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You're listening to audio from Faith Church Indy.  This fall we're studying the book of Ephesians,  learning about the new life that we find in Christ.  Now here's the teaching. We stand  to show respect for God's word, so as you are able, would you please stand for the reading of scripture?  And as you are turning to Ephesians 6 in your... Bibles or your scripture journals, we're on page 24.  I'm very pleased to be able to welcome today uh Pastor  Curtis Costin, Jr. from Solid Word Bible Church, our sister congregation, the west side of Indianapolis. uh Curtis has been pastor there for going on nine years.  He is joined today by his beautiful wife, Lovette. They have been married for 30 years and have three wonderful  grown children.  We're eager to hear God's word from you today, Curtis. us.  Here is the word of the Lord. Children obey your parents and the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother.  This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This is the word of the Lord. Thanks be to God.  may be seated. Good morning.  So glad that I get the opportunity again to be here at Faith. Faith has a special place in our life as a church  and as  fellow believers.  I've known many of you and several of you um for years  and  continue to enjoy the blessings of the relationship that the Lord has given. And so  this morning,  I'm was grateful and was honored that was invited to be able to share from this. will tell you right now that when someone comes to speak on parenting, you get that look and said, so are you the expert? Not at all.  No. um We come as people tried  by the fire as we are growing in Christ. And for those who are parents, you know what fire I'm talking about. But one of the things that I've realized  is that God  uses by His grace  our ability  to parent so that we demonstrate who He is to the world.  I said earlier this morning,  I want to say what this is not. This is not five steps to becoming the perfect parent. You know, this isn't, you know, hear from the expert how you too can be flawless in your parenting. We know that as we walk this journey as Christ followers, as believers, that this is not about flawless  living, but it's about faithful living. And those who have parented, whether they were your own or you were helping a family, or if you were parental in someone's life, you understand the difficulties. And so this morning, Scripture having been read, I just want to pray for us real quick and then we'll jump on in. Father, thank you for the opportunity again to be under your word. I pray that our hearts would be soft and our minds would be willing. that we would follow what thus says the Lord in the name of Christ, amen. The home is where it  all  begins.  Many of things in our lives, who we are, who we are becoming, started in our homes.  Some of those things we're excited about and we love, some of them we're not, and we may be unlearning things that we've learned in our homes. But that home is that initial foundational place God has given where people grow and especially where Christ followers who are in a loving relationship with Him learn how to create an environment of discipleship. As I said, this is not about self-help tips, even though you may get some. This is not about how to have the perfect home. God has given us a way through this particular text about how we can create an environment for discipleship that will go the rest of the lives of those who experience it. And so I believe Ephesians 6 in this early part is  about discipleship. So much in our world depends on forces outside of the home to change the people in the home. And we do that. We  want our teachers, change them, help them, work it out. We have coaches, we have other friends, we  may have loved ones and relatives, and  always wanting those things outside the home to change the people in it. God turns it around. God says what he has set up are those people who have been changed by him that are growing in a relationship with him. He's given and he's tasked with the responsibility of helping people and being the conduit of change from the inside out. Isn't that like God anyway? God doesn't stand on the outside. He changes from the inside. We can't make people change in any way, shape, form, or fashion. Oh, we can give lots of influence to help people change, but change happens in the heart. And the home is where God has set that as the primary way that that's going to happen. In addition, children who are followers of Christ can be a witness for Him in any home environment. Now, I understand, some caveats here, I understand that God's grace works in and through single-parent homes, and that when both parents are not there, God's grace,  strength, and love  works in who's in that home  serving as the role model parent. I also know many of us as parents have not come from those ideal homes. And that what we've seen and that what we've heard, some of it we're trying to unlearn and some of it when we think about it hurts.  I would let you know God's grace covers all of that. That whether you came from the model home  or you came from a messy home, God's grace can change you  so that you continue to look like Christ as you journey through life,  as you have committed yourself to him. I want to give a couple of context for what we're going to read. The first context is that I believe Ephesians 6, 1 through 4 is in the context of Christian living. We've seen from chapter 4, right, where Paul encourages to walk in a manner worthy of your calling. And that call was a call to salvation. It was a call to Christ. So he says, since you have come to Christ, Christian living is at the center  of Ephesians 6, 1 through 4. See, Parents who have a relationship with God in Christ can understand what it is to be loved unconditionally This love helps them with their own insecurities because we know  some of the parenting decisions that we've made or are making Comes out of our own insecurities Maybe some things that we didn't get to accomplish in life and now we're wanting our kids to accomplish and that passion grows so heavy  out of insecurity that we shove. to do what we didn't. Or maybe you didn't have what you  thought you should in life, and so I'm going to  give to a point where it may bring dysfunction in my family instead of helping them to learn how to love God and to love the people around them. That's why I say this, Christian living. Parents who through their relationship with God in Christ are growing in their relationship with each other I know you just studied that in the chapter before about marriage and that growing marriages  are the best environments  to have growing godly children Because they see it Our kids at times have  seen  Lavenda and I journey through life and sometimes we've got it right and sometimes we didn't. And sometimes they've seen the disagreements but they've always seen us coming to agreement. Have we done it perfectly? Of course not. As I said earlier, I want us to understand as we hear this,  I don't want anyone leaving with their head bowed and they're going, oh my goodness, I'm  just getting it all wrong. I'm so horrible. The grace of God  allows us to progress through this as we mature in Christ. So Christian living, the whole...  It's a great place for people to see how that's lived out. But then also it's the context of Christian discipleship. Please see this text as God calling children and parents to be involved in a discipleship relationship. I know when you hear the word discipleship many times what that  is is someone else outside the home is going to work with my kid. And although that's the case, which is good because we want others in the Christian community involved in their lives, uh God has intended that you as parents be part of the process. That you are part of his discipling and that even though they may learn things from other people, they are learning things from you. One of the things that I learned,  I didn't share this in the earlier service, but our youngest played football. He played football all the way through college. He played in high school and then played Division III football up until his junior year. And one of the things that I had learned, finally learned, because you know, as a good dad, and I love the sport that you always want them to do well, but I would see the things that he did and especially the things he didn't. Dads. And so I would want to, after the game, encourage him, but I would also want to Hey, you, you needed to, and one of the things I learned from a friend was you need to be dad. Let us be coach. And that was hard. It doesn't say that I never said, here's some good things that you could do. But I had other men in his life that would do that. He had one friend in particular who would say to him after the game, you did nothing we talked about. What was that about? And what I got to come and do is says, how you feel about the game? I don't know and I did my best. That's okay, man. I'm still here for you. And so I could be that cheerleader, remember the time when we were at one of his college games. And he played the line, and he was going in, and the guy was holding him, and I was screaming because I wanted to call him, going, hold, hold. And so after the game, we're laughing and talking. And I said, man, that guy was holding you, and I was wanting to give the rest attention. He said, I heard you, Dad.  I was like, from the stands, he said, I know your voice. I heard you. But I got to be dad. I had to learn that. And then other people around him beat other things in his life. And so please understand the sovereign God by His grace will work out where you don't measure up. Now that's not an excuse for you to lazily say, I'm just gonna let the Lord raise them. No, God's called for you to raise them. What God says is, don't worry if you don't get it right all the time, grow in me.  here's what they'll see. They'll see a believer growing in Christ,  managing the issues of life. They'll see it. And guess what will happen? They'll learn how to deal with it. Sometimes it takes some children longer than others. And that's okay. I wanted to pray what my parents had for me. before they both went home with the Lord. But I also want us to understand that a church community needs to be unafraid to be interconnected. because that's where they grow  the most. Quick story that I'm reminded of this morning, missed it, but y'all get it. We went to a small church and my dad was one of the elders, but also just very involved. And we had,  I grew up in Brooklyn, New York, and we had  several single  parents. And this one Sunday, mom  was struggling with her  youngest and he was just all, he was all over the place.  This is the day and age in our church at that time. There was no such thing as children's church. You just heard the noise of the community and the children. And so he's sitting there and he's under the seat and he's and she's trying to corral him in. then finally, because I look over because I'm sitting next to my father,  I look over and she just,  oh, you see it. She just kind of gives up. I'm just tired. And so she sits there, stares, and he is just bouncing off the wall. And I watch my dad get up and he come out the aisle. Actually, I was sitting in front of him. He comes out the aisle and walks over and just firmly grabs the kid by the arm  and sits him in the chair. Ooh, excuse me. And sits him in the chair and says, down. And walks back over. Kid's eyes were big because they all knew Brother Costin scared him out of his mind. He said it pretty firm as my dad was known to do. He goes, sit down. And then he goes back and sits down. And as I think about it today, that probably would have started a fight in church.  Because one would be like, why you touch my child? You put your hands on him. But what the mom did is what really told the story. She turned to him, because I heard her, said, you better listen to Brother Constance. She had help in the community. We need to have a church community. I'm afraid now, look, make that work within your culture that was within mine. I'm not giving carte blanche for you all to grab anyone's child. You're on your own if you do. But what I'm saying is that within that community that was interconnected, there was a help that I think we miss today because we are so busy being... My private family stay out of my business. Work that out as the Lord allows so that we help one another grow. So three things this morning that I want us to focus on, three calls that God gives. He gives a call to children, to parental obedience. He gives a call to children, I got my nose back, to parental honor. And then he gives a call  to parents to disciple their children. Those three. And the first one he says is,  children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right or this is righteous.  In a world in which it is now becoming more popular for kids to disregard, oh, my parents don't know anything, they don't know what they're doing, they mess up half the time, I don't need to listen, God calls the child who wants to be a follower of His, who is a follower of His, to obedience. And as unpopular as that may be with some of your friends or other people, God says this is righteous  living, obedient living. But please understand obedience. Number one, this call was a countercultural call because here's what you have to understand. Children weren't directed and spoken to like that in Roman Empire culture. They didn't have sessions for children and they gathered and they heard No, but in the church they did It was the same way even with women the the the the the ability to learn and the and the freedom that came in christ within the christian community Was different than in the world and so god is calling you to something different number one. He sees you He's actually speaking to the group and he's giving his expectation When he says this both children and parents  know what is expected of god of them And of children, he says obedience. And just in case you think it's some new  kind of thought that he had then when he says it, he ties it in to the law. He ties it into something that's historical and foundational because he ties it in. We can go back to Deuteronomy 5,  where it talks about honoring your parents. So this obedience is God has put them  over your charge. uh And here's what he doesn't say obey them when they you know When they're on your good side  Obey them when they're the cool parents on the block  Obey them when you agree with them No, god says obey But then he gives a qualifier He says in the Lord, which means  as long as it doesn't cause you to oppose God in the carrying out of what they ask you. Because God still remains first. You say, well, I'm in a situation where if I don't, I'm in trouble. And even if you did do that, parents, please know, when you  put your children in opposition to the way and will of God with your requests, you are answerable to God himself. And God says to the parents, please understand this is not carte blanche for you to tell him, want them to do any and everything and to have them to do something that  is not beneficial or fruitful. He says, I'm holding you accountable for that. But this obedience is, regardless of the culture, regardless of the times. And please understand. It's not necessarily qualifying that those parents are Christians because that may have been the case. You may have had children older that have come to Christ and now they have non-Christian parents. What am I to do? You  are to model Christ in that home. We've heard of stories where children are the first to come to faith and the parents come next.  I got to experience my mother came to Christ first when I was about five and then rest of the family, I came to Christ a year before my father did. I remember spending that year praying for his salvation, and then when he came, he grew in his faith tremendously. Now, just because I came before him didn't mean  I'm not going to listen to this man until he comes to Christ. That wouldn't have gone well for me. And so this obedience is right. But then there's a call to children to parental honor. This one I want to remind us whether you're under your parents' authority or not.  Obedience is as you are under their authority. Honor is whether you are or not. Because that honor is that respect and that value. And here's what God does not say if they deserve it from you. God actually says, because I've placed them as your parents, even if they've gotten it wrong, your value and your respect of what I've placed them in your life as  says a lot about modeling Christ and learning to walk this faith in an environment that's not. And so we have to understand what God is calling for is discipleship. You are modeling Christ and where does it start? It starts in the home. I said earlier that the home is like base camp. And when you are those that, you know, that hike to the heights,  base camp is critical because that's where you garner all the resources. That's where you get what you need. That's where you learn and you work out how this plan is going to go and then you go. But if the base camp is messed up, the journey may be as well, but here's the difference where that example doesn't hold out. God by His grace  still works and transforms even when your base camp was a mess.  He says, honor your mother and father, which is the first commandment and it was. He ties it back with promise. He said long life. And what he's saying is that he's not promising that everyone's going to live to be 95 or 100. He's just saying that the length and the quality of your life is one in which God approves of. And however long your life is, in that area, you are living in God's approval. Please understand. We know  that the obedience and the honor will not be perfect. That's okay. Let it be progressive that you're learning. It may not be flawless. Let it be faithful.  It may not be picture perfect, but let it be a demonstration  of Christ in your life. And then lastly. God has a call to parents to disciple their children. Now, it doesn't mean that others will not. My kids have had wonderful, godly adults in their lives in addition to my wife and I, and I'm grateful for them. But I could never  abdicate my role and my wife her role. in what we modeled for our kids. Let me ask you a question.  What  are your current practices telling your children that you value?  I didn't say, do you tell them you value? I said, what do your practices say to them? In our church, we've been going through Galatians, and we've talked about, you know, labels versus lifestyle, right? following those with labels  versus following those with lifestyle and understand that that that that that god wants us to look at lifestyle He wants us to look at patterns of living because that's where who people really are come out What  is the pattern of your household? Where do you spend the most time what practices tell what is going  on? We will say  fellowship with God is important, but  so many other things can interrupt it. And what the kids really hear is fellowship is just something we talk about, but actually this is important. You will know what's important in a home by its practices. God is calling  us  as believers, loved by God, living in His grace to have  the practices that demonstrate that Christ is in control, and we are teaching our kids to do that as well. I remember as our kids were older and as we were coming out of the lockdown with COVID, my wife and I got back to doing date nights. so, you know, our kids were, I think our boys were uh juniors and seniors in high school. And so  we were like, we're going out and they were like, without us, yes.  And so then, what are you going to do?  We were going out to have a meal and then just enjoy.  And then we came back. One of my sons actually asked, so how was your date? And I was like, it was excellent, buddy.  It was great. I said, here's what we did. And  what we wanted them to understand is,  hey, this is normal. This is part of the process of you learning. how you're going to handle. And we were just having a conversation.  We were having this conversation about some of our kids' roommates and stuff as adults. And so  one of them finally just spoke up in the last conversation we have. And he said, after being with some of my roommates and hearing about some of yours, he turns to us and he said, I just realized I grew up in such a wonderful home.  Was it perfect? No, it wasn't. And they can tell you ways in which we've failed, which we've not met the standard. But he was getting it now in his mid-20s that, boy, there were some things that I did learn to do that are helping me now in how to live. So the call to parents to disciple their children,  it says, fathers and you can include parents in that but fathers because fathers lead the home do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Here's what he says to you and I look parents fathers specifically be engaged  I would say read the room and in order to read the room you have to be in the room. And you have to be engaged while you're there. You have to know what causes your kid to be exasperated and when you're provoking them and pushing them beyond edges. It's the parent that knows that let me not push, let me ease up. One of the things for me in our house is I do not like dishes left in the sink. That was from my days of being a kid. Mom did not. She would always bring you back in the room and she would ask, She would say, who did you think was going to clean that up? Or she would say,  no maid service here, Curtis. And what that meant was,  come in and take care of business. Or as she was teaching us something, one of the lines that I shared is, my wife is the benefit of this. I begin to learn things in my house, my culture. I'm not telling you guys to do this, but I would learn. My mother would teach us something, but she would always have that tagline. Now, I was early teens. I didn't even have a girlfriend yet. She would say, come here. I want you to learn this. So it was rather it was learning to cook or learning to do laundry or learning. She would say, your wife is not going to be mad at me one day because you don't know how to do anything.  And understand, I would say, Mom, I only have a girlfriend. What are you talking about my wife? And she would repeat it all the time. And my wife can tell you today, boy is she glad that mom taught me a bunch of skills. But he says, instead of being that person that doesn't understand your child and is provoking them,  instead lead them by both example  and by word. Now, I know there are parents in here that have gotten it wrong from time to time. That is OK. I remember the first time I had to come back to my children and apologize. because the Lord weighed heavy on me that what I did was not right. And I came back and apologized and the shock on their face was like, what?  What?  And my daughter being the sweetheart that she is, uh she said, Dad, that's okay. I was like, I know you're trying to soften it for Dad, but God is heavy on me. And see, the issue just becomes we're teaching them how they are to handle their life. by seeing our imperfect life engaged with Christ and engaged with them. Parents are the lead and disciple without fear of the culture's disapproval or without fear of your child's rejection. I'm coming to a close on this, but one of the things that I remember vividly with my mother was her, know, laying down the law and something and I did not like it. I was about middle school and I was angry, but, you know, there were only certain ways that I could, you know, express that. I mean, She would let me vocalize it, but had to do it with honor and respect. And I just remember saying, Mom, I'm mad at you. I said, I'm not your friend. I remember saying that. And my mother looked at me in her gentleness, and she said, I'm not your friend either. I'm your mother. And that spoke volumes. Why? Because what she said is, I'm not in this necessarily to be buddy, buddy, I am discipling you. When I first was getting ready to launch on my own, my mother required that I give some money into the house now that I was working because I hadn't yet launched out of the house. And she said a statement to me when she came and she said, here's what you need to give.  I was like, Mom, you're going to take money from me? Thinking I would guilt her. And my mother turned and said something that I still remember to this day. Again, this is not a tip for families. This is how she read the room. She said to me, Curtis, I will ruin you as a man if I don't require things from And I hear that still now. I'm not ruined as a man because she required and my father did as well as he came along. The issue becomes the home  is not the place where you develop perfect children. The home is where you develop disciples who will choose to follow Christ because they've learned to love him in part because of seeing you. The greatest example you know by now for me  coming to Christ was my mother. And I grew up in Brooklyn. And for  until I got into high school, um we lived in one of the housing projects in Brooklyn. And although the environment around us was not necessarily great, our home was because she had made it this haven. And so um I just remember one day  because I came to Christ during my freshman, right before my freshman year of high school. So was in middle school. I remember walking by the kitchen and seeing her one day and she was singing some hymn. as she was known to do and she was working in the kitchen and  it  just hit me, I was like,  why is this woman so happy? There's not much in our environment that would make you happy. But then in that next breath I said, but whatever it is I wanted, because I want to be like this. And then I eventually came to know Christ and she was the first person I told. because what I saw, no, it wasn't perfect, but it was faithfulness. And that's what God is calling for you and I today. So as I'm over our time, but we are done, I am passionate about the home being the place where Christ is modeled faithfully. Because I know it won't be modeled flawlessly. And where people learn to see how they live  and how they're held accountable and how to live according to the Scriptures. That's why I said the home is where  it all begins. Can I pray for us? Father, thank you so much. Lord, that you have given us a uh model, a frame of reference of how we are to walk in you. But you've given us the home as that incubator for  growth, for that place where you are modeled. And although, Lord, we mess it up because sin messes everything up by your grace, they see Christ lived out. And I pray that that would happen in more and more homes, that Christ would be honored. In Christ's name, amen. Thank you for engaging with our community by checking out this podcast.  If you would like more information about our church and ministry, you can find us at faithchurchindeed.com.