they don't have all the training
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they should have, or training. You say all the training we talked to some, we've
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talked about this issue you bringing it up on you know we've talked about this in multicultural psych that you know
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some of the RAS just in our class have mentioned just feeling
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especially when specific issues happen on our campus. When things happen on our campus is
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there's this overwhelming feeling of needing to support. But
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we forget that the RAs are students too. They're students. And
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not all psych majors and they're not all psych majors and they shouldn't really feel that they
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have to be that level of mental health support for the students in the dorm. I
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think that there is some level of training. of okay how to have those difficult conversations
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and who to get them to and that's great. But them being the frontline
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for some of this stuff is not, I don't think it's the Stonehill intent.
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Right like I don't hear that in meetings that that's our intent but that actually is what happens.
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Yeah and we have the stress relief week through the Health and Wellness Office. Yeah we actually do.
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The beginning of the year fresh check day I make that mandatory for my students
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to attend, there's so many things that the Health and Wellness department offers
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and trainings that they offer that I think a very useful and
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it's only two promoting them in your classes of the faculty member that students understand these
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these additional resources there for them. I've spoken to faculty and they didn't even know what Health and
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Wellness was. And it's like what you don't know? Like please. It's
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not just about the mental health but nutritional support right that some of these students need like
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that really coming out of that department and it's necessary. So
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sort of bridging that like there's obviously certain mental health issues like depression,
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anxiety, maybe suicide, suicidal ideation that are common for people
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around our age and what do they look like and what are some symptoms? It's tough
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because they're very different and I think that this is when you wanna be mindful of culture
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as well. Alright so I'm gonna I'm and answer the question because that's what I've came to do
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but I also wanna preface this that at the end of what to be mindful for
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as a student listening to this.So overall I think
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if we're talking to the college student population things like feeling hopelessness,
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excessive worry, guilt, avoidance procrastination, changes in
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sleep and eating patterns, social isolation, difficulty sleeping
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difficulty concentrating, decrease energy, and et cetera. These
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things are the things that you're looking for as a change in pattern in your friend and yourself and
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and your roommate and it's not to say they're diagnosed with anxiety.
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It is not to say they're diagnosed with depression, it's to say are they are struggling?
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Is there a mental health quote unquote concern that you want to talk to that
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person about? Say hey I noticed you know you haven't really showered in the last couple
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of days. I noticed that you're not really eating I noticed that you're not engaged in the same activities that you once
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were engaged and that's your friend being able to have that open dialogue that says listen I
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care about you and I'm noticing the shift. I'm noticing these behaviors.
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Because a lot of times the students that you're just not comfortable with that conversation too and I'm
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not promoting that these signs and symptoms as your job to go and investigate
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this either, as a student when you see those signs and symptoms that I've identified
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I think it's it's worthy to maybe speak to your RA and say okay what can I do?
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Where's the resources on campus? How do I to get this person or to encourage them to
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go to counseling services. How do I encourage them to have a dialogue with their parents or their family or friends
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and loved ones about kind of what they're going through. I don't believe that our students need
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to take that on for themselves. I think that especially with this time of year
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that it's put a lot of additional pressure on yourself that you have to fix your roommate, you have to fix your friend. And that's
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not the case. If you've got the relationship with that person you absolutely
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can have a conversation with them that says listen I'm noticing these things you know what
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can we do together do we need to you know and that gets into your other question of like things that you can do
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can we go take a walk, can we go get something to eat, can we read
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something together, can we listen to this podcast? You know I think that there is
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things that they can do with these people to encourage and support them but I don't want anyone
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to hear this and feel like they have to be the answer for solving the mental health of someone else.
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This is very important because I think that that has come up in my classes like okay well I have
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this friend and I'm really concerned and there's a change in behavior and
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and it may even be to the point with the person is displaying some
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suicidal thoughts. Self harming behaviors that they're saying that they want to harm themselves
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and they just wish they weren't here and and some triggering things that to a friend can be really alarming.
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I think that you seek help and you seek support for your friend but you don't become a mental health counselor.
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You are student, you are daughter, you are a friend but you are not a mental health counselor.
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Right? And know that and have good boundaries and support your friends through
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what they're going through but you can't take on the role of a mental provider when
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you are not trained to do that. Like it's important to do research and everything but
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lead them in the direction. Lead your friend in the right direction, be there to support them
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in that direction. And let the professionals do their job. Because when you try
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to do your job you get burnt out because you don't know what you're doing.
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So what's a common misconception about mental health? I think I started talking about that a little bit
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already I'm jumping the gun but it's okay. I really am all about people understanding
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the difference between mental health and mental disorders. Okay. Mental health. We
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all have mental health. Good quote.
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Quote that. We all have mental health right. Like we said
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right now it's a Friday and this library is very busy for a Friday.
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You know why? Because next week is finals, final research papers are due, final papers are due.
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In the psychology department we have our poster presentations on Monday that students getting are
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ready for. There's a lot of work to be done right now and people are anxious.
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Especially freshman. This is the first time that they're going through this. This
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is like okay you know the transition to get back home and to get done and have that
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final grade. It's a lot, you got through your first year you know there's a lot of pressure right now.
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And then if you struggled at all through the semester your anxiety has increased
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at this time because you need those final grades to be good to pass the
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class to not come home and tell your parents that you know you failed one class
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or you got a D. Scholarships, you can't you know if you're an athlete the pressure on
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there and faculty members. We got a lot of grading to do right now.
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Okay. And they're giving us a deadline of when this has to be in for seniors, when transfer students
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have to have things in. So we all as a campus feeling this pressure.
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That impacts our mental health, that impacts our sleeping, that impacts the way we eating. I'm
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eating junk right now because I don't have time to meal prep the way I would
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when I'm not so stressed out with the level of assignments I have to grade and the things I have to do. I know
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that it's a certain level of time until I can get back on a good sleeping and eating and
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exercise routine, but right now is not the time right? So the common
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misconception is this idea that identifying that you are going
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through some anxious behaviors or you're feeling sad or there's
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an increase in your worry or anxiety there's an increase in your guilt that immediately
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assumes that you're diagnosed with anxiety. It's normal to be anxious, it's normal.
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Because if it wasn't normal this whole campus wouldn't be going through it. So you're not alone as
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you sit and you're in your dorm room and you're struggling with how to get these papers done how
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to balance all of these things, you drop the ball on something. I've done that all week.
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I'm supposed be at seven places at one time and I can't because I'm one person. And you have the kids.
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I have two children right and the husband that want me to be home at a certain time. I
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was on campus last night till about nine thirty at an event and then here again this morning.
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We all are going through it. That's our mental health that is us checking in
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on this idea that we know this is a difficult time and they'll be some struggles with our mental health,
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our brain, and how it's functioning right now. The diagnosis is separate. You really qualifying
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for DSM diagnoses of anxiety depression is a different ball
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game and that comes from a professional right and so I understand that difference
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and understand that misconception that you're not crazy quote on quote because you are
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struggling with your mental health we all at times in our lives times in our day times
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in our semester struggle with her mental health and it's normal. It is normal. Yes.
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Do you want to bring it all in with the culture? Yes so I always want to
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have students being mindful of how race,
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ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation,
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religious beliefs, nationality, how these various identities
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that we hold can have an impact on our mental home depending
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on how they are viewed in the spaces that we occupy.
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So in the space of Stonehill, how do students that have certain
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identities feel before we even get finals?
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Are they supported on this campus? Do they feel like they have a community where they
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feel comfortable and when they're vulnerable or need support they know where to go to?
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Is the office of intercultural affairs the only identified space for
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everyone and every piece of identity? Is that fair is that what we really
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want? And how does that have a role and impact on the
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mental health that worry anxiety depression guilt chain
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across the nation? How does that play a role into what
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those student struggle with? If there's only one hub and one space for everyone
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to go or one identified space for everyone to go to that struggles with that has
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one piece or more of these different identities. I think we doing a disservice
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Right? And again like I've already said my feeling that Stonehill right
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now in terms of mental health is that the Health and Wellness department along
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with counseling services does not want that to be the case and
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that there's money behind an initiative behind making the change with that.
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And so I'm excited to see how that kind of impacts the culture
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on campus with mental health. But how it also trickles down to someone's
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sexual orientation, how it trickles down to
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the LGBTQ community, how it trickles down to Black Lives Matter, how do those
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students have a voice or have some say in how their
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mental health is separately affected on this campus. Is there is a room for that? Are we gotta have
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that dialogue? So it's just kind of like a wait and see but I'm excited to see that there's have money behind
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it and there's an initiative and that shows me the administration understands
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that this is important because then they wouldn't put the money behind it. And so
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how do we make sure that everyone has a seat at the table and everyone feels heard? Well said.
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So jumping back what are some tips that students can use to improve and also
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address mental health? Yes but let's that's that's tie this back up.
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Health and wellness, okay? You have a department on campus that is
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built to do this. So while I love to promote the things that I'm doing I'm first
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gonna start with health and wellness and talk about the many many many activities throughout the semester
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that I as a faculty member make sure that I promote in my classes, but I think that faculty and administration
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can do a better job at not just promoting these things via e-mail because students get bogged down with e-mails,
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right? When you get seventeen e-mails before you even wake up and look at your phone and it's like all these
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events to go to and there's this singing thing and there's a concert here and then there's this mental
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health. It's overwhelming because you're trying to sort through okay what's the professor telling me I need to have
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a test or what's the professor telling me this or which ones are really important?
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We've gotta find a different way to have access to these students and I think that faculty,
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what I found is that me actually promoting it in my class makes a difference. Yeah
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like I know a bunch of people do like extra credit stuff. Yes and that
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all works and I I think that you know it's funny that you said the extra credit piece like I think that's wonderful.
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but I also want students to get in the mindset of caring about your own mental health without it being
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a part attached to your grade in a class. yeah. In previous semesters in
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multicultural I've definitely offered extra credit and I had to. I purposely
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was mindful to not do that this semester because the things that I'm promoting are for you
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and the things that I'm promoting are directly linked to students complaints
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about what the campus doesn't offer and sometimes
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the campus offers it but you're in your dorm and you have to get up and
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get out and seek that support that's given to you and a lot of times these things
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are feeding you and I tell you as administrators we don't know what else to do. It's like okay
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we've got the food they're saying they want more support they're saying you know the faculty need
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to talk about this more, the administration needs to do this more, and then health and wellness will do it and
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it's like twenty soon show up. Yeah it's very disappointing and you
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can speak to that because you had what was the day that you guys had your got consent day.
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Got consent. You're worked very hard work very hard, I loved your flyers I took all
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the extra flyers because you know what I'm gonna do on my mental health board that's outside of my office that I'm gonna be promoting
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all that information and and I can tell you that students complain
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that these things are not happening. But they are, they are. So maybe they overlooked that e-mail
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or the seventeen that she sent out? Because she bombards right because she wants
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students to come to but if you overlook that and at least on Monday, Tuesday,
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Wednesday when you have class your professor's saying say hey by the way there are these things going
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on campus you guys should check it out. A little nudge, right? Maybe not extra credit
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but a little nudge. So the answer to that I think that on campus you could start health and wellness.
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My office is in the Shields building two thirteen I am this summer
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working on a mental health board and I will be absolutely taking a lot of information from health and wellness and
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it's just another location to streamline the events that are going on in campus how to have
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access to counseling services. Looking at symptoms of depression and anxiety,
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tips for healthy relationships and boundaries, things that my students have been working on the semester
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but I also think just a plug in self care daily
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exercise, journaling, going to therapy, deep breathing exercises,
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staying organize. At this time this is the easy time if you look around your
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room right now. This is the time when we're not doing the laundry, right? Where our cars look
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a mess. When we're eating junk because that's the fastest thing to kinda grab
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and sometimes doing a check in on just your environment, cleaning
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out your bag, cleaning out your purse, cleaning your car. Can relieve some of that
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and it could be a fifteen minute activity before you get out of your car just take a trash bag and kinda get all that stuff
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out or go through your purse and throw away the receipts and things that you have in there. I think that
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promoting kinda staying organize at the most stressful times it's critically important.
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And like health care is also a very interesting topic because people are like yeah I can watch
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Netflix so like for an hour and procrastinate.
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No, no, no procrastination is not self care. Netflix you want
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to do that after finals. Right, you reward yourself and say to yourself okay that show that
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I wanted to watch I'm going to watch that when I finish his paper. You absolutely can do
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that, reward yourself with the things that you want. Maybe you can't binge and watch all eight episodes but say to yourself
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okay I'm gonna get three episodes when I finish these five pages. Then reward
25:52
yourself and even have the ice cream. I'm all about it. Have the ice cream or if you're not an ice cream, lactose intolerant
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take a walk right. Go take a walk have your water with cucumber and lemon
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Whatever it is that you need to do. That's healthy. Yeah I say ice cream because that's my
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thing right now so like you can splurge a little bit like that. This is my time to splurge so.
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Oh, sleep. Absolutely, sleep is a good one. Making sure that we're getting our eight hours
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because for students it's no way. What are they getting? Four? Three? All that
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caffeine and red bull. Oh my goodness Red Bull, stay away from it right now. It helps you to keep going
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though right? I don't use it. Yeah but you see students like that's the quick by.
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Red Bull or those. Are students still using those energy shots? Yeah.
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Oh my gosh those are not good. Sorry don't, don't drink that. So some tips?
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Self care, walking, daily exercise journaling, therapy don't be afraid to use
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it. Using positive self talk. Stop putting yourself down. Students sometimes
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are the worst for themselves. Like worst advocates. I've had students
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in my office in tears and they're like I just feel so bad and I'm like are you getting that from your parents are your
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friends saying that and they'll be like no and I'm like so you're making this all up.
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This is all your mind like you're actually doing well. You're not doing bad, you're doing well and
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and things are going well you're just getting overwhelmed because this is the time that we're in.
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And so I can practice that self talk for you but you have to do that at home or
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in your room you can't be the one in your mind kind of doing all that negative
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talk because you're really buy into it and I think that. It creates that worthlessness
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it creates that hopelessness and if you want to change that you start with your mind and you start to talk positive
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to yourself. Break things down into smaller steps, break things down into small activities like I said
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instead of feeling like okay I can't do anything that I love right now I have to shut myself out to the world. Okay
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get that paper done and then reward yourself with the things that you love. But have some some balance
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to it instead of kind of isolating yourself from all your friends and family and the things that you once
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enjoyed you know do a little bit of this and then you can can do a little bit after.
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Hang with your good friends. It's hard like everyone, like some people
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might need that attention or affirmations or reassurance. Affirmations
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that's a good one.They're trying to do their own things so it's hard for people who need that reassurance
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to get that from themselves. Affirmations are all in my office. I think I I live
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by affirmations and I'm glad you just said that because if you come into my office. There's only affirmations
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on my wall. A couple of pictures from my kids but mostly affirmations
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because walking into a positive space when I'm overwhelmed is important. Like right now
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I know I probably can spend an hour organizing my office and that is not getting done until after finals.
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But not doing that is making me walk in and I look at the mess.
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I look at the grades, I look at these portfolios that I'm not done grading. I look at my
29:07
psychotherapy practicum class and the work that I have to grade for them and it
29:13
can be overwhelming especially when I'm walking into a cluttered space. So
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now I am gonna clean my office because I made myself feel bad through the negative
29:23
talk. I made myself feel bad, I'm gonna go clean my office because I know on Monday when I walk I'll
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be able to take a deep breath differently then if I walk into that mess. We
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kinda already talked about the last two questions like what does seeking help look like for a college student and how
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can a loved one or a friend support someone with mental illness.
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Yeah and please you know with both of these I feel like you know we talked about these in my classes so
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please feel free to jump in and support what I'm saying or add
29:54
your opinion to it. I think that seeking help looks different for different people
29:59
right and your culture. In my class we talk about
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culture and people that come from a collectivist community and what
30:10
seeking help really looks like in that community may be different than what
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an individualistic community kinda looks. The individualistic community
30:20
may have more of approach of going and seeking out individual therapy but in a collectivist community
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talking to someone might be the opposite of what you wanna do, you wanna keep that information within the family.
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You don't wanna really have people in your private affairs or your private business is what they may call it.
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And as a mental health provider being mindful that when you do have someone coming from a community
30:44
like that for help that that's a huge deal. That's a big step,
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and it needs to be celebrated and and encouraged and supported
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as how difficult and challenging that may be. I think on this campus, you know,
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we have counseling services but a lot of times like you said the RAs, the RDS,
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peer mentors, faculty become that first line of defense before someone
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gets the comfort or the courage to walk into counseling services.
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You know also in my class between I know that before my students kinda made this aware
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to me I never really thought about it. We had a talk about mental health a couple weeks back
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and a few of the students pointed out that our counseling services department is
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within campus ministry and what that means religiously
31:38
to someone that might be in a space where they're seeking out mental
31:44
health services but feeling that that's going against their religious beliefs or feeling
31:49
that the religious piece of it has an implication on kind of their mental
31:54
health and feeling comfortable to walk in. Tying it back to like when you seek support what that looks like.
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Because some of the students were like yeah people may not feel comfortable going in there just because of that.
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I was like oh my gosh I've never thought of that. Never did I think about that and I've been in there
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a couple of times and never was I like oh this is. I thought like you know it seems kinda peaceful.
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That was my thought, it's very like serene and quiet
32:21
when I've gone through there but it's just didn't dawn on me. Some people have anxiety
32:27
about religion. Yes and again speaking to students,
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that was awesome to hear that and be mindful of that because I think that
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someone that would impact them. Now what
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are they doing? Are they seeking services off of campus, is their way to get them access
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to off campus counseling other than having to walk in the counseling services and get a list of referrals?
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Is there a way that you know faculty members, health and wellness, someone else could have this list of referrals
32:59
for students that don't feel comfortable even walking into counseling services? I think
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is you know other things that maybe we can do that might come out of the Jed foundation
33:09
's research of our campus that might be helpful for students that don't walk through that
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door. There's a back entrance or just another smaller location.
33:20
Something, maybe. I know locations are tight here and then
33:25
the last question where you were talking about supporting someone. Okay so
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listen students, it is not your job to be a mental health provider.
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Supporting someone and taking on their mental health are two different things.
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Support, what that would look like is maybe if they wanted you to walk with them to counseling services.
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Maybe if they wanted you to be there when they had a difficult conversation with a
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significant partner, with their parents, with a friend, they wanted you there
33:58
for support. They wanted to take a walk and they want someone to be there with them.
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They want to go to get something to eat and eating is difficult
34:08
for them and they want you there for support with them. That's wonderful that is that is the level
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of friendship that is as natural and seems appropriate to do
34:19
in the context of helping someone through kind of their mental health or their mental disorder.
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Being the one to lead in intervention like I've had people come to me about this like oh
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you know I want do this intervention. Uh no. And not that having conversations
34:36
with friends because you care about them and support them isn't important that's great but
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the way in which you do that conversation that doesn't make a person feel like you're you're
34:47
attacking their mental health or attacking their mental diagnosis that they have one
34:52
is very different and and it's a very fine line. So I think it's a tough question but I think that
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as a student with your friends, roommates, family,
35:03
neighbors, making sure you have good boundaries and making sure your support feels
35:08
comfortable for you. When the support stops feeling comfortable for the students and then you know the mental
35:13
health is now seeping over to you. Once someone's anxiety or someone
35:18
presentation of anxiety type symptoms or presentation of depression is now causing you to feel
35:24
overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, sad. Then there's an issue,
35:29
there's a boundary issue and that for yourself you need to step back and try to address that.
35:34
One of my students did a healthy boundaries pamphlet that'll
35:40
be outside of my office come the fall and it was really awesome because she talked
35:45
about, I think it came from her own experiences over
35:50
the four years of dealing with multiple roommates. I mean you guys have these suites and there's sometimes like twelve
35:55
girls in them. Tto think it's just kinda be all wonderful relationships is just bizarre
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right because that's not gonna happen and so there is going to be this process where you're learning
36:06
how to have healthy conversations, have limits, set boundaries. Be able to communicate
36:11
with each other what those boundaries and limits are and not make yourself feel guilty because you're setting
36:16
positive limits for yourself. It's okay to say no. it's okay to say no. It's actually
36:22
a wonderful tool. But sometimes it's a process for you
36:27
to learn to be comfortable with the perception of someone of you. You cannot
36:32
change the way people perceive you. But you absolutely can change
36:37
the way you present yourself. So if you can't change the people around you, you just have to change the people
36:43
around you. Your goal is to always present yourself the way that you feel comfortable.
36:48
If someone's perception of you is changed because you're now setting limits for yourself. I
36:54
hate to tell you this but that probably just's not the best friendship for you. Once someone's judging you because you're
36:59
doing the things that's right for you and sometimes that the real change becomes that we have to change
37:04
those people that are around us because they're not a supporter for us and that's very hard for you college students to do.
37:09
Because we wanna be friends with everybody. We wanna be nice to everybody and we don't
37:15
want anyone to not like us. You know to graduate with three friends you know stick with those three and it's gonna be fine.
37:20
Maybe one, you think? Is it getting that low? You have two or three really close friends.
37:25
You only talk to one on a daily basis. Maybe and that's like good right. You got this suite
37:31
of six to twelve people no they're not all coming with you after this.
37:36
You can respect everyone and respect our differences but we may not be
37:41
best friends and may not be close after this. It's kind of when you see
37:46
those people that have all of their high school friends they still talk to. It's scary. I'm
37:51
like what's wrong, what's going on with you. Well this as fun.
37:56
Thanks so much for having me! I hope I answered all your questions. Yeah you did. Well I hope everyone have a lovely day. Thank
38:02
you so much for listening. Have a nice one!
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This is a machine transcription and is subject to error. Apologizes in advance.