Speaker 1:                                             From Austin Stone Worship, this is stories from the Austin Stone. In the midst of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, believers around the world are striving to be faithful to Jesus and love their neighbors. Alone Together is a series of stories about how the people of the Austin Stone are living faithfully in uncertain times. Today across Austin and around the world, doctors and nurses, restaurant owners and delivery drivers, singles and students, moms and dads, artists and accountants and more are loving God, their church, their city, and the nations in the midst of this season. We might be spending our days apart, but in Jesus the church will always be United. These are stories of God's people, Alone Together.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          My name is Jimmy McNeil and I am a Christ follower who happens to be one of the worship pastors at The Austin Stone Community Church. Today marks nine days since my uncle passed away from COVID-19. He was 53 years old when he died, and I remember my last moments with my uncle and it was us talking about music because he loved music so much and it brought him so much joy to know that one of his nephews was playing music and even just trying to point people to Jesus with his music.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          And I just remember him always telling me, I always [inaudible 00:01:30]. "Hey man, when you [inaudible] get that next hour. When the next time I come, man, I got to get the one you got. Come on now. I need a number one. You got to get to promise some more." And I'm like, "All right, I know. I'm working on it. I'm working on it, man." But my uncle Bobby, he was the youngest uncle, and if I could say this just about him, he was a miracle baby himself.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          My grandmother had cancer right before she got pregnant with him. And the doctors told her that she wasn't going to be able to ... One, they told her she wouldn't live, but then two, they also told her after she was healed of cancer, they also told her that she wouldn't be able to have any more kids. And then she had my uncle Bobby. He got the virus fairly quickly from my knowledge. We're not sure how he got the virus, but I know that once he felt like he was sick, he stayed home.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          And a few days later he felt so bad that he ended up taking himself to the hospital. And when he took himself to the hospital, he never came out. And they told him that he had walking pneumonia and proceeded to test him to see if he had the coronavirus, COVID-19, and he tested positive for it. And within a few days of him testing positive, he was put on a ventilator and they started doing as many tests as they could to help him to stay stable.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          His lungs began to collapse and they ended up collapsing, and they tried all different treatments and it seemed as if he was getting better by Saturday, and we got a call from our family on Saturday morning saying that he was doing much better and by Saturday afternoon and early Sunday morning as well we just got a call saying that they're probably going to give him about 24 hours to live. They said that one of the nurses called my uncle's wife and my aunt and they got to talk to him about an hour or so before he passed away.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          And from my knowledge, I know that they put the phone, I can [inaudible 00:03:26]. And although he was sedated, I believe that he could still hear them. And the nurse also just shared that she wasn't going to leave and that they weren't going to leave the room at all and they were going to stay with my uncle until he passed away. And they would call my aunt and his wife whenever they knew that he was going to be breathing his last breath or the last few minutes of his life.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          And when it got to that time that they knew, which was about an hour and a half or two hours later, the nurse called my aunt and my uncle's wife and they video chatted and they could see the tubes and they could see just what he looks like, and they could see him breathing and they could hear the machines going off. And as they began to talk to him, they also witnessed him pass away. And I am extremely thankful to that nurse for sticking around and really loving our family the way that that nurse loved our family, and even loving my uncle the way that that nurse loved my uncle in that moment. Someone that that person didn't know at all, besides them being in that room.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          And when that took place, that's when she let the family know and let us know. And I got a phone call around midnight or so from my sister and I knew it was not a good call when I heard her crying on the other side of the line. And I stayed up for a while and I just wept in my bed and cried and was just sad. And I spent some time praying and asking God to be near to my family. And the next morning I woke up and I did some, not necessarily soul searching, but I told myself that I would just be honest with my feelings to God and I would be extremely honest with my feelings to whoever would ask.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          When people ask me how I was doing, I wouldn't lie to them and say that I'm doing good. If I got tired of saying all the negative things that I felt, I would just say I'm doing as good as I can. I'm not great, but I'm doing as good as I can. I'd phrase it that way, and if they wanted to know more, they would ask me and I would answer their questions. But I wanted to be extremely honest to people and I waned to be honest with myself. And that kind of took me through a timeframe of not understanding whether or not I was extremely depressed or was it just sadness or am I just walking through grief?

Jimmy McNeil:                                          I know the first day, which was a Monday, I felt this extreme amount of weight on my body and I couldn't shake it, I couldn't make myself happy, and I was sad, but it was a different kind of sad. It wasn't like this heaviness of like just life in the world's problems on me, but it was more like a sad grief. And I thought to myself, and I even told my wife this, they might think this is what grief actually feels like.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          It's weighty, and it's just this huge weight of sadness and sorrow that you just feel. And it's kind of something you can't necessarily express, but you know you feel weighty and just heavy, like a heavy burden that's been laying on you. But it's not necessarily a burden that is because of a lot of different circumstances in your life, but it's more just a grief. And that grief was hard. And for me to be okay with feeling that grief was really, really hard, and it was hard for my wife as well and for us in general, and that pain that I felt wouldn't go away and day by day it's gotten better.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          But I would say that first day was the toughest day and it's slowly started getting better after that. And when it comes to just the amount of sadness and even tears that I've shed, there've been moments where I've even asked myself, "Man, why am I sad? Why am I crying so much? Why am I so sad over my uncle's passing? I shouldn't be either sad. I'm an elder at our church. I'm a Christian. I actually have hope. I should be happy. And I'm an Enneagram Seven. I need to be joyful all the time."

Jimmy McNeil:                                          And as I thought through all these things, I just thought, man, Lord know, like I need to be honest. I need to continue to be honest and then to continue to be raw and real, but I can also agree with hope. I've just learned that, man, if Jesus wept, so can I. If Jesus was grieved and troubled, I can be the same, and if Jesus was that the garden saying, "Lord, would you take this cup from me?" I can also say, "God, will you please take these things away from me? Would you please? God, I hate that my uncle passed away. God, I hate that so many people are dying of this COVID-19. God I hate ..."

Jimmy McNeil:                                          And I can lament and just say, "God, I hate all of this. Lord, I don't want it to be happening." I can ask him, "Lord, why is this happening? Would you please give me wisdom? Give me some discernment. Teach me what you want me to teach to what you want to teach me. But Lord, please, please God, would you stop it? I know you can stop it all. I beg you to stop it." And even in the midst of saying those words, just like Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane saying, "God, would you take this cup from me? If it's your will, could you take it from me?" But he said, "Not my will, let yours be done."

Jimmy McNeil:                                          So even in that, I say, "God, not my will, but yours be done." Like I think I grieve so hard because I love so hard. And I think that's the mark of a Christian. We love extremely hard and we also grieve extremely hard as well because of how hard we love, and how much we love others. And I think that's a really good thing and that's something that we ought to keep doing. And today, although we've been walking through a lot of this stuff with on my mom's side of the family, today I got a phone call from my dad, literally about an hour or two before this interview, that his aunt, my aunt Peggy was also diagnosed with COVID-19 today.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          She had a stroke, I believe yesterday, a mild stroke. And while that was taking place, they were doing a lot of tests and testing her for a lot of different things. And it came back today that she has COVID-19 as well, and she was also battling cancer. So for her it's a very sad, sad time. When my dad called, I knew something was wrong. I could just hear it in his voice. And as we finally got to talk about everything, he shared that news with me and I got to call my cousin Reggie, who, it's his mom and I just told him I just wanted to pray for him.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          So I got to pray for him, and even just getting off the phone, I just wept. And hearing him just be thankful and to say thank you for praying. And then I just prayed for her to be a walking miracle. One of the walking miracles that we've seen in these videos of people being rolled out on wheelchairs from the hospital as doctors are in line just clapping. And I'm hoping and praying that no one else in my family will get it. But if they do, I'm just going to go to God with tears in my eyes and lament to him.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          And at the same time that I'm lamenting, I want to be just like Jesus was in the garden as he did not let anxiousness, anxiety overtake him, but he sweat drops of blood and prayed. I want to do the same thing. Go to my daddy in heaven and pray to Him and ask Him to be my help and to help us and help my family endure the suffering. I think my hope for the church and just us as a people in general coming out of this is to be honest, I think it's Romans 12:9-13.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          And it's simple words that just say, "Let love be genuine. Hate what is evil. Hold fast to what is good, love one another with a brotherly or sisterly affection, outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, let us not be lazy. Let us be fervent in spirit and serve the Lord. That we will be people that rejoice in hope and be patient in tribulation and be in constant prayer, and that we'd be people that contribute to the needs of the saints around us and seek to show hospitality to everybody no matter what state we're in."

Jimmy McNeil:                                          I just want to share just another story that was super encouraging to me on the morning that I shared this with some of the elders and all these friends that I've been praying for my uncle. I got a phone call from my accountability partner. His name's Justin. And he called me and we started talking and I shared with him a story or two about my uncle, and we got to laugh and he just said, "Man, let me pray for you."

Jimmy McNeil:                                          And I got to tell you all, having friends and having other people pray for you, especially saying words that you maybe can't say in those moments, it's just so good for your own soul. It's so good to be prayed for. So those of you that are Christians and that are listening to this, call your friends and pray for those people that are walking through things. Just call them and say, "Hi. I just want to pray for you."

Jimmy McNeil:                                          And as you pray, just be honest in your prayer. And that's what he was for me. He grieved with me, he mourned with me. I can even hear in his voice, just the tears that were welling up in his own eyes. And as this was happening, he was started praying for me. My wife was watching the Today Show and they were doing some special because Bill Withers had just passed away as well the same weekend. And the song Lean on Me started to be sung by all of these different people, and it was playing in my living room.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          I had the door open to my bedroom and it was playing in the living room. And my buddy Justin's praying for me on the phone and I hear the lyrics sometimes in our lives. We all have pain and we all have sorrow. But if we are wise, I know that there's always tomorrow. I never heard those lyrics the way that I heard them that morning. As I heard those lyrics, I just began to weep. And as I wept, my wife walked past the hallway and saw me weeping and she came closer towards me and she laid her head on my shoulder. Justin was praying with me on the phone. I'm crying listening to Lean on Me, and my wife is on my shoulder. And God just in a sweet way was just telling me, you need to lean on your friends, you need to lean on your wife, you need to lean on your family. Don't just deal with this on your own. You can lean on others.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          (Singing)

Jimmy McNeil:                                          Music is very powerful and it's something that helps us walk through misery and pain and sorrow in a way that I would say nothing else does. Yes, words can be comforting. Words can be helped with grief. Having someone next to you can help with grief. But there's something different about putting those words to music. It's like when you hear a song, it's like that person was thinking about you when they wrote that song, even though they weren't. And music has a beautiful way of touching the soul, and not even have to touch your skin to skin or anything like that. It just breathes life into your soul, but also helps you grieve in times of sadness and sorrow as well. And it's been a huge help for me, and a huge help for my family.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          So here's a song that has been just really speaking to me in this timeframe, and it's called Lord, Don't Move my Mountain. I think it's from the '70s. I have no clue. But my mom sings it and she sings it way better than I can. And I love hearing her sing it, but it's a song that just says, "Lord, don't move my mountain, but would you give me the strength to climb? And Lord, don't take away the stumbling blocks, but lead me all around."

Jimmy McNeil:                                          And when I think about those lyrics, I'm just like, "Lord, those lyrics are true for me today. Like, I don't want you to move this mountain. I want you to help me climb it. Give me the strength, helped me to persevere, give me the hope and help me fix my eyes on Jesus, the author, and perfector of my faith. Let me fix my eyes on you, I lay aside every sin that entangles me, and just run this race with endurance and then just lead me all around. Just don't take away the stumbling blocks, the rocks in the path. Don't take them away, but lead me around them, or all around and just help me get over them. And even though I may stumble at times, God, you're still with me. You're still leading me as I go." And the simple chorus to that song, it goes like this. I see if I can catch a key to sing it.

Jimmy McNeil:                                          (Singing)

Jimmy McNeil:                                          And just singing those words has just been a help and has been an encouragement to my family. It's a song that we sing as a family, and when we sing those words, it just makes us think about all the tough things God has brought us through and knowing that He's brought us through that, He'll bring us through this.

Speaker 1:                                             Thank you for listening to this episode of stories from the Austin Stone. Please help us spread the word about the podcast by rating and reviewing us on Apple podcasts or wherever you found this episode, and by sharing this episode with your family and friends. If you have a story to share with us during this time, please visit austinstone.org/share. That's austinstone.org/S-H-A-R-E. Finally, for up-to-date information on how the Austin Stone is responding to the new coronavirus, please visit austinstone.org/coronavirus.