S3 • E1 O'Malley
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Hi, this is Matt, and I'm back with another episode of The Permission Slip, and today with me is my favorite channel, Laura O'Malley. Hello. Hello.

Oh, we've been chatting a little bit, so it might, we might be a little punchy. Welcome back to the show, Laura. Thank you for having me again, Matthew. It's always a pleasure. Today we are going to talk about your forthcoming first book. And [00:02:00] probably a lot more. Yeah. And probab- there's, there's more in there.

Yay. And it's called Becoming You. Becoming You. Becoming You. Yeah. And it will be out by the time this airs. It's coming out at the end of September. Yep. I believe. September 29th. It will be available on Amazon, in, um- Bookshop? You doing Bookshop? well, you can get an electronic version or a- Okay ... a real version.

Or physical version. Physical version. Yeah, I'm really excited. So yeah, and t- and it's been a long time in the making. Yeah. When did you, when did this all s- did- 2023, and it wasn't a book. And you didn't know it was gonna be a book? I didn't know it was a book until I was done with it, when they told me it was gonna be a book, and then I said, "Yeah, fat chance of that 'cause I'm not doing anything to get that into print."

Matt Kosterman: But I didn't understand at that point why either. And, and when, and for those who may be just tuning in, when, when Laura says they, she means the, the guides in the collective [00:03:00] that comes through from the non-physical. My, my, my lifeline to sanity. So again, for those just tuning in, there, there, there actually are beings whom exist in the universe- Energetic expressions

Laura O'Malley: energetic expressions they like to be called, who are now more and more communicating with and through humanity, to help to, to help us, to help us in this massive transition that we're undergoing as a planet, as a species, yes? Yes. Well, they're, they're... I think that they've always been communicating through us, with us.

But, but you used to get burned at the stake. Yeah. Contrast.

Matt Kosterman: Contrast provides clarity. Contrast. It, it brings clarity. yes. Yes. And I guess my point was that [00:04:00] as far as channeling goes, I mean- I think that people are challenged to understand what all of it means as far as spirituality because when I go into a channeling state and I close my eyes, the way that they've explained it to me is, is that I am channeling, a higher vibrational energetic expression, but every one of us every day is channeling.

Laura O'Malley: Yes. Yes. So if you're, if you're not closing your eyes and feeling as if it's coming from somewhere outside of you, you're channeling your soul or you're channeling your ego. Mm-hmm. And that's the... Yeah. Yeah. And so that is, that is what I think people are, are s- strained to understand. Spirituality is not something separate from the every day.

Matt Kosterman: It is every [00:05:00] single moment of your experience here. But until you understand that when you think thoughts, when you say words, they're coming from one of two places. Either your ego or your soul, your higher self, however you wanna- Exactly. Now in, in, but in, in your case, it's coming from... I mean, we're all one, yes.

Yes. However, it's, it's a- Different level of vibration ... a different level of, of vibration. That's it. Yeah. So, so when I'm happy, and I'm- Which is most of the time ... giving people maybe advice, I can be giving them advice from, like, my higher self, which feels to me just like I'm talking, but it feels good what I'm saying to them.

So that's a level of vibration. When the collective starts pushing me aside to, to come through and speak, [00:06:00] it feels different to me. It feels like it's coming from a different place. They have explained to me that they are a higher vibration or a higher frequency from a higher frequency realm. Mm-hmm. And that's basically the difference, and that every single one of us is an antenna capable of channeling higher vibrational frequency.

Sure. But not a lot of people wanna be the crazy person on the block- ... so they don't do it. 'Cause maybe they were once, and they got burned at the stake. Exactly. The old witch wound. And here we come, full circle. And here we come, right back. I love it. I love it. I was wondering how that was gonna play in.

Laura O'Malley: Yeah, I mean, I've noticed when I, I've been in sessions with, like, like Renee, McKenna, who help kicked this whole thing off for me, I've- I'm starting to notice now that when I, I- I'm hearing information, it's coming from, [00:07:00] like, my upper right quadrant, physic- like, it's from a different place. Yeah. 'cause I don't see things.

I'm aphantasic, so I don't get to- Would you like to know why you're noticing that? Tell me. Because you have learned how to become more present. Mm. So we all have the c- capacity to notice those things, but what happens is we get conditioned into our mind is moving so quickly, and we're constantly focusing on what already happened.

Matt Kosterman: We're constantly focusing on what hasn't happened. What's, what's gonna happen. Yeah. And we're not right here. Mm. And this is also, you know, what the guidance of the collective has taught me is that the more you can become present in the here and now, the more that you feel, the more that you perceive right here and now, and this is all that you need to be successful in your life, if you would just shut the hell up-

and listen [00:08:00] to what's coming through- Yeah ... right now, and it might not even be a thought of yours. It could also be something that you're perceiving from the outside. Sure. But when you're present, you're paying more attention to what you feel- Yeah, and it- ... while you're perceiving. And it's very easy to say be more present, right?

Laura O'Malley: But we- as we were talking about before we got on the show, it's all about the nervous system, and, and I just had this discussion with another guest, the other day who h- has been working through getting her nervous system calmed down. You cannot talk the nervous system out. You can't outthink it. Trick it.

Trick it. And, and, and so it- for me, you know, in my experience, and I'm, I'm guessing many others- Every other ... it's very- ... being in the here now, right now can sometimes be very, very quiet, and that is not something that our society is necessarily comfortable with or [00:09:00] trained and programmed to be. Programmed to believe is important- Yeah

Matt Kosterman: or unimportant. So we have been trained or programmed or conditioned to believe in doing, physically doing, and I'm not anti physically doing in any way. I am pro doing when inspired because inspired doing Inspired doing when you feel interested, good, passionate. Inspired doing is where you You're in align- it's in alignment with a higher- Where you should be if your preference is to be aligned with your source self, and that is your preference whether you know it or not.

Mm-hmm. And so for people that don't understand what that means, aligning with your source self basically just means allowing [00:10:00] yourself to believe that you can have whatever you want, that you can do what you want, that you can be who you want, that no dream is too big because- Or small ... or small, exactly. I mean- And it's 100% true to you and you alone.

Laura O'Malley: And you alone. Yeah, we were just having this conversation. It's all- And yeah, and what anyone else thinks is irrelevant. Yeah. And the, the, and the, the guidance, and they've been telling me this from, you know, many years now, it's finally landing. You know, the guidance is, it, it is your emotions. If something feels good, do more of it.

If something doesn't feel good, don't do it. And, and our programming is often counter to that. It's like, you know... I mean, I, for years I was working out and I was beating, just absolutely killing my body, and I just kept doing it 'cause I thought, "I just need to go harder," right? "Just do it." [00:11:00] Because somebody else had that experience.

And they climbed Mount Everest or whatever, but- Yeah, and they said these words out into the universe that, "This is what I did, and this is what happened to me," and then people outside are watching and they're like, "I want that to happen to me." Yeah. And so they think that they need to follow all those same steps, when in fact, if it doesn't feel right, that's not your path.

That's not your path. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, recently as I was integrating a big retreat, f- finally, as I finally was sort of forced to stop and not... I mean, I, I literally could, I, I couldn't do anything. I was laying on my couch, and for sort of the first time in my life, I didn't want to do anything. It was really strange.

but a lot of interesting information came as a result of that. In the quiet. In the quiet. Um- In the quiet. The only way [00:12:00] to receive from yourself Oh, okay. Or from higher energetic expressions is to get quiet. Yeah. There's no other way. And to get comfortable in the quiet and to give your permission to yourself to be quiet.

And to not be doing. Because it just looks unproductive- Right ... to anyone on the outside. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it took me a long time. I mean, I remember I used to say to my husband all the time, "I had 12 things on my list today to get done, and I got all of them done, and I did two at the same time on the-

Matt Kosterman: and what did you get done today?" Because I thought I was the champion- Right ... 'cause I did more. 'Cause you did more. And where did it get me? Tired and angry and- And sick and- Sick. Yeah. Yeah, c- my [00:13:00] conversation, with Michelle Phillips the other day was about managing your energy, not managing your time, which is very foreign to our way of being in this world.

Laura O'Malley: Yeah. But it's shifting. Yeah. If I can shift it, I think anybody can shift it. Squirrel. Squirrel. Laura likes to, yeah, call me the dog from Up with- ... following the squirrel. But, you know, there's another, higher dimensional being, Bashar, who comes through a man named Darryl Anka, and he says, you know, "Follow" And, and Joseph Campbell from The Power of Myth years ago was, you know, "Follow your bliss."

Matt Kosterman: Yeah. and, and, and then- It sounds too easy. It sounds too easy. That's the problem. We, we also have this conditioning in the collective, consciousness here. It- the harder you work, the better off you are, and if you really want something, all you have to do is work really, really hard, you know, nose to the grinder or whatever- Yeah

that saying is, when in [00:14:00] fact, you can receive in that way, but you can also receive not working so hard. You, you can, and, and I'll go back to the nervous system thing 'cause my work over the last 17 years now since I got into this stuff with my first trip to the Meadows has been And w- we talk about the nervous system.

Laura O'Malley: I don't know if everybody necessarily knows what that means, but I had to get And it's still a work in progress. I, I had to And I, and I had a therapist, I think I've said this before, when I first did, the person I did the MDMA with, and they, they said to me, "You know, you're not open to receiving."

And, and I didn't really n- know what that meant, but now in hindsight I can see that I very much wasn't, and that when abundance would show up in my life, it wasn't comfortable if I didn't earn it somehow. Even if I did earn it, it still wasn't comfortable to have it. Because nervous system is trying to protect you from the change because even if [00:15:00] your present state isn't where you wanna be, it's familiar.

Matt Kosterman: It's familiar. And nervous system defaults to familiarity. 'Cause that's safe to the nervous system. 'Cause it's safe. Yeah. It might be completely dysregulated. Correct. And that's ego. Same thing. It's, it's all part of that same construct. So nervous system regulation is about breaking free from those old patterns, but you gotta kind of do it slowly- Mm

and think of it as Practicing how you wanna be, how you wanna feel, how you wanna perceive in small steps. And that doesn't mean that everybody has to take small steps. I, I know that it's possible to take bigger steps, but again, this all goes back to your energetic expression. Expre- right. And the, and the fact that every single fractal of the [00:16:00] consciousness here, every human being, is a different energetic expression.

There is no one-size-fits-all. It is by far I think for me it was the most detrimental thing or thought, I guess, that I could have held is that if I look at where that person is, if I just do what that person did- Yeah ... I'm gonna get to that place where I'm gonna not be fearful or not have fear around this or whatever.

Laura O'Malley: Right, which is why we turn, you know, we turn to coaches, we turn to ther- we turn to, you know, the internet. We turn, you know, "What did you do? What did you do?" And I, I'm guilty- Yeah ... of this, and it's been productive, but it's, you know, it's a little bit like in, especially in the beginning like bumper cars.

You're like, "Oh, go over here," and boom, no that wasn't it. Well, but that's good. That's good because i- obviously all of this stuff is showing up for us in order to receive bits and pieces of [00:17:00] information. So there's a plethora of information out there. The information is being bombarded at us. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I think the challenge is understanding that when you receive information that feels good, discerning this is- Right

Matt Kosterman: the information I should follow. I was just gonna say the challenge is discernment. Yes. What, you know- Yes ... and, and it, and it, it, I dev- i- if I developed it, anybody can develop it. You, you know, you develop discernment over, "Okay, this feels good. This is aligned. T- this isn't" And having an experience of moving on that path and receiving something that feels like it's pulling you with momentum toward something even more after having made that choice- Yeah

initially. Versus the contrast of the other way. Yes. Yes. And, and having your ass kicked- Yeah ... in some way, physically, metaphysically, or otherwise. Yeah. And, and be like, "Nope, it's not that." Yeah. Yeah. I just, I just interviewed somebody, [00:18:00] and I apologize I don't remember who it was, but they said their guides had said, you know, all of the healing happens instantly in the quantum field, and the rest of it's just entertainment.

Laura O'Malley 3: Yeah. I love it. I love it. Right? Like it's just- Uh-huh ... in linear time- Uh-huh ... you're being entertained because, you know. Well, same thing with, with manifesting. It happens instantaneously in the quantum field. In the quantum. But it takes your nervous system time to regulate in order to allow yourself to receive it.

Laura O'Malley: And your, and, and I would add it goes to the Buddhist concept of non-attachment because you have to not be attached to receiving it, but yet the nervous system i- i- is- Sees the absence of it and freaks out ... and freaks out and wants it- Uh-huh ... and wants it and wants it and sees it and wants it, but- So good.

Laura O'Malley 3: So good ... right? It's like- That's so good ... the intersection you have to be like- N- n- you have to know that it is coming. Yeah. And, and, and doing that mentally- The same way you know the [00:19:00] sun is coming up. Yeah. And doing that mentally is very different than from doing it in an embodied way, which is, you know, is our path, I believe, in this life- Yes

Laura O'Malley: is to become embodied. We talked about this. Well, the em- the embodiment of the belief is very different from the cognitive belief because even if like... I mean, I've been doing this for, you know, over a decade now. Right. When it, I first started hearing about it, I thought it was great. I loved the idea of it.

Matt Kosterman: I can have what I want. I am, you know, open. I can do this. I, I believed it. Mm-hmm. I really did believe it. Mentally. Mentally, cognitively. But nothing in my body believed it. Nothing in my body believed it. 'Cause it, it was never your experience for- Exactly ... 40-plus years of your life. And so, it took a while.

It took a while, and [00:20:00] now, oh, I just, every single day I'm getting more and more present, and what that means, what that looks like in my day is that I've stopped thinking about what's happening tomorrow. Mm-hmm. And that is so crazy because I, I remember looking at my phone several times a day to remind myself of what I had to do tomorrow- Mm-hmm

and, and, and what was on my list of things today, and now I find that I'll be moving through my day in the middle of the day, and I don't even know what day it is. Mm-hmm. I don't know if it's Sunday or Thursday. And that is a spectacular feeling. That's great. What? Yes. Like, I don't even know how to explain it to you because I just, oh my God, I would live for the weekend.

Oh. And I don't even know why I would live for the weekend because the weekend wasn't particularly better necessarily for me than the week, [00:21:00] but I think in the consciousness- It was still, it was still super busy. It was just a different busy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, honestly, I don't even know. I think we're just, we're, I think we've just been programmed to think about the week, you know?

Yeah. oh, can't wait till the weekend. Oh, it's Wednesday. It's hump day. Yeah, I think that, I really do think that's where it was coming from, just the- That's just the programming. Yeah. It's the weekend. O- o- okay. Yeah. And you had four boys that you were raising for how many, 30 years of your life, right?

Laura O'Malley: Yeah, and my weekend was more scheduled than my week- Than your week ... 'cause when they were in school- Yeah ... I had more free time than on the weekend- Yeah ... with soccer and basketball and football and- I can't even fathom, yeah. Oh, my Lord Almighty. That was- Well, yeah, and we also- ... fun ... and we also just talk- we were talking about, 'cause we, I just went on a big, long road trip.

I went 4,000 miles out west. I've always fairly well enjoyed driving, but I just used to get really beat up, and I drove 750 miles on the first day, and I got out of the car, I felt great. Yeah. And you said that you've had- Yeah ... been having a similar experience. I, Emily and I were coming back from ML's- [00:22:00] Oh, yeah, from-

Matt Kosterman: farmhouse in Petoskey ... Michigan And I mean, usually I can drive two hours, and then my, I feel my back, and I have to get up and get out, and- We got stuck in a standstill. Mm. And so I think the whole trip ended up being like, I don't know, something ridiculous like 12 hours or something. Oh, wow. It should've been- Eight

half. Yeah. Half, maybe six and a half. And I could not believe walking out of the garage into my house, like, "What is going on?" I felt fine. Mm-hmm. That blew my mind completely Yeah, same I- that's, that's crazy Same. Same thing. Yeah Coming back, too, I drove all the way from Bozeman, Montana to Fargo, North Dakota in one day.

How long was that? Like 10 hours. Ee. I mean, I stopped. You guys gotta- Yeah, I s- You gotta- We stopped too ... yeah, you gotta stop, but fine. Actually, did we stop? I don't even think we did stop. You had to stop at some point. I think we stopped to get gas once. Go to the [00:23:00] bathroom, you know. Gas and bathroom, only once though.

Laura O'Malley: Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. But because a lot of that was standing still. We were standing still. We were standing there Just sitting- Waiting ... at a, an accident. Oof. Yeah. And, and so what's, so this all, as we talked about in our, the first episode, this all started happening for you 10, 12 years ago. Yeah. And, and- 2014 was the, the year of contrast.

Matt Kosterman: The year of contrast. I, that's when like I got dizzy, and I, I was so dizzy I had to stop teaching, and my mom, was diagnosed with cancer. Just a lot of, I didn't want, I didn't wanna be here. I didn't wanna be here. Yeah. But big- I really didn't wanna be here ... I mean, big, and big chunks of your identity were being stripped away.

Laura O'Malley: You had to stop teaching. Yeah ... your mother, faced your mother's mortality. I just, every, I couldn't, I couldn't come up with a hopeful thought, [00:24:00] and that is super distressing because everything was so, I mean, well, '24, '25. Yeah, so I mean, obviously when your parent is diagnosed with something, it's not good. So, so aside from that, but everything else in my life except for my actual physical health was really good.

Mm. I mean, my husband had a great job. He was making good money. We, we lived in this great house. My k- all my kids- Four healthy boy- ... were healthy ... four healthy boys. Yeah. Yeah. And so there was a lot of guilt too because what was wrong with me? Right. Why couldn't you have a help- why couldn't I ha- why can't I have a hopeful thought?

Matt Kosterman: Yeah. Why? What is wrong with me? Living the American dream. Yeah. Pretty much, and I didn't understand why I felt horrible. And honestly, it was the first time I remember thinking, I had heard about people that had depression before- Mm ... and I didn't understand why they couldn't get themselves out of it. I think when you have not experienced it, [00:25:00] you just are like, "There's gotta be something that you can do.

Think a different thought." You know? I mean- Which, which ultimately is the way out of it ... it is the way out of it, but- But when you're deep in it and someone tells you to think another thought- Yeah ... that's when people- Yeah ... go postal. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't-- I, I remember being like, "I get it now." And then I felt like a total asshole- Mm

that I had had that judgment about people. Like, I had no idea what I was talking about. Yeah. 'Cause now I feel it. Yeah, it's a dark-- I've been there. It's a dark, it's a dark, I mean- Yeah ... no dreaming. It's dark. Yeah, just- 'Cause it's just like molasses ... exhausted and- Everything's just bleh. Ugh. Yeah. Yeah, yucky.

But I had to get there. They told me, "You had to get there," because that's when I fully just- Mm ... surrendered. Yeah. And I s- you know, asked for help, and they were sending help, but I wasn't hearing the help until... I already told that story- Yeah, yeah. Until you did ... where my husband made me go to the library, and- Right

I got that book, and then I started meditating, which changed [00:26:00] everything. And then you thought you were going crazy. And then I th- well, and I thought I also had brain cancer, so. Brain cancer, right. As these voices were popping into your head.

Laura O'Malley: And so, okay, so then in, and fast-forward, and so you, and you've done va- various things, body workers, Reiki. Mm-hmm. You got attuned to Reiki. Everything that I could. Whatever you could. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever I could find, looking for the answer, the secret, you know, key, the answer. Mm-hmm. and it ultimately has come down all these years later to just shutting up and paying attention to what is in front of me.

And how it feels. And how it feels. And honestly, I think that most recently, because I have been working on being more present, and when I say that, again, I mean connecting to my breathing, [00:27:00] connecting to literally what I'm seeing in front-- Like, I'm seeing you sitting in front of me, and I'm not thinking about the, you know, what's happening after this.

Matt Kosterman: You have to practice yourself into that state- Mm-hmm ... because your mind is constantly, constantly moving, and meditation assists you in learning how to slow down and stop doing that. Took me a long time. Oh, yeah, me too. I mean, I sat for 10 days in silence in 2016. Yeah. Wow. For eight hours a day. Was it silent, or was your head screaming at you, though?

I wouldn't say that it was scream- It's always going. I, I had this preconceived notion about, about it that I was gonna go in and I was gonna quiet my mind, like, that it was gonna go quiet, 'cause I had an experience with, with the coach Melissa Ford, who I worked with, where she took me through this talking meditation, and I literally, like, saw this serpent, like, go slithering out into the corner, and everything was empty for [00:28:00] a moment in my head, and so I thought, "Oh, I'm gonna go back and do that.

Laura O'Malley: I like... That was cool." It wasn't that. It wasn't that. Yeah. But, and it, but it showed me that it is always going. Yeah. And that's okay, but I don't have to hook onto it. I don't, I don't have to be attached to it. Again, it didn't show me that instantly, and, and I still have-- I'm still working through that. It's, like, the human condition.

Laura O'Malley 3: Yes. Right? The mind is- Yes. And it's not... I, I've, I, I work at thinking they're not my thoughts. They're just thoughts. They're thoughts floating around. They're just there. Yes. And, and honestly, I think getting to that is so freeing. I think a lot of the kids that are suffering from anxiety these days, because so many of our kids and our teenagers- Yeah

Matt Kosterman: are just reeking anx- you know- Yeah ... [00:29:00] anxiousness, is that they are born into this realm with this empathetic- capacity, and I, I don't even feel like it's-- that they need to hear about something necessarily, although that- Doesn't help ... doesn't help. Right. They feel the energy, the- Well- ... the chaos- Yeah ... and the uncertainty of other people, and they take it on as their own, and then their nervous system r-responds to it.

Like alert, alert, alert. And they feel, you know, fight or flight, and there's no reason, and they're-- they don't understand why their body is feeling that way. And so just e-educating them to understand that there's a lot of energy in this world. You can do things like use your breath. You can do things like [00:30:00] meditation.

You can do all kinds of things like distracting with music or whatever. There are tons of ways to distract yourself. But just giving them this toolbox. Yeah. Introducing them to the idea that it's possible, I think is even planting a seed. And it, it feels to, to me like, you know, energetically our vibrations are all ascending always- Yes

Laura O'Malley: as we're, as we're- The up escalator. Yeah, the up escalator as we're evolving, and things are very loud right now in the world energetically. And I also have the sense that the children that are-- have been born in the last, you know, 15 years or 20 years are, are a new type of being, are more sensitive- Physically different

physically different- Physically different ... at the DNA level and, and- Yes ... and that they're more sensitive. That was Laura's guides. I call her my personal autocorrect. They jump in. They're more sensitive than even we were as ch- 'cause we all come into the world open, [00:31:00] open receivers, and they're coming into a very cr- massive juncture y-in our Earth's evolution.

Matt Kosterman: Because the consciousness of this planet has shifted so much- So much ... that it's opening, providing the possibility for up-leveled human beings- Mm-hmm ... who perceive more, understand more, but right now also feel so much more and... Okay. Well, no a- they're like no accidents. No. It's not like it's a terrible thing that they're coming here.

All of- Oh, I wasn't making it a terrible thing. No, no, no. No. Yeah. I know you're not- Yeah, yeah ... but I think that some people might be thinking it's terrible, and- What they're getting in their experience with this is fortifying them- Mm ... and strengthening them, and just getting them ready for what's coming.

Laura O'Malley: For what's coming. Yeah. and I, and I [00:32:00] think, you know, you talked about how they feel. I think the other, the, the piece of this, and we kind of circle back to em- the embodiment, and, and I don't know about you, but I've moved into a place, I've talked to about it before, and I just g- got a hit as you were talking on some, about something.

Like, I, when I know something is true now, I know it at the level of my body 'cause I feel energy. I feel, I get goosebumps that kind of go in a wave across my body. I'm like, oh, that's a little bit of truth. That's... And I, I was completely deaf to that, I think before we got on the air, remember, maybe we were on, we were talking about listening.

And, and- What, what is listening? What is listening? And, and- What is listening? And that, Vadim Zeland, in the book that I'm reading now called "Transurfing Reality," he puts it really well. He talks about it's, it's listening to the stars or something like that. Listening to the glittering stars, I don't remember, 'cause it's not a listening with the ears.

It's something else. It's perceiving, and, and you perceive with all of your [00:33:00] senses and with your emotions, but it's, it's... Y- you can't do that if your mind is, on tomorrow. You can't do that because y- you're not here to receive what is being literally, it's like a breadcrumb being thrown in front of you- And, and you're-

right here ... and you're, and you're looking f- you're looking 10 feet ahead- Yeah ... for the next breadcrumb. Yes. That'll never be there because- Or your- Or be not ... you know, or your ego has you worried about something which isn't a breadcrumb. It is- Yeah ... it is a distraction, but it's not wrong. Not wrong. It's a choice.

Matt Kosterman: Free will and all that jazz. Right. We have the free will to perceive whatever we want. We have the free will to give our attention to whatever we want. Giving our attention to what feels good or interesting is the key to freeing us from [00:34:00] constant contrast, or the perception that the contrast is negative maybe would be a better way of putting it.

Laura O'Malley: Mm-hmm. And con- contrast is, again, for maybe new people, contrast is the, you know, the... We tend to, I tend to think of it as a negative emotion. Right? But we- Anything that we perceive as w- something we don't want- That we don't want ... coming into our awareness. Right. As contrasted against the things that we do- Do want

that we do want in our, like in our, in our life. And the reason they don't feel good is not because they're not serving us. It's because- Or the, or 'cause they're wrong- Yeah ... or anything else. It's, it's our perception that, or our judgment about it coming into our experience, and then we get triggered. Oh, boy.

Matt Kosterman: And then we get triggered, but the triggering is the gift. And this is what I think human beings are challenged to understand too, is that when we're triggered by something We tie that trigger, we tie our feeling to the story of that trigger And the negative [00:35:00] emotion ... the negative emotion. That person made me feel this way.

That person did this thing, and now I'm angry or sad or frustrated, when in reality, that person showed up in order to trigger you so you could notice in the present moment and let that energetic expression leave your body. With love. Bye-bye- Bye-bye ... babies. But it's so challenging to- It's very ch- can be very challenging

to receive with excitement that thing that you view as a contrast. Yeah. Yeah, we were talking about it be- earlier in the, in the context of I just had a, a, a nine-day travel to Texas, three cities in Texas, and then to, to New York City, and coming home on the very last day. My flight was canceled, which in the, you know, in the past would have absolutely thrown me into a rage and, and it was there for a second.[00:36:00] 

Laura O'Malley: I saw it, and they had said in my text that they were rebooking me, but I didn't trust it, and I started trying to do it on my phone, and it wasn't working. The app was glitching, and then I called the airline, and literally as I called, I got the text on my phone, "You've been rebooked on the 7:30." Boom.

Matt Kosterman: Hooray. Hooray. And, and your advice, you know, your reflection on that was, you know, like, it, it's there to be seen. I, I, I saw it. You heard it. I heard it. I, I- You felt it ... I saw what wanted to come up. I saw the scrambling. I saw the crazy energy, the wanting to be mad, wanting to be a victim. "Goddammit, I just wanna get home."

Laura O'Malley: You know, I got up at 4:00 in the morning. My client wanted to leave a half an hour before I did, and here's my flight's canceled, you know? And, and, and as I just mostly let it go, it all fell into place. So your flight being canceled was a gift of an opportunity for you to be [00:37:00] triggered so your guides could sit up in the little coliseum with their-

Matt Kosterman: bowls of popcorn- Right. ... eating their popcorn watching you. What's he gonna do this time? What's he gonna get mad? Is, is he gonna throw something? Yeah. Is he gonna stomp around and huff? And you have been working so hard on attuning to those lower vibrational negative emotions- Mm ... as an alert rather than tying it to the story, I'm mad because- Right

my flight was canceled. You were able to go, "Okay, I could get mad or I could not get mad." 'Cause you do have the power to control yourself even though people don't think they do. Right. But, but you do. You always. There's a space. Yeah. There's a, there's a space. How am I go- how am I going to react? How am I going to perceive?

What thought am I gonna allow myself to house? Mm-hmm. And the experience of [00:38:00] noticing the anger and controlling it allowed you to flawlessly receive- ... the, new flight, and you didn't have to do anything to get that new flight. I didn't have to do anything. and, and interesting you said, you know, to, to control it, and I think that's an interesting word because in the past I might have stuffed it, which is different than controlling it.

Laura O'Malley 3: Grr. Just, just stuff it down there. Yeah. I'm not mad about this. Right. Yeah. Right. I am enlightened. I am

Laura O'Malley: I'm not angry I'm an awakened person. I don't get mad. I don't get triggered. I don't ever get mad. So good. But I did, I saw it showed up. It was there for a minute. I kinda, I was talking to the, my neighbor sitting next to me, like, "Oh, yeah, God," that, you know? Yeah. And I was like, "N- okay, no, it'll be fine." Like, I [00:39:00] don't have any place to be, thank goodness.

I didn't have a connecting flight. And even if I did, it is all gonna work out in the end. I don't know who said, you know, "In the end, it's all okay. If it's not okay- Yeah ... it's not the end." Yeah. Hate to, it's like hate to break it to you, but it's all gonna be fine. It's all gonna be fine. But- I remember one of the first things, Matt, was my eyebrows 'cause I, I would get mad and- Mm

Matt Kosterman: you know, my, I would feel my eyebrows- Yeah ... furrow like that. And one of my first reminders was that feeling. And so I would be listening to somebody or engaging in a conversation with someone, or I'd be watching something on television, and I would feel my eyes, like, err. Come together. Because I didn't notice that I was getting angry or uncomfortable.

Before that. I didn't feel that feeling because my mind was always somewhere else, and so I wasn't present, and I wasn't feeling the feelings as they were coming. They were happening- Mm-hmm But I wasn't aware, I [00:40:00] guess I should say, I wasn't aware I was feeling the feelings. But what I started to become aware of was my eyebrows feeling like that, 'cause I, I didn't want those wrinkles there.

Laura O'Malley: Oh, yeah. And ba- and basically what she's showing is like the, the, the, her nose at the top kind of wrinkling as the brow- Yeah ... as the brows come together and- Yeah, and my eyebrows coming together and those little- Little, little- ... wrinkly slits in the middle ... little creases, yeah. So- Mine are horizontal. Yeah.

Matt Kosterman: So when I would get that anger trigger in me, I didn't notice the anger, but I re- I felt my eyebrows furling, and then I would go, "Oh!" And I would like r- massage those- Uh-huh ... wrinkles out and realize I was getting angry, and that was one of the first... They explained to me, my guides explained to me, that that, that was them helping me in the only way that they could because I still wasn't ready to feel the anger as an alert.

Laura O'Malley: Sure. But I could [00:41:00] feel my eyebrows as an alert to my anger. To the anger, yeah. And so I would, you know, do this. I would give my eyebrows a little rub. Like, "Damn it, I need to make another Botox appointment." And then... God, no. I couldn't do that. I'm too afraid of that. I'm afraid. Yeah. Yes, I'm still afraid.

Matt Kosterman: Still afraid. yeah, I don't wanna put poison in my body. No. I, I don't mind having wrinkles, honestly. All right. But, but I, I remember all the time, all the time then noticing that, and, and that would pull me right out, and then I'd go, "Okay, I don't know how this is a gift, but I know it's a gift." And this was actually before even that they had shared with me that during that contrasting situation, the gift is the opportunity to let that, um- To let it go

to let it go. I didn't- Like- ... realize feeling the feeling in awareness of the feeling was allowing it to leave my physical body, the energy to leave my physical body. Yeah. And I've talked a lot about this on the show. It's like [00:42:00] emotions are energy in motion. They want to move through your body, and they want to be felt.

Laura O'Malley: They're there for an, a reason, an alert. A human reason. A human reason. Yeah. And, I mean, in your case, you had a pretty crazy upbringing where you... Did you not have time to re- re- you weren't allowed to show the anger? What was the, what, what- Uh- ... or the, any emotion? Was it- Well, my mother's second husband was, a extremely physically abusive, mentally, emotionally abusive alcoholic.

Laura O'Malley 3: Mm. So when you're living in a home with someone like that, you're walking on eggshells- Uh-hyeah ... just smiling all the time, hiding any negativity because, I mean, you could walk by him with kind of- It might have not even been anger. It might have just been like I was thinking about something and he would, you know, "What's wrong?"

Matt Kosterman: Uh-huh. "What's wrong now?" Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I would immediately smile, "No, I'm fine. What? I'm, everything's good." Right, 'cause you don't wanna set him [00:43:00] off. Yeah. Yeah. So it, it's funny, I never really thought about that until right now. About why, why the a- you would- Yeah ... why you didn't wanna feel the anger.

About why I was happy all the time, why I thought I had to be happy all the time. It was good practice, 'cause now you're happy all the time. But, but com- but naturally. Wow. That's funny, Matt. I mean, I, I knew that I didn't really let my emotion come out, but I didn't ever really think about why I was trying to put on that happy face all the time, and that actually, yeah, it was an interesting...

He, I mean, he was there for three years-ish, I wanna say, and, and I remember when I talked to my mom when I was older, I thought that like she was married for a year or less. Mm. 'Cause so much of that time I just sort of didn't remember and blacked out of my memory. You did, probably, yeah, dissociated and- if I would've ever thought about it really, I mean, I, I was in, you know, kindergarten, [00:44:00] first, second, and into third grade, so I don't know why I wouldn't have remembered that.

Laura O'Malley: That's pretty young and, and, and al- and also a very formative time- Yeah ... for your emotional expression. I'm, can you see how floored I am with this discovery that just came? Like, I'm having trouble even remembering if you asked me an, a, an original question- ... because I'm so like, "Oh my God, that is why I would pretend to be happy."

Matt Kosterman: And, and when I was at my worst in 2014 and I was still teaching, I mean, I would walk into those schools and I'd be like, "Hello, everyone!" Yeah, yeah. And I felt horrible. Syrupy, sugary, like- Yes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just wanted everyone to think I was fine. Yeah. I remember when f- when- Early training ... I was- You had early training in that.

Yeah, when I was telling people how awful it was after the fact, like in probably in 20, you know-[00:45:00] 

16 maybe, I... People were like, "What?" Mm-hmm. Like, nobody knew. My husband didn't know. Nobody knew. Nobody knew. I didn't want anybody to know. I don't know wh- I don't know why. I don't know, I guess I still thought I had to be that person that I wasn't. Sure. I mean, it to- it, it makes complete sense. It was how you were programmed to be- Yeah

Laura O'Malley: to, to stay safe. So it wasn't even, I, I'm g- I'm making up that you weren't even, it wasn't a conscious- Definitely ... choice. It was, it was at the cho- again, the level of the nervous system. Oh, definitely. The nervous system's like, "This is what I need to do to keep, to be safe, to not have somebody lash out again."

Which is why I had no blood circulation in my body for the last ... four decades, 'cause my muscles have been on, you know- High alert. Yeah. Tension. Yeah, we talked about that earlier, like that- Yeah ... you're, you're, you're like high on, you're on high on life now as the, as the circulation has returned. And it feels so different.

Uh. It feels, it's so crazy to be just aware of the sensations in my face and my neck and my head, and it's so strange. I, I was just [00:46:00] saying to you earlier that I felt it's almost like being on some kind of a drug, that I just- And I said, "Yeah, it's reality." Like

Matt Kosterman: I don't know. It's, it's weird. It's just weird. I feel so different. I feel viscerally relaxed and different, and I notice the second my shoulders start to tense or my neck starts to tense or my jaw starts to tense, because I lived with that tension 24/7 for so many years, and I've been working so hard over the last several months to let that go, that now I feel it- You feel it right away

when it starts to happen. I have such an awareness that I can go, "Oh no, let's, let's, okay, let's relax now." And I can tell my jaw to relax now- Mm ... and it will do it. I can tell my neck, I can tell my shoulders. I can take some breaths and, and do a two-minute, you know, meditation to, to release [00:47:00] that before it starts coming back again.

But before I didn't even- Yeah ... I didn't even know- Think you were- ... that my jaw was tense all day long and all night- And all night ... while I slept. And all night. It never let, it never let go. And, and as I was just... I, I was at an event with Dominica, who, whom you know, the other night, and we were talking about, which I've heard about before, the Feldenkrais Method, which is this muscle release method that she was...

Laura O'Malley: I, I heard about it, didn't know what it was, but it sounds fascinating. Basically, the person will just, like, take your arm and be like, "Okay, let your... No, let me have your arm. No. No. No, let me have it. No, let..." Like, "Just let it go. Let it go. Let it go." And you just, you just let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, and you do, you might do that with your arm for 30 minutes.

Matt Kosterman: Huh. And just let it go. So that's one way. I always like to kinda point out ways it might be. So what you... But your way has been through this, you've done a lot of breathwork over the last several years, right? A lot, a lot of breathwork. Self-guided or through an app or- no, s- like [00:48:00] self-guided. So I've been doing this Aura app, and it's weird because I went on to try...

I wish I could give a little more information about what the app is, because there's several apps called Aura. Oh, okay. Um- Well, we can put a link in the- So when I find it- Yeah, we'll put a link ... I will give it to you. Um- But it, so f- you take this test, it's a questionnaire, like where do you hold your tension, which is why I'm doing like more exercises than anyone else because Everywhere?

I hold my tension everywhere evidently. Everywhere. Small little toe. I mean, like all of the options that were given- Oh ... like I checked every box. Okay. And I was like, "Oh my God, what does that mean?" But- Probably that you're broken. Yeah, exactly. Absolutely broken. but every single day, like, and then it says, "Do, do you wanna spend five minutes a day working on this, 10 minutes a day, 15, 20?"

And, and so the max I think was 20, and I said the max- ... of course, because I'm an A [00:49:00] student. Right. And, um- Do more. So 20 minutes every day I do these exercises, and the breathwork is part of the exercise. It gives you exercises, but it also provides you information, and all of the information is nervous system education.

Mm. And oh my God, I mean, just the mind-blowing epiphanies and sparks of memory of things happening to me when I was younger as I'm reading information about the nervous system. Mm. Mm. I mean, all these memories are coming up, and this is obviously purposeful. Mm-hmm. But you, it's re- it's just retraining your nervous system- Just re- retraining, yeah

Laura O'Malley: is what it is. 'Cause it was, it came in open. It came in- Yeah ... one way, and then it- Yeah ... was programmed and trained another way, and, and so we have to train it. And I chose it. And you chose it. I chose it. I chose the alcoholic father. The abusive grandfather. I chose the abusive [00:50:00] grandfather. Uh. I, uh- Yeah. But- I know I did.

Matt Kosterman: It's very clear to me. I, I'm not angry at anybody. I don't have regret about having chosen it. I know that I came into this consciousness this time, to relieve or release, um- Trans- transmute ... ancestral trauma, and I know I'm doing it. I mean, people, you know, now you, that's a great point, like you chose it.

Laura O'Malley: It, it's, I found it, it's, I think it was first at Landmark where, you know, like you are cause in the matter of your life. And, and for me, when I realized that I chose it or accepted the fact that I chose it, I think it's very freeing because you're not a victim. It's very freeing. What- I agree. I mean- I agree

whatever it is that happened. I think the challenge when you hear that is [00:51:00] People, I, I, I think it, it's challenging to understand that you chose it from a higher perspective Right, not from the perspective of your ego. Not the ego, not the human being, because, like, if somebody h- got cancer, for ex- example, and then they hear, "Well, I didn't choose this," I, I understand.

Right. And they may not have chosen actually the cancer, but the choice is the contrast to have an experience of that which you're not in order for you to learn and expand and become more from the perspective of source. So some people absolutely do choose to come into this realm and have cancer. it may or may not be a way back home- Right

Matt Kosterman: or the exit point. But when you go through something like that and you think about-- and, and you come out the other side, [00:52:00] I have several friends who have- Mm-hmm ... myself included- Mm-hmm ... you learn a lot. Changes your perspective on- It changes everything. It changes your perspective about being here. It changes your perspective about what you should be angry about and what you can just let go, what's important, what's not.

Yeah. It changes you to your core, and so could that be considered a gift? I mean, I know I've heard a lot of people that have survived consider it- A gift ... a gift because they see who they are as their changed version on the other side of the cancer, and then they're like, "Wow, I wouldn't, I wouldn't take it back.

I wouldn't wish I didn't have it because of who I am." Because... Yeah. Yeah. I feel the same way about all of the stuff that I went through with my own body. I mean, it wasn't cancer, but it was debilitating- Yeah ... for many years and pain- extremely painful. and I, I don't see a path [00:53:00] to where I am today without that, not, not where I was headed.

And maybe even more challenging than cancer because often when you have a diagnosis- Yeah ... you know, it's a diagnosis. And- But not having a diagnosis can be really- Yeah, there was-- they couldn't tell me anything. It was just... Yeah, we just kept trying different tests, and then- Yeah ... you know, people would be like, you know, "How you doing?"

Laura O'Malley: I'd be like, "Well, my dick hurts." I mean-

What do you- There's that. I mean, like, "Well, what's wrong?" "I don't know," for years. Like, I- I thought maybe you could share some information around that. But obviously you, let's check you on, because you're not helping me. You're useless.

I mean, I would go on, you know, go on dates and be like, "What do you like to do for fun?" They're like, "I used to like to play tennis." "Well, why don't you anymore?" "Well..." You know? Okay, well, that date's over.

But whereas when like you said, when you could say, "Well, I have cancer," well everybody can, "Oh, you have [00:54:00] cancer." Yeah. And but I also think that it was a gift to not have a diagnosis because I s- I see then, I, I, I often see people- It forced you to keep seeking too It forced me to keep seeking, and, and while I did, I, I did get trapped in the identity of being sick.

Matt Kosterman: Yeah. You know, that, that can be a difficult thing to, to come out of, and it was through finding Paul Selig's work, that helped me out of that victim mindset, and again, to see that I was causing the matter and that I could choose to not be sick. I could ask for something different. Which again, from the perception of people that might be listening that are sick right now, it doesn't feel like a possibility sometimes.

Laura O'Malley: Absolutely not. And, and I, and, and that again, that is part of the human experience. That is the ego construct coming in and saying, "These people don't know what [00:55:00] the F they're talking about. What a bunch of idiots." Right. "I've tried every-" Yeah. It is an opportunity to get quiet. And there's always something you can try.

Matt Kosterman: Something's gonna show up because your guides are working their asses off- Right ... for you. Their metaphysical ones, yeah. And if you can get quiet enough to hear it, it mi- might show up visually, it might show up on the radio, it might show up as words somebody said that you heard as you're sitting in the Starbucks listening to- Right

the table next door. It might be a- It might be the l- the book that jumped out at the library- Ex- exactly ... that you didn't wanna go to, like- Yeah ... in Laura's case. Yeah. I mean- There's, there is guidance being literally it's like the carrot being dangled in front of you. All the time. If you get quiet enough to see it, if it feels interesting in any way, that is an indication [00:56:00] that you should reach out and grab it or walk in the direction of.

Laura O'Malley: And even, yeah, and even before that, Julie Murphy, my financial advisor, when I was complaining to her about that I still had the pain after doing all these things, she's like, "Have you asked for help?" And I was like, "No." She said, "Well, you need to ask for help." And I asked for help, and the guidance showed up three days later in the form of a video that was recommended for me to watch of Jonathan Tripodi, who's been on the show, and I was like, I, I didn't have any money.

I didn't have two nickels to rub together at the time, and I was just like, "I need what that guy's got." It, there was a full body, like, "I need that. I don't know how I'm gonna make that happen, but I need that." And I emailed him, and he emailed me back, and I scheduled it a few weeks later, and we did it right before COVID.

Didn't know that was coming.

And, and, and, and there, there was, you know, so that's the n- you know, ask and expect to receive an [00:57:00] answer. Because if you expect not to, you won't. Yeah. And even if you don't expect it, if you just open to the possibility- Mm ... just open to the possibility, and then something might show up, and you'll be like, "No, that was a coincidence."

Matt Kosterman: Right. "That's not because I asked." Yeah. Okay. They don't care if you think it's a coincidence or not. Just act on it. Yeah. Just fucking act on it. Yeah. It's pretty amazing when you s- when you slow down and you start becoming more aware of what's happening right now. It forces you to think less about what used to or happened before.

It forces you to think less about what's going to happen, and you start to gain experience under your belt at living presently, and the experiences happen to align vibrationally with what you want, AKA [00:58:00] meaning some of those things that you've always wanted start making their way into your experience- And that helps you perceive presence and awareness in the moment as even more important It's like a, it's a reinforcing mechanism, self-reinforcing.

Experience, experience. And that's why we come to this physical realm to have physical experience and expand through our physical experience. True. The shit show of the lower vibrational contrasting experiences, our soul's thrilled about that. Yeah. Yeah. 'Cause it's still expansion. Our human perspective is not.

So if you want to align with the desires and the vibrational level that your human perspective wants, you just gotta get present and follow your passion. Follow the passion. Follow what makes you feel good. Follow what's interesting. Yeah. [00:59:00] It is literally, you are being given those breadcrumbs. It is a direct path.

You can't see way down the path, but all those breadcrumbs are lining up for you. Well, it's like, yeah, I mean, I think there's a Zen Buddhist saying like the, the path appears with each step that you take. I'm, I'm- Oh, yeah, yeah ... I'm butchering it, but it's- No, yeah. I think you're very close. it's, it's close.

Laura O'Malley: Yeah. And so, and which, which brings to us to the point of the, so the book, Becoming You. Becoming You. And it's a collection of- So Becoming You is, it, it wasn't a book. I wasn't writing a book. I was, after I, had been channeling into notebooks for several years, I had, you know, I don't know how many notebooks.

Matt Kosterman: I one day asked, "Well, what do I need to know today?" I think I'm, I probably heard that from somewhere. I don't know if it was like on an Instagram thing or something, but I feel like I d- I [01:00:00] heard that, right? You heard that. Yeah. So I heard that. And, um- I was like, "Oh, so I could just ask what's most important today," meaning do I need to know something's gonna happen?

Do I need to be ready f- to meet somebody? Do I need to try to be, you know, optimistic? Whatever was gonna be the most important thing for me to know that day, they could tell me. So I... This is probably shortly after. Thank you. I'm like, "Was I able to type and channel at the time?" Because before I was, it was- Oh, you were writing it

all in a notebook. I was writing it. So it was right after I had learned to type and channel, which was their like, "That wasn't no accident." So, I'm getting all these like wink, wink, wink, wink- Uh-huh ... and these like, you know, elbow nudges. I had learned how to type channel, and so I would type out what is most important today, and then it was[01:01:00] 

Laura O'Malley: It would just come through. And it would just come through. And so usually it was coming through too fast for me to, perceive it. To like, to, to think- I, I- ... think about it ... I couldn't think about it Analyze it ... I couldn't contemplate. So I would do the whole thing, and it was about a page or less, and then I would go back and read it, and then I would read it again, and I'd be like, "Oh, okay."

Matt Kosterman: And now I'm ready for my day. Mm-hmm. Like, because they're telling me the most important thing today is for me to, to not judge myself. Okay. Okay. So then I would be walking through my day, and I would sometimes I would write like a sentence on my hand or something- Oh, nice. Okay ... just to keep reminding myself this is what they told me was most important today.

Mm-hmm. So I'd write that on, and then I would be moving through my day, and something would happen, and I would find myself, you know, "Oh, what an... You're such an idiot." Yeah, yeah. "Why did you say that," right? Yeah. And then I would look down and see that, "Do not judge yourself." Right. And then I would go, "Okay.

You're okay, Laurel." [01:02:00] But what it was doing was it was causing me to be more present. Mm. It was reshaping my nervous system into being more present, into, you know, not being so judgmental, into perceiving my world differently. It was a little breadcrumb of information that they gave me for that day, and sometimes I would use that information for the next day or two.

And then when I felt like I had sort of exhausted it and I was getting really good at it, I would sit down and r- Ask again ... ask again, what is most important today? Sometimes I would ask, you know, five days in a row. Okay. at some point I remember thinking, "Wow, these are really good. I wonder if any of my clients would be interested in getting these."

Mm-hmm. So I sent, one or, I probably sent one. You were sending, yeah, I remember getting them. Yeah. And, and I said, "Please, if you do not wanna receive these every day, I w- [01:03:00] just send, shoot me an email or a text and I'll take you off this list." And I did, and there were a handful of people that were probably exhausted from-

you know, me sending these, which was fine. But then there were a lot of other people that were like, "Oh my God, I feel like you were talking exactly to me." And there might be one about loss, and then someone's like, "Oh my God, you know, my father just passed away, and I can't even believe that the letter that you wrote today was about loss."

And, you know, my logical woo-woo mind says, "Well, of course you got that. Of course you read that," because we are co-creating every second of every minute of every hour of every day. And so if you know me and I have this great letter that might help you in some way, of course you're gonna see it. Yeah. Or somebody else might have not seen that letter that day or whatever, doesn't matter.

But so this compilation of all these what's most important todays that were mine, what, [01:04:00] what is most important for me today, and then later they explained to me, "Yeah, well, they were for you." "But are you forgetting that every single human being on this planet is a fractal of the one energy of source, the God consciousness?

And so guess what? It was for them too." It's for them too. And so I was like, "Oh, okay." And that's when they told me it was gonna be a book. And then I sat down, started looking into how do you publish a book? And- This is a few years ago ... oh my God, I was like, "Forget it." Not happening. I am not doing any of that.

It sounded w- ah. Yeah. Like I- Yeah ... none of it sounded fun Not, none of it None of it And so I just said, "Well, if you want this book published, then you are gonna have to drop it in my lap." And they did. And then, [01:05:00] and you sat on it for a few years. oh, no. The, it took, that was in 2023, and it wasn't until, um- Like, like-

this- Earlier this year ... this spring that literally they dropped it in my lap, and you were a conduit to it- Yeah ... because you put me in contact with Sarah. With Sarah, Paul's publicist. Yeah. Yeah. And- 'Cause you were like, "I'm not sure what I'm saying. Am I supposed to know?" Yeah, it was weird when you- What do I...

Laura O'Malley: I don't know who I- And you were just talking about her, too. Like, you were just talking about her. And I was like, "Wait. Oh my God. I don't know why I'm asking you this, but you need to put me in contact with her." Well, yeah. Well, you know, 'cause you had, I was talking about her 'cause you said, "I'm not sure what to do next."

I've, you had, you had, at that point, you had compiled it. But you were talking about being at one of Paul's, events- Yeah, and I got connected to Sarah ... and you were talking to, like- I was talking to Noah- Yes ... who put me in touch with Sarah, who's the publicist for Paul. And when you said her name- Did you get a zap?

Matt Kosterman: I did. Yeah. Like, I was like, "Huh." And then you just were talking- Yeah ... and then, I don't know. And [01:06:00] then I gave you the name, and then you reached out to her- Yeah ... and you were like, "Oh my..." And but she wasn't exactly the person, but then she put you in touch- Yeah ... with whomever the edit- the, the, the- With Lisa Hagen

Laura O'Malley: with Lisa. Lisa Hagen Publishing. Bbbum. Um,

Matt Kosterman: yeah, and that was a- another crazy thing because Lisa was talking me into publishing. She was, she was encouraging me to, take all the steps necessary to send my manuscript to, like, one of the big publishing houses. Like a Random House or- And yeah, and she, she, I mean, which was very encouraging to me, but in the same, at the same time, there was something that kept saying, "Nope, nope."

Laura O'Malley: Not that. "Nope, nope, nope, nope." And finally, I kind of, as we were talking on the phone, I kinda leaned back out of the phone, and I was like, "Wait, what, what?" And they're like, "No, no. You're gonna work with her." And I was like, "Oh." And so ultimately, I [01:07:00] can't remember if we were on the phone call Phone call, I think, yeah.

Matt Kosterman: after she had, like, encouraged me to go this other path, I was like, "Actually, my guides are telling me I'm supposed to be working with you." And she was like, "Well, that's not the first time that's happened." "I think that happened with somebody else." And, I sent her my manuscript and she read it and she said, "Let's do this."

And I mean, all of the steps of all the other stuff that I didn't wanna do, like putting together like a marketing proposal and a, you know- Yeah, 'cause they want you to be, to do all that. They want you- Like all the stuff that- Ugh. Ugh. I didn't have to do that. And literally when I think back to s- to saying to them like, "If you really want this book published, then you're gonna have to drop it in my lap 'cause-" Um.

that, none of that feels fun to me," and they did. And they did. They did. And it has been- [01:08:00] ridiculously easy. I think the most challenging thing for me was editing my book initially before this whole thing happened because, and I don't even know why I started editing my book. Again, it was like I just felt like I needed to go through it, and the editing process took longer than I had an- had anticipated because I thought I was just gonna be fixing maybe spelling- Some, some grammar

word and punctu- or whatever, when in fact, I was changing. Mm. And I started to get frustrated changing because it was like, oh my God, like, I would be working on one page, one page for three days, and that was part, like, the perfectionist in me coming out, but not like it wasn't perfect. Like, I, I couldn't put into words the feeling that I was feeling that I was trying to- Trying to get across?

Yeah. And so I [01:09:00] would say, like, to them, "Just come and channel it for God sakes." Like, "I, I'm tired of doing all this work. Would you just, just give me the words?" And they were like, "Oh, well, we can do that. We thought you wanted to do this." And literally when they said, "We thought you wanted to do this," I was brought back to high school- Uh-huh

when I was writing and thought I was gonna be maybe a writer. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I would be writing a paper, and I would, you know, be typing on the typewriter- Yeah ... my final copy- Right ... because God knows you couldn't do the typing because there wasn't any- Any whiteout. Yeah. Yeah, right. And, and so I would, you know, write and then draw circles and cross out and draw arrows and, and I remember, like, pacing around my room for one word and, and they thought, "We thought you wanted to do that again-

because that used to bring you so much joy." And I was like, "Oh," because it did bring me joy. It did at the time. [01:10:00] When I found that one word, and I'd go running back, and I'd be like, "I got the word," you know? You got the word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know why I didn't use a thesaurus. Like, d- I think probably 'cause I was too cheap to buy one because I was in, you know- I was, yeah.

That was another lifetime ago. Anyway, um- So you're just like, just g- I mean, they gave it to you in the first place, like just- Yeah ... give me the- So they s- then they started channeling more and sort of upleveling the words, and they basically said, "You don't have to change any of the words, but your vibrational level has shifted so much since 2023- S- okay

that if you leave it, you're gonna be reading it and you're gonna go like, 'Mm, that doesn't feel right.' Uh-huh. "Oh, I think I should have changed that." Uh-huh-huh. And you won't be as happy with the product. I said, "Fine." Yeah. "Let's- Let's change it ... let's change it." So we did, and it took, several months to do that.

and then I met Sarah- Mm ... and Sarah introduced me to Lisa and, yeah. Yeah, and here we are. And here we [01:11:00] are. It's coming out. It's gonna be out. Yay. It's out

by the time- Wanna read from Tomorrow. It's gonna be out by the time people are listening. I'm so excited. It's great. My, the... They se- they send you, like, a box of books. I think I get, like, five copies, and they send you a box of books and, so Lisa was asking me, "You should have gotten your books. Did you..."

'Cause she thought, I think, that I was gonna reach out to her and go, "I got my books," and I never got the books. And they went to my Florida address. Oh, which is where you were this winter. Bec- that's where I was when I was in contact with her. So, someone's supposed to be on that. They were supposed to be on it over Labor Day to get the books and send them to me, but I still haven't gotten them.

Still haven't got them. So, so you know, there's gotta be- It's- ... a reason for it, and it's all good, and it's all fine. It's all fine. I know eventually I'll get one, and if I don't get those, I can just get another one on the 29th- Yeah ... when it comes out. But yeah. So this is a compilation of all of these What's Most Important Todays, and the way that they've explained it to me [01:12:00] is you take the book, you connect with your guides, and what that looks like for all those people that are going, "What if you don't know how to connect with your guides?"

Right, right. Is literally going, "Hello, guides. I know I'm connected to you, and even if I don't feel you right now, I'm trusting that you're gonna deliver the exact page that I need to read today." And then you can think of a number and open to that page, or maybe you just brr open the book- Fan it open ... or maybe you fan through it.

Whatever feels right, and read that page and trust that that is what you needed to hear today. And, that's the way it works. So whatever information you are reading on that page, that information is an energetic expression. You are an energetic expression. Hearing that information Will either plant seeds or start the integration [01:13:00] process.

It might be that you don't believe any of that information. Mm-hmm. But once you've read it, you can't un-read it. Right. The seed has been planted. So next step would be to, if you want to, start thinking about the information and what does that look like? What does it feel like? Sometimes it might be just, a message of value.

You are worthy, not because of what you do, but just because you are, and that was a tough one for me for many years. Oh, yeah. I know it was a tough one for you, Matt. Oh, yeah. Um- It took some heavy drugs to get that one pounded- Yeah ... into my body. But it plants the seeds- Mm-hmm ... and it starts your nervous system shifting.

And so basically this book, the, the purpose of it is to help soften your nervous system, into regulation. Right. Into regulating [01:14:00] into a, a parasympathetic state, which is peace. Have they given any gu- so you d- is it gonna be an audiobook? I mean, at this point, no. Okay. And, and have they given you any guidance, as to whether somebody should read it out loud- Um

Laura O'Malley: to themselves? Because I- So it is gonna be an audiobook. There's- Okay. My, my, the collective is telling me right now. Okay. I, I, I mean, I- It's, it's not in the works- Not yet, but at s- ... of anybody, but- At some point. Well, because I said no, and they said, "Nah. Nah." So 'cause they're in my ear all the time. But, so you, you mean just from the perspective of the person with the book- Yeah, because I, I know-

reading it? ... just recently something landed for me around sort of the inner child and, and, and, and ha- talking, speaking out loud. Like I was on a, I don't know if I said this on another podcast, I was on a hike up in the mountains out west [01:15:00] and, and somebody passed me, and this voice in my head was like, "They're gonna think your shoes are stupid" or something.

You know, this old energy of being in high school and being judged and, and whatever. And, and like I said it like, "You're okay" and, and, but I s- but then I, I had just read that you should say it out loud. You should put the vibration of it and, and speak the words. As I, so I was like, "Yeah, I see you, buddy."

Like- ... "You're, you're fine. They're not looking at you. They're worried about themselves." And that sort of dissipated the energy of it- Yes ... more quickly. Okay. So- So that was the guide saying yes. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So I don't know if the, the, the reading of the thing out loud, I, I would do that- Let's see

with Paul Selig's books. I'm gonna ask them. So what do you think? Well, we are delighted that you are allowing us to partake in this conversation. Finally.

Matt Kosterman: I knew it was gonna be snarky because I felt like [01:16:00] it was like, uh. they're getting all, "Mm." All right, go ahead. What do you got, what do you gotta say about it? Well, we agree completely with you, Matthew, that there is, mm, power in the voice, mm, articulating aloud. But we would also like to remind you that, mm, the conversation that was had prior to the recording being started, mm, in which you were discussing- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

the individuality of every fractal of the God consciousness within this realm, that there is in fact no one size fits all, but that whatever feels right to you is right. Mm-hmm. We cannot say this more [01:17:00] strongly than it is

Of great importance for each fractal to understand that his, her, their perspective is what is important, and that when you begin to come into a quiet space of noticing, having an awareness of where you are, what is occurring in this here now moment, and learning how to live without all the noise in the background, the disturbance in the background, which is ego attempting to m- mm, get you into a place of fear or worry, et cetera.

All of that which we call the goodies- ... on the emotional scale, discontent all the way down to fear. [01:18:00] being present and doing what feels right to you is the answer that we are giving today as far as if you should read it aloud or read it to yourself or, mm, we know that there will be some individuals out there that, are more inclined to want to repetitively hear a message.

And so we would suggest at this point that you read it aloud into perhaps a voice memo on your, phone, and that way you can, mm, listen again and again, in and about your life when you do not perhaps have the book in your hand. Because some of the messages coming through will be extremely powerful.

Some maybe not so yet. Because [01:19:00] from our perspective, this is an opportunity for you to engage consistently with us, and we are brilliant. And modest. Yes, of course. Well, there is no room for modesty when truth is much more important, Matthew.

Laura O'Malley 3: Call you Matthew, that makes me laugh too. sorry, guys. Yes, thank you. Well, we are quite serious about this because we want you to understand that every single time you read, you will be receiving it differently because in every here and now moment, you are a different individual. You are a different person.

Matt Kosterman: You are a different soul. You are in [01:20:00] an ever-expanding state of expansion, and you are never the same from moment to moment because, because as you perceive in every moment, you are constantly, consistently becoming more. And so you can read this book once or twice or three times or 37 times, page by page, or choosing to allow us to assist you in reading the page that we believe is perfect for you in this here, now moment.

And as you read the page a second or third time, you are a different person each time because your perceptions are consistently shifting and becoming more. This is the beauty of, our [01:21:00] words. They are an energetic expression. You are an energetic expression, and they are constantly intermingling.

Energies intermingling. That is the purpose of this realm, to incarnate into a physical world where you forget the truth of who you are just long enough to have a bit of fun- ... experience that which you are not. But for the most part, most of you are incarnating into this realm holding the intention to become the truth of who you are whilst you are still present here.

We know that you never quite believed, Matthew, that you would get to where you presently are. It's very true. And yet we were [01:22:00] certain, and we told you with great certainty that you are en route, and still resistance. Resistance. Not an accident. All perfect. So much resistance. And here you are, the perfect version of yourself.

Laura O'Malley: Mm. Are you going to judge that statement?

Am I human?

Laura O'Malley 3: Oh, we love you so much, dear one And I, and I love you. We're gonna have a party one of these days. The party's right now, no? Thanks, guys. Oh my God. That was so fun. I was shocked that they didn't try to press in earlier, to be honest with you. Yeah, I didn't feel like there was an opening though. Like, it was perfect as, as it is.

Matt Kosterman: I guess not. Yeah. Oh my God. There's- I'm getting all kinds [01:23:00] of faces right now. Like- Are you? Yeah. Yeah, I am. I know the last, the last time we spoke when I was out west, you said they were, they were all giving each other high fives 'cause I was fi- Oh my God ... things were finally landing for me. Oh my gosh.

Laura O'Malley: Sometimes- It's so fun It's very fun. It's- It's so fun. I, this is my, this is my wish: I want everyone to have as much fun as I'm having. Yeah. I really do, and I know that my path was very different from other people's. There might be s- other people that have so much more trauma than me. I had a lot of trauma.

You can't, you can't- But- You can't compare it ... they might have so much more trauma, but they still might get, you know, to that place that they want to be much more quickly than I did. Right. But you c- It's, it's, there's no rhyme or reason to any of it. It's the journey. It's the path. It's your decision from moment to moment.

Matt Kosterman: It's your intention. It's your desire. It is, it's the stew. It's the stew. It's the stew. That's what they said earlier, the stew they called it. That's, that's what we are, the stew. But- That we're [01:24:00] all different, we're all different recipes of stew, and we all need different things to make us- Yeah ... taste good, I guess.

Laura O'Malley: Taste good. I mean, you, I mean, we, I joke with you and, and Alifia about, you know, y- you're, you're a little ahead of me all the time. Like, what, I mean, like- Not accurate. Not, yeah. But, but it goes back to that, I, I think I've said it before, that when I was a kid, and I remember being on the highway and wondering who w- who was winning.

Matt Kosterman: I love that so much. I've told so many people that, that just- ... every time I think about that, that's one of my back pocket memories, Matt. Truly it is. Like, who was winning? Who was winning? I could just see you, this little boy, "Who's winning?" Who's winning the race?

Laura O'Malley: But it's, it's just b- it's been, and it's been so fun with you and Aleta and ML and everybody and comparing notes and like, "Oh, I needed that today." I know, right? "And I needed that today, and that was for me," and- It's, it's, you know, it's interesting for people that are out there that don't have a woo crew.

Yeah. Because, you know, you're [01:25:00] part of my woo crew. There's a, a plethora of women that are part of my woo crew, some of which do- I'm the token male ... e- energy work, yeah. but if you don't have a woo crew, ask your guides to bring you one. Mm. That is my first suggestion because I didn't have one, and when I asked, it took three days.

Three days. Three days before I wandered into Jane in La Grange, and, ML was there- And ML was there ... with my friend Gitta ... your old sorority sisters. Yeah, and, I mean, she rolled her eyes when she told me that she did breathwork because she thought I was gonna be like, "What the?" You do, yeah. And you're like, "What?"

Matt Kosterman: Right? And I start, I looked at Gitta, and we both start laughing, and I said, "I do energy work." I said, "I don't even know what to call myself, but..." And, and she was like, "Wait, what?" And she was so happy. [01:26:00] but yeah, three days. Three days before they showed up. And then they invited me to go, you know, be with their little woo crew that they had already started, and wow.

That, I mean, three days Three days, yeah Come on. Well, that was like the thing with Jonathan with the myofascial work. Yeah. Was within three days that my friend gave me access to gaia.com, and the very first thing that showed up, "Recommended for you, Jonathan Tripodi being interviewed by Sue Morter." You know what?

I wanna talk about that for a second, the very first thing, because something interesting happened to me last week, and I used to be this person when I would be looking for something, whether it be in a, in a store or, you know, online or whatever, I felt like I needed to search and search and search and search and search and search to make sure I had the best one for the best price.

Oh. Oh, interesting. Like, that was my thing. That was your thing. And my son was having some work done in his condo, and [01:27:00] I went online, and I was looking for, like, an electrician or what- And, and the first one that came up, all of a sudden in my head, I said, "Oh my God, is this the one I'm supposed to use, and it came up first because you know it's the one I'm supposed to use?"

Uh-huh. And they went, "Oh, thank God she finally figured it out." I mean, I- it was like psh, I can't even- Mind blown. Mind blown ... explain to you. So it's funny that th- you said it, it was the first thing that showed up, but you recognized that- I just knew. I knew from the- ... as- Yeah, from the interview ... an indicator.

Laura O'Malley: Yeah. It was recommended for you and, and then it happened again on the same, on Gaia w- around my tooth. I had a, a bad root canal, and the next... It was literally I think the next time, several months later, that I went onto Gaia, and it was like, "Recommended for you," and there was a movie called Root Cause-

all about how root canals- Uh-hI've seen it ... can fuck up your body. Yeah, I've seen it. And I was [01:28:00] like, "Oh, I don't have any money, but I need that." Yeah. And I did that. And, and you know, and I'll say a thing about th- about money. We touched on it a, I think before we started recording. Like, it's, it's abundant.

It's out there. It... Every single time I have needed to d- to do something, and I'm not, I'm not wealthy. I was dirt poor. I was being evicted. You know, I went through bankruptcy, foreclosure, divorce, all the things, tax, debt, and I was digging out of that, and every single time I needed to do something, the money showed up for me to do it.

And I don't regret spending a single dollar of it. And I'm not wealthy now by any stretch of our current- Yet ... yet, by any stretch of our current, you know, thing, and that's fine. I have a knowingness that what I need to do, that somewhere I saw that prosperity is knowing that you will have what you need when you wanna do- When you need it

when you need it. [01:29:00] And, and i- I get people who are like, "I can't afford that." I ca- and, and if you say you can't afford it, then you can't. Because you're creating that reality. Because you're creating that. It's literally how it works. I wish I could get that through to everybody- Yeah ... out there. Again, that's a nervous system- It's a nervous system thing

Matt Kosterman: regulation issue. And so I think that play the game. Play the game. It costs you nothing to play the game and to pretend and to feel the feeling of when you're pretending that you already have or you have the ability to or whatever. Play the game. It'll soften, it'll, it'll regulate you into a place where at least you're allowing yourself to play the game.

Laura O'Malley: I even play, like I st- I, I don't even have to do it anymore, but y- you told me about it with parking. Like, for a long time I would, you know, I would be, "Oh, I don't wanna go do that thing in the city. I'm not gonna find park- like, parking's gonna suck." And now I'm just like, "I know I'll find parking," and I always find parking.

Matt Kosterman: I always. Always. [01:30:00] There's- It's, it's imagin- it, it's imagining playing the game, but it's also coming into... Well, they're saying to me right now about you, it is literally knowing your power in this world. When you know your power and you say, "I'm gonna find parking," and then you find parking, that's the experience, and it has to be an experience.

Right. That's the only way you're gonna trust. You can think happily 100 times, and if you don't find the parking spot, how are you ever gonna believe that? You have to have that experience to cement it, but you have to feel it first- Yes ... in order to have the experience. So then you have 14 experiences of finding parking, and now it's like you don't even have to- To think about it

go, "I'm gonna find parking." Right. Because it's such an expectation, and that is called embodiment. Embodiment. Because you don't have to think about it anymore. [01:31:00] It's part of your expectation, and you're just gonna find the parking. And it, and it just, and it happens. And re- It's gonna happen ... and directly related to that is I had to give up and let go of anger and resentment over paying for parking in the city-

Laura O'Malley: 'cause it's something that you have to do in the city, and I chose to liv- I choose to live in the city. And guess what? I haven't gone broke paying for parking. Yeah. Like, I just pay for parking. Yeah. And I don't- Well, if you, if you... I mean, anybody that truly, and I'm not there yet, so I'm definitely not there yet, but anybody that truly- has embodied the idea that money really is just another form of energy.

Matt Kosterman: It absolutely will come to you in any way, shape, or form that you- Ne- uh- ... p- possibly can't conceive, but it will make its way to you. maybe I am. I'm very close. They're like, "You're very close." Very close. And I think I am close, but I still, like, I [01:32:00] hate paying for certain things- Mm ... which have been conditioned into me as this should be free, or why should I?

And so I catch myself, and then I'll go, "Oh, yes, I get to pay-" Right ... for this, and somebody's gonna make money." Ha- have... And, and so I'm perceiving the situation as a positive instead of a negative. Mm-hmm. And I feel like every time I do that, money/abundance comes to me in hilariously fun ways- Mm-hmm

unexpected ways, and that, I think, is the difference, is that we're constantly trying to- We wanna di- ... reason- We wanna, when we also wanna dictate how it shows up. H- well, reason the possibility of how it could show up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and that's a difficult, it's, it can be a difficult thing to un- But the fun is when it shows up in a way that you never perceived- Mm-hmm

because there are a million, gazillion, bazillion ways that it might show up that you can't perceive. Right. And so when [01:33:00] it comes in one of those ways, well, there's how many more ways could more come? Yeah. And that sort of opens you, too. That's a seed planting, too. I mean, the other seed for me was, I, for a long time I would not, if I saw a penny on the ground, I'm like, "Well, that's not worth picking that up."

Laura O'Malley: I mean, literally had that thought, like, "Oh, takes too much of my time to bend over and pick up the penny." And now, I mean, not a week goes by that I go on my walk that I don't find some change on the ground. I- You pick it up? I pick it up every single time. Every, I pick it up every time. Every single time.

Matt Kosterman: I- Find a penny, pick it up. All day long you'll have good luck. I mean, I pick up a penny. I found 20 bucks on my walk one morning on- Woo-hoo ... on a Saturday. I found, I was at a job once, shooting and, and after everybody had kinda cleared out there was $80 in cash laying under a chair. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. You know, and I find myself on my walk, I'm like, "Am I gonna find it? Am I gonna find it?" But it's, it, it's not when I'm looking to find it. I know. It's as soon as I forget about it and then like, oh, boom, there it is. Yeah. And I, and I [01:34:00] see it and I pick it up. Sometimes it's a penny, sometimes it's a quarter.

Laura O'Malley: Um- Sometimes it's a button. And- Sometimes it's a castle. Yeah. As, as Abraham Hicks says. Yeah. And as I've done that, the abundance has continued to open in my life, 'cause anywhere... I even had a thing with a... Have you ever heard of the Chinese money frog? So the Chinese have a money frog. It's a symbol of abundance, right?

And it has a little coin in its mouth. I have it in the other room. And for, for years I'd heard about the money frog, and I would see the money frog, and I'd be like, "Well, that doesn't f- that's bullshit," right? And, and one day when I was in the store buying some incense and stuff and there were money frogs, and I slowed down enough to look at the thought, and the thought wasn't that it was bullshit, the thought was that I didn't deserve it.

Matt Kosterman: Oh. And I was like, "Well, the hell with that." And I bought the money frog, and I think the next week some bunch of money came in. It wasn't the frog. I mean, was it the frog or [01:35:00] was it the belief? Or does it matter? Or, or does it matter? So like, like you said, play with it. Play with reality. That's why we're here.

It is supposed to be fun here. And again, it's easy for me to say that. I know that there are a lot of people that are in conditions- Yeah ... that, you know, you can't just say, "I should be having more fun." I mean, I guess, but I kind of believe that you actually can. I think that you have to baby step your way out of- Yep

that. You have to breadcrumb your way out of that, because if your nervous system doesn't believe it, it's not gonna happen. It's not, it's not gonna happen. And th- and that's where things like body work, sound meditation- Whatever feels good to you ... whatever feels good. Yeah. Breathwork, psychedelics, what- whatever it might be.

Laura O'Malley: That's why I have this show, to, to, to present here's, you know- Options ... options. So far there's, you know, 30 of them, of ways that you can, that you [01:36:00] can... And more to come. Hooray. Hooray.

Well, as usual, it's always a blast to have you- Ah, so fun ... on the show and to- This was fun ... talk about all things woo. All things woo. Woo-woo! Which is reality. So thanks, Laura. we'll put links, for the book, Becoming You. Thank you. In the, the wherever they go. And, uh- Becoming You, Laura O'Malley. Go buy it and read it and- And soften your nervous system

and soften your nervous system. You haven't done anything wrong. You've just been programmed. And you're perfect just as you are. That's right. What was that, oh, Stuart Smalley, yes. Gosh darn it, people like you.

All right, thanks everybody. Take care.