Unknown Speaker 0:01 This is for all the girls who grew up without strong big role models to help them discover their geek dreams Amanda 0:07 for everyone who's ever been quizzed about their video game knowledge because Unknown Speaker 0:11 geek Herring is working to bring female identifying geeks into their prime to be the role models dreams and voices not Amanda 0:18 to show these boys how we do it. Further, faster, not about deserve. Unknown Speaker 0:26 A girl has no name. There is something supernatural at work here. It's about what you believe. Did I? Unknown Speaker 0:37 Ever, you ready to get ready for this? Welcome to Geek herring, a critical geek culture podcast where we talk the good and the bad parts of being a chick in a male dominated environment. Hi, my name is Monica and with me today is my lovely glorious, amazing, wonderful. A bit also hot, I suppose because she's wearing a tank top as well. co host Amanda. Sorry. That was really awkward. Hi, Amanda Amanda 1:04 was super awkward. I loved it. Thanks. I'm actually not hot. I'm on the verge of cool. I just can't be bothered to get a sweater or change my job. I know. Unknown Speaker 1:13 I know. That is that is an n and like, I'm fine. Amanda 1:17 I will heat up it's it will get hot in here. Unknown Speaker 1:20 But it's yeah. Amanda 1:21 Hi, how are you? Unknown Speaker 1:22 I'm very Oh, why? Because today we have a guest on and I'm so excited. The guests agreed to be here. Amanda 1:29 That's true. I have a Unknown Speaker 1:33 Hello, I'm very happy to be here. I appreciate you all asking me to be a part of this. I'm excited. Unknown Speaker 1:39 I mean, if if there is one person that we want to ask on here, it must be you. Like it's you're also not on the top of these people like Amanda and I we have this and people have heard this before because all of a sudden like people who are now want to be on up we want them on a podcast so badly list, but they are too great for us and we are just little sheets, so nobody has to be on. And now we're like trying to talk to all these people. And suddenly these people do agree and I'm like, What the fuck is even going on? Even happening? Why do people agree to be on the podcast? And to Unknown Speaker 2:15 me to be here? I'm a little shit. So to be fair, like it makes perfect sense. Amanda 2:23 Attract shit. Unknown Speaker 2:28 That should also be a t shirt. Amanda 2:30 Yes, like I totally wear that. Unknown Speaker 2:32 I would wear that I'd probably get people near where I live and probably like you don't clutch their pearls looking at it. But like I mean, they already do that with my hair. So like why not just the outfit, Unknown Speaker 2:47 though? Who the fuck is? I mean, Unknown Speaker 2:49 I'm weird though. Like people here are not weird. I'm weird. So it's just it doesn't work but whatever. I don't leave my heart so that doesn't matter. Unknown Speaker 3:00 That itself freaky. Amanda 3:04 I get it like my hair is not as bright as yours. But in the sun. It's quite purple. And like walk around my little village. I'm definitely the bright one. Yeah, like you're like, Huh. Unknown Speaker 3:15 And just awkward because it don't have kids and I'm not married. So that makes you already all karate and countryside lifestyle. Amanda 3:21 Yes, yeah, legit. Yo, so, Unknown Speaker 3:24 but I mean, we're rocking it either way, Unknown Speaker 3:26 right? Yeah, that's That's it. That's what we go for, Unknown Speaker 3:30 like Zack. So, I mean, for the people who listen to a podcast and don't know whose psyche is why don't you number one. And also let me let me introduce her just a tiny bit before she then also can introduce yourself a bit better. psyches, Twitch partner tweets, Twitch stream actually was your Twitter partner Versary. The fifth one. Unknown Speaker 3:56 So June is my anniversary my five year anniversary of streaming full time. So I my partner bursary was actually in January. And that was my I want to say third. Yeah, my third. And I've been streaming full time for five years. This month. Amanda 4:11 Wow. That's a long time. So Unknown Speaker 4:14 you So you worked you stream full time before you got partner? That's it pick this one. Yes. Unknown Speaker 4:22 But I so I this is a really weird one that I've talked about before. I didn't start streaming full time because I was in a position to stream full time if you don't, I mean, I just I left my job. And I decided no, it was the best time to try full time streaming. I didn't have like the viewership or anything to go partnered or any or like full time, but I was in a position that I could and I had some savings. My partner had a job offer here. So I was like, Well, I mean, why not see what happens and how it goes on? I did and it worked out and I'm very lucky but it could very easily not have worked out as well. And it took a while to learn I didn't have the viewership for partnership until, like, a year and a half, two years into being full time. Unknown Speaker 5:08 But I mean, thanks and hard work paid off. Yes. Unknown Speaker 5:12 Yes, consistency is a big one. I think Amanda 5:14 that's inspiring and comforting from Chad and things. Unknown Speaker 5:19 That means a lot to me. I feel like there's, I don't know, I feel like people talk. I'm sorry, I'm getting way ahead of myself, because I'm probably gonna talk about this more later. But I feel like a lot of people, we talk all the time about how everyone's journey on Twitch is different. And everyone's journey with like, streaming is different. And everybody grows at different rates. And whatever I'm not is like really, really true. I streamed as a hobby for I guess, like two ish years before I started streaming full time on it. Like I didn't, I had a really, really small viewership, but I was streaming as a hobby. Like I was doing it two or three nights a week. My viewership was quite small, and I just loved what I was doing. And then I don't really know how I fell into doing it full time. I don't know where I decided, I think I just, I was I took time off work to either stream or write and I was like, I don't know if I could be bothered writing. So I guess I'll stream instead. I never did get around to doing the writing thing that I said I was gonna do. One day, it'll happen. Amanda 6:19 Right on stream. Yeah, I Unknown Speaker 6:21 thought about that. Actually. I think that could be quite fun, and will keep me motivated, but I haven't done it yet. Hmm. I know a couple of streamers who do that. And I look, it looks really really cool. Amanda 6:30 I had suggested that or asked on Twitter sometime if like people would watch that. And everyone replied to my poll and said that was like Unknown Speaker 6:37 see people say that I think people don't realise. Yeah, exactly. I was that's exactly what I was thinking of. I think people say like I've had people say that like a day wouldn't enjoy watching me do crafting streams or whatever. And that is absolutely bullshit because people do enjoy watching that. And people do it all the time. I've done crafting streams, and it's always the people who've said oh, I don't think I'd enjoy that. You're like actually this was really fun. I don't think they necessarily realise what they like Unknown Speaker 7:07 that at all also, I think people start to kind of forget that the reason why they're really new stream is not necessarily it's not necessarily your games it Yeah, you and your entertainment so when you talk I was gonna say to say talk shit but you definitely not talking about when you just do what you always do and just craft instead instead of playing a video game gives the same kind of entertainment is just another background that it's Yeah, Unknown Speaker 7:33 yeah, definitely before we Unknown Speaker 7:34 get ahead of ourselves Amanda 7:37 are really far ahead of this conversation. So I believe that money was introducing you. Unknown Speaker 7:45 Yeah, it was and then we can we can go good distracted, as you know. But yeah, full time partner streamer on Twitch for five years now and three years partner and playing spacey games and and it's just all around amazing human being. So that's my that's my that's very Thank you humble. Amanda 8:13 I also just want to add in here because it's Pride Month. That psyche is my fellow buy in an iced tea. Yeah, I also I really like that buy in and I Unknown Speaker 8:24 yeah, that actually I've never said it like that before, but that's pretty true. Good making. Unknown Speaker 8:28 Pretty cool. That would also good. Go well on a shirt. Yes. Amanda 8:33 So what do it do it? Do it? I Unknown Speaker 8:37 can do it. So yeah, we had this weird fucking introductions, but maybe you can tell us know, who are you actually? Unknown Speaker 8:46 I'm psyche. I like space games. And I like sandbox games, and story games and games and make me cry. I like that a lot. I like to cry, which is weird. And yeah, I have. I'm a full time streamer. I'm very much variety. I play whatever. I feel like playing on that particular day because I really cannot sit with one game. Even though I have like favourites. I can't play just one game. I just can't, I would get bored. And I'm from Northern Ireland. And that's, I have three cats. I feel I should mention that I have three cats one's called Crash, which was an accidental kind of prophetic name because we knock stuff over all the time and it makes lots of loud noises and that's not why we named them that. And I have two kittens called Crowley and as after Crowley and Aziraphale for good omens, and they're very sweet, but they're also very large and their butts are always on my stream. Amanda 9:48 What am I left Unknown Speaker 9:49 with? When I first found out that your CAD sucks I was Unknown Speaker 9:52 I was so glad because I think you were one of the first people who was like I know I get that reference. I know what that's from and like other people have been like Like, like Mr. Crowley, and I was like no like Croley from from good omens and as is their Unknown Speaker 10:06 prime show, because it was such a good show. Unknown Speaker 10:11 It was really, really good. I really loved Unknown Speaker 10:14 David Tennant. And you know, Unknown Speaker 10:16 I loved that I loved their dynamic very, very much. Good. So yeah, we accidentally, yes, do good omens was so good. And I named them after that, because we couldn't figure out what to call them. And then it dropped. We scroll past it on prime. And I was like, Oh my God, and my fiance went, that's that's the name. So that's what we have to call them. And it helps because Aziraphale really loves lunch do which works really, really well for the character. And Curly has these weird his ears kind of look like horns because they curl backwards a little bit. So I was like, oh, it's perfect. Unknown Speaker 10:51 Oh, that's adorable. Unknown Speaker 10:53 They're very cute. Amanda 10:54 I'm just going to out myself and say that I Unknown Speaker 10:56 haven't. You need to know good. She is really Unknown Speaker 10:59 really really good. Amanda 11:00 We watched one episode at manies house but the volume was so low that Tom and I actually don't know what it was about. And we still haven't watched why Unknown Speaker 11:08 was it so low? To British to tell me to turn it up. Amanda 11:12 We did and you turned it up a little bit. And we were still like Unknown Speaker 11:27 I can figure it out when you to British but like they said didn't realise. Sorry. No, it sucks to be you in the end. Amanda 11:41 We'll watch it again sometime added to the list of TV shows that is listed. Oh, yeah. Unknown Speaker 11:47 But that should be really far. It's like very like other things would necessarily have to good omens. Amanda 11:54 You hear that? Tom? You hear that? Yes. Unknown Speaker 11:57 I will make him hear it later. That sound? Sound is not correct. Amanda 12:02 This so we can just keep posting or group chat. Oh, okay. So I want to find out more about you. Are you? Let's go into a rapid fire around. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. So you already said where you're from? and Ireland and what are your pronouns? She her. And when are you a geek since so maybe a year and a stone your first? Unknown Speaker 12:23 So I think now I want to say 1994. So I was about five very concrete. I think it was 1994. I I've been playing games since I was like five. And I was very, like, I don't really get like super like obsessed with doing things. But I was really into gaming from when I was five. My dad. This is really weird. My dad bought the original Nintendo. And everyone calls it an N E S and I've always called it a NES. I don't know why that's just in my head. That's what it's called. I used to play a lot of Duck Hunt. And then I discovered how to cheat. And I did. You could come up against the screen and the olds like TVs you could just press the button and you always shot the ducks. Like I was a shameless child. I never knew that. I discovered it. I don't know. I think my TV and where I was sitting was like super, super close to the TV. And then I just sort of went pressed it up against the TV and it worked. And then I was like Oh cool. This stupid dog won't laugh at me anymore. This is great. And then I got told off because apparently that's not okay. And then I played a lot of top gun, which I don't know if anyone remembers that game. I was really bad at it, but I really liked it. I played a lot of that and Mario Of course, which is the reason it's weird is because like nobody in my close family played games like my dad had no interest in computers. He's not very technical. I have no idea why he decided to buy the NES at all I have no idea but he brought it home one day and it was the coolest thing ever you i don't know i i t claims it was for me I don't know if it was for him and he just didn't like it that much and then I ended up playing with it but like nobody in my my close family was like very nerdy or anything so I don't know why he did it but I'm very glad he did. And then like that's what got me started I guess Amanda 14:18 Tom says Your story is Unknown Speaker 14:21 it's weird I feel like there's there's like a kind of like little group of people who Duck Hunt was there like first game that they played a good game although I tried playing it again recently. It's not the same without the gun and you can't really do that with modern TVs and stuff. It doesn't work the same way so it sucks. Unknown Speaker 14:39 You actually have to know Unknown Speaker 14:44 you have to play it with a controller and I and it's just not the same Amanda 14:47 How did that game? Yeah, I Unknown Speaker 14:51 think it was something to do with like the the the refresh rate of your TV or something and then like they had like a little sensor in the in the inside of the gun, it looked kind of like a mirror. So I don't know if that's how it worked. But Unknown Speaker 15:04 I mean, that's ridiculously advanced for 94 Unknown Speaker 15:10 It really is. I think it was kind of like they tried to miniaturise the ones that you get in arcades, and they were like, how can we bring this into their home so they made those on? I think were really cool. I really liked them. I even if I was a filthy cheater, Amanda 15:26 thank you. And what are some of your biggest geeky influences or just imposed in general as you can think like books me shows teachers game, Unknown Speaker 15:34 although I think I have kind of a controversial one. Because on you'll know exactly what I mean by saying is controversial. Lara Croft, because I know I know she like original aircraft was super like constructed for the male gaze 100%. But I was really into like the original Tomb Raider games, because the idea of being like a badass adventurer was just so cool to me. And it was the first time I'd seen a woman in I was like, the main character in a game. Like I know there were other games, but like, this was my first experience and I ever since then, like literally I remember so I didn't have a PlayStation. My This is weird. My granny had a PlayStation, but it wasn't hers. It was my uncle's. And he left it at her house whenever he went to college, but I went to my granny's house and there was this Playstation in his bedroom. And it had been converted into like a sitting room, but they had the PlayStation. So I would go visit my granny, but really, I was going to visit the PlayStation to play Tomb Raider. And I would just be like, No, Mom, I don't want to go home. I have to play more Tomb Raider, and I just really loved it. And it was so cool. And I Yeah, Lara Croft is weird. I feel like that's a weird one. Because she is such a like, she was so sexy and all that stuff. But like, she was such a badass too. And I was just very inspired. I guess. Amanda 16:54 I like I totally get it. But it's kind of controversial, but I'm the same as you like she was such an inspiring character for me and like yeah, okay, even if she was creatively, okay, it's like, hello. Probably big reason why I'm by Yes. Number one. 100%. Yeah, but totally inspirational character, like just absolutely loved all the games. Yeah, and still play them. Unknown Speaker 17:16 Yeah, definitely. I'm like, when I was younger, it's weird when I was younger. I don't know if you ever saw this, but there was like a gaming magazine that had they often had like cheat codes and stuff like that and all that stuff. But they had a picture that was like a centrefold picture of Lara Croft, she was naked. But she was sitting with like a pillow covering herself. So you couldn't see anything right? Very young me did not know I was by yet but could not figure out why I really liked that picture and that page in the magazine, and my mom was like, stop looking at it. So like, no looking back, I could be like, Yeah, that makes sense. But at the time, I had no idea maybe I just really wanted to be friends with Lara Croft like really wanted to be friends. Unknown Speaker 18:08 I didn't mean to be honest, like Lara Croft was the first one who was kinda Amanda just Amanda 18:14 I made the mistake. Unknown Speaker 18:18 I see porn. Oh, okay. Not going to be exact picture that I'm referring to Amanda 18:33 type in because it was not. Unknown Speaker 18:36 Lara Croft pillow and it was the first picture. It's not quite the exact picture but it's the same ideas in from deviant art, but it was the same kind of thing. Amanda 18:45 Okay, yep, that's that. Oh, no, I put in Lara Croft Unknown Speaker 18:52 naked. I mean, that's a bad idea. I Amanda 18:55 think that's exactly what I put in Unknown Speaker 19:04 I made a mistake that's fine. We'll just pretend that didn't happen. The amount of times I have to say don't google that on my stream is ridiculous. And someone always does need a command. Yeah. Just a button like a resume stream deck. Unknown Speaker 19:32 Don't we have a rule number one command and stream don't google anything that comes up in the stream or ask them? Amanda 19:40 We probably need that too. Unknown Speaker 19:47 But in reality back to Lara Croft, she was one of the first I mean, the first that I remember because Pete You can't really count. She was one of the first female characters despite being created for the male gaze. But she was badass. And she was the main character in the video game. And you didn't have that before. So that was like, fully Unknown Speaker 20:05 Yeah, exactly. She was my first like, this was just this is a woman who's in front. And this is she's the main character. And that's really cool. And I think maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like after Tomb Raider, there weren't that many after that either. And that's why it still kind of stuck in my mind as one that I would always go back to you and be like, Yeah, but at least I still have my Rowcroft which was really cool. Amanda 20:25 Yeah, definitely. It's great because they're still making games for and I think he's getting even more badass. Yeah, for sure. Less male gaze as well. And I'm like, the win win. Yep. Unknown Speaker 20:36 Also, I mean, the graphics were so shades big. Boobs kind of didn't really the triangle. Yeah, it was very case my ass. But like, seriously, Unknown Speaker 20:48 it was like 95% of the polygons were her boobs. And they were literally just triangles. I was like, Okay, well, I mean, you tried? Amanda 20:59 Definitely. Um, okay. And our last question of the rapid fire round, and what are some of your current geeky pastime. Unknown Speaker 21:04 So I'm actually trying really hard to get back into reading because I used to be a really big reader. But I feel like the last few years, my focus has been really bad. And I feel like locked behind has made it much worse, because I'm much more likely to like scroll through social media and stuff, which I've been stopping. It's been very hard, but I've been stopping. So the last week or two, I've been trying to get back into reading books a lot more, which has been really nice. I started, I actually read an Agatha Christie book, I had never read anything by Agatha Christie before and I read an Agatha Christie book in one setting on Saturday, which was really good. And that kind of made me feel like I was getting back into the swing of things. And I've just started Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson, because everyone always recommends it. And I've always been too intimidated to read it, because it's quite long. But I will see how it goes. I don't know. I read the first couple of chapters. And I liked it so far. So we'll see. Amanda 22:05 Her actually heard quite a lot about that. So now I'm gonna go. Go, cuz yeah, I forget. Every time it comes up. I'm like, put that on your list. Right? God? Yeah. Now. But yeah, Unknown Speaker 22:18 I've owned the book on Kindle since 2012. And I'm only reading it nine. So there, I just have a real it's like the same as the stock of shame of games that you've bought during sales, and you never play? Yeah, I have books as well. And I and I just, I'll get there. How many games do you have? How many books you have? Too many, many? Yeah, exactly. Some way still not enough. Amanda 22:45 Thank you for playing a rapid fire round. Unknown Speaker 22:47 No problem. Thank you. Amanda 22:49 So what's the geeky thing we're talking about today? Unknown Speaker 22:52 So I thought that maybe we could talk about something that's especially very relevant to me know, since the last year or two of streaming, being like out while streaming and having it be like a part of your content, because that's something that I think is just really personal to me. And I thought it might be a nice thing to talk about, especially because it's Pride Month. And yeah, Unknown Speaker 23:15 yes, please. Amanda 23:17 This is a great time, especially because it's Pride Month, but also because it's something that is relevant for all of us now. And 365 days of the Unknown Speaker 23:25 Yes, I agree. That's a big one on like, so the reason I wanted to talk about it is I like I've been like out as bisexual for in my real life, pretty much like since I was a teenager. But I I've never like I've been open about it on stream my the whole time that I've been streaming, but it never really was like something that I really talked about that much until, like maybe two years ago. And then I started being a lot more like, I guess involved I think is the best way to describe like, I wanted to talk more about how it affected me and I wanted to talk more about how that affected people who were in my audience and ever since starting to do that, I feel like my entire stream has changed but in a good way. And our community has changed in a good way on it's just been really really nice. And I realised that this was this was the like missing puzzle piece from like before, where I didn't really know where I fit it in as a streamer. And I didn't really know what my my content like how to describe my content or anything like that. And I just feel like this makes sense. This clicks and it's it's perfect and I'm really glad that I did it. Unknown Speaker 24:30 Did you start to so you said you you've always been open about about being bi on but like two years ago you embraced it more? Unknown Speaker 24:38 Yeah, let's look so we used to have like occasional conversations like I would frequently there be like a you know, I don't know, like we would talk about like a really attractive person. And I would be like Oh my My goodness. Like, I feel like Lara Croft was you know, bisexual awakening or like Scully in the exiles or whatever I'm like, I would talk about that very, very briefly, and then we'd move on. But like, a couple of years ago, I just, I guess I started. So I started doing chatty kind of segments at the beginning of my streams. And while I wouldn't specifically like pick a topic that was a byte, like my sexuality, or like sexuality in general, I would try to talk more about those kinds of topics. And like, what, another thing that I noticed was that like, a few years ago, I was really, I guess the best way to describe is like wishy washy with, you know, like, I didn't know how my rules were supposed to be and how I was supposed to enforce them. I didn't know how to enforce my boundaries and stuff like that. And that's something that I've got so much better at. And I've made it very, very clear that the reason for this is because like, this is a part of my life, this is a part of who I am. And this is a part of how so many people in our community are and like, we just need to make sure that we're constructing a place that is safe for those people. And it's hard because I feel like like, this is weird. I feel like as you start to improve, you look back on what you were like before and you think to yourself, how was I? Like, why was I ever letting people talk like that in my chat? How was I ever Okay, with not having rules that were that strict? I was okay, with not being very specific about my boundaries and stuff like that. Like, I know that if I looked at my stream four or five years ago, I'd be like, Oh, no, there's so many things I should change about this. But I feel like a couple years ago, that's when it really clicked and I started, like taking it super, super seriously. And being very, I guess, intentional with what I wanted from my streaming from the community that I was building. And that's, that's where it's coming from. Amanda 26:35 It is really ending and I like what Gemma has said in our chat here. She said, Because as women we are taught that boundaries are rude. So it takes time. Unknown Speaker 26:42 That is very true. And that's something I think I've really struggled with. I worked in the games industry, like from the other side for eight years. And like I was a project manager and I got told constantly that I was being bossy just because I was trying to enforce boundaries in like a meeting, for example, because a great example, there's a person who actually know also as a full time streamer. And as a person I'm very, very fond of who was talking over other people, especially other like women, he was talking over women in the meeting. And he didn't mean anything by it. He was just he was just like acting up and I told him not to. And he was very, he was great. He was like, I'm so sorry. Yes, you know, you're completely right. And he went fine. But then some other person came up to me afterwards. Oh, my God, I had no idea you could be so bossy. And I was like, okay, the person I actually asked to please save it for after the meeting is totally fine with it, but you're not okay with it. Like, and that puts I think we are really bad at reinforcing boundaries because we're told all the time that you know, it's bad you're bossy for telling somebody not to do something or whatever and we're taught to be quiet and I'm not so it is really hard Unknown Speaker 27:47 for your opinion. Saying Thanks for nothing kinda kindness like this. What why people also have with wide for too, if you want to call doubt about their racism is like you. You call out misogyny right now. And like, like sexism in a way and then that people and stereotypes that are and how people treat women in certain situations. And that has nothing to do with it being like necessaries, necessarily something personal, but people all of a sudden make it super personal. Because why can you not just call somebody out for being an asshole and for talking over people? Without did having to be anything else? But that's because that's what he did. Right? You just said like, Unknown Speaker 28:31 yeah, and I was really like, super polite about it. Because like, I was trying to not be rude. But I was saying like, Hey, can we maybe let this person talk and you can do this messing around, he was just messing around. I was like, you can mess around afterwards. Like, we can hang right in the we were in the cafeteria, we can hang out in the cafeteria and mess around after the meeting is over. But we need to get this done and respect people's time. Now was it and I was like, he was fine. He was very apologetic. And he was like, I'm so sorry. And like we've stayed kind of like friends since I left the company. And he's left the company. No, we get along really, really well. Because he he took that to heart and he actually paid attention. But then other people were watching and we're like, Oh, you're so bossy. And that's so cool. I didn't know you. I was like, I'm the project manager. Like, what do you want me to do? Unknown Speaker 29:14 My fucking job is what I get paid. Amanda 29:17 Wow, wow, sorry. I'm just like trying to wrap my head around that. But like, I totally, like, it's a thing. It's still just it's always just that moment of like, wow, this actually happened. Unknown Speaker 29:28 Yeah, and it happens I guess all the time. And I think that's actually a really, really good point, though, that reinforcing boundaries and like having rules that you're very like strict stay strict, strict makes it sound like you're a teacher but like that you're actually reinforcing the rules and the I guess advocate of your your community and your chat and everything. It is so hard. And I feel like I'm getting to a point where I'm a lot better about it. But there's definitely things that whenever I first started streaming, I let slip through my chat and was just like, oh, I don't really know how to deal with that. And like no, I would be like A lot better at it. But at the time, I just had no idea what to do. Transcribed by https://otter.ai